Actual Update

[authorofnothing]

I want:
a boy who can't wait to see me
friends that know my ticks
someone to call me just to ask how my day was
a man who will take me in his arms and just hold me
a dance partner
romance that makes my head spins
never to worry about her and him every again
to know that he cares and won't leave me/get sick of me
for him to cling so I feel wanted/needed
someone other than her to love me enough that they're willing to just watch over me as I sleep, because they want to share my dreams

I need:
better health
to stick with therapy
to fight off the depression

I have:
a boy that makes me laugh/smile
two people who are actually always there for me
a girl willing to hold me as I sleep
parents that try, even if they have no idea what the hell they're doing
a heart that just doesn't seem to want to give up on him

Other:
I have been shown that it isn't all about taking everything from me and leaving me there alone.
I cried last night after he left the room.
I realized that it's all been in my mind, and I thought everytime he was touching me, that it was forced, when I was just too afraid to say no.
I hate her so fucking much for rubbing that hollow-ass friendship in my face and for making me feel utterly alone at least twice a day.
I am going to beat this, because I want to make the both of them proud of me. [I have done nothing worth their pride yet.]
I realize that I put myself through all this because I don't believe I deserve happiness.
I'm going to work on that.

Last but Not Least:
As much as he drives me crazy and often breaks my heart without ever knowing it, he is the boy that is there for me, and he is the only boy that I have really opened up to. I just worry that he won't realize how much I'm giving him.

And I want him to succeed in life.