Lucky Charm (Bring me Love) Chapter 9: My life in turmoil

[yoru_no_hikaru]

Pairing: KinKi Kids
Other characters: Nagase Tomoya, MA, 4U, Uchi Hiroki, KAT-TUN mainly
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just love them ^^
Setting: AU
Warnings: Bit angsty, swearing mainly
Multi-Chapter

Notes: So sorry, I know I'm late. But I realized onyl yesterday that I still had to do the colour coding and that would have been too much. I'm also really tired today, but I really want to post it. I hope you'll enjoy it. :D

Intro: What happens when after four months of chaos your life suddenly turns back to normal? Is it evenstill normal then? Or do you find chaos all over again?



“I wonder,” Koichi muttered silently, “if Tsuyoshi would be here waiting for me.”
Tsuyoshi blinked at that. “What on earth are you…”
And then it hit him. It had worked. The back-transfer. Right in front of him Koichi was standing. A man he had shared parts of his life with, a man he had known for many years, but never really known for real, a man, who never let him in, who did not love him the way he had learned during the past four months and suddenly he panicked. All the things he had wanted to tell his partner, all his thoughts and feelings, the million words he had inside all got stuck in his throat, leaving him as silent and frozen as he’d always been. He wanted to scream, at the same time he wanted to run, to hug Koichi, to slap himself for not doing it and the turmoil left him unmoving.
“I’m back,” Koichi analysed. He heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh wow, that’s… amazing. I totally wasn’t sure if it would work… but it did.”

“Yes,” Tsuyoshi muttered. He forced a well-practiced smile on his face. “Welcome home,” he offered.
Koichi frowned. Suddenly that picture was very disturbing to him. Tsuyoshi looked tortured. Had he always looked at him that way? No. No way. He wouldn’t have missed such a thing. Something was different, he could tell.
“Thank you,” Koichi muttered. “So… you came here with him?”
“Someone had to look out for that guy,” Tsuyoshi shrugged. “He doesn’t do well by himself.”
At that Koichi stiffened. Suddenly it hit him that spending time with other-Koichi Tsuyoshi would have learned quite a lot too. He expected the other man knew about their alternate relationship and suddenly he felt awkward too. While Tsuyoshi did not know what he had done in the other dimension, his own mind was still occupied with it.

“I’m really glad it worked,” Tsuyoshi offered.
“Me too,” Koichi smiled timidly.
“So… what now?” Tsuyoshi chuckled nervously.
“Well, home I guess,” Koichi shrugged.
However, that simple statement brought an unexpected uncertainty to both their minds.

Home…

What did that mean after all that time? Koichi hadn’t even thought about it. He had quite enjoyed living with Tsuyoshi and if he was being honest with himself, returning to his own empty apartment didn’t hold a lot of appeal. But then… he and Tsuyoshi weren’t living together. Not as it was. At the moment there was no thinking about what he possibly might want or not want to change. They absolutely had to find a way out of their immobility.

“So… you want to check out your apartment?” Tsuyoshi offered awkwardly.
“Yeah, I guess,” Koichi nodded.
“No worries,” Tsuyoshi told him. “We took care of everything. Pan’s with your mother right now. We thought the tension wouldn’t be good for her.” Tsuyoshi blushed at his own statement. “Well, I mean…”
“That’s very considerate,” Koichi rescued him with a smile. “I guess I should check if everything’s okay.”
“You don’t trust me?”

Koichi knew it was supposed to be a joke, but there was a bitter tone in Tsuyoshi’s voice that he absolutely did not like. Was it possible that things could get worse between them? At the same time Tsuyoshi wanted to slap himself. That last statement had been totally unnecessary. Uncalled for. What was wrong with him? He had gone through that situation so many times, had thought of words, explanations and in his mind, even when he could not find them, he would simply show Koichi what was in his heart, grabbing him and kissing him without compromising until he’d get a reaction. But as they were standing there he just wanted to get away as quickly as possible. In the end they kept standing there in awkward silence.
“Sorry,” Tsuyoshi finally mumbled. “I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay,” Koichi sighed. “You know, it’s been a tough… day. Sort of. Maybe we should both go home and… we talk some other time?”

That was when Tsuyoshi realized that in their reality together things could not change. Koichi was not the man he had been living with during the past weeks. A mere four months couldn’t change dynamics that had developed during so many years before. So he simply called defeat.
“Sure,” he nodded, a sweet smile on his face.
“Right,” Koichi nodded back.
And with that they simply parted on the spot, neither of them turning to look back.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

“It’s still a bit weird,” Koichi mumbled, as he snuggled close to his lover’s body.
They were wrapped around each other, a thin sheet half-covering them as they came down from an almost forgotten high.
“Hm?” Tsuyoshi hummed lowly, kissing his lover’s forehead lovingly.
“I just wonder how it’s possible that suddenly my life is the way it used to be again,” Koichi explained.
“Oh, did you like it better there?” Tsuyoshi asked, as he stroked Koichi’s hair lovingly.
Koichi chuckled at that. “No way. That dimension was weird. Although I managed to adapt alright, I like it much better here.”
“That’s good to hear,” Tsuyoshi muttered.

