A voyeur with wings, she knows forbidden things have a lovely lure...
Weather like this reminds me of walking home from Sinclair in the spring. Those were the days when I thought things could only get better, and the unknown was exciting instead of super scary.
The unknown these days still seems to be much better than the known. Every time I think about what this summer will probably be for me, my chest tightens and I can't breathe. I wish for once I would remember that just cause it's scary doesn't mean it's bad, and if I want to not end up in the same place time and time again, I'm the one who has to make it change. I sort of tried this year, but halfway through just gave up.
I'm also extra mad at myself these days for giving up on finding references so I could maybe go to India for a semester next year. Why am I always so intent on holding myself back from living a life? I'm so restless that I can't function, yet any time I have the opportunity to fix that I completely freeze up. Ughhh I'm the worst at life.
Positive thoughts:
at least I have a job
several friendships seem to be on the mend and some of them will probably make Whitby more bearable
I have a tent to go camping!
I can still find ways to get away during the summer
maybe the weather will be better this year; less rain, less gloom
maybe something will take me by surprise and make me want to get up in the morning again
I'm going to download that first Avril Lavigne cd. A store was playing the entire album the other day while I was browsing and it made me so happy for some reason, but I can't find mine anywhere. Pretty lame, I know, but that's okay.
It's alright, it's okay, welcome to this life
killing time, just watching the grass grow
expecting to fly but she's just standing still
The unknown these days still seems to be much better than the known. Every time I think about what this summer will probably be for me, my chest tightens and I can't breathe. I wish for once I would remember that just cause it's scary doesn't mean it's bad, and if I want to not end up in the same place time and time again, I'm the one who has to make it change. I sort of tried this year, but halfway through just gave up.
I'm also extra mad at myself these days for giving up on finding references so I could maybe go to India for a semester next year. Why am I always so intent on holding myself back from living a life? I'm so restless that I can't function, yet any time I have the opportunity to fix that I completely freeze up. Ughhh I'm the worst at life.
Positive thoughts:
at least I have a job
several friendships seem to be on the mend and some of them will probably make Whitby more bearable
I have a tent to go camping!
I can still find ways to get away during the summer
maybe the weather will be better this year; less rain, less gloom
maybe something will take me by surprise and make me want to get up in the morning again
I'm going to download that first Avril Lavigne cd. A store was playing the entire album the other day while I was browsing and it made me so happy for some reason, but I can't find mine anywhere. Pretty lame, I know, but that's okay.
It's alright, it's okay, welcome to this life
killing time, just watching the grass grow
expecting to fly but she's just standing still