The Tudors, ramblings thereon.
I watched 5 hours of 'The Tudors' last night and went to bed with a head full of Tudor English history. Also, went to bed with a headache which comes from watching 5 odd hours of telly in one sitting. My thoughts, let me show you them.
Firstly, my thoughts are in no particular order, given that I've slept and done errands since the watching and I'm bound to forget something. Onward ho. Oh, this is also eps 5-10.
Sir Thomas More, omg. I can't be the only person who got all weepy with his death scene. His character was so awesome, the way he held himself at his trial, the way he spoke to the crowd at his execution and how he forgave the executioner for doing the deed of lobbing off his head. And while Lord Boleyn was all 'hur hur I r teh awesome', Henry was all emo and weepy at 'WHAT HAVE I DONE ZOMG' to which I nodded and went, "YEAH YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD, YOU IDIOT." Thomas More = awesomesauce. Cardinal Fisher's death was also sad, but I didn't get as weepy, b.c, well, he's not Thomas More. Also Pope Peter O'Toole Thingy (which pope is it again?) was suitably portentious of their place in heaven. And I lol'd like mad when he encountered the swearing, long haired, scowling artiste that was Michaelangelo. Oh, Michaelangelo, you are made of awesome and win.
Best dialogue ever: Pope Peter O'Toole: I'm having Michaelangelo paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Cardinal Someguy: I thought you didn't like what he did with [the other place, name escapes me.]
Pope Peter O'Toole: I didn't. I've changed my mind.
Cardinal Someguy: Will that not be expensive?
Pope Peter O'Toole: Pfft, he's an artist, we won't pay him very much.
Cardinals: LOLx100
and later...
Pope Peter O'Toole: Come, oh King of France, as a penitent and as a pilgrim and be welcome unto the lord.
King of France: *comes*
Pope Peter O'Toole: Now I want you to invade England like a good Catholic.
King of France: WTFF?!
Pope Peter O'Toole: *benevolent popely smile*
King of France: *oh shi-*
And oh, my hate of Lord Boleyn grew in leaps and bounds, not helped by how he dealt with Mary when she showed up unexpectedly married to a commoner and pregnant - I know it was in keeping with the time and yada yada, but that didn't make me any less angry at him or want to throttle him any less! What a horrid little man. HORRID. And Anne was all 'I really want to say it's okay and have you stay with me b.c I need someone who isn't a plonk or a machiavellian politician around me, but daddy's a wanker and he'll hurt me if I go against him, woe'. Oh, Anne. You tried to be more than the period would let you be and you paid the price for it.
Needless to say, I was not terribly supportive of old Henry at some points. I know that's how the attitudes were at the time. Intellectually, I know this. I understand this. That doesn't make it easy to suspend viewpoints of the modern world and not get raaar raaaage at the treatment of women or men of lesser stature. (FWIW, JRM was damn good as Henry, even if Henry was a plonk.)
So Henry and Thomas Cromwell (not to be confused with history's later Oliver Cromwell and the Puritans (sounds like a band name hahaha)) decided that the play's the thing! So there were plays done, comedies and farces to promote the 'reformation' (which was historically actually much later) and Protestantism and sneer at the Catholics. All the English found this lolarious and the European ambassadors were >:0 face because they were all still quite Catholic and seeing the Pope mocked into a flatulent old codger did not sit well with them at all, no siree bob. Anne pissed off the Duke of Suffolk, which is a bad, bad plan, especially when he's now the BFF (this week) of Henry now that poor old Thomas More is dead. There are a lot of Thomas' in this series. Which makes a refreshing change to the legions of Davids and Steves I'm used to in RL.
Thomas Cranmer (ah, Hans ♥) was all emo about the 'investigation' into Anne's alleged whoredom, and he was pure awesome when almost facing off with Cromwell. I say almost facing off, b.c Cromwell was all 'OMG the walls have ears, shut your mouth, you purple cosacked fool!' and Cranmer suddenly went 'Oh shi-'. His taking Anne's last confession and having the master of the Tower of London spread it around London was ace. Oh, Hans, you're so awesome, you're too sexy for your cassock, seriously. Also, I lol'd like woah at his wife telling him and Cromwell off at dinner and finishing up with "Now you can put me back in my box," and sweeping out of Cromwell's house like the Empress, hahahaha. She is fabulous. The men were all O_O and o.O at her and I loved her so hard. Even if she only had like, a minute in 6 episodes.
