Never gonna learn - Chapter 2: As painful as true

[yoru_no_hikaru]

Title: Never gonna learn
Pairing: Sakumoto
Guest strars: Arashi
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own any characters
Warnings: Angst, talk about sexual activities, some swearing

Summary: After a passionate night together, the morning after didn’t exactly go well. How are Jun and Sho going to handle the mess they got themselves into?

“Yeah?” Sho said as he answered the call.
“What do you mean, yeah?” Ohno asked from the other end of the line. “You… you… Did you have sex with Jun last night?”
Sho sighed. “There’s no denying it, is there?”
“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Ohno asked him. “Nino just messaged me, writing that Jun is a total mess right now.”
“Oh yeah?” Sho laughed sarcastically. “Why, that’s interesting. Dammit, okay, I went to Jun’s place for sex last night… and he was in no way opposed to the idea, you know. But then… I don’t know, I felt like there was more to it.”
There was a moment of silence at the other end.
“What do you mean?” Ohno then asked.

“Just that… I don’t know. It started to feel different. I wanted it to mean something. And after what Jun said I thought he felt that way too. But then, this morning, he all but dislocated me from his apartment. I couldn’t do anything but leave.”
“Hold on, are you saying that you want to make it real with Jun?”
Sho sighed. “I… can’t do that. My entire family would go insane.”
“But you said you wanted it to mean something,” Ohno muttered. “What do you mean by that, then?”
“I mean that if it were my choice…”
“It is your choice, Sho,” Ohno cut in. “And it’s a choice you alone can make. It’s all up to you and whether people are going to like it shouldn’t be your first concern. You write the story of your life. It’s okay to make choices the way it feels right to you. And people will adept. Like when you decided not to quit Johnny’s. And when you decided to go to university and cut work on it. And when you decided that it’s okay if Jun takes the center spot.”

Sho shook his head. “This is different,” he argued. “I talked to Jun. He wants to be exclusive and I just… a wife and an heir is the least I have to get my family.”
“Right, because you absolutely failed at being successful and influential,” Ohno said sarcastically. “Just because it’s not what they mean, that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
“There are things that I want for myself as well, though. And there’s only one way to have kids.”
“Is there?” Ohno asked pointedly. “I don’t think so. There are ways for you to have children, if you want to, wife or not.”
“But that’s not…”
“Sho, I want you to finish that sentence from before. If it were your choice, then…?”
“Then I would have tried to make him mine,” Sho admitted.
“Do it then,” Ohno urged.
“He doesn’t even want it,” Sho told him.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ohno chuckled. “Jun’s lashing out right now. He’s desperately trying not to get hurt again.”
“Exactly,” Sho bit out. “He wants… he wants someone I can’t be.”
“You never know what you can be,” Ohno said, “before you become just that.”
“Wow, you should write that on your Christmas card,” Sho teased. “Look, as Jun himself put it very accurately, love’s a bitch and things just don’t always go the way you want them to. Sucks, but we’ll get over it.”
Ohno sighed, but gave up - at least for the time being.
“You’re being incredibly ridiculous,” he told Sho. “You… okay, I won’t press you any further, but… maybe you want to think about it again. About all the options that you actually have.”
Sho sighed as well. “Okay. I mean, I might. Just… I knocked on Jun’s door last night and I had certain intensions and… I impressed them on Jun, but really, he kissed me back and he took me to his bed more than willingly, I…”