“You’ll probably have to share me a bit more with Tomo in the future, though,” Koichi mused.
“That’s okay,” the other assured him. “You should stay in contact with him. Your other self did some really good work there.”
“Did he now?”
“Mhm.”
“Did you two get along well?” Koichi asked.
“Well, I guess,” Tsuyoshi shrugged. “He felt awkward, living here, but then, there was no place for him to go.”
“It must have been awkward for him,” Koichi nodded.
“Definitely,” Tsuyoshi agreed. “Seeing how those two aren’t a couple.”

“Weren’t,” Koichi corrected him.
“What?” Tsuyoshi blinked. “You think there is something?”
Koichi chuckled lightly, turning his head to look at his lover. “Tsuyoshi, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“Okay, what?” the other wanted to know.
“I… I did something,” Koichi confessed. “I kissed… well, you… just in another dimension. Do you think that’s bad?”

Tsuyoshi smiled, cupping his lover’s face. “No. Actually… I kissed you too.”
“Oh, you did?” Koichi asked, sounding surprised. “That’s unexpected. Tsuyoshi kept telling me that Koichi wasn’t exactly fond of stuff like that.”
“Yeah, he kept saying that,” Tsuyoshi explained, rolling his eyes. “But really, I think he’s just in denial.”
“Well, then maybe they can make it,” Koichi smiled.
“Yeah, maybe,” the other agreed. “Hey… wanna be top?”
“Mh…”

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kame tripped and fell to the floor. Hard. He was panting, trying to catch his breath.
“Come on, get up,” Koichi called out, carrying on with the choreography.
“Koichi,” Kame heaved out.
Jin stopped as well, crouching down to help his friend. At that Koichi groaned, annoyed, but went to turn off the music.
“What is it now?” he growled.
“Let up, dammit,” Jin burst out. “He simply couldn’t remain on his feet anymore. We’re all overly exhausted. I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately, but it’s starting to get unbearable.”

Koichi merely glared at him. “Well, there’s so much to do, we’re behind schedule, so we have to get a move on.”
“Well, move it alone, then,” Jin shot at him. “I’m out.”
With that he simply turned his back to Koichi, helped Kame up from the floor and helped him back to the dressing room. Koichi merely cursed under his breath. Then he turned around, shouting out.
“Fine, then, go. See if I care. The rest of you too,” he suddenly demanded turning around to glare at the rest of the group. “Get out!” he screamed. “Out! All of you!”

The boys quickly grabbed their stuff and fled, leaving Koichi alone, feeling defeated. He paced around, arms punching out to hit nothing but thin air, but he simply couldn’t hold them still.
“Fuck,” he cursed out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!”
Then, suddenly, the lights went out. He stopped, blinking. Only after a moment he realized that a towel was covering his head. He ripped it off, looking around the room and froze as he saw a figure standing in the frame of the door.
“Done with the tantrum?” Tackey asked calmly.
Koichi shot him a glare, but nodded.

“Good, then,” Tackey nodded back. “Koichi-kun… we should talk.”
“I don’t really feel like it,” Koichi told him.
“Yeah, well, as the one in charge of the background grouping I can’t really bend to your moods,” the other explained. “Koichi, I’ve had multiple complaints about you and I can’t let this continue.”
Koichi sighed, sitting down on the floor. “Fine, I’ll cut back on the working hours.”
“It’s not just that,” Tackey pointed out. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately. Somehow it seems you keep changing personalities. It’s starting to be scary, you know. Are you having trouble? Are you feeling sick? Do you need meds again?”
“No,” Koichi waved him off.
“Then what?”

Koichi looked up at him with watery eyes. “You wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“You’re not one to believe something like that,” Koichi kept arguing.
“Even so, just tell me what’s on your mind,” Tackey encouraged him, sitting on the floor with his friend.
“Okay, fine,” Koichi sighed. “You’re going to think I’ve lost it.”
“no more or less than I do right now, believe me,” Tackey joked.
Koichi gave him a thankful smile and started to relate his adventures of the past weeks. Tackey listened patiently, only asking one or two single questions in between. When Koichi was done, he felt relieved.

