Never gonna learn - Chapter 3: As stupid as honest

[yoru_no_hikaru]

Title: Never gonna learn
Pairing: Sakumoto
Guest strars: Arashi
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own any characters
Warnings: Angst, talk about sexual activities, some swearing

Summary: The aftermath of one passionate night can linger longer than would be epected. The follow-up reactions are not to be underestimated either. Sho is starting to question his identity and Jun has to fight off a lover he never should have gotten involved with. And how is the rest of the group going to take the development?

Notes: Yes, this is super-late. I'm very sorry about the delay, but there were a number of things that kept me occupied. I hope you will still follow and I promise to post the next update soon. ^__^

“Sho-kun,” Suzuki sighed deeply. “You’ve been here for about half an hour now and you haven’t said a word. You know I always find it okay to give you the time to find the muse to talk, but this seems very… well, pointless, if you’re asking me. Why is it difficult for you to talk today?”
Sho grumbled for a minute, re-adjusting his seating position.
“I’m afraid I’ll start crying, if I get to it,” he finally admitted.
“I see,” Suzuki nodded. “Crying, why?”
“From a mix of frustration and anger, I suppose,” Sho explained.
“Well, we can call it quits, if you don’t feel like it, after all, but if you do want to get to the point, I suggest you get started soon.”
Sho nodded curtly.
“Jun slept with another guy,” he began to relate. “Just the night after… well, after we had sex. The following night he found himself some new entertainment.”

“Hm,” Suzuki hummed. “And it’s impossible that he felt hurt and just made a mistake misjudging a possible opportunity?”
“I know he didn’t do it to show off,” Sho nodded. “I know he regrets it, too. But even so…”
Suzuki eyed him for a moment.
“Are you jealous?” he then asked daringly.
Sho thought about that for a moment.
“He’s had others, I know that. There’s no commitment between us, so I’m not exactly thinking stuff like `That’s my man and you don’t touch him´. At the same time it would be a lie to insist that I wouldn’t want him to rather turn back to me than towards others for intimacies. But I think what’s bothering me most is the fact that he apparently didn’t appreciate what I offered him.”
“Offered him?” Suzuki asked.
Sho nodded. For a moment he didn’t say anything, but then he decided it would be best to get it over with.

“I think you kind of asked me during our last session,” he muttered, “if I also offered myself to others. I didn’t answer that question and you didn’t press it. The thing is, I kept choosing my partners for quick one-time encounters and I never… well, I was just never in a position where I would have had to put out for anyone, nor did I feel any desire to. But with Jun…”
“So, in a way you lost your virginity to him,” Suzuki analyzed.
Sho chuckled at that. “You could see it that way, I guess.”
“And picking up our discussion from last session, do you feel less of a man now?” Suzuki asked.
“It’s a delicate question,” Sho told him, licking his lips. “My feelings concerning this are complicated. Even when I’m looking back now… I know what it is, mechanically, and somewhere in the back of my mind I hear that voice that keeps telling me that it’s not appropriate to spread your legs, but then… Having someone in you does things to you. It’s… I can’t really describe it, it’s an incomparable feeling and when I’m being honest, it’s one that I wouldn’t want to miss, also in the future. Ultimately, if it’s my decision, if I allow it, it’s not like I’m being dominated. Nobody is deciding that they will be using my body. As long as it’s my own choice, I can accept the act.”

“Well, that’s at least already saying something,” Suzuki nodded. “But Sho-kun, try to be a bit more honest, if you can. I mean, why would you allow someone inside your body? That sounds like you’ll be tolerating it. But I don’t think that’s really the case. Or, is it?”
Sho merely shrugged at that. When he looked at Suzuki he found the man looking at him expectantly.
“Well… Jun got me horny, so…”
Suzuki shook his head, though. “What I mean is, doesn’t it feel even stronger when you’re doing things because you want them? Because they make you feel good and you crave that feeling, so you will seek it.”
Sho eyed his therapist for a moment. “You mean like you will want a guy to suck you, or you want to fuck them, because you enjoy the feeling, it’s equally fine to say that you like the feeling of it, so you will want to receive it as well.”
“Is that a thought that you can sympathize with?” Suzuki asked.