So anyway, as I said, I was peeved with Henry for basically being a knob. It is best summed up in this conversation with g_shadowslayer"
Star: ooh pwned, Henry, by the Spanish
Penemuel: hahahahahaha
Star: ooh Henry, pwned by the French!
Star: hahahahaha
Penemuel: whoops!
Star: hahaha and again!
Star: French ambassador dude: "English wine?"
Star: Henry: "We've been making wine since the Romans." *preens*
Star: French ambassador dude: "Oh, as recently as that?"
Star: hahahahaha
Star: and ooh pwned again by the French!
Penemuel: hahahahahahahaha
Star: Henry had a tanty hahahaha
And then....
Star: they're having hate sex atm
Star: with breathplay
Star: I am shocked and amazed hahahaha (not at the hate sex and the breathplay, I add, but at the fact it got shown on telly, even Showtime.)
Penemuel: wow!
Penemuel: hahahahaha that will never play on network tv...
Star: Henry and Anne were all about the hate sex and breathplay in that scene
Star: it was pretty hot actually
Penemuel: sounds it! It would still never play on network tv...
Star: then she gave him a bj
For those who haven't seen it, The Tudors is pretty much all about the sex. With some politics and religion thrown in, but mainly the sex. Anyway, our conversation then meandered into musings on the history of the blow job and the Tudors got on doing what they did best - intrigue, drama, scandal and sex.
Anne had two miscarriages in this batch of eps. I really felt for her, because she was a strong, smart, beautiful woman in a time when such was not accepted - if you were a woman, you kept your mouth shut and your legs spread. Sorry to be so crude, but it's the truth. It really was a man's world, which is why Queen Elizabeth's infamous speech about being able to govern as well as any man is so epic for the time. Anyway, during the hate sex scene, Henry ordered Anne's BFF, Smeaton the fiddler to 'Play a Vaulta (Volta? I know naught about Tudor dance)' which also comes out in the 'Elizabeth' films with Cate Blanchett, particularly when she's courting/hating/smack downing Dudley. So I thought that was a nice little segueway.
Also Natalie Dormer wore those gowns with such grace and looked so fucking gorgeous. I want all those gowns. Also her figure wouldn't go astray either. There was only one that history-clothing-nazi-self sneered at as being too anachronistic, but apart from that (the purpley lavender one with the wasp waist outer wear corset if anyone is wondering) her stuff is gorgeous and I want it all. Even the gown she wore when she was beheaded.
Henry's tanty when Cromwell and Sir Richard presented their 'evidence' of Anne's infidelity (I would have thought George Boleyn's wife would have outted him for his gayness, tbh, but whatevs works, I guess, when you've got revenge on your mind, rather than incest). The torture scene of Smeaton was just...waaay too much for me, mainly b.c it involves eyes and I can't cope with stuff being done to the eyes. Also, the scene with the rack was on one hand fascinating historically, but on the other, hearing his arms and legs POP out of their sockets was very much with the OW making. Poor Smeaton. I liked him. He and George were so good together. They should have run off to France or Spain instead of playing Tudor politics.
The mini-jousting where Henry got hurt (and I think this is where he starts to genuinely lose the plot a little as opposed to just being egomaniacal) was OOH. I like watching jousts. The whole 'Oh it was your glorious face, Lady Jane Seymour, who I'm going to marry as soon as that pesky Boleyn woman is dead, dead, dead, that saved *me* from being dead, dead, dead,' made me lol. Oh, Henry, you old coot, you never change.