“Sho,” Ohno interrupted him, “you don’t have to justify yourself in front of me. Jun is a grown man and he can cope with the consequences of the mistakes that he makes. I’m not judging you. Well, not only you.”
Sho chuckled. “Thanks. Listen, I have to get going now. We’re shooting a pretty big reportage today and I need to be on set in about half an hour already. How about we talk tonight?”
“Ah, I can’t tonight,” Ohno stated. “I’m on a guest appearance.”
“I see. Well, I’ll text you.”
“Sure,” Ohno agreed. “Have a good working day.”
“Thanks,” Sho said with a smile. “I’ll be in touch. Oh, and have a nice working day too.”
With that Sho hung up and set out to get to work.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Good morning,” Sho greeted around the crew.
He got a couple of murmured answers and smiled. He wasn’t the only one unused to the early hour. They had to get a morning report done, though, so they had no choice. Sho just wished he hadn’t still Jun’s naked body in front of his inner eye, Jun’s scent in his nose and Jun’s calm even breathing in his ear…
“Now, now, will you look at this,” his colleague grinned as he walked up to Sho.
Sho blinked at him. “What?”
“Oh, I detect the signs when I see them,” the other man teased. “Taking small, careful steps, trying to use your knees as little as possible, and… wait, how about we sit down over there?”
Sho glared at his co-worker. “And your point?”
“You got laid last night,” the other concluded. “Literally.”
Sho’s eyes grew wide for a moment, but then his face hardened considerably.
“What are you thinking, talking like that around here?” he hissed out.
“Oh, sorry, you don’t want people to know?”
“No, I don’t,” Sho answered, still looking and feeling sour.

“Ah, just to be sure,” his colleague continued, “you don’t want them to know you’re getting some or that you’re getting it up there?”
“Shhhhhhh,” Sho made.
“What - it’s not a big deal at all,” the other shrugged.
“Not to you maybe,” Sho retorted. “And that’s just fine. But for me things are different. People can’t know. So… please, don’t tell anyone.”
“Hey, sure thing,” the other promised. “If it’s that much of a big deal to you, my lips are sealed.”
“Thanks a lot,” Sho said, sounding relieved.
“So,” his colleague kept on teasing, “was he hot?”
For another moment Sho frowned at the other. Then his face softened, though, and he couldn’t help the smug smile that came to his face.
“Super-hot,” he answered.

“Oh?” the other laughed. “And… are you guys dating regularly?”
At that Sho sighed. “No. He’s… way out of my league.”
At that the other blinked in surprise. “Out of your league? Wow, that must be… one kind of a guy. I mean, you’re almost ridiculously famous, you’ve got the money, the looks, the brains… if someone’s out of your league…”
“Yeah, well…” Sho muttered.
“Oh my god,” he other burst out. Then he hushed his voice again. “You’re doing it with one of your bandmates.”
Sho merely shook his head. “It was just… a one-night thing. We’re not… meant to be.”
“Oh? Well, that’s a pity.”
“It’s for the best,” Sho decided.

They finished shooting around lunch time and Sho had a small bite. Afterwards he got back home to work on some reports. He found he couldn’t concentrate well, though. He couldn’t get Jun out of his mind, no matter what. The feeling grew disturbing and he could tell the little signs - his tightened chest, the tapping of his fingers on any surface they would find, the way even the commercials on TV made him feel edgy. There wasn’t any kind of distraction that could take his mind off…
Sighing deeply he grabbed for his phone. There was only one person who could ease his troubled mind when he was feeling disturbed like that.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“It’s a good thing you called today, Sho-kun,” Suzuki analyzed. “Your schedule is very tight and it’s important to organize your thoughts and feelings from time to time and make sure you don’t get lost in the middle of all of that.”
“Thank you for seeing me on such a short notice,” Sho answered.
Suzuki had been his personal therapist ever since Sho’s little… well, there had been an ugly scene at school where he had beat up a class mate after the boy had made fun of him for carrying pictures of Jun around. The school had advised his parents to get Sho some “counselling” and his parents, bound by the rules of courtesy and in order to show appropriate cooperation had seeked out one of the most famous therapists of the country. Sho had been furious when they had told his he’d had to go to counselling sessions. He had planned to sabotage those weird sessions, first trying to appear like a complete lunatic, and when that failed changing tactics to simply not talking to his therapist at all. But Suzuki had shown an unreasonable amount of patience and very slowly Sho started to open up to the man. Over years of therapy Sho had grown to really like Suzuki, they had a certain kind of understanding, almost like friends, or at least Sho liked to think of it that way.