“I only told Tomo about it before,” he explained.
“I see,” Tackey nodded.
“So?” Koichi asked warily.
“So?” Tackey blinked. “Oh, yeah, totally crazy story.”
“You believe me?” Koichi asked in disbelief.
“Whether I do or not,” Tackey analysed, “it is what you belief. I just don’t get it. Now that you are supposedly `back´ suddenly the problems begin? Why? Did something happen in the other dimension? Between you and your crew?”
“No,” Koichi bit out, but his eyes must have given him away, because Tackey kept on track.
“Between you and Tomo? You and Tsuyoshi?” Koichi flinched. “Oh, that’s it. Something between you and Tsuyoshi. Well, as I understood it you were living together?”

“I told you,” Koichi stated exasperatedly, “I didn’t have my own place there. I had to live in the same apartment.”
“Yeah,” Tackey dragged out. “So, in that reality KinKi Kids are lovers.”
Koichi blushed. “Well… yes.”
“Four months,” Tackey mused. “I wonder what happened during that time?”
“What - nothing happened,” Koichi demanded.
Tackey arched a brow. “Nothing?”
Koichi bit his lip. “Why do you even care?”

“You’re destroying yourself and your crew,” Tackey told him.
“So, we kissed,” Koichi finally burst out. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Seems to be a big deal for you.”
“It’s not.”
Koichi felt like he was about to burst. Then he froze as he felt plush lips against his own, nipping him softly. His eyes shot open and he pushed Tackey away harshly.
“What the fuck?!” he burst out.

Tackey merely grinned. “Did you push him away like that?” he asked.
At that Koichi stared. Suddenly memories flooded his head - the feeling of soft lips against his, playing with him, tongues tasting, duelling deliciously, hands venturing over his body, a soft voice in his ear…

You’re so beautiful.

Koichi’s breath caught. “I…” he stuttered out. “I… I’m not gay,” he mumbled, sounding broken. “I’m not.”
“Not saying you are,” Tackey shrugged. “Do you like Tsuyoshi?”
“Oh god,” Koichi choked out. Finally it was too much and he broke. “I don’t know… what to do.”
He clung to Tackey and cried bitter tears, a mix of denial, frustration, fear and desperation.
“It’s okay,” Tackey assured him, stroking his hair softly as he let his friend cry on him.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Koichi was feeling really happy. It felt good to practice with his well-known crew. Koichi had to make himself a compliment. Matsuzaki had improved quite some since last he had seen him. Fortunately, it had been easy to find his way back into routine. Their work together went well and he enjoyed making progress with his crew. Just, as they finished their session of the day, something happened. They packed their things and made to leave when Koichi saw who came in for practice after them. He bit his lip.
“Kame,” he muttered.
Somehow, the time he had spent with KAT-TUN hadn’t left him unaffected. They’d had fun together too. Suddenly he felt remorseful, regretting that in that dimension they didn’t get along. He frowned.
“Ah, guys, move ahead, I’ll be right with you,” Koichi muttered, as he dropped his bag to the floor.
The others looked after him in confusion, but ultimately shrugged and left.

“Kamenashi-kun,” Koichi called out.
Kame turned around and blinked at him in surprise. “What is it with you lately?” he asked.
“Sorry,” Koichi said apologetically. “I know, we haven’t exactly… been on good terms.”
“We’re just not talking to each other,” Kame shrugged. “Same as you and Tackey.”
Koichi flinched at that. Right. Tackey. Apparently there was something to be done there too. But that would have to wait.
“I just wanted to say that…” Koichi bit his lip. “Look, I know things didn’t turn out well.”
“Very neatly put,” Kame sneered.

“I just wanted to say that… I think it’s a pity,” Koichi explained. “Maybe we could have worked something out. Just… I want you to know that I think I made mistakes too, okay?”
Kame considered him in utter confusion. “Why are you telling me this now?” he wanted to know.
“I don’t know,” Koichi shrugged helplessly. “Lately I’ve been thinking if maybe we could have worked it out. And it makes me feel like I failed.”
Suddenly Kame’s eyes softened. “Wow, Koichi,” he stated. “I had no idea… you had such feelings. Well, what can I say now? We were a bunch of no-good slobs.”
“I should have helped you through your more difficult times instead of dropping you,” Koichi insisted.
“Thanks a lot for saying that,” Kame smiled. “Well, it turned out okay, didn’t it?”
“For you things turned out okay,” Koichi nodded. “Because you got your ass up and started working for real.”

“Well, who knows,” Kame mused. “Maybe a certain kick to my ass did that,” he winked.
The both laughed at that.
“I’m glad that we talked about this,” Koichi smiled.
“Me too,” Kame agreed.
“Maybe we can have dinner some time,” Koichi suggested.
Kame thought about that for a while, before he nodded. “Yeah, why not?”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yes, yes, I know. !blue KinKi are still getting there. But next chapter they're absolutely gonna happen. Well, the next one will be the final too. I've written a few lines into it already. Please look forward to it. I hope you liked this one. :D *hugs all*

Chapter 8

Chapter 10 (FINAL)