Sho chuckled slightly. “If you had asked me this question before that fateful night, I would have said no. But when you know the feeling and what it’s about, it’s inevitably different.”
“I’m very glad to hear you say that,” Suzuki nodded. “Does he know? That he was the first?”
Sho merely nodded. He bit his lip, trying to compose himself.
“And even though he knows it was special for you, he just moved on to the next best guy,” Suzuki sighed.
Again, Sho nodded.
“That must be aggravating.”
“If it had at least been a decent guy,” Sho complained. “But… dammit, you should have seen him. The way he was being all cocky, because Jun came to his bed.”

“Oh, you know the guy?” Suzuki asked, blinking.
“He brought Jun to work the following day. We all saw him - and the way he was acting. To him it was definitely a prestige fuck and the fact alone that Jun would steep so low - but then, it might have been prestige for him too.”
“How so?” Suzuki wanted to know.
“That guy’s supposed to be straight,” Sho explained. “Jun kept telling us that he keeps bringing girls around. But then, if Jun’s in your bed, you’ll think twice before letting him go again - because it’s Jun.”
“And you’re angry that he fell for that kind of attraction.”
“Jun can do a lot better,” Sho argued.
“As in?” Suzuki pressed. “Would you be better for him?”
“Even I would be better for Jun,” Sho declared. “I’m not saying I’d be the best choice, bu-“
“Why not?” Suzuki interrupted him.
“I’ve told you,” Sho shrugged. “I cannot provide everything Jun is looking for.”

“Sho-kun,” Suzuki sighed, “you should stop thinking about things you can’t do or provide. You’ll never be able to please everybody, or actually anybody, 100%. Stop running after goals you’ll never achieve. Why don’t you try to think about things that you have that Jun can benefit from? Think about why you could be a good boyfriend for him.”
“Okay,” Sho muttered nervously, “I didn’t say I want to be his boyfriend.”
“Well, you’ll have to make up your mind,” Suzuki told him. “If you want to forge that kind of bond with him, you have to warm up to the idea of having him as a boyfriend. If that’s not thinkable for you, you need to find more emotional distance soon, or else you’ll be hurt every time he finds himself… what did you say before - entertainment.”
Sho nodded thoughtfully. “I guess so,” he muttered. “But really, having Jun as a boyfriend… I wonder if he would be what I’m looking for.”
“Will you look at this,” Suzuki grinned, “Now we’re making progress.”
“Huh?” Sho blinked.

“You’re actually thinking about what you want in a partner,” Suzuki explained. “That’s a huge step. So, what are you looking for and how does Matsumoto not meet the requirements?”
“Well,” Sho dragged out, “he’s loving and attentive and all, but… I think I’m looking for someone who will mean less drama. Jun can be such a bitch and I can’t handle that kind of thing.”
“So, in the end you just wanted to lay him?” Suzuki asked.
Sho glared at the man. “It’s not like that,” he defended himself. “I have a lot of feelings for Jun and they do run deep. I’m just saying that he might not be the kind of man I want to consider as a long term partner.”
“So, there’s a downpoint to the man,” Suzuki nodded. “Is that all?”
“What do you mean?” Sho asked.
“I mean, you said he is loving, attentive… anything else?”
“Well, Jun is a very sincere person, I like that a lot. He’s someone you can rely on and he’ll stand up for you too.”
“The fact that you find him attractive adds to all of this, of course,” Suzuki analyzed. “So, all of that stands against drama, as you put it. Is there anything else you dislike about his attitude, or habits?”