“Any time,” Suzuki told him, closing his note book as their one hour session was coming to an end, “as long as my schedule allows it. Well, I think we could work through quite a lot of things today. So, if you keep concentrating on all the little steps, you will be able to finish your project. Just organize your schedule in time and keep your daily record, then things will be organized neatly, just the way you like it. That will help you.”
Sho nodded absentmindedly. “I’m gay,” he suddenly blurted out.
Suzuki blinked at that, but he composed himself again very quickly.
“Oh, so you want to talk about that? Now? You never said a word during years of regular appointments and today just five minutes before we finish our session you throw this at me - why?”
It was Sho’s turn to blink. “Wha- do you mean… you knew?”
“It’s the little things,” Suzuki told him. “Like the way you never check out my secretary - but keep looking at the picture of my son over there when you think I’m not looking.”
Sho blushed furiously. “That… I… What?!”

“The way you keep talking about your relationships with girls. And the way you keep talking about the men you’re working with. Especially the little nestling of your group. As you grew up, I was pretty certain that you would define your sexual identity as you fell in love with him, but then your attitude changed and you stopped talking about him. I don’t know what happened, but I think it stopped your healthy development. But I’m guessing there is some progress going on?”
Sho stared at the other man in disbelief. The initial shock wore off pretty fast, though, and Sho found that he was actually feeling relieved that Suzuki knew and obviously accepted that part of him. Of course, since he had brought the topic up, he had to give some input as well. He sighed deeply.
“Yesterday… my urges got the better of me. I practically assaulted a guy, I just couldn’t hold myself back. He looked so… perfect.”
“Did the two of you have sex?” Suzuki asked right away.
Sho nodded reluctantly.
“Did you enjoy it?”
Again, Sho merely nodded.
“Do you regret it?”
“For many reasons,” Sho muttered.

“I see,” Suzuki sighed. “Well, let’s see if we can sort some things out.”
“Our session is just about over,” Sho reminded him.
Suzuki smiled at him. “We’ll make this one a double. And the second one is on me.”
“Oh, you like this development?” Sho asked, relaxing in his seat again.
“Very much so,” Suzuki admitted. “But you don’t feel that way, do you?”
“Not exactly,” Sho sighed.
“Well, why don’t we try to find out what’s unsettling you so,” Suzuki suggested. “You know that you’re gay and you are not denying the fact. Believe it or not, but that’s already something to work with. There is more to it, though, of course. It seems that your sexuality is disturbing to you. You keep it as a secret and you feel awkward about acting it out as well.”
“Why are you saying these things out loud?” Sho asked, sounding uneasy.
Suzuki laughed. “Because we’re here to talk. And I’ve been waiting for this talk for years, so we’ll get to it now.”

“Very well, then,” Sho decided. “Let’s get to it.”
“Good,” Suzuki cheered. “Sho-kun, I want you to know that it’s okay to say anything you want to say. It’s okay to be honest and it’s okay to be blunt, if that makes things easier for you. There’s no need to wrap things into neat words.”
“Got it,” Sho answered stiffly.
“Alright then, here we go. Sho-kun, what are your personal reservations towards your sexual orientation?” Suzuki asked.
Sho looked quite pained at the question. “Well, for one, there are the obvious reasons for feeling reluctant. Being looked down upon by society, being unable to build up a respectable family if you embrace the life-style, not having any chances of good job positions in the future…”
“And then?” Suzuki pressed.
Sho sighed. “You know the family I was born into.”
“I do indeed.”
“I’ve been taught that a man does not lie down on his back and open his legs for someone to own him.”

Suzuki seemed to be disturbed by Sho’s choice of words, but he didn’t say anything about that, but remained on the subject.
“And is your reluctance solely bound to the fact that you will feel guilty for doing that to someone, namely degrade a person from being a man, or is it that you are unwilling to go through the act yourself?”
Sho remained silent for a long while, unsure if it was okay to answer the question honestly. For a moment he even had to check his feelings about the matter, since he avoided looking at them whenever he could help it. The fact that he had trouble with even finding the thoughts he was having made him feel rather awkward with himself. It felt weird to realize that you were hiding stuff from yourself.
“I feel no reluctance while I’m taking someone,” Sho finally explained. “I guess being horny clouds your mind into forgetting about these things. When I’m thinking about it afterwards, I do feel guilty, though. Like I took advantage of someone who turned to me for pleasure, but what I give them is just not… right.”

