I have issues, imagine that, heh
Man, people like blake and jaclyn make me happy... like when i read blakes livejournal and i hear his humor, that i miss so much (and i am one of the few that really understand it) he makes me smile... like i laugh a lot, cause i know exctly what he is saying and i vibe with his comments so well... I also laugh cause i know how he would say it,what tone of voice he would use and the amount of intensity he would put in his voice... to make the perfect comedic combination and make me laugh.... Seriously he is sooo funny witty and smart... he is way above most average peoples level, and i have alwaays felt this way
*i am not just saying this cause he can possibly read it*... i am saying it cause i feel it... he is way above all of the norm'... Like while we read something, and try to comprehend it... he has already broken down the sentece structure, found the symbolism, and the exact reason the author wrote it and what the author is trying to say... some on the real EINSTIEN shit... but seriously... he is way too complex... that is why he feels most people dont understand him, but i think i am closer then the most (behind aaron of course)... He will even break down himself, and find every flaw that he has created, but only underneath his "masterpeice" on top... he is too perfect, and wont settle for anything else... and he usually achieves it... but like i stated earlier, he cant see it... he only finds what is wrong with his "perfectness"
*and you know what is funny, while i name this one flaw of his... he already knows it... he is that smart, that he can figure out his own problems*
Me saying this will not make him change, nor do i want him too ( i mean i dont want him to think he is perfect)... he knows what he has got to do, and he does it... he is just THAT INTELLIGENT... i feel like for a 18 year old kid... he has way surpassed his intelligence level that he needs to be on, and one day he will see what i see:
* i see a funny red haired kid, who is one of the nicest guys i have ever know, smart and funny... and can give the best advice, and he makes mistakes just like any human, but he can fix them and he knows what he has to d o in his life.... He has low, self-confidence but for no reason... he is the coolest. i truly can not think of person who does not like him that has not met him ( unless they are a complete idiot, and have no real value in the social status), and that is blake in a nutshell... and OO YEAH HE IS A MAMZING WRITEER... AMD DID I MENTION HE IS SMART*
.... i think what this kid can do now, then i wonder what when he is 21, or even 56... when not only will he have intelligence, but the wisdom of age alongside it... i think the kid is unstoppable. ( i am writing a song about h im and it is called "unstoppable" and isnt gonna be gay or mushy, but i will pitch t he idea later)
The way he can write...AMAZING... he can be the eminem's of authors... easily... he can raise the bar... considering he is most writers levels now at his young age, so think of what damage he can do( not only now but later in life)
Damn... he inspires me to do my best in everything... he is part of the great generation that we are currently in... and i feel people like him are gonna pull it up.
and i know if he reads this, he will think i am being to nice,"i have plenty of flaws"... but not really... sure i may be bi-ist, but i am not the only one who feels this way, i can find 2nd 3rd or 4th opinions if necessary... but that wont change his mind, cause he strives for perfection:
"but i just wish he knew he already "perfected' getting there."
DAMMIT I LIKE THAT SENTENCE...
this was for you blake, just cause you were on my mind, and that is how i truly feel about you... i miss you dawg on the real.... i cant wait till we are back together again kicking it and being heck of creative.
Pretty much, if i have to sum this whole thing up, and what i am trying to say in one line it would have to
"blake is my hero, and i am privleged that he is also my best friend"
_____________________
wow i dont know where that came from... i jsut miss him soo much, and i just wish he knew how cool he was...
but anyway
Jaclyn... dammit i shure do like her, but i have not talked to her all day... and it makes me nervous (so i write in this to make me feel better)
OOo ya and my issues: i have attachment problems
-Blake help-... when someone makes me happy or makes me feel real good... i get immediately addicted to the euphoria of the feeling... it is like a drug to me... i need it... but it has gotten so bad that i almost need this love and attention 24/7... like when i have nothing to do and i start to think about how it isnt near me... it freaks me out... i use to never have this prolem in vegas, just cause i had a plethera of friends and a could call any girl or guy that i pleased and get my daily dosage... but here it is different... i am going through withdrawls of not talking to jaclyn... over blake, just for one day.../
like i have to find excuses to call them, so i dont feel stupid, lik today in the car at the asscrack of daen i called blake to let him now i was listening to a song... i mean, how lame is that... truthfully i jst wanted to hear his voice just to make sure he was alriught, and/or leave a message so that he knows that i care..
See i get to attached to easily, and with jaclyn the same way... i needd her now to, and i find that to be a prblem* and that is my problem*... maybe , just maybe, it is not a problem and everyone does this... so i HOPE... cause if it is i dont know how i am gonna fix it...
i mean i had to stop talking to aaron who was my current giver of my attentin drgu cold turkey, and that was near to impossible. damn i miss him too.:-( (frowny face) but anyway...
i Fell like i nee dother people to make me happy and i thnk that is a problem... like what kinda guy gets upsety cause a girl doesnt call him for a day... I DO... and i dont feeel like it is right... dammit... '
iu guess it is just caus i care for these peoples so much, like i only dot his for: BLAKE, JANELLE, AARON, JACLYN, CARA, SADIE, MARIA, TINA: yep i think that is it... but for those peeps it really hurts
right now it is just jaclyn cause i mss her so much but i know after i get done writing in this i will feel a lot better... i hope
but ya may be this whole attachment thing isnt a problem... maybe it is I DONT FUCKIN KNOW... i cant analise myslef, i am not fucking good at it,... i will let blake do it cause i know he has got the real fucking answers.,..
shit i have typed a lot of nothing... sorry for wasting everyones time...
i told you i have issues
peace out... go put some eggnog in your face-biatch
gnite.