“He keeps smoking too much,” Sho shrugged.
“Anything else?” Suzuki pressed.
“I… no. What are you getting at?” Sho asked, getting irritated.
“Sho, I’ve told you, haven’t I, that you can never fully accommodate another person’s needs. I have to inform you that the same thing works the other way around too. You won’t find anyone who will meet all of your requirements and what you have to ask yourself is if the good points of a person are worth putting up with what might irritate you.”
Sho thought about that for a moment. Then he nodded.
“I guess you have a point,” he muttered. “So, the question really is, do I want a boyfriend and if so what am I expecting?”
“I don’t think the question is whether or not you want a boyfriend,” Suzuki pointed out.
Sho grinned at the man. “Do I want to present a boyfriend to my family?” he amended.

“And the answer to that question is no without a doubt,” Suzuki sighed. “But even so, you’re strong, you can put up with stuff. However, there’s more to consider. What else do you expect from your future? Getting married and having children - how important is that to you? What kind of adaptions do you want to make when it’s about these things?”
“I’ve always wanted to found my own family,” Sho admitted. “But somehow… I can’t see it. I mean, there is no situation I can imagine in which I’ll be happy with any of that. Wanting a family for myself and being the husband of a loving wife and the father of children who need proper upbringing - these seem two very different things to me.”
“They are,” Suzuki nodded. “One is a thought. A fantasy you might be having. The other is a reality you have to face.”
“Which isn’t saying that founding a family of whatever sort with Jun might be any easier,” Sho added.
“It’s all up to you,” Suzuki told Sho. “Everything. But first of all, you need to understand what you want to be and what you want to have.”

Sho nodded once again. “Thanks. I guess I’ll have a lot to think about.”
“Absolutely. And we better make a cut here,” Suzuki decided. “If you need anything, just call at any time.”
“Thanks,” Sho smiled thankfully. Then his face turned stern again, though. “One more thing,” he muttered. “Is it okay if I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“When my parents consulted you about therapy for me,” Sho began carefully, “was anger management the only thing they mentioned?”
Suzuki looked firmly at Sho.
“No,” he answered.
Sho sighed. “I see.”
“Sho-kun,” Suzuki spoke up again, “I am not on regular speaking terms with either of your parents. And when they wanted me to treat you, I only agreed so I could make sure that no harm would be done to you. However… things change. Times change. People change. They might have reacted improperly to your… imperfections, but I can’t imagine that they want anything but the best for you.”

Sho smiled at the other. “Thank you. Well, I guess I’ll be having another talk soon. Somehow I have a lot of those lately.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Suzuki told him. “Coming to terms with this part of your character will make you grow stronger and more sophisticated.”
“I hope so,” Sho grinned. “Because telling my dad that I’m actually taking it up the ass will need a deep rooting, or else he’ll rip me apart.”
“You might underestimate your father here,” Suzuki mused. “He’s known about these feelings of yours for a while and I’d be surprised if he hasn’t put his mind on it. Even though he might not like the idea, I’m pretty sure that he has been preparing himself for a possible coming out.”
Sho considered the man. “You think?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be too keen, but neither devastated,” Suzuki told him.
“That would definitely be quite a relief,” Sho admitted. “But then, before I get to any of that, I have to set things right with Jun.”
“Do that, then.”
“Right,” Sho nodded. “I wonder if he even thinks about these things a bit…”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jun yawned as he opened the door of his apartment. It had been a long working day and he really needed some time off.
“Oh, I thought that was you.”
Jun jumped at the voice behind him. He screwed his eyes shut in despair.

Just fantastic.

“Oh, hi,” Jun muttered, as he turned around.
Kishimoto was standing in his door, grinning at Jun.
“I was already wondering when you’ll be home,” the man teased.
More like you’ve been waiting at the door to get a glimpse at me. Creep.
“It’s very busy right now,” Jun said, forcing a smile onto his face.
“I was guessing that,” Kishimoto nodded. When he came out of his apartment and stepped closer to Jun, the latter went rigid. “You didn’t answer a single message,” Kishimoto pouted.
“Yeah, well,” Jun stuttered.
“It’s okay,” Kishimoto smiled at him. “I understand. Lots to do. And you better not let people know about your relationships.”

Relationships?!

