I'm getting sober.
My name is Liz and I'm a food addict.
Yeah, it doesn't make me happy, but I have to deal with it head on. Getting the opportunity to join Weight Watchers has thrown me into the task of getting sober. (My wonderful brother is paying for my membership).
How do I get sober from food and how do I know that I'm a food addict? This is something I've been thinking about LONG before Oprah or Ruby started talking about it.
There is obviously SOMETHING wrong with my thinking, as in any addict. I wake up THINKING about food...not because my stomach is growling and my body is telling me, "I need to eat." I think about food like it is my next fix. What can I eat that is yummy/scrumptious that will make me happy. Food MAKES me excited. All of my friend outings with my closest friends ALWAYS revolve around where we are going to eat (sorry, gals, I'm revealing our secrets). It's DEFINITELY NOT a "I need to eat to live thing." Unfortunately for me, I live in a part of the world where food is revered and we "live to eat."
My addiction goes WAY past just being a "social thing." I closet binge. I always have. When life is falling apart, food has ALWAYS made me happy. It is just as intoxicating as any other drug. I forget about life, problems, relationships, work just by overfilling my stomach, multiple times a day. Again, just like with any other drug, the more the better. Portion control? Why would a crack addict portion themselves out 1 rock, when they have the means to smoke 4 rocks? Why stop at ONE fast food place, when LaPlace Louisiana has 10? Why stop when it makes me forget and comforts me like no person can?
I'll bet that at least 80% of you guys/gals that are reading this will think it's mumbo-jumbo. How can someone compare food to drugs...you can stop putting so much in your body! You can portion control! You can stop eating fast foods, junk foods, etc! You can have weight loss surgery and fix that!! To all of this, I say BULLSHIT. In fact the more I think about food and food addiction, the more I realize HOW MUCH HARDER it is to control food addiction than any other addiction. In fact, I'll walk the plank and say that food addiction is probably the HARDEST addiction to treat, harder than meth, alcoholism, etc. Fortunate for drugs that are physiologically addicting, there is a detox/withdrawal period. Once it is out of an addict's system, they don't PHYSIOLOGICALLY NEED the drug any longer. Opiate abusers HAVE to use, or they become ill with withdrawal symptoms. Alcoholics HAVE to use becasue they can go into DTs and seize. Detoxification FIXES this, and there is no longer ANY physiologic need to drink any longer. The body doesn't need it. Then starts the work on the PSYCHOLOGICAL component on why an addict uses.
Food, is another story. We HAVE to eat. Everyday. I have to deal with my number one drug every.effing.day. I have to sit and look at the one thing that has satisfied me like nothing else. But yet, I have to stay sober. I have to learn the one use for food--fuel to run my body. There is no withdrawing/detoxing from food for good. I have to be the alcoholic, sittng at the bar, ordering JUST ONE DRINK and fighting the temptation to use in extreme. To not get food-drunk. Skip the damn detox...send me straight to food rehab!!
Weight loss surgery? Heh...yeah, right! I worked in addiction medicine for right at 3 years. Guys, antabuse for most alcoholics DOES NOT WORK. It just doesn't. You can't treat an addiction JUST by making that addiction unpleasant. Being 300+ pounds isn't necessarily FUN for me, but I wouldn't call it UNPLEASANT all the time. I still live my life. Getting morbidly obese wasn't enough for me to quit my addiction. I am an addict. Alcoholics that want to drink stop taking Antabuse, simply put. If I had weight loss surgery, I would use any method necessary to get my fix. I'd spend thousands of dollars on medical bills to continue to be an addict. I'd drink the hot fluids to loosen my lap band so I can eat larger portions. I would restretch my gastric pouch a little at a time, risking perforation. I would completely screw up my surgery to still do what I do. That's what addicts do. Mind you, I also don't want the added illnesses/side effects, by rerouting my plumbing to cause vitamin deficiencies, by having surgery either. My body may be showing the signs of being morbidly obese, but it is really my head that is sick. (And for my friends who have had WLS and succeeded, I'm proud of you. There ARE overweight people that aren't food addicts. There are alcoholics who have used Antabuse and succeeded. That's not me.)
I'm writing this all down because for once in my life, I feel empowered. I'm empowered because I know who I am, for once. I can see my own writing on the wall. My journey is not one that is going be filled with fighting with insurance companies to approve me for surgery. It's not going to be dieting and restricting and looking at my favorite foods and obsessing about them. It's about womaning-up, struggling, discipline and temptation. It's about looking at my past and fixing the future. I need this...
