The Jonas Brothers are Sanctimonious Twerps
Normally, I never pay attention to empty-V (not since Daria went off the air), but yesterday, while being forced by circumstances to watch CNN, there was a recap of the MTV Music Awards. Specifically, it was surrounding the issue of The Jonas Brothers' "purity rings," and their commitment to remaining virgins until they are married. Yes, it's nice to know that between the war in Iraq, the fact that Osama bin Laden is still on the loose, Iran being on our shit-list of places to destroy, and the economy being in the crapper, the most important news in the world today is whether or not The Jonas Brothers are fucking.
The villain of our piece is host Russell Brand, of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" fame, a self-styled sex addict who had the unmitigated gaul (or guts, if you're of my mind) to make fun of The Jonas Brothers for their lack of sex lives. The CNN commentator sunk to almost FOX news levels in berating Brand for his making light of such a serious issue (while berating him for his own sex life, thereby sinking down to Brand's own level), while repeated praising the oh-so-virtuous Jonas Brothers for "doing the right thing" and "being role models."
My take on this? If you, as a man, are honestly dumb enough to air whether or not you've done the deed, and how often you've done it, and make an issue of it, then you deserve to be made fun of.
Now, I don't come down on Russell Brand, because we can chalk his attitude up to the old-school Hollywood Rock Star Shock Image. Rather, let's debunk this myth about The Jonas Brothers being role models for American Teens. They aren't role models, unless you want your teenaged sons to sneer down their nose at every pre-marital sexually active relationship they come across and thus come across as even more infantile than those (allegedly) sexually-active dumb jocks who are bragging about all of the times they've had sex in between crushing soda cans with their heads.
Make no mistake about it, male teen virgins are easily the most slimy and disgusting of all teens, only because they want to consider themselves as role models and authority figures. They crave desperately to be thought of as a cut above their peers. Strip away this veneer, and what you get is a teenaged boy who is insecure about his own sexuality who is desperate for praise as a means of overcomensation for it. In fact, I'd be willing to believe that half of them exaggerate their commitment to being a virgin until marriage, and the other half honestly think they can't get laid--and maybe they honestly can't.
As for these "purity rings," I see them as yet another painfully obvious indoctrination tool of the Religious Right, who have been committed for decades to becoming our personal Thought Police. As an atheist, I believe that religion has no place in a civilized society, let alone between a man and a woman anywhere, especially the bedroom. Their main reason for intruding themselves there is that by their philosophy, no one can acheive a true and pure love without a love of their false idol first. Pre-marital monogamous sex destroys that philosophy because it shows a love, trust, and commitment to one another. In the case of promiscuous sex, this is decidely less so, yet an element of that still remains.
As far as marriage goes, I personally find it the most disgusting and degrading institution that we have, and if the gay community really wants it, they're welcome to it. (I apologize to those reading this who are married or are about to be married, and I hope you realize that I'm discussing the concept, not the people who actually choose to get married.) If you really want to know just how horrible this "sacred institution" really is, remember that, for all intents and purposes, it was first used as a method for fathers to sell their daughters into slavery. Let's also look at the wedding ceremony. Strip away the romance of it and what do you have? A man and a woman begging permission for their clergy (or their government, if they choose to have a judge marry them) to have sex. The clergy or government then grants the couple permission, providing that all sex being had is meant solely for procreation. (And suddenly the statement, "You may kiss the bride" takes on a whole new meaning.) Does all of this seem as decidely wrong to you as it does to me? Why should two consenting adults who love each other require a third party's permission to give themselves to each other? Doesn't this seem humiliating?
Yet for all of their piety, these good, Christian, virgins-until-marriage are so insecure in their decision that they feel the need to belittle and harass those who disagree. One of the most disgusting displays I ever saw in this field was toward former youtube celebrity Emmalina. Emmalina's publicity over her sex life can be described in one word: Tragedy. It should be noted that she never actually revealed that she was sexually active; rather it was revealed indirectly by a hacker who stole information from Emmalina's computer and published it. The details of her sex life are as follows. She, as a young adult, had consensual sex with her boyfriend, whom she had known and loved quite some time. The sex in question was also, to the best of anyone's knowledge, completely monogamous, and when she made her last vlog, they were still committed to each other. Unless you count the fact that I'm not the boyfriend in question and I actually know about it, this isn't exactly the scandal of the century, folks. Unless, of course, you're a virgin-until-marriage. Honestly, it turned my stomach at the sheer volume of cretins who came out of the woodwork to judge her and belittle her. It actually frightened me that no one bothered to defend her and her lifestyle choices, which were nobody's business but her own.