“Kishimoto-kun, listen…”
The other man had stepped right into his private space, trying to drape an arm around Jun’s waist and that was when the singer couldn’t handle the situation any longer. He took a step back, bringing some distance between himself and the other man.
“What’s wrong?” Kishimoto asked.
Jun sighed deeply. “Look, I… Oh, come on, you know we’re not a couple. I’m sorry, I didn’t talk to you at all. I didn’t really know what to say. But seriously…”
Kishimoto blinked at him. “But… you said you weren’t a cheap lay.”
Jun bit his lip at that. “Well… I don’t like to think of it that way,” he explained, “but ultimately, I answered to your advances, because I felt hurt and confused.”
“So you were just pretending to be all shy and stuff,” Kishimoto said with a frown. “And now what? You want to dismiss me again?”

“Kishimoto-kun,” Jun stated, frowning back, “I’ve seen your posts online and I’ve heard your words. I know you only took me to your bed so you can show off. You don’t like me, you just want to keep this up so you can brag.”
Kishimoto looked a bit disturbed by Jun addressing his obvious intensions so directly, but he shrugged it off quite easily.
“Well, so you want someone to give you attention and I want a good-looking guy I can lay,” he shrugged. “Why don’t we just enjoy the good points that come with a fling?”
Jun shook his head, though. “No, I… I made a mistake, but I’m not settling for something like that. Let’s keep this a nice memory, shake hands and go our separate ways.”
“What if I don’t want that?” Kishimoto dared.
“Well, that would be a pity,” Jun told him, “but I’m not going to allow you near my body again.”
“Are you very sure?” Kishimoto asked him, frowning as he brushed his body to Jun’s suggestively. “Maybe you want to think again about whether you’re not making another mistake here?”

Jun glared at the other man, pushing him away forcefully.
“I don’t like being talked to like that,” he said coldly.
“And I don’t like being dismissed like that,” Kishimoto told him. “You should be more careful about who you play your weird games with, you know. Other guys might not be as reasonable as I am.”
Jun thought about reminding the other man of how he had been the one who had started any sort of “game” between them, but decided against it. Instead he made sure to strengthen his position in the defense.
“I don’t like being threatened either,” Jun stated firmly.
A smirk crept upon Kishimoto’s lips. “No idea what you’re talking about,” he said dismissively and finally turned around and disappeared in his apartment.
Jun sighed in relief when the other was out of sight. That had been pretty much as ugly as he had anticipated, but at least it was finally over. He shook his head to clear it off that weird scene. He wanted to get some song arrangements done that night, after all. And having the thing with Kishimoto finally finished he wouldn’t be distracted in any way.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Wow, the arrangements are really awesome, J,” Nino praised him.
“Thanks,” Jun beamed at him. “I sure worked on them for quite a while.”
“I can tell,” Nino nodded. “They’ll be perfect for the new album.”
“Well, with the arrangements done, I guess that means we can start working on the choreographies,” Ohno suggested.
“Wow, Satoshi,” Jun laughed. “Always only thinking about fishing, or dancing. But I guess, we…”
Jun’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out quickly, checking what it had announced. His eyes grew slightly smaller, his brows furrowing.
“Ah, I’m sorry, but… I need to go.”
“What?” Nino burst out, blinking. “Why?”
“Headquarters are calling me into the main office,” Jun explained. “Now.”

“Why?” Sho asked, frowning.
“The message doesn’t say that,” Jun shrugged. “Just that I’m supposed to show up.”
“Well,” Nino said awkwardly, “then I guess you should get going.”
“Yeah,” Jun nodded. “See you guys later.”
His guts were all twisted up as he made his way to the main office. He didn’t know why he was required there, but his feeling told him that it wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit - and he was right.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jun sighed deeply as he was finally dismissed from the unexpected meeting and left the office the committee had been questioning him in. He understood that investigation of unpleasant encounters was necessary, of course. They had been very supportive too, but altogether the talk had been more than disturbing. All the more his guts twisted right up again as his gaze fell upon Sho, who was sitting on a sofa in the waiting room, obviously waiting for him. The older man got up upon seeing Jun, waving at him casually.
“Hey,” he offered.
“What are you doing here?” Jun wanted to know.
“Picking you up?” Sho shrugged. “I was thinking you might be hungry.”
“We can’t eat now,” Jun sighed, shaking his head. “We need to get to NHK for recording.”
“Fine,” Sho sighed. “I’ll call Nino and tell him that we’re getting there right away and we’ll be meeting them on location.”
“Okay,” Jun nodded. “You didn’t have to come, you know.”
“Yes, I know,” Sho nodded. “But I… Oh, whatever.”