So Anne, her brother, her father, Smeaton and several others were imprisoned in the Tower of London. All the menfolk barring her father (WHAT AN ASS, SRSLY OMG) and Thomas Wyatt (another Thomas!) are beheaded. Anne watches her brother die, sobbing, which is quite moving, as they were close but not in the way Cromwell believed, well, promoted, let's say and that George really was (in this) quite firmly gay and the lover of poor Smeaton. Their father, though, ignores the executions, because he is, as I said before, a fucking shitforbrains and shoud DIAF. Slowly. Four-and-quartering like what was going to be originally done to Thomas More would be too good for George Boleyn.
Anne gave a very stirring speech prior to her execution, which was postponed 3 times as the executioner was delayed by a lame horse, and forgave him when he asked her to forgive him for chopping off her head with a very awesome and very sharp two-handed long sword. What a beautiful sword. Her head soaring through the air was edited in with Henry, being a pig, eating a swan pie made out of a swan from his royal lake. Henry had decided that their daughter, Elizabeth was a bastard now and reinstated his first daughter (surviving) from marriage to Katherine of Aragon, Princess Mary as his legitimate child and therefore heir to the throne, while he courted Lady Jane Seymour. What a cad. I know, I know, it was the time, blah, blah, blah. I know!
George Boleyn showed his true colours when the Duke of Suffolk told him he was to be spared but never to grace court again on pain of death, and he said with fiendish glee, "I'm to keep my earldom?" Suffolk shoved him into the wall and smashed his furniture and yelled at him. The only thing that could have made that scene more win would have been if Suffolk had punched Boleyn in the head. A lot. Boleyn leaves the Tower without a backward glance as Anne watches from her window, trying to get him to acknowledge her, but he refuses. Fucker.
So, season 3 is confirmed, with Lady Jane being the next in line as Henry's queen, followed by Anne of Cleves. The final shots of Henry show that they're slowly moving towards later Tudor era with Henry getting a bit portly and a bit gross and icky. So, if things follow the trend, and there's a season 4, that would be Catherine Howard then Catherine Parr and then Henry dying. I wonder if they'll do a season after his death with Mary as queen. Actually, I wonder if they'll follow it through to the end of the Tudor dynasty with the death of Queen Elizabeth. Hm.
Fuck, I love this show. SO MUCH. And I still haven't seen season 1, hahaha.
Firstly, my thoughts are in no particular order, given that I've slept and done errands since the watching and I'm bound to forget something. Onward ho. Oh, this is also eps 5-10.
Sir Thomas More, omg. I can't be the only person who got all weepy with his death scene. His character was so awesome, the way he held himself at his trial, the way he spoke to the crowd at his execution and how he forgave the executioner for doing the deed of lobbing off his head. And while Lord Boleyn was all 'hur hur I r teh awesome', Henry was all emo and weepy at 'WHAT HAVE I DONE ZOMG' to which I nodded and went, "YEAH YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD, YOU IDIOT." Thomas More = awesomesauce. Cardinal Fisher's death was also sad, but I didn't get as weepy, b.c, well, he's not Thomas More. Also Pope Peter O'Toole Thingy (which pope is it again?) was suitably portentious of their place in heaven. And I lol'd like mad when he encountered the swearing, long haired, scowling artiste that was Michaelangelo. Oh, Michaelangelo, you are made of awesome and win.
Best dialogue ever: Pope Peter O'Toole: I'm having Michaelangelo paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Cardinal Someguy: I thought you didn't like what he did with [the other place, name escapes me.]
Pope Peter O'Toole: I didn't. I've changed my mind.
Cardinal Someguy: Will that not be expensive?
Pope Peter O'Toole: Pfft, he's an artist, we won't pay him very much.
Cardinals: LOLx100
and later...
Pope Peter O'Toole: Come, oh King of France, as a penitent and as a pilgrim and be welcome unto the lord.
King of France: *comes*
Pope Peter O'Toole: Now I want you to invade England like a good Catholic.
King of France: WTFF?!