Suzuki nodded. “I see.” He made a short pause, then changed his approach. “And do you think that these men feel that way about it? That you merely used them for your own release?”
“That’s what the last guy I did it with said to me,” Sho answered, a sad smile coming to his face.
“Ah, now that’s interesting,” Suzuki latched right on. “It appears that this encounter stirred something in you. After all, you finally decided to talk about these things. So, who was the guy? How do you know him? How did the two of you separate afterwards?”
Sho bit his lip. He had a feeling that Suzuki might interpret his answer in a way he would definitely not like.
“Well?” Suzuki pressed.
Sho sighed. “I…” He shook his head slightly, but decided that it was too late to back out now. “It was Jun.”
Suzuki blinked at him. “Wait - Matsumoto Jun?”
Sho merely nodded back, avoiding the man’s gaze. It was to no avail, though. He could hear the grin in Suzuki’s voice.
“Is it?” the therapist mused. “Well, what do you know? May I ask how that came to be?”
“I was overwhelmed by the desire I felt for him and practically jumped him in public. He wasn’t too pleased with that, but from the moment I had my hands on him I couldn’t stop thinking about him and when I visited him at home later that night…”

“I think you realize that something like that is not the best base for a relationship that will make either of you happy?” Suzuki asked.
“I see that,” Sho agreed with a nod of his head. “Now Jun feels that way. That I simply took him because I had that sudden desire. And it’s not entirely untrue. Just that…”
Sho paused again for a moment, sorting out his thoughts. Suzuki did not say anything to analyze his words, letting Sho collect the words he needed.
“When I woke up this morning,” he related, “in Jun’s bed, with him next to me… I felt happy for a second. I think I felt like I had found something I had been looking for. But then I remembered… well, everything. My life, my family, Jun and our history and I understood that by being so careless I put everything at stake. Everything that I had. Jun had talked to me the day before and he had let me know exactly what his feelings were and while he too must have felt that… well, he might have certain feelings for me, but he doesn’t want them and…”
“Wait, let’s stop here for a second,” Suzuki interrupted him. “Now you’re saying Matsumoto doesn’t want these feelings either?”
“He doesn’t want them for me,” Sho explained.

“Oh?” Suzuki made. “And why ever is that?”
“Because I feel guilty for wanting him,” Sho said, his voice dripping with the irony he found in the entire situation.
“Sounds to me that he is a young man who has healthy expectations,” Suzuki said, smiling at Sho.
“That might well be,” Sho agreed. “Well, there’s more to it, of course. Back when we were young, we… well, we found those feelings for each other, but while Jun embraced the development, I felt reluctant and I let him feel that.”
“How so?”
“He confessed to me and I told him I wasn’t interested in things like that.”
“And did you say that because you truly weren’t interested, or because you didn’t want to be interested?”
“Don’t you know the answer to that question?” Sho asked, getting annoyed.
“Do you?” Suzuki grinned at him.

Sho cursed under his breath. “Why do you need to hear that?”
“I don’t,” Suzuki said easily. “But you need to say it. Out loud.”
“Why?”
“So you can’t hide your feelings from yourself.”
“Of course, I liked him,” Sho barked out bitterly. “I just couldn’t handle those feelings, so I shoved them away, together with Jun.”
“And you’re hating yourself for that too?” Suzuki guessed. When Sho nodded back at him, the man sighed. "My, my, Sho-kun, that’s quite a lot of self-loathing you’re putting on yourself.”
Sho merely shrugged.
“Really?” Suzuki asked. “It doesn’t bother you at all that you can’t live with anything that you feel or do?”
“What will it do to begrudge that as well?” Sho asked. “Just more aggravation.”

Suzuki shook his head, though. “Being angry with yourself because of things you can’t change, like being gay, is pointless. But being angry with yourself because you’re being an idiot, which is something you could certainly do something about, that can bring about some much needed change.”
“What if I don’t want to change?” Sho asked.
“That would be very sad indeed,” Suzuki let him know. “But now I think I understand why Matsumoto feels wary about his feelings for you.”
“He too was weak, though,” Sho retorted. “Despite his reservations he invited me into his bed.”
“Which you fled from the following morning,” Suzuki analyzed.
“I’m just saying that Jun knew he was making a mistake too and yet he… well, he indulged in it. And I’m not blaming him. Sadly, this time around he’s hating himself more than I hate myself.”
“How do you conclude that?”