Jun bit his lip. He felt torn between being happy that Sho was there with him and reluctant because Sho was there with him. It was an awkward, weird feeling and it had them sit in the car that got them to their next job side by side in silence, not even looking at each other. As they got to the tele-station they were the first people there, which wasn’t much of a surprise, seeing how their other job was quite a lot further away than the office they had come from. They settled down in their assigned dressing room. There were even some snacks provided for them, but they both didn’t really feel hungry. The silence between them spread again, making them both feel uneasy and edgy - until one of them finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Okay, tell me what’s wrong,” Sho urged.
“Why do you think something is wrong?” Jun asked right back.
He didn’t know why he was being so bitchy, when he was really thankful to Sho, but he couldn’t help reacting irritatedly.
“Jun, you…” Sho sighed. “It’s only too visible. The waves of uneasiness just come flowing from your entire body.”
“Well, maybe that’s because you were following me and now you’re asking invasive questions,” Jun told him.

“I do hope that’s not the case,” Sho answered evenly. “But really, what’s going on? Tell me already?”
“Why are you being so annoying?” Jun bit at him. “I don’t have to answer to you. Just fuck off.”
“Jun, I know we’re having some problems at the moment, but that doesn’t mean I’m not there to help you and it doesn’t give you permission to use abusive language when talking to me and I would really appreciate a more civil talking base.”
Jun bit his lip hard, as he recognized the worried look in Sho’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “I’m just…” He sighed deeply.
“It’s okay,” Sho assured him. “Sometimes we just lose grip of things. And I know I might not be your first choice when it’s about consulting someone right now. I mean, after what occurred between us… I know there are a lot of things we need to settle. I understand you’re bothered by it too. But really, I don’t think I deserve being yelled at like this. And I thought I should let you know what I think about that.”
“You’re right, of course,” Jun agreed. “There’s no need to be so aggressive towards you. It’s not like I… didn’t invite you in - literally.”

They both chuckled at that. Jun found that the male sense of humor was rather simple, but then, it was nice to lighten the mood.
“If it means anything,” Sho said with a smile, “I understand that you don’t like it. That it happened, I mean.”
“Same as you, actually,” Jun countered, “if for different reasons.”
“Well, what do you know - we’re sharing a sentiment here,” Sho joked.
“I guess,” Jun agreed.
The smile on his face must have been a bit forced, though, since Sho went back to their earlier topic, a stern look coming to his face.
“So, what was all of that about? It’s not every day you’re called to the main office, after all.”
Jun laughed bitterly at that.
“Talk to me already.”

“You remember the guy who brought me to work the other day?” Jun started carefully.
“The one you fucked after we had sex, so you could forget about it - or cover it up with something even more stupid?”
“That’s actually very accurately put,” Jun sighed.
“I remember that guy, yes,” Sho muttered. “That stupid grin he had on his face is hard to forget. Does he give you trouble?”
“You can say that,” Jun stated. “He… well, he took pictures.”
Sho shifted uncomfortably. “Oh. I see.”
“No, that’s not nearly the end of it,” Jun told him. “Kishimoto… has been a bit intrusive lately. In the end I told him to just leave me alone.”
Sho’s eyes narrowed. “What did that prick do?”
“He sold the pics to a mag. Or tried to, at any rate.” Jun laughed. “The idiot gave them to the reporter without claiming anything ahead. Anyway, the pics were brought straight to the main office.”
“Oh dear,” Sho sighed.