Pope Peter O'Toole: *benevolent popely smile*
King of France: *oh shi-*
And oh, my hate of Lord Boleyn grew in leaps and bounds, not helped by how he dealt with Mary when she showed up unexpectedly married to a commoner and pregnant - I know it was in keeping with the time and yada yada, but that didn't make me any less angry at him or want to throttle him any less! What a horrid little man. HORRID. And Anne was all 'I really want to say it's okay and have you stay with me b.c I need someone who isn't a plonk or a machiavellian politician around me, but daddy's a wanker and he'll hurt me if I go against him, woe'. Oh, Anne. You tried to be more than the period would let you be and you paid the price for it.
Needless to say, I was not terribly supportive of old Henry at some points. I know that's how the attitudes were at the time. Intellectually, I know this. I understand this. That doesn't make it easy to suspend viewpoints of the modern world and not get raaar raaaage at the treatment of women or men of lesser stature. (FWIW, JRM was damn good as Henry, even if Henry was a plonk.)
So Henry and Thomas Cromwell (not to be confused with history's later Oliver Cromwell and the Puritans (sounds like a band name hahaha)) decided that the play's the thing! So there were plays done, comedies and farces to promote the 'reformation' (which was historically actually much later) and Protestantism and sneer at the Catholics. All the English found this lolarious and the European ambassadors were >:0 face because they were all still quite Catholic and seeing the Pope mocked into a flatulent old codger did not sit well with them at all, no siree bob. Anne pissed off the Duke of Suffolk, which is a bad, bad plan, especially when he's now the BFF (this week) of Henry now that poor old Thomas More is dead. There are a lot of Thomas' in this series. Which makes a refreshing change to the legions of Davids and Steves I'm used to in RL.
Thomas Cranmer (ah, Hans ♥) was all emo about the 'investigation' into Anne's alleged whoredom, and he was pure awesome when almost facing off with Cromwell. I say almost facing off, b.c Cromwell was all 'OMG the walls have ears, shut your mouth, you purple cosacked fool!' and Cranmer suddenly went 'Oh shi-'. His taking Anne's last confession and having the master of the Tower of London spread it around London was ace. Oh, Hans, you're so awesome, you're too sexy for your cassock, seriously. Also, I lol'd like woah at his wife telling him and Cromwell off at dinner and finishing up with "Now you can put me back in my box," and sweeping out of Cromwell's house like the Empress, hahahaha. She is fabulous. The men were all O_O and o.O at her and I loved her so hard. Even if she only had like, a minute in 6 episodes.
So anyway, as I said, I was peeved with Henry for basically being a knob. It is best summed up in this conversation with g_shadowslayer"
Star: ooh pwned, Henry, by the Spanish
Penemuel: hahahahahaha
Star: ooh Henry, pwned by the French!
Star: hahahahaha
Penemuel: whoops!
Star: hahaha and again!
Star: French ambassador dude: "English wine?"
Star: Henry: "We've been making wine since the Romans." *preens*
Star: French ambassador dude: "Oh, as recently as that?"
Star: hahahahaha
Star: and ooh pwned again by the French!
Penemuel: hahahahahahahaha
Star: Henry had a tanty hahahaha
And then....
Star: they're having hate sex atm
Star: with breathplay
Star: I am shocked and amazed hahahaha (not at the hate sex and the breathplay, I add, but at the fact it got shown on telly, even Showtime.)
Penemuel: wow!
Penemuel: hahahahaha that will never play on network tv...
Star: Henry and Anne were all about the hate sex and breathplay in that scene
Star: it was pretty hot actually
Penemuel: sounds it! It would still never play on network tv...
Star: then she gave him a bj
For those who haven't seen it, The Tudors is pretty much all about the sex. With some politics and religion thrown in, but mainly the sex. Anyway, our conversation then meandered into musings on the history of the blow job and the Tudors got on doing what they did best - intrigue, drama, scandal and sex.
Anne had two miscarriages in this batch of eps. I really felt for her, because she was a strong, smart, beautiful woman in a time when such was not accepted - if you were a woman, you kept your mouth shut and your legs spread. Sorry to be so crude, but it's the truth. It really was a man's world, which is why Queen Elizabeth's infamous speech about being able to govern as well as any man is so epic for the time. Anyway, during the hate sex scene, Henry ordered Anne's BFF, Smeaton the fiddler to 'Play a Vaulta (Volta? I know naught about Tudor dance)' which also comes out in the 'Elizabeth' films with Cate Blanchett, particularly when she's courting/hating/smack downing Dudley. So I thought that was a nice little segueway.