*i am not just saying this cause he can possibly read it*... i am saying it cause i feel it... he is way above all of the norm'... Like while we read something, and try to comprehend it... he has already broken down the sentece structure, found the symbolism, and the exact reason the author wrote it and what the author is trying to say... some on the real EINSTIEN shit... but seriously... he is way too complex... that is why he feels most people dont understand him, but i think i am closer then the most (behind aaron of course)... He will even break down himself, and find every flaw that he has created, but only underneath his "masterpeice" on top... he is too perfect, and wont settle for anything else... and he usually achieves it... but like i stated earlier, he cant see it... he only finds what is wrong with his "perfectness"
*and you know what is funny, while i name this one flaw of his... he already knows it... he is that smart, that he can figure out his own problems*
Me saying this will not make him change, nor do i want him too ( i mean i dont want him to think he is perfect)... he knows what he has got to do, and he does it... he is just THAT INTELLIGENT... i feel like for a 18 year old kid... he has way surpassed his intelligence level that he needs to be on, and one day he will see what i see:
* i see a funny red haired kid, who is one of the nicest guys i have ever know, smart and funny... and can give the best advice, and he makes mistakes just like any human, but he can fix them and he knows what he has to d o in his life.... He has low, self-confidence but for no reason... he is the coolest. i truly can not think of person who does not like him that has not met him ( unless they are a complete idiot, and have no real value in the social status), and that is blake in a nutshell... and OO YEAH HE IS A MAMZING WRITEER... AMD DID I MENTION HE IS SMART*
.... i think what this kid can do now, then i wonder what when he is 21, or even 56... when not only will he have intelligence, but the wisdom of age alongside it... i think the kid is unstoppable. ( i am writing a song about h im and it is called "unstoppable" and isnt gonna be gay or mushy, but i will pitch t he idea later)
The way he can write...AMAZING... he can be the eminem's of authors... easily... he can raise the bar... considering he is most writers levels now at his young age, so think of what damage he can do( not only now but later in life)
Damn... he inspires me to do my best in everything... he is part of the great generation that we are currently in... and i feel people like him are gonna pull it up.
and i know if he reads this, he will think i am being to nice,"i have plenty of flaws"... but not really... sure i may be bi-ist, but i am not the only one who feels this way, i can find 2nd 3rd or 4th opinions if necessary... but that wont change his mind, cause he strives for perfection:
"but i just wish he knew he already "perfected' getting there."
DAMMIT I LIKE THAT SENTENCE...
this was for you blake, just cause you were on my mind, and that is how i truly feel about you... i miss you dawg on the real.... i cant wait till we are back together again kicking it and being heck of creative.
Pretty much, if i have to sum this whole thing up, and what i am trying to say in one line it would have to
"blake is my hero, and i am privleged that he is also my best friend"
_____________________
wow i dont know where that came from... i jsut miss him soo much, and i just wish he knew how cool he was...
but anyway
Jaclyn... dammit i shure do like her, but i have not talked to her all day... and it makes me nervous (so i write in this to make me feel better)
OOo ya and my issues: i have attachment problems
-Blake help-... when someone makes me happy or makes me feel real good... i get immediately addicted to the euphoria of the feeling... it is like a drug to me... i need it... but it has gotten so bad that i almost need this love and attention 24/7... like when i have nothing to do and i start to think about how it isnt near me... it freaks me out... i use to never have this prolem in vegas, just cause i had a plethera of friends and a could call any girl or guy that i pleased and get my daily dosage... but here it is different... i am going through withdrawls of not talking to jaclyn... over blake, just for one day.../
like i have to find excuses to call them, so i dont feel stupid, lik today in the car at the asscrack of daen i called blake to let him now i was listening to a song... i mean, how lame is that... truthfully i jst wanted to hear his voice just to make sure he was alriught, and/or leave a message so that he knows that i care..
See i get to attached to easily, and with jaclyn the same way... i needd her now to, and i find that to be a prblem* and that is my problem*... maybe , just maybe, it is not a problem and everyone does this... so i HOPE... cause if it is i dont know how i am gonna fix it...
i mean i had to stop talking to aaron who was my current giver of my attentin drgu cold turkey, and that was near to impossible. damn i miss him too.:-( (frowny face) but anyway...
i Fell like i nee dother people to make me happy and i thnk that is a problem... like what kinda guy gets upsety cause a girl doesnt call him for a day... I DO... and i dont feeel like it is right... dammit... '
iu guess it is just caus i care for these peoples so much, like i only dot his for: BLAKE, JANELLE, AARON, JACLYN, CARA, SADIE, MARIA, TINA: yep i think that is it... but for those peeps it really hurts
right now it is just jaclyn cause i mss her so much but i know after i get done writing in this i will feel a lot better... i hope
but ya may be this whole attachment thing isnt a problem... maybe it is I DONT FUCKIN KNOW... i cant analise myslef, i am not fucking good at it,... i will let blake do it cause i know he has got the real fucking answers.,..
shit i have typed a lot of nothing... sorry for wasting everyones time...
i told you i have issues
peace out... go put some eggnog in your face-biatch
gnite.