“Kishimoto… he said that I… he claims that I did stuff with him even though he didn’t want to.”
Sho’s eyes grew wide. “What?!”
Jun nodded vaguely. “He said that since he was drunk, I took advantage of his state…”
“Wow, that’s low,” Sho stated flatly.
Jun nodded in agreement. “I mean, it’s not like I’ll be in trouble for anything. They were very supportive at the office. I know that these things happen sometimes. People will tell lies about us. It just seems pretty unfair. The pics are with the mag now, so he can’t make any money with them. But really, isn’t it his own fault if he simply gives them away? So he’s going for hush money from the agency now and from what I’ve heard he’ll be serviced, so no investigation will be started. They weren’t even mad at me. I mean, yeah, Mary-san was bitching again, but that’s just her. But altogether, they just wanted to try to help me deal with this mess. I can’t believe Kishimoto… seriously, how unfair is this? Why is everything so fucked up right now?”
Jun had started to sob slightly at the end of his little monologue. Sho tensed, uncertain what to do. But then, it was Jun and they were still comrades, no matter what else might be going on around them.

“Jun,” Sho muttered softly, his hand touching Jun’s shoulder just lightly.
Much to his surprise that was all it took and Jun was right in his arms, holding onto his form tightly and sobbing silently into Sho’s shoulder.
“Sorry,” Jun rasped out.
“It’s okay,” Sho assured him as he closed his arms around Jun’s slightly shaking form, one hand finding its way into the man’s lovely hair and stroking it.
Sho felt himself shudder. It felt like the most natural thing to hug Jun to his body and give him soothing strokes through his hair and over his back. He closed his eyes for a second, just breathing in Jun’s scent and for a split second he wished he could simply bury his face in that wonderful neck again that and Jun would hold onto him rather for physical than mental support, but the feeling of guilt flared up almost instantly, reminding Sho in how many ways those thoughts were inappropriate - most of all in their current situation.

Jun surprised him again, though, as he felt a pair of soft lips caressing his own neck, making him jump slightly. Once again Sho could feel Jun’s body quivering, but this time from a suppressed chuckle as he kissed his way up just behind Sho’s ear, eliciting the softest sound from the man. The kisses continued, over his jaw, to his cheek and before Sho even knew what he was doing he was entangled in a heated lip-lock with the man he was longing for so bad. When Jun moved to straddle his hips, though, Sho pulled back insistently, if reluctantly, opening his eyes to look at the other. He started. Jun’s eyes were slightly red and his lips swollen and glistening. He looked so vulnerably Sho had the sudden urge to avert his gaze, feeling he was witnessing something he was not supposed to see. He held Jun’s gaze, though, jumping slightly again as the younger man’s hands started to feel up his chest.
“Jun… that’s not a very good idea,” Sho tried to reason.
Jun merely shrugged, though. “The damage is already done. I love you unreasonably, there’s no changing it. So, instead of being completely miserable when I’m deprived of you entirely, let me at least have what you are willing to give me. It’s the least you can do after breaking me like this.”
Sho shook his head firmly. “Don’t be ridiculous. How can I treat you like a trick when you look at me like that?”
“But I…”
“Jun,” Sho interrupted the other quickly. “You deserve better than that.”

“That might well be,” Jun stated too nonchalantly, but Sho let it slip, because he was in no position to lecture Jun in that situation. “I’m not getting it, though,” Jun argued. “So, I think it’s better to take what’s within reach.”
“What if what I want is something else?” Sho asked.
“Well, what do you want, then?” Jun asked.
“I don’t know,” Sho answered honestly. He sighed. “Jun listen. I have to re-evaluate a lot of things, including what kind of man I want to be.
Jun eyed the other warily. “Does that mean… you want to… be together?”
Sho actually averted his eyes at the question. “Jun, I… when you said that I used you…”
He found Jun’s hand cupping his jaw softly, turning his head back so he was looking back at Jun again.
“I said that because I was angry,” Jun said clearly.