“It’s true that I did not stay in bed with him for waking up,” Sho admitted. “But I had work to get to and…” When he saw the look on Suzuki’s face, he amended. “Okay, fine, I panicked, so I got myself out of that… environment. But I did not run away. I wanted to talk to Jun and see if we can’t… establish some kind of agreement. But he was so freaked out over the entire thing, he… he wanted me to take the blame for what happened between us, including that he was feeling guilty for betraying himself and when I was unwilling to do his bidding he simply dismissed me. It’s not like I can’t sympathize. He must be furious. With me for invading his privacy and with himself for giving in, even though he said that I wasn’t good for him. But I’m not going to simply accept that he wants to make it my fault only.”
“You said you wanted to establish something,” Suzuki mused. “What did you mean by that?”
“I mean that… as I said, waking up next to him felt good. I just… don’t know how to make it work. I wanted to talk to him about it, but…”
“And then you gave up on it again,” Suzuki concluded.
“Because I can never be what he wants me to be,” Sho explained. “I figured it would be easier for everybody if I let him hate me for a while and then just go back to how we were.”
“Sho-kun,” Suzuki sighed. “You are way too accustomed to being hated and that really needs to change. In addition, I advise you to stop trying to be what anyone else wants you to be and to start thinking about what you want yourself to be.”

Sho felt his head spinning. They closed their session at that point. He felt tired and exhausted, but also relieved. It had been very draining to talk about his feelings in such a way, but at the same time he found he started to understand them in an entirely new way. Maybe, just maybe he could find something that could make him happy without regrets if he kept looking hard enough. For the time being he would just go home, though, and get some sleep. For a moment he wondered what Jun was doing and if he was thinking of Sho.
“Stupid,” Sho muttered to himself.
When his phone rang again, he sighed deeply. He was certain that he could not take another speech, but even so he pulled his phone out and answered.
“Yes, please?”
“Ah, Sho-chan.”
Sho blinked in surprise.

Aiba?

“What is it?” Sho wanted to know. “If you want to scold me, it’s been a long day and Ohno did a good job of it, really, so…”
“How are you doing?” Aiba asked softly. “Are you okay?”
Sho stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide, staring into nothingness. Aiba truly was amazing - and kind in a way he couldn’t even be with himself. Even though he had fucked things up his friend wanted to make sure that he was going to be okay. And finally all the pent up feelings burst out of him, making his body tremble and his voice quiver.
“Perfectly fine,” he sobbed out. “Really, Masaki, you don’t understand the simplest things, do you? I’m the one who took advantage of Jun. He’s the one you should be calling, asking him that question.”
“Jun has a number of people calling him for that,” Aiba stated. “But who’s calling you?”
“You are,” Sho rasped out. “Stupid,” he mumbled out again, shaking his head.
He grinned to himself even though tears were running down his face now and he had neither the strength nor the will to stop them.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice still quivering, “for loving me even though I hate myself sometimes. I know I keep doing and saying stupid stuff, but… if you can love me, then maybe I can love myself too somehow.”

“I hope that you can do that,” Aiba said. “I’ll cheer for you.”
Sho laughed at that. It felt like his first hearty laugh in forever.
“Thanks,” Sho said, trying to dry his eyes. Suddenly he didn’t feel half as drained anymore. “Wanna grab dinner?”
“Sure,” Aiba chirped out. “How about we get totally wasted tonight? I call pizza. American style.”
“Sounds good,” Sho decided. “If I get fat and nobody wants to fuck me anymore, I won’t be having any such problems any longer.”
“Oh, back to saying stupid stuff, huh?” Aiba teased. “Meet you in Akiba in 30?”
“Alright,” Sho agreed.
As he hung up and placed his phone back into his pocket a smile played around his lips. It was just downright great to have good friends.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jun sighed as he got into bed. It had been an aggravating day. After Jun’s call Nino had alerted all of the others, resulting in them taking turns in calling him, trying to cheer him up or inviting him out. Even Aiba had written a message to him. Jun really just wanted to have some time alone so he could recollect himself. He appreciated his friends’ efforts, of course, but he kept declining all invitations and in the end started making excuses so he could hang up and just go back to sorting his thoughts. Every now and then those thoughts kept wondering back to the previous night, making him remember the way Sho had felt against his body, how Sho had felt around him, the way his breath would come out in short pants…
“Argh,” Jun growled out. “Why? Just why did it have to be him? Dammit.”
He kept tossing around in his bed yet again. Just fantastic, if things kept going like that he would fall asleep at work sometime soon. When there was a knock at his door, he started up. Jun checked his clock.

