It's not worth understanding.
I just went on a run and it went terribly. I haven't ran since last summer and I made it about 8 blocks before I realized I was out of breath, nauseous, cramping and clearly dying. But before dying I somehow managed to jog the way home, do some yoga, drink some tea, stretch, change, and then I died. And now, pathetically, I'm on the computer. I miss those days when I could run a mile or two without thinking about it but feeling winded and exhilarated. I thought today's run would do me some good but I just ended up feeling like shit. I didn't help when my mom came home, saw me stretching, asked how far I got and told me I wasn't a runner...Support anyone?
This time of year is always hard for me.. I used to play softball. I used to be good and into it and it was my THING. I loved it. I love the smell of the dirt, the ball, the sound of the ball being hit by the bat, the pressure to run, the thrill of a throw, the satisfaction when the ball hits the mitt.. people ask me why I quit and I just don't have an answer for them.
The smell of the mitt is the best. And catcher is the best position. ahh.. back in the day...
Guys and Dolls is up and running. Come see it if you haven't already.
I was reading National Geographic about a week ago and read an article on elephants disappearing in Africa and their struggle to keep them alive... There are a lot of things I don't understand and I never will. I don't understand why we need such things as computers, cellphones, digital cameras.. we are perfectly capable of living without them. I don't understand why elephants.. one of the greatest mammals of this Earth are only looked at as a producer of ivory. I don't understand why people are the smartest beings on Earth (or so we have implied) but yet, we need so many things to keep our lives up and running, to keep us satisfied, to help us live day by day, to put a smile on our face.. and yet we are corrupted and we flee into other countries, other civilizations, other worlds to redeem their satisfaction because one little accoutrement, one little thing isn't GODDAMN GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. US. good enough for US. WWWWHHHAAATTTT THHHEEEE FUUCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
It just makes me want to goddamn cry in the corner and change the world but everything I could possibly imagine wouldn't impact the human race large enough to change their ways.. I want to go to Africa this next summer and work there...
fantastic. It would be.
I had a talk with my dad the other day and it was amazing.. I finally told one of my parents why I think it is completely unfair that they take away my cellphone every night when I did absolutely nothing wrong and they are trying too hard to protect me and to parent me and it's turning out for the worse and maybe why the reason I'm not motivated is because there are more important things I could be doing with my life than learning how to write lab reports, how to speak French, how to add numbers. When I am out in the wilderness, protecting the Earth and education young'uns about the importance of nature, I'm not going to need to know how the fucking Spanish conquistadors invaded Mexico. Not that I don't care... I just don't care.
I also argued with Seth at length last night. It was satisfying but I was worked up.. and it was also about not understanding why he doesn't try, why he cares about so many limited things, why he is who he is. I don't want him to change.. but I want to be able to communicate with him in a way that I'm not confused... because hardly anything about him makes sense and I still lahv him but he is so frustrating! I mean this all in the most endearing way possible.
I created last night. I ripped up a cardboard box and took out my pastels and created a huge yellow and orange sun in the middle and made a ying-yang in the center out of orange shapes and shadows, and then psychedelic shapes and colors all around it. It was beautiful. I haven't done that since my time with Sam and I've never felt more like a huge wave just washed over my chest.
Did you know tsunamis are my greatest fear??
I got drunk on Friday night. I hate living in a world of lies...
It's not worth understanding.
This time of year is always hard for me.. I used to play softball. I used to be good and into it and it was my THING. I loved it. I love the smell of the dirt, the ball, the sound of the ball being hit by the bat, the pressure to run, the thrill of a throw, the satisfaction when the ball hits the mitt.. people ask me why I quit and I just don't have an answer for them.
The smell of the mitt is the best. And catcher is the best position. ahh.. back in the day...
Guys and Dolls is up and running. Come see it if you haven't already.
I was reading National Geographic about a week ago and read an article on elephants disappearing in Africa and their struggle to keep them alive... There are a lot of things I don't understand and I never will. I don't understand why we need such things as computers, cellphones, digital cameras.. we are perfectly capable of living without them. I don't understand why elephants.. one of the greatest mammals of this Earth are only looked at as a producer of ivory. I don't understand why people are the smartest beings on Earth (or so we have implied) but yet, we need so many things to keep our lives up and running, to keep us satisfied, to help us live day by day, to put a smile on our face.. and yet we are corrupted and we flee into other countries, other civilizations, other worlds to redeem their satisfaction because one little accoutrement, one little thing isn't GODDAMN GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. US. good enough for US. WWWWHHHAAATTTT THHHEEEE FUUCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
It just makes me want to goddamn cry in the corner and change the world but everything I could possibly imagine wouldn't impact the human race large enough to change their ways.. I want to go to Africa this next summer and work there...
fantastic. It would be.
I had a talk with my dad the other day and it was amazing.. I finally told one of my parents why I think it is completely unfair that they take away my cellphone every night when I did absolutely nothing wrong and they are trying too hard to protect me and to parent me and it's turning out for the worse and maybe why the reason I'm not motivated is because there are more important things I could be doing with my life than learning how to write lab reports, how to speak French, how to add numbers. When I am out in the wilderness, protecting the Earth and education young'uns about the importance of nature, I'm not going to need to know how the fucking Spanish conquistadors invaded Mexico. Not that I don't care... I just don't care.
I also argued with Seth at length last night. It was satisfying but I was worked up.. and it was also about not understanding why he doesn't try, why he cares about so many limited things, why he is who he is. I don't want him to change.. but I want to be able to communicate with him in a way that I'm not confused... because hardly anything about him makes sense and I still lahv him but he is so frustrating! I mean this all in the most endearing way possible.
I created last night. I ripped up a cardboard box and took out my pastels and created a huge yellow and orange sun in the middle and made a ying-yang in the center out of orange shapes and shadows, and then psychedelic shapes and colors all around it. It was beautiful. I haven't done that since my time with Sam and I've never felt more like a huge wave just washed over my chest.
Did you know tsunamis are my greatest fear??
I got drunk on Friday night. I hate living in a world of lies...
It's not worth understanding.