There was regret in his eyes and Sho felt the sudden impulse to pick that kiss from earlier up again. The fingers that stroked along his jaw felt so good too. He closed his eyes, leaning into the warm touch. His hand came up to cover Jun’s as he turned his face just slightly to kiss Jun’s palm affectionately.
“I was feeling scared and helpless,” Jun continued to explain. “I was desperate, because I didn’t want to feel so hurt when you left me again and…”
“Oh, Jun,” Sho sighed out. “I had no intension to leave you.” Jun blinked at that. “I’m sorry I fled from the bed. That was stupid. When I had you next to me as I woke up, I felt the happiest in an incredibly long time. I had to get up for work… I know I should have woken you up, but… I was scared too. I’m still very anxious. I don’t quite know what to do with myself.”
“And what do you plan to do now?” Jun wanted to know.
Sho eyed him warily. “Promise that you won’t laugh at me.”
“I won’t,” Jun assured him easily.
“Well… I’m having regular therapy sessions,” Sho told him. “The other day, I told my therapist about what happened between us. I should tell you he’s totally in favor of us getting together. I actually wonder if he’s not a shipper. At any rate, he agreed to help me work something out in all of this.”

Jun couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. Sho looked sour at his reaction.
“I’m not laughing at you,” Jun assured him quickly. “I just… never would have expected something like that. I’m surprised, is all. So, therapy, huh? How long now?”
“About sixteen years,” Sho answered honestly.
“Wow,” Jun dragged out. “And why did you… you know, get started on that?”
“Anger management,” Sho explained.
Jun burst out laughing again. Sho had had it and removed Jun from his lap, getting up.
“Sorry,” Jun tried to apologize immediately, “that… I didn’t mean it like I’m making fun of you. Just… that’s almost too fitting.”
“Well, I’m glad I can amuse you,” Sho bit at him. “You shouldn’t be talking like that, you know. You’re the reason they made me go in the first place.”
Jun blinked at that. “Eh? I was? How so?”

Sho bit his lip, but decided that it was important to let Jun in a bit further.
“I beat up a guy at school,” he explained. “He made fun of me… called me names. I… I had pictures of you in my bag. When I dropped it they got scattered onto the floor. He was being quite nasty and I just…”
“You had to show that guy that you’re a man,” Jun analyzed.
“I was seventeen years old,” Sho reminded him. “I just didn’t react well to the word sissy.”
“Wow, that’s… totally 90s,” Jun chuckled.
“Anyway, the school wanted me to do something about my attitude,” Sho shrugged. “So…”
“And you feel that it’s good for you?” Jun asked.
“I hated going at first,” Sho related. “But Suzuki-sensei is really good. And yes, I think it’s been good for me altogether. Today I enjoy the sessions. Well, the last one was a bit of a pain,” he admitted. “But I think that I can find a new approach for defining myself.”
“That sounds nice,” Jun said with a smile.
He wrapped his arms around Sho, pulling the man closer and Sho did not resist. He slid his face against Jun’s lightly, enjoying the closeness.

“It doesn’t mean I’ll become a man that you will like to be with,” Sho told the other.
Jun nodded against Sho’s shoulder. “That’s okay,” he decided. “But I think I can love any you who will be accepting his nature.”
Sho smiled at Jun and he felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he closed the distance between their faces. Jun closed his eyes readily, tilting his head for a better angle.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Ohno shot out.
Jun and Sho both jumped at the sudden intrusion, detaching from each other.
“What on earth is wrong with you?” Sho asked aggressively.
“What do you mean? I’m preventing you from doing something stupid again,” Ohno countered. “Seriously, guys, get a grip.”
“It’s not for you to decide what we do together,” Sho informed him. “It doesn’t concern you.”
“Oh, it concerns me alright,” Ohno argued.
“Actually, it concerns all of us,” Nino cut in, wriggling his lithe body into the room. “Last time the two of you hit something off we all were affected.”
“But this is different,” Jun told their friends.