3am.

Jun’s eyes narrowed. If Sho thought he could just come around like that, he was in for a tough lesson. Jun got up and walked to the door of his apartment.
“Fuck off,” he yelled through it.
He heard some mumbling from the other side and got angry.
“I mean it,” he kept shouting. “Get lost, I don’t want to see your face, asshole.”
“Ma-assu-motoooooooo,” came from the other side of the door.
Jun blinked. Then he quickly grabbed the knob and opened the door. His eyes grew wide as he found Kishimoto outside, madly drunk and only just keeping himself on his feet.
“Loss m-my keeeyyyyyy,” Nakano slurred out.
Jun sighed, rolling his eyes. “Really, Kishimoto, on a work night. Hold on, I’ll get the spare key.”
He quickly swept back into his apartment to collect the keys for his neighbor. Once he got them he got back out to find Kishimoto lying on the hall floor.
“Come on,” Jun urged. “Let’s get you into bed.”

He grabbed Kishimoto and dragged him to his feet. The young man wrapped his arm around Jun’s shoulder for support and they slowly made their way to Kishimoto’s door like that. Jun fumbled with the keys for a moment, but before he could get the door open he found Kishimoto’s other arm wrapping around his waist, pulling Jun close.
“Bed sounds niiiiice,” Kishimoto mumbled. “I’ll share it, if you want.”
“I don’t think you’ll get it up,” Jun stated evenly.
He pulled himself free quite easily and opened the door. Once inside Jun was surprised to find Kishimoto very civil again. He let Jun take him to his bedroom, place him on the bed neatly and put the lights out. No undressing, though. Jun figured the other could do that by himself once he’d sobered up enough. It was only when Jun made to retreat that Kishimoto’s hand came up to grab his sleeve.
“Don’ go,” he muttered.
His eyes opened to look at Jun. He was still drunk, but his eyes seemed a bit more focused.
“I’m not a cheap lay,” Jun told him.
“No, you’re… beautiful.”

Something in Kishimoto’s eyes made Jun consider the invitation. It was nice to be appreciated. Plus, Kishimoto was a rather straight guy and feeling an admittedly disoriented hand fumbling with his shirt as those eyes kept their contact and showed lust did something for his ego. Straight guy sex was every queer guy’s dream, after all. Of course, there was still the possibility that even in this state Kishimoto was thinking of him as just a trophy. But then, Jun could never tell if someone loved him for being who he was inside, or who he was on stage. Knowing that they fucked someone everybody wants to put their hands on got people off and he couldn’t do anything about it - but enjoy the advantages of being a hot super idol every now and then. Jun gave the man a cute smile as he sat down on the bed.
“You’re not going to be sick, are you?” Jun asked teasingly.
“No way,” Kishimoto mumbled.
“And are you gonna get it up?”
Kishimoto chuckled. “Why don’t we find out?”

Jun carefully robbed onto the bed and leaned closer to Kishimoto. His eyes closed as he leaned in for a first kiss. He was surprised to find the lips against his enthusiastic and unexpectedly skilled. Kishimoto tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, but Jun really didn’t mind, spicing the kiss up with some of his own tricks. A little gasp escaped him as he was rolled onto his back and Kishimoto crawled on top of him. The warmth of another body was nice and as Jun felt that soft pair of lips starting to kiss and nip his neck he sighed and let himself be swept away by the many feelings raining down on him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nino sighed. “Still not answering,” he stated as he hung up his phone.
Sho grumbled. “Just fantastic. We should have taught him punctuality when he was young.”
“Relax,” Ohno told him. “Jun might be late on occasion, but he’s always there.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that we’re all here, waiting for him,” Sho stated.
“Don’t you think you should let this one go?” Ohno suggested.
Sho glared at him. “Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean he can simply do as he pleases,” he shot out. “Plus, what about the rest of you? You’re here too.”
“We don’t mind too much,” Aiba grinned. “It’s fine, but let’s hope he turns up soon. The crew is getting nervous.”
In that very moment a car came around the corner and parked at the side of the street. The passenger’s door opened and Jun got out.
“Thanks, mate,” Jun said, then he closed the door of the car and moved to meet the others on the pavement. “Yo,” he greeted them.