A much lesser incident had me rolling my eyes in my English class during junior year, when Tori Calio once remarked on the subject of sex during a class discussion, asking the age-old, popular question: "How could anybody respect somebody who would just sleep with them like that?" At which point I attempted to explain that I personally never used sexual promiscuity (or activity) as a baseline for respect, mainly because there are too many other facets to consider in a person than their approach to sex. (Although, in the interest of full disclosure, I seem to recall doing a piss-poor job of conveying that thought, and came off like a babbling idiot, as I was often wont to do back then.) Honestly, sex isn't about morality or respect. First and foremost, it's about love and pleasure. Common sense dictates that you will probably have sex before marriage, simply because men want to fuck their girlfriends, and women want to fuck their boyfriends.
Look, I'm not going to sit here and advocate teen sex and say it isn't dangerous, but let's not kid ourselves into thinking that the opposite extreme comes from considering the dangers, or serious consideration of sex of any kind. If it were, the virgins-until-marriage crowd be taking into account the positive aspects of sex as well as the negative. The true reason that teenage boys are going around proclaiming their virginity for all to hear can be summed up in a word: conformity. Virginity is the latest fad, and this attitude is as empty as the word implies. They aren't role models, they're just a bunch of sheep-like teens following the crowd. It may be a crowd that parents and teachers want them to follow, but that doesn't necessarily make it the right one. They're simply taking the path of least resistance, and that isn't how life is supposed to be lived.
This is why the Jonas Brothers aren't role models; they go around boasting about lack of a sex life, distorting what sex is really about. But if they aren't role models, and their view of sex is as unhealthy as Russell Brand's, what is the right thing to do? I can sum that up in one four-word phrase. Pay attention, all of you kids aged 14-18, because when it comes to sex, this is the phrase I used, and it's the phrase you ought to use, when asked about it. You ready? Here it is:
"A gentleman never tells."
THAT is what you should be saying when the subject of sex comes up, not arrogantly proclaiming your virginity for all to hear, nor should you attempt to impress your friends by bragging and embellishing any sexual encounter you might have had. It's called "discretion." It means, you don't tell ANYBODY about your sex life (or lack thereof) unless that person is committed to being your sexual partner or someone with whom you have a serious romantic relationship. (And by "committed," I mean she's been your girlfriend for a reasonable length of time and you're seriously both considering having sex OR it's a girl you've already had sex with.) These are the only people who have any right to know about your sex life. Not your parents. Not your teachers. Not your best friends. Nobody but you and your girlfriend.
Does that sound lame? Does that sound old-fashioned? Guess what? It probably is. It's not fashionable, you won't be held as a standard of conduct by ANYBODY, and it is the hardest creed for a teen to live by. Don't be fooled into thinking that openly maintaining virginity is hard. It's nothing compared to a teen who keeps his sex life (or lack thereof) a secret as a matter of principle. No matter how unattractive or unpopular you are (or think you are) SOMEBODY wants to know. You will get more pressure and more belittlement by taking this road than any other. You will endure open speculation not only about your sexual activity, but also your sexual preference. I remember once in Geology, again my Junior year, Katie Graham seemed to feel she had a right to know my business when she told me (read: proclaimed to everyone in earshot, which was pretty much the whole class, Mr. Selner included) that she had had sex nine times. (Whether this was true or not, I don't know or want to.) She then demanded that I tell her my sex life simply because she had told me hers. It was all I could do not to laugh in her face. I bluntly told her that I didn't have to because I hadn't wanted to know and didn't care.
"Why bother?" you might ask. "What makes this worth it?" The answer is obvious: Self-respect and integrity.
Oh, and did I also mention that it drives girls wild and makes you more attractive to them?
Make no mistake about it, girls love a mystery, especially when the only other two options are infantile virgins who can't think about sex maturely and promiscuous horndogs who will wreck their reputation. Girls don't want a boy who's committed to some bullshit religious sexual ideal. Girls want a man who's committed to them. Girls would rather be with a guy who WOULD have sex with them and WOULD NOT tell than a guy who WOULD NOT have sex with them and WOULD tell. Not telling and not impressing your friends with your sexual exploits (or your abstinence), and considering her wants and needs in the matter, and putting them above your need to impress your peers, shows a true commitment to her. Another person who asked me about my sex life was Sarah Engman, and this came in the form of an ultimatum: "If you don't tell me, I'll think you did it." I told her that she was welcome to think whatever she wanted, but that unless we ever ended up in a committed relationship, it wasn't her business.
Don't think that this is about shame. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it's also a private thing. As the CNN reporter gushed over the Jonas Brothers' commitment to virginity, he remarked on how terrible it was that sex permeated all aspects of our culture, and that The Jonas Brothers were changing that. No, they weren't. They were just changing the way sex is being looked at from promiscuous to puritanical. If you really want the sex to stop permeating our culture, then simply stop talking about it.