“That’s always what people think,” Nino told him. “But it’s never different. Even so, we can’t keep you from doing what you want to do. Just… please think about all of us and be sure that what you want to have is worth taking the risk of disrupting what we have.”
“Stop talking like we’re just being selfish,” Sho cut in. “We understand your positions in this. But what Jun meant is that the situation is different from before. So reconsidering things is not a bad idea. Agreed, when feelings are involved, there can be difficulties. But really, when we’re just circling around those feelings, don’t you think that is going to affect us too? The air between us will make us suffocate. How are we supposed to deal with that, then?”
“What Sho means,” Jun said with a smile, “is that we know you’re worried. And we’re sorry to trouble you guys like that. But… Sho tries to reconstruct himself here, so you should support him.” His gaze met Sho’s. “I will.”
“Jun…”
“But first I want to talk to that shrink of yours,” Jun grinned.
“Okay, you did not just say that,” Sho glared.

“Relax,” Jun laughed. “If you’re serious about what you said, some things will have to change. And we should talk about these things openly, don’t you think?”
“Just why does everyone want to talk about fucked up stuff?” Sho muttered.
“Wow, you’re in therapy?” Nino asked.
“I’m not under regular treatment,” Sho explained. “Just… sometimes I need to talk about… things…”
“Hey, that’s cool,” Ohno said. “Therapy can do some good things for you.”
“Well, if you’re building something up there,” Nino mused, “then we’ll support you, of course. And if you two absolutely need to fuck each other, I guess that’ll be okay too - as long as we don’t get to hear any of it.”
“We’ll try our best,” Jun promised. “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a second.”
With that he jumped right on Sho, capturing his lips in a playful kiss. Much to his surprise he found the other man accepting him willingly, wrapping him into his arms and kissing back with joy.
“That’s just what I was talking about,” Nino complained.

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch,” Sho muttered between small pecks before resuming his wonderfully warm lip-lock with Jun.
“Is it okay now?”
Nino and Ohno turned their heads towards the door to find Aiba peeking into the room carefully.
“Well, no quarrels in here,” Nino told him, “just some disgustingly sugary making out.”
Aiba blinked, then followed the movement of Nino’s head, indicating the direction of their two band mates on the couch, happily kissing and caressing each other.
“Awwwww,” Aiba made, stepping into the room fully. “That’s so cute. You go, guys.”
Jun gave him a feeble peace sign with his left hand before tangling his fingers right in Sho’s hair.
“Okay, okay,” Ohno said, voice raised. “And they lived happily ever after. Guys, seriously, we need to get ready for recording.”
“Mh,” Sho hummed. “He’s right, I guess.”
Jun nodded, his eyes sparkling with delight. “Okay, let’s get out there.”
“Thank goodness,” Nino grinned. “Sheesh, this is going to be so annoying.”
“Oh, go get laid,” Jun said, rolling his eyes, “then you won’t have to complain about other people getting it on.”

Nino yelped in surprise as Jun landed a good slap on the smaller man’s ass.
As Nino found Sho’s eyes on him, he shrugged helplessly. “Hey, don’t glare at me like that. It’s not my fault if Jun can’t keep his hands to himself.”
“You don’t have to stand there with your ass available like that,” Sho told him.
Nino stared. “Wha- seriously?”
Ohno laughed. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun.”
Jun grinned, slinging one arm around Ohno’s shoulder. “Definitely.”
“Really? And all the mess about it is forgotten?” Sho asked. “Just like that?”
“No, Sho,” Jun told him, a bright smile on his lips, “not just like that. But we’ll work it out. Like we do with everything. Just call that therapist of yours. I meant it when I said that I want to meet him.”
Sho blinked. “Seriously?”
“There are some things I need to talk to him about,” Jun grinned.
Sho looked at Jun feeling a bit skeptical, but then decided to tackle things one at a time. And for the time being, they had a recording to finish.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

All done. I hope you enjoyed it. ^^ I'm feeling happy for Sho and Jun. I think that somehow they are pushing back the many problems they will be facing, but for now they decided that they want to try to be happy. Let's wish them luck.

Chapter 2

*coming soon*