Billy Connolly - his own words
ooooooooh i love this. It is funny. got to love Billy Connolly.
Billy Connolly - his own words
Things I hate about everybody....
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time....I know where my watch is pal, where
the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to
search the entire room for the TV remote because
they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have
your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't
eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place
you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've
found it?
Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film
"did you see that?". No tosser,
I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and
stare at the f*cking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".
Didn't really give me a choice there, did you
sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never
been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short".
What the f*ck??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever
f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and
someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here,
Knobhead?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes
aren't what they used to be'.
So what did they used to be? ears,
Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and
someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going
to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really
didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you unless you insert the 'Mc'
before the item you are ordering.....It's
has to be a McChicken Burger, just a
Chicken Burger get blank looks...........
Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your
McEyes you f*cking McTosser.
14. When you are involved in a accident and
someone asks 'are you alright?
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
Billy Connolly - his own words
Things I hate about everybody....
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time....I know where my watch is pal, where
the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to
search the entire room for the TV remote because
they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have
your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't
eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place
you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've
found it?
Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film
"did you see that?". No tosser,
I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and
stare at the f*cking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".
Didn't really give me a choice there, did you
sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never
been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short".
What the f*ck??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever
f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and
someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here,
Knobhead?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes
aren't what they used to be'.
So what did they used to be? ears,
Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and
someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going
to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really
didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you unless you insert the 'Mc'
before the item you are ordering.....It's
has to be a McChicken Burger, just a
Chicken Burger get blank looks...........
Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your
McEyes you f*cking McTosser.
14. When you are involved in a accident and
someone asks 'are you alright?
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.