Yeah, it doesn't make me happy, but I have to deal with it head on. Getting the opportunity to join Weight Watchers has thrown me into the task of getting sober. (My wonderful brother is paying for my membership).
How do I get sober from food and how do I know that I'm a food addict? This is something I've been thinking about LONG before Oprah or Ruby started talking about it.
There is obviously SOMETHING wrong with my thinking, as in any addict. I wake up THINKING about food...not because my stomach is growling and my body is telling me, "I need to eat." I think about food like it is my next fix. What can I eat that is yummy/scrumptious that will make me happy. Food MAKES me excited. All of my friend outings with my closest friends ALWAYS revolve around where we are going to eat (sorry, gals, I'm revealing our secrets). It's DEFINITELY NOT a "I need to eat to live thing." Unfortunately for me, I live in a part of the world where food is revered and we "live to eat."
My addiction goes WAY past just being a "social thing." I closet binge. I always have. When life is falling apart, food has ALWAYS made me happy. It is just as intoxicating as any other drug. I forget about life, problems, relationships, work just by overfilling my stomach, multiple times a day. Again, just like with any other drug, the more the better. Portion control? Why would a crack addict portion themselves out 1 rock, when they have the means to smoke 4 rocks? Why stop at ONE fast food place, when LaPlace Louisiana has 10? Why stop when it makes me forget and comforts me like no person can?
I'll bet that at least 80% of you guys/gals that are reading this will think it's mumbo-jumbo. How can someone compare food to drugs...you can stop putting so much in your body! You can portion control! You can stop eating fast foods, junk foods, etc! You can have weight loss surgery and fix that!! To all of this, I say BULLSHIT. In fact the more I think about food and food addiction, the more I realize HOW MUCH HARDER it is to control food addiction than any other addiction. In fact, I'll walk the plank and say that food addiction is probably the HARDEST addiction to treat, harder than meth, alcoholism, etc. Fortunate for drugs that are physiologically addicting, there is a detox/withdrawal period. Once it is out of an addict's system, they don't PHYSIOLOGICALLY NEED the drug any longer. Opiate abusers HAVE to use, or they become ill with withdrawal symptoms. Alcoholics HAVE to use becasue they can go into DTs and seize. Detoxification FIXES this, and there is no longer ANY physiologic need to drink any longer. The body doesn't need it. Then starts the work on the PSYCHOLOGICAL component on why an addict uses.
Food, is another story. We HAVE to eat. Everyday. I have to deal with my number one drug every.effing.day. I have to sit and look at the one thing that has satisfied me like nothing else. But yet, I have to stay sober. I have to learn the one use for food--fuel to run my body. There is no withdrawing/detoxing from food for good. I have to be the alcoholic, sittng at the bar, ordering JUST ONE DRINK and fighting the temptation to use in extreme. To not get food-drunk. Skip the damn detox...send me straight to food rehab!!
Weight loss surgery? Heh...yeah, right! I worked in addiction medicine for right at 3 years. Guys, antabuse for most alcoholics DOES NOT WORK. It just doesn't. You can't treat an addiction JUST by making that addiction unpleasant. Being 300+ pounds isn't necessarily FUN for me, but I wouldn't call it UNPLEASANT all the time. I still live my life. Getting morbidly obese wasn't enough for me to quit my addiction. I am an addict. Alcoholics that want to drink stop taking Antabuse, simply put. If I had weight loss surgery, I would use any method necessary to get my fix. I'd spend thousands of dollars on medical bills to continue to be an addict. I'd drink the hot fluids to loosen my lap band so I can eat larger portions. I would restretch my gastric pouch a little at a time, risking perforation. I would completely screw up my surgery to still do what I do. That's what addicts do. Mind you, I also don't want the added illnesses/side effects, by rerouting my plumbing to cause vitamin deficiencies, by having surgery either. My body may be showing the signs of being morbidly obese, but it is really my head that is sick. (And for my friends who have had WLS and succeeded, I'm proud of you. There ARE overweight people that aren't food addicts. There are alcoholics who have used Antabuse and succeeded. That's not me.)
I'm writing this all down because for once in my life, I feel empowered. I'm empowered because I know who I am, for once. I can see my own writing on the wall. My journey is not one that is going be filled with fighting with insurance companies to approve me for surgery. It's not going to be dieting and restricting and looking at my favorite foods and obsessing about them. It's about womaning-up, struggling, discipline and temptation. It's about looking at my past and fixing the future. I need this...