“Any time,” Kishimoto called from the car.
Jun closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He turned back around, finding that Kishimoto had rolled down the window and was waving him good-bye. Jun waved back very warily.
“See you around, lover,” Kishimoto said with a wink before he finally drove off.
Good thing too, because Jun felt a strong urge to move back to the car and punch him straight in the face. As he turned back towards his group, he found four sets of disapproving eyes on him.
“What?” Jun asked aggressively.
“Jun,” Ohno sighed. “Really?”
“So what?” Jun shrugged. “He was sweet and… I’m available, so I can do what I want.”
“So you let that kind of dick-head fuck you?” Sho pressed out.
“Yeah,” Jun sneered at him. “I’m actually a sucker for dick-heads. Whenever I happen to come across one, I just fuck them.”
“I get it,” Sho told him, “I’m a dick-head. It’s just that you’re so much better than that. That’s just…”
“Sho, I really don’t want to hear your opinion on this,” Jun stated firmly. “You have no say in it, so just suck it up, dammit.”

Sho gasped at that. Then he eyed Jun. “Wait, are you showing off your lovers to me?”
“And why would I do that?” Jun asked.
“To hurt me, like I hurt you, or some stupid crap like that,” Sho argued.
“Guys, guys,” Nino cut in. “Really, I don’t usually interfere with these things, but you two are just… Sho, get a grip. Even if Jun is teasing, take it like a man and just wait until he’s tired of stupid acts to get to you. And Jun,” he sighed, “really, don’t degrade yourself by fucking fans. It’s not cool and you know it.”
“Yeah, something you would know a lot about,” Jun spat out.
“Jun, that’s really not cool,” Ohno cut in.
“We should not be fighting,” Aiba said. “Let’s try to get along and have fun together today.”
“Masaki is right,” Nino agreed. “We should focus on what we’ll be doing today. Let’s give it our best.”
“Right,” Jun sighed. “Look, guys, I know that guy wasn’t exactly a good choice. I just… He wanted me and I wanted…”
“Forget it already,” Sho stated flatly. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I apologize for being impulsive. You don’t have to answer to anyone about your choices - even when they’re poor.”

Jun bit his lip. He was annoyed at how Sho would get to him and he couldn’t really counter anything, but he also felt that tingly feeling in his stomach as he witnessed Sho being jealous. Not that it changed anything, but even so, it was nice to know.
“I hope you know that includes you as well,” Jun grinned.
“I realize that, yes,” Sho grinned back.
Nino shook his head. “Seriously, you guys are both so fucked up. But it’s okay, as long as we can get to work.”
“Alright, let’s get going then,” Sho decided, “now that the group’s finally complete.”
“You understand that we’re still far away from being back on speaking terms, right?” Jun asked. “What makes you think that it’s okay to talk like that?”
“Oh, come on,” Sho stated. “You were late, so… suck it up. As for the speaking terms, today’s a video shooting, so there’s no need to talk. And once we’re done you can continue to ignore me.”
“What if I feel like bothering you for the rest of the day?” Jun asked daringly.
“Oh, no, no, no,” Aiba opposed. “Sho-chan is taking me out to karaoke tonight.”
“As you can see,” Sho grinned at Jun, “I’ll be appropriately bothered all day.”

Jun laughed at that. It felt a bit weird to talk to Sho so light-heartedly after what had happened between them. He still felt the stinging of his heart as well. But then, standing there and seeing how they could adept so easily, he was convinced that they could make things work somehow. As they made their way to the set, Jun’s eyes met Sho’s and Sho actually had the nerve to smile at him and give him a wink. Jun totally didn’t know how to interpret that move - and trust Sho to come up with something like that when Jun couldn’t confront him about it. Even so, Jun found that his heart skipped a beat at that simple gesture, so whatever lay ahead of them would definitely be interesting.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3