Also Natalie Dormer wore those gowns with such grace and looked so fucking gorgeous. I want all those gowns. Also her figure wouldn't go astray either. There was only one that history-clothing-nazi-self sneered at as being too anachronistic, but apart from that (the purpley lavender one with the wasp waist outer wear corset if anyone is wondering) her stuff is gorgeous and I want it all. Even the gown she wore when she was beheaded.
Henry's tanty when Cromwell and Sir Richard presented their 'evidence' of Anne's infidelity (I would have thought George Boleyn's wife would have outted him for his gayness, tbh, but whatevs works, I guess, when you've got revenge on your mind, rather than incest). The torture scene of Smeaton was just...waaay too much for me, mainly b.c it involves eyes and I can't cope with stuff being done to the eyes. Also, the scene with the rack was on one hand fascinating historically, but on the other, hearing his arms and legs POP out of their sockets was very much with the OW making. Poor Smeaton. I liked him. He and George were so good together. They should have run off to France or Spain instead of playing Tudor politics.
The mini-jousting where Henry got hurt (and I think this is where he starts to genuinely lose the plot a little as opposed to just being egomaniacal) was OOH. I like watching jousts. The whole 'Oh it was your glorious face, Lady Jane Seymour, who I'm going to marry as soon as that pesky Boleyn woman is dead, dead, dead, that saved *me* from being dead, dead, dead,' made me lol. Oh, Henry, you old coot, you never change.
So Anne, her brother, her father, Smeaton and several others were imprisoned in the Tower of London. All the menfolk barring her father (WHAT AN ASS, SRSLY OMG) and Thomas Wyatt (another Thomas!) are beheaded. Anne watches her brother die, sobbing, which is quite moving, as they were close but not in the way Cromwell believed, well, promoted, let's say and that George really was (in this) quite firmly gay and the lover of poor Smeaton. Their father, though, ignores the executions, because he is, as I said before, a fucking shitforbrains and shoud DIAF. Slowly. Four-and-quartering like what was going to be originally done to Thomas More would be too good for George Boleyn.
Anne gave a very stirring speech prior to her execution, which was postponed 3 times as the executioner was delayed by a lame horse, and forgave him when he asked her to forgive him for chopping off her head with a very awesome and very sharp two-handed long sword. What a beautiful sword. Her head soaring through the air was edited in with Henry, being a pig, eating a swan pie made out of a swan from his royal lake. Henry had decided that their daughter, Elizabeth was a bastard now and reinstated his first daughter (surviving) from marriage to Katherine of Aragon, Princess Mary as his legitimate child and therefore heir to the throne, while he courted Lady Jane Seymour. What a cad. I know, I know, it was the time, blah, blah, blah. I know!
George Boleyn showed his true colours when the Duke of Suffolk told him he was to be spared but never to grace court again on pain of death, and he said with fiendish glee, "I'm to keep my earldom?" Suffolk shoved him into the wall and smashed his furniture and yelled at him. The only thing that could have made that scene more win would have been if Suffolk had punched Boleyn in the head. A lot. Boleyn leaves the Tower without a backward glance as Anne watches from her window, trying to get him to acknowledge her, but he refuses. Fucker.
So, season 3 is confirmed, with Lady Jane being the next in line as Henry's queen, followed by Anne of Cleves. The final shots of Henry show that they're slowly moving towards later Tudor era with Henry getting a bit portly and a bit gross and icky. So, if things follow the trend, and there's a season 4, that would be Catherine Howard then Catherine Parr and then Henry dying. I wonder if they'll do a season after his death with Mary as queen. Actually, I wonder if they'll follow it through to the end of the Tudor dynasty with the death of Queen Elizabeth. Hm.
Fuck, I love this show. SO MUCH. And I still haven't seen season 1, hahaha.