I don't however. Like I said before, we live in an age where we are in a perpetual state of war, and where these same virginity-until-marriage teens are just as likely to shoot each other and teachers in school. In a culture where the fashionable thing to do is TAKING life, it's refreshing to see that at least part of our culture is still dedicated to MAKING life, and making love. If the Jonas Brothers practiced discretion rather than declaring their virginity as a publicity stunt, they'd be role models. Instead, they're losers.
The villain of our piece is host Russell Brand, of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" fame, a self-styled sex addict who had the unmitigated gaul (or guts, if you're of my mind) to make fun of The Jonas Brothers for their lack of sex lives. The CNN commentator sunk to almost FOX news levels in berating Brand for his making light of such a serious issue (while berating him for his own sex life, thereby sinking down to Brand's own level), while repeated praising the oh-so-virtuous Jonas Brothers for "doing the right thing" and "being role models."
My take on this? If you, as a man, are honestly dumb enough to air whether or not you've done the deed, and how often you've done it, and make an issue of it, then you deserve to be made fun of.
Now, I don't come down on Russell Brand, because we can chalk his attitude up to the old-school Hollywood Rock Star Shock Image. Rather, let's debunk this myth about The Jonas Brothers being role models for American Teens. They aren't role models, unless you want your teenaged sons to sneer down their nose at every pre-marital sexually active relationship they come across and thus come across as even more infantile than those (allegedly) sexually-active dumb jocks who are bragging about all of the times they've had sex in between crushing soda cans with their heads.
Make no mistake about it, male teen virgins are easily the most slimy and disgusting of all teens, only because they want to consider themselves as role models and authority figures. They crave desperately to be thought of as a cut above their peers. Strip away this veneer, and what you get is a teenaged boy who is insecure about his own sexuality who is desperate for praise as a means of overcomensation for it. In fact, I'd be willing to believe that half of them exaggerate their commitment to being a virgin until marriage, and the other half honestly think they can't get laid--and maybe they honestly can't.
As for these "purity rings," I see them as yet another painfully obvious indoctrination tool of the Religious Right, who have been committed for decades to becoming our personal Thought Police. As an atheist, I believe that religion has no place in a civilized society, let alone between a man and a woman anywhere, especially the bedroom. Their main reason for intruding themselves there is that by their philosophy, no one can acheive a true and pure love without a love of their false idol first. Pre-marital monogamous sex destroys that philosophy because it shows a love, trust, and commitment to one another. In the case of promiscuous sex, this is decidely less so, yet an element of that still remains.
As far as marriage goes, I personally find it the most disgusting and degrading institution that we have, and if the gay community really wants it, they're welcome to it. (I apologize to those reading this who are married or are about to be married, and I hope you realize that I'm discussing the concept, not the people who actually choose to get married.) If you really want to know just how horrible this "sacred institution" really is, remember that, for all intents and purposes, it was first used as a method for fathers to sell their daughters into slavery. Let's also look at the wedding ceremony. Strip away the romance of it and what do you have? A man and a woman begging permission for their clergy (or their government, if they choose to have a judge marry them) to have sex. The clergy or government then grants the couple permission, providing that all sex being had is meant solely for procreation. (And suddenly the statement, "You may kiss the bride" takes on a whole new meaning.) Does all of this seem as decidely wrong to you as it does to me? Why should two consenting adults who love each other require a third party's permission to give themselves to each other? Doesn't this seem humiliating?
Yet for all of their piety, these good, Christian, virgins-until-marriage are so insecure in their decision that they feel the need to belittle and harass those who disagree. One of the most disgusting displays I ever saw in this field was toward former youtube celebrity Emmalina. Emmalina's publicity over her sex life can be described in one word: Tragedy. It should be noted that she never actually revealed that she was sexually active; rather it was revealed indirectly by a hacker who stole information from Emmalina's computer and published it. The details of her sex life are as follows. She, as a young adult, had consensual sex with her boyfriend, whom she had known and loved quite some time. The sex in question was also, to the best of anyone's knowledge, completely monogamous, and when she made her last vlog, they were still committed to each other. Unless you count the fact that I'm not the boyfriend in question and I actually know about it, this isn't exactly the scandal of the century, folks. Unless, of course, you're a virgin-until-marriage. Honestly, it turned my stomach at the sheer volume of cretins who came out of the woodwork to judge her and belittle her. It actually frightened me that no one bothered to defend her and her lifestyle choices, which were nobody's business but her own.
A much lesser incident had me rolling my eyes in my English class during junior year, when Tori Calio once remarked on the subject of sex during a class discussion, asking the age-old, popular question: "How could anybody respect somebody who would just sleep with them like that?" At which point I attempted to explain that I personally never used sexual promiscuity (or activity) as a baseline for respect, mainly because there are too many other facets to consider in a person than their approach to sex. (Although, in the interest of full disclosure, I seem to recall doing a piss-poor job of conveying that thought, and came off like a babbling idiot, as I was often wont to do back then.) Honestly, sex isn't about morality or respect. First and foremost, it's about love and pleasure. Common sense dictates that you will probably have sex before marriage, simply because men want to fuck their girlfriends, and women want to fuck their boyfriends.
