HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA concubines.
I just- I can't... I don't have words. *tries to compose herself*
Okay. I'm ready now. So. Tonight I decided to look for Luna/Harry fic. I went to the Astronomy Tower. I went through, and I sampled some that looked good. I mean, I read them. Three really endearing one-shots, and then a fourth one, which I saved for last, because it was chaptered.
Um.
So I know what you do if you hated the epilogue of HP, if you hate both Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, and the Weasleys in general. Oh, and if you're an avid Harry/Hermione fan and also sort of ship Harry/Luna. You write this story. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever encountered, although having not surveyed the HP fandom far and wide, I could be wrong and this could be par for the course.
In general, the only way that Hermione would have consented to marry Ron and Harry Ginny would have been if they were legally/magically bonded, assent only given under a hypnosis thing, in their sixth year - so that legally they can't marry anyone else, or have sex with anyone else, but Harry, because they pledge loyalty to them, he can have concubines. Yes. I said concubines. That's what Ginny is, and Luna too, and all of those kids in the epilogue? Well, most of them are Harry's. Biologically. Apparently Harry and Hermione, while Ron was not there were quite horny together and had all sorts of sex, whereas Ginny only ever jerked off Harry, and Hermione had gone down on Ron, but he wouldn't do that for her.
And everyone was super out of character, and Snape and Dumbledore were huge asshats, and so were all the Weasleys, and the entire wizarding world, and the Ministry, and Harry and Hermione the whole time were supremely judgemental and mean to people all the time, only respecting each other and having lots and lots of sex. It really should sort of disgust me that people would be so obviously racist (they were ALL about "fuck pure-bloods" - which, wtf? Harry's a pure-blood!) and sexist (concubines) and lots of degrading shit, and I'm okay with sex, but that was all they were about, it seemed. And also bad dialogue, bad characterization. Not terrible writing, which is how I assume it actually got onto Fiction Alley...
but really, I laughed for a seriously long time, and could not stop. It is just so fucking ridiculous.
Here's a line, Hermione says it:
"Made love? Shared oral sex? Not to mention that time when it was my period and you took my anal cherry?"
Yeah. That.
I should really stop dwelling, because the other fics were really good, and I really liked them, and, you know... warm fuzzies. :)