Dang...
Ugh. This being responsible with spending is getting frustrating. There is so much I want to do but CAN NOT afford to do so financially. There are no and, ifs, or buts about it.
Almost decided to "let myself" go to Balticon. Then I saw the registration prices...ouch. I don't know. Maybe if my tax return is good enough...I will just have to wait and see how things turn out. I have some stuff I want to donate to the auction... *sigh* There is always next year. Considering my finances, it might just be better to wait.
The financial bit is my fault. I know it. I won't deny it. Unfortunately when I was in my depression, I didn't notice what the credit card companies were doing. Or what I was doing. Which was spending a lot more than I thought I was. It could be worse. I am just glad I realized what I was doing and can fix this even if it means sacrificing stuff like going to any conventions or buying "fun stuff" for a long time.
Heaven knows I have enough to get caught up on at home before I can go running around to a convention. Or even just go out to hang with friends. So much work got piled up in the "I'll do it later" pile. Yeah, later never came. So now it's go through and get-it-done-and-out-of-my-way time. Getting a good bit done- doesn't really feel like it or look it either- but it's getting there. The chaos is getting a bit more organized every day. One day it will be done! Won't be tomorrow but...it won't be next year! I am pretty sure I'll get it done by spring. Though I might find myself having to put any of the work that needs to be done in the basement on hold until then. It's just too cold done there now.
The good thing while I am working on this is I am not out spending money. The bad thing- not seeing friends. Sometimes I miss being around everybody. Other times, it's just as well since I am burned out from being around people and just want to be left alone for a bit. It's probably a good thing for me to be away from everyone for a bit right now. I'm trying to get myself back together, and figure stuff out on my own. Like where I want to go, what I want to do, and who I am. Sometimes friends don't realize you are not the same person you were 10 years ago or realize that maybe you don't agree with them or have a valid reason NOT to agree with them. So while try to figure myself back-out, they actually would make it more difficult for me. (Unintentionally, of course.) They all seem to think they know better than me what I should be doing...or thinking it seems sometimes.
Being away from conventions is probably a good thing for me too. I am getting a little too burned out and jaded. Maybe some time away would help put it back into perspective and make them fun again. Might be good to stay away until I am out of retail even. (Which won't be any time soon unfortunately.) Think having to around all those people and being nice and "social" is why I am wanting to be alone so much. I'm not one for large crowds of people anyway. I tend to get panicky and feel trapped. And with most conventions growing in size, so does the crowds...and my stress level.
Hey, in the meantime, I have PLENTY of fabric I could sew after I get the more important crap taken care of. Eventually this pack-rat will of gotten through everything and have the junk cleared out...including the fabric! *LOL* Meaning I'll get those projects sewn...finally. Heck, I've got some props still waiting to be finished down in the basement!
Almost decided to "let myself" go to Balticon. Then I saw the registration prices...ouch. I don't know. Maybe if my tax return is good enough...I will just have to wait and see how things turn out. I have some stuff I want to donate to the auction... *sigh* There is always next year. Considering my finances, it might just be better to wait.
The financial bit is my fault. I know it. I won't deny it. Unfortunately when I was in my depression, I didn't notice what the credit card companies were doing. Or what I was doing. Which was spending a lot more than I thought I was. It could be worse. I am just glad I realized what I was doing and can fix this even if it means sacrificing stuff like going to any conventions or buying "fun stuff" for a long time.
Heaven knows I have enough to get caught up on at home before I can go running around to a convention. Or even just go out to hang with friends. So much work got piled up in the "I'll do it later" pile. Yeah, later never came. So now it's go through and get-it-done-and-out-of-my-way time. Getting a good bit done- doesn't really feel like it or look it either- but it's getting there. The chaos is getting a bit more organized every day. One day it will be done! Won't be tomorrow but...it won't be next year! I am pretty sure I'll get it done by spring. Though I might find myself having to put any of the work that needs to be done in the basement on hold until then. It's just too cold done there now.
The good thing while I am working on this is I am not out spending money. The bad thing- not seeing friends. Sometimes I miss being around everybody. Other times, it's just as well since I am burned out from being around people and just want to be left alone for a bit. It's probably a good thing for me to be away from everyone for a bit right now. I'm trying to get myself back together, and figure stuff out on my own. Like where I want to go, what I want to do, and who I am. Sometimes friends don't realize you are not the same person you were 10 years ago or realize that maybe you don't agree with them or have a valid reason NOT to agree with them. So while try to figure myself back-out, they actually would make it more difficult for me. (Unintentionally, of course.) They all seem to think they know better than me what I should be doing...or thinking it seems sometimes.
Being away from conventions is probably a good thing for me too. I am getting a little too burned out and jaded. Maybe some time away would help put it back into perspective and make them fun again. Might be good to stay away until I am out of retail even. (Which won't be any time soon unfortunately.) Think having to around all those people and being nice and "social" is why I am wanting to be alone so much. I'm not one for large crowds of people anyway. I tend to get panicky and feel trapped. And with most conventions growing in size, so does the crowds...and my stress level.
Hey, in the meantime, I have PLENTY of fabric I could sew after I get the more important crap taken care of. Eventually this pack-rat will of gotten through everything and have the junk cleared out...including the fabric! *LOL* Meaning I'll get those projects sewn...finally. Heck, I've got some props still waiting to be finished down in the basement!