learning

[auschick4]

my name is grace
and this year i learned
i learned that live music is the heart and soul of the songs you love
and though you experience it as one of a crowd it will always be yours alone
i learned that concerts do not last forever in crystal clear detail in your mind
but their legacy holds true in your bones
and the notes ring on in your ears until the end
i learned that you cannot expect to be perfect from the get go
and i learned that i have the capacity to fall short of my expectations
i learned that these things are not a weakness or a failing
and that i am not the sum of my hits or misses
i learned that one cup of tea a day is excellent
but six cups is even better
i learned that you cannot get by without accepting help where help is offered
and that that is no weakness either
i learned that i am not a singer or a songwriter
yet
and that there is infinite time for me to become one
i learned that my adolescent years do not revolve around kisses
and that i do not need a relationship to feel whole
i learned [the hard way] that you should never mistake being wanted by someone
for wanting them back
i learned that sometimes you have to hurt people in order to save yourself
and that that is okay
i learned that it is okay to cut toxic people out of your life
and did as much
i learned that i am selfish
and that that is okay
i learned that black is not the only colour in the world
and nor does it do much for my complexion
i learned that sometimes you can say things you don't mean
and not realise their untruthfulness until later on
i learned that i may never listen to some songs again
because of people who loved them
and i learned that those songs weren't that great anyway
i learned to be obnoxious
and unafraid
i learned to be a narcissist
and proud of it
i learned that i will always have more to learn
but for a year
i think i've learned plenty.