Missing.
It's hit me, harder than I thought it would. It wasn't until our last "A" Choir did I realize that the majority of my friends are seniors and now my life has emptied considerably. I don't know why it took me so long to reach this realization but it's killing me sooo much.. And people have been rubbing it in my face and I want so badly to go along with their joking, but they don't understand how hard it is for me. I wish I was leaving with them, because when it once all felt equal between us.. I now feel bettered-than and discarded, left in a pile of dust, having to recreate something out of the little they left. I mean, nothing is ever meant to be easy, but the fact that I am never going to see some of these people again, the fact that things are never going to be the same, the fact that we took this entire year for granted, building relationships atop of premises and whims, never truly realizing the effect of it all on our later years in life.
There are a particular few that I am going to miss more than anyone else, and it doesn't help that I've really developed relationships with most of these key people in the last few months. Honestly, it's not fair. And I'm pulling a "poor me, poor me" but I can't help it. I wasn't ready for this big a change, not yet. I was actually just adapting, just discovering a way to bullshit my way through the rest of this year. This entire year seems like a haze, a cloud of memory, projects... more than I thought possible happened to me this year. I mean.. everything. And nothing prepared me for this huge change entering my life. Nothing prepared me for this year, even.. and because of it all, I'm more prepared for summer, for next year, for life. But for a pack-rat like myself, moving on is one of the hardest things I'm asked to do.. especially if it involves memories.. and people I love.
There are a particular few that I am going to miss more than anyone else, and it doesn't help that I've really developed relationships with most of these key people in the last few months. Honestly, it's not fair. And I'm pulling a "poor me, poor me" but I can't help it. I wasn't ready for this big a change, not yet. I was actually just adapting, just discovering a way to bullshit my way through the rest of this year. This entire year seems like a haze, a cloud of memory, projects... more than I thought possible happened to me this year. I mean.. everything. And nothing prepared me for this huge change entering my life. Nothing prepared me for this year, even.. and because of it all, I'm more prepared for summer, for next year, for life. But for a pack-rat like myself, moving on is one of the hardest things I'm asked to do.. especially if it involves memories.. and people I love.