Look, I'm not going to sit here and advocate teen sex and say it isn't dangerous, but let's not kid ourselves into thinking that the opposite extreme comes from considering the dangers, or serious consideration of sex of any kind. If it were, the virgins-until-marriage crowd be taking into account the positive aspects of sex as well as the negative. The true reason that teenage boys are going around proclaiming their virginity for all to hear can be summed up in a word: conformity. Virginity is the latest fad, and this attitude is as empty as the word implies. They aren't role models, they're just a bunch of sheep-like teens following the crowd. It may be a crowd that parents and teachers want them to follow, but that doesn't necessarily make it the right one. They're simply taking the path of least resistance, and that isn't how life is supposed to be lived.
This is why the Jonas Brothers aren't role models; they go around boasting about lack of a sex life, distorting what sex is really about. But if they aren't role models, and their view of sex is as unhealthy as Russell Brand's, what is the right thing to do? I can sum that up in one four-word phrase. Pay attention, all of you kids aged 14-18, because when it comes to sex, this is the phrase I used, and it's the phrase you ought to use, when asked about it. You ready? Here it is:
"A gentleman never tells."
THAT is what you should be saying when the subject of sex comes up, not arrogantly proclaiming your virginity for all to hear, nor should you attempt to impress your friends by bragging and embellishing any sexual encounter you might have had. It's called "discretion." It means, you don't tell ANYBODY about your sex life (or lack thereof) unless that person is committed to being your sexual partner or someone with whom you have a serious romantic relationship. (And by "committed," I mean she's been your girlfriend for a reasonable length of time and you're seriously both considering having sex OR it's a girl you've already had sex with.) These are the only people who have any right to know about your sex life. Not your parents. Not your teachers. Not your best friends. Nobody but you and your girlfriend.
Does that sound lame? Does that sound old-fashioned? Guess what? It probably is. It's not fashionable, you won't be held as a standard of conduct by ANYBODY, and it is the hardest creed for a teen to live by. Don't be fooled into thinking that openly maintaining virginity is hard. It's nothing compared to a teen who keeps his sex life (or lack thereof) a secret as a matter of principle. No matter how unattractive or unpopular you are (or think you are) SOMEBODY wants to know. You will get more pressure and more belittlement by taking this road than any other. You will endure open speculation not only about your sexual activity, but also your sexual preference. I remember once in Geology, again my Junior year, Katie Graham seemed to feel she had a right to know my business when she told me (read: proclaimed to everyone in earshot, which was pretty much the whole class, Mr. Selner included) that she had had sex nine times. (Whether this was true or not, I don't know or want to.) She then demanded that I tell her my sex life simply because she had told me hers. It was all I could do not to laugh in her face. I bluntly told her that I didn't have to because I hadn't wanted to know and didn't care.
"Why bother?" you might ask. "What makes this worth it?" The answer is obvious: Self-respect and integrity.
Oh, and did I also mention that it drives girls wild and makes you more attractive to them?
Make no mistake about it, girls love a mystery, especially when the only other two options are infantile virgins who can't think about sex maturely and promiscuous horndogs who will wreck their reputation. Girls don't want a boy who's committed to some bullshit religious sexual ideal. Girls want a man who's committed to them. Girls would rather be with a guy who WOULD have sex with them and WOULD NOT tell than a guy who WOULD NOT have sex with them and WOULD tell. Not telling and not impressing your friends with your sexual exploits (or your abstinence), and considering her wants and needs in the matter, and putting them above your need to impress your peers, shows a true commitment to her. Another person who asked me about my sex life was Sarah Engman, and this came in the form of an ultimatum: "If you don't tell me, I'll think you did it." I told her that she was welcome to think whatever she wanted, but that unless we ever ended up in a committed relationship, it wasn't her business.
Don't think that this is about shame. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it's also a private thing. As the CNN reporter gushed over the Jonas Brothers' commitment to virginity, he remarked on how terrible it was that sex permeated all aspects of our culture, and that The Jonas Brothers were changing that. No, they weren't. They were just changing the way sex is being looked at from promiscuous to puritanical. If you really want the sex to stop permeating our culture, then simply stop talking about it.
I don't however. Like I said before, we live in an age where we are in a perpetual state of war, and where these same virginity-until-marriage teens are just as likely to shoot each other and teachers in school. In a culture where the fashionable thing to do is TAKING life, it's refreshing to see that at least part of our culture is still dedicated to MAKING life, and making love. If the Jonas Brothers practiced discretion rather than declaring their virginity as a publicity stunt, they'd be role models. Instead, they're losers.