Wet Season
The rain is here, very strong, very wet. I have already tasted it. Is it welcome? Hard to say, although I did enjoy it today.
Tuesdays are still bad. I'm going to expect that for the rest of the year.
Seth called Sunday night, first time in 20 days, last time for 50. Wow those are big numbers. It has been difficult, not being able to talk to him at all, yet feeling like he's still very much a part of my present life. I have been writing to him, as if it was a note I would pass on to someone in a later class. Maybe I will drop by his house and leave this stack of notes on his bed, something he can do when he comes home. His mother has been calling incessantly, the "worried-mother" thing... "Have you heard from Seth? I'm sure he'd rather email you or call you first... I just wondered if you've heard anything." God. No. I haven't. Leave me alone.
Yeah so.. I don't talk about him to anyone anymore because there's nothing to talk about and I feel like most of my friends don't really care... it's like a private relationship now.. just incredibly long-distance, inconsistent, etc. My relationship with some people are no longer clear... The times are changing, rapidly. And it all feels like a slap in the face.
I realized the other day that I'm not actually ready for anything that happens in my life. I don't really want to do anything, because I'm tired of fucking things up, but I want to do everything because I feel like a fuck-up. I plan on starting yoga again... I want to tap dance, I want to do so many things, I have a 2-page list. But how often does it actually get done? Ha. Never. I also found out tonight that I might not be able to do Outdoor School.. and that's basically all the news I can handle right now in my life. If I don't at least do that, then I'm screwed.. I don't see myself being happy at school. Not without that at least.
GOD. I'm annoying.
It's time to stop complaining and do something resourceful with my time.
Fuck school.
Tuesdays are still bad. I'm going to expect that for the rest of the year.
Seth called Sunday night, first time in 20 days, last time for 50. Wow those are big numbers. It has been difficult, not being able to talk to him at all, yet feeling like he's still very much a part of my present life. I have been writing to him, as if it was a note I would pass on to someone in a later class. Maybe I will drop by his house and leave this stack of notes on his bed, something he can do when he comes home. His mother has been calling incessantly, the "worried-mother" thing... "Have you heard from Seth? I'm sure he'd rather email you or call you first... I just wondered if you've heard anything." God. No. I haven't. Leave me alone.
Yeah so.. I don't talk about him to anyone anymore because there's nothing to talk about and I feel like most of my friends don't really care... it's like a private relationship now.. just incredibly long-distance, inconsistent, etc. My relationship with some people are no longer clear... The times are changing, rapidly. And it all feels like a slap in the face.
I realized the other day that I'm not actually ready for anything that happens in my life. I don't really want to do anything, because I'm tired of fucking things up, but I want to do everything because I feel like a fuck-up. I plan on starting yoga again... I want to tap dance, I want to do so many things, I have a 2-page list. But how often does it actually get done? Ha. Never. I also found out tonight that I might not be able to do Outdoor School.. and that's basically all the news I can handle right now in my life. If I don't at least do that, then I'm screwed.. I don't see myself being happy at school. Not without that at least.
GOD. I'm annoying.
It's time to stop complaining and do something resourceful with my time.
Fuck school.