(no subject)
So I heard back from the job interview. They decided to go with another candidate. I was really excited about this one and I thought it would have been a good fit....but I guess they did not feel the same. I think I am most upset because it would have put me so close to Jill. Close enough to visit on the weekends. I do have to know that things will work out in the end though. I believe it is my job to "open the doors" and when the "right" situation presents itself it will happen. It is just frustrating b/c I dont know what the "plan" is for me. I dont know if I am meant to stay here, go to canada, or be somewhere else entrirely. I just DONT KNOW. and it frustrates the hell out of me. I think I will take a break from interviewing for a bit though...my confidence is pretty low right this second and I have been putting my life on hold in case I was going to have to relocate soon. I still haven't replaced my fence...b/c I thought I may be moving and didnt want to invest the money....I haven't painted the bedrooms and the hall...all things I have wanted to do. So I think for now...that is what I need to concentrate on...my life as it is today. Not knowing where my life is headed is a very hard thing for a planner like me. Feeling so out of control about my future is a hard thing to swallow. I just REALLY need to know how Jill and I will be together. I honestly would not mind staying at my job. I know if I put every ounce of myself into getting promoted and showcasing my skills I could in time....staying here in Texas, in the United States...I just do not know how I can get her here immigration wise~ and there is the PROBLEM. If I made up my mind that I was going to Canada it would just be a biding my time until September to file sponsorship papers, getting my things in order here at home (selling my house) while waiting to hear back from immigration as to my acceptance. I know it seems as though the answer is simple...choice number 2...just make it happen, but it is so hard for me to imagine. I keep holding on to the hope that if Pres. Bush is not re-elected then i may have a chance to bring her here leagally...but I wonder what that chance will be with Kerry...there is not a gaurantee, and yet it is hard to stop thinking about the chance of having it all...being here in the US, Texas, and with my family. I think the hope or thought of that chance is what keeps me in limbo from making that choice number 2 decision. Uggggggg ok I am rambling...and my brain is chruning...I better go to lunch....calm down and get back to my job...what is right in front of me..one day at a time.
Austin
Austin