another long while
Journal our conversations have gotten less and less frequent over the years.
Its okay though, I find I'm reminded of your usefulness in the most difficult of times. I appreciate you always being here, journal. It's interesting to rely on this web and logging in and the idea that all these memories can be gone. I'll save you again tonight.
Over a year since I've posted last. I'm 30 now. All of 2016 happened. Justine happened. Houston Happened. Burning man has happened twice and I didn't bother mentioning it last because I was depressed. Its obvious you're most useful in those times journal. My heart was empty and I was lost. Traveled and out of works. I was free but lonely. I'd made dreams happen with no where else to go.
Alas, life moves on. Things happened. I met girls. I found work.
The nuance is interesting I guess, though I'm not sure if I need to tell you journal, as if you would care anyways. I did make interesting and different choices. The result has wound up the same though. What's different, is my demeanor.
I'm more confident in myself now. I know myself better. I'm learning from my past mistakes, and recognizing new ones. I'm more confident in my desires, and my goals.
I thought I had run out of dreams last we spoke. My heart was empty and I was lost. But I still have dreams journal. I dream of a family, and beautiful wife. I may never reach that dream, but it's something to strive for. I can't be disappointed in my endeavors to attempt that dream either. For I have finally come of age to truly want it. I think when I was younger, there was a bit of uncertainty with the prospect of such a commitment. But with Yuko, and Justine, I realized I'm ready to really have it now. I'm not afraid of my ignorance. I'm not unaware of my desires. I'm ready to work with someone, and give 100%. Maybe we won't get along, or see eye to eye, but I'm ready to really commit now.
With Yuko I really found a positive relationship model. Something where we made each other happier together. I'd never really committed like that before, and I really fell in love with her. Sadly, I still wasn't positive of what I wanted out of a relationship and still wanted to travel and wasn't ready to live with someone.
I don't think with Justine either of us were really truly ready to commit, not at the start. As we moved forward, I truly wanted to do my best to have a little house and family with her. it never happened, but i really wanted it. I've never truly wanted that before.
Before I wanted to travel and see the world and yah I wanted a girlfriend to do it with me but I wasn't about to choose a girl over doing that. Now, I'd rather be with someone. I'd rather work to make something happen together than just run off on my own. And, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, even if that is working six months or six years to save up enough to take us both on a trip.
anyways, I doubt I'll ever get married, but the point is its a dream I have.
This dream I have
we are together
kids and dogs
happily ever after
Those dreams I had
Glaciers, Canyons
Seas and skys
dreams come true
This dream I have
where there's us.
a we.
Do you dream?
Those dreams I had
I made them true
I ran away into the blue
This dream I have
do you have it too?
can there be an us,
without a you?
Its okay though, I find I'm reminded of your usefulness in the most difficult of times. I appreciate you always being here, journal. It's interesting to rely on this web and logging in and the idea that all these memories can be gone. I'll save you again tonight.
Over a year since I've posted last. I'm 30 now. All of 2016 happened. Justine happened. Houston Happened. Burning man has happened twice and I didn't bother mentioning it last because I was depressed. Its obvious you're most useful in those times journal. My heart was empty and I was lost. Traveled and out of works. I was free but lonely. I'd made dreams happen with no where else to go.
Alas, life moves on. Things happened. I met girls. I found work.
The nuance is interesting I guess, though I'm not sure if I need to tell you journal, as if you would care anyways. I did make interesting and different choices. The result has wound up the same though. What's different, is my demeanor.
I'm more confident in myself now. I know myself better. I'm learning from my past mistakes, and recognizing new ones. I'm more confident in my desires, and my goals.
I thought I had run out of dreams last we spoke. My heart was empty and I was lost. But I still have dreams journal. I dream of a family, and beautiful wife. I may never reach that dream, but it's something to strive for. I can't be disappointed in my endeavors to attempt that dream either. For I have finally come of age to truly want it. I think when I was younger, there was a bit of uncertainty with the prospect of such a commitment. But with Yuko, and Justine, I realized I'm ready to really have it now. I'm not afraid of my ignorance. I'm not unaware of my desires. I'm ready to work with someone, and give 100%. Maybe we won't get along, or see eye to eye, but I'm ready to really commit now.
With Yuko I really found a positive relationship model. Something where we made each other happier together. I'd never really committed like that before, and I really fell in love with her. Sadly, I still wasn't positive of what I wanted out of a relationship and still wanted to travel and wasn't ready to live with someone.
I don't think with Justine either of us were really truly ready to commit, not at the start. As we moved forward, I truly wanted to do my best to have a little house and family with her. it never happened, but i really wanted it. I've never truly wanted that before.
Before I wanted to travel and see the world and yah I wanted a girlfriend to do it with me but I wasn't about to choose a girl over doing that. Now, I'd rather be with someone. I'd rather work to make something happen together than just run off on my own. And, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, even if that is working six months or six years to save up enough to take us both on a trip.
anyways, I doubt I'll ever get married, but the point is its a dream I have.
This dream I have
we are together
kids and dogs
happily ever after
Those dreams I had
Glaciers, Canyons
Seas and skys
dreams come true
This dream I have
where there's us.
a we.
Do you dream?
Those dreams I had
I made them true
I ran away into the blue
This dream I have
do you have it too?
can there be an us,
without a you?