(no subject)
oh my GOD I can't handle my life right now.
I can't do everything and I can't concentrate and I'm breaking down more than I ever have before and I'm not exactly sure what to do about it.. and last night i flipped out and just broke down when I was alone in my car and I cried harder then I've cried in... a long long long time.
Ahhhhhhh shit. It's almost over. And I'm conflicted because I'm not sure how much of this will matter in 20 years when my life has finally developed and it's so goddamn frustrating because I don't know what I want (I never EVER FUCKING know what I want) and I don't know what I can handle and I don't know (or care) about what matters and all I want is for everything to be figured out..
I don't want to just wish I was elsewhere because I'm tired of looking to escape as an answer.....................................................
Altough I'm pretty sure the one thing I know for certain right now is that I want to travel more than anything.. it's like, I think of healing, I think of seeing the world and DOIN the healing not being healed, because if I am healing then I will be healed.. and it will be great and I don't know what the fuck i'm talkin about anymore
ooh and I'm really tired of my life just repeating itself over and over again.. and nothing ever changing and I don't want to learn from mistakes and "important experiences" anymore.. because they're just giong to keep on coming and I don't care. about anything.
And I'm being very ungrateful but like.. I've been trying so hard lately.. And everything is pissing me off so much. I don't really ask for anything in return from anyone. but when i do, it doesn't matter
I'm so tired of seth getting mad when i say "don't worry about it." JUST DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TELLING TO GO AWAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It solves all problems.
I legitimately hate my life right now
I can't do everything and I can't concentrate and I'm breaking down more than I ever have before and I'm not exactly sure what to do about it.. and last night i flipped out and just broke down when I was alone in my car and I cried harder then I've cried in... a long long long time.
Ahhhhhhh shit. It's almost over. And I'm conflicted because I'm not sure how much of this will matter in 20 years when my life has finally developed and it's so goddamn frustrating because I don't know what I want (I never EVER FUCKING know what I want) and I don't know what I can handle and I don't know (or care) about what matters and all I want is for everything to be figured out..
I don't want to just wish I was elsewhere because I'm tired of looking to escape as an answer.....................................................
Altough I'm pretty sure the one thing I know for certain right now is that I want to travel more than anything.. it's like, I think of healing, I think of seeing the world and DOIN the healing not being healed, because if I am healing then I will be healed.. and it will be great and I don't know what the fuck i'm talkin about anymore
ooh and I'm really tired of my life just repeating itself over and over again.. and nothing ever changing and I don't want to learn from mistakes and "important experiences" anymore.. because they're just giong to keep on coming and I don't care. about anything.
And I'm being very ungrateful but like.. I've been trying so hard lately.. And everything is pissing me off so much. I don't really ask for anything in return from anyone. but when i do, it doesn't matter
I'm so tired of seth getting mad when i say "don't worry about it." JUST DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TELLING TO GO AWAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It solves all problems.
I legitimately hate my life right now