ugh life
Why did I ditch here and pretend I was moving to Blogger? I guess that's just what the cool kids were doing. I was never one of those "cool kids" before, why was I pretending now? Maybe I thought I could focus on my work and not talk about feelings, ever. But livejournal is really about everything, including feelings, isn't it?
Feelings are hard. Talking is hard. Doing nothing is easy. Not that I've been doing nothing, just never as much as you'd like to say you've been doing since you've had a major life accomplishment.
I just don't care about anything. I don't know what to do with my life, which is obviously a huge task, but even what to do with my tomorrow. I just don't know. Even if I could get hired for my dream job (if I knew what it was) this second I don't think I would be that excited. How horrible is that?
How do I figure out what I want? Am I supposed to keep thinking? Or keep trying? Where do I find the energy for any of that?
Sometimes lately I've been more social than I ever was in college. And in those times I feel like I'm really choosing to do so, to try to get out of regular boringness, and try to understand what it is in these social circumstances that people find so enjoyable. And sometimes I've actually had fun. But other than these isolated instances, I can't really say I'm doing much. I have only one close friend right now but we're both so busy with work and bad with communication. Sometimes I realize how many friends I have - but do I really have them if I don't ever see or talk to them? How do you start those conversations, especially when they don't reply?
Sometimes everything is stupid. And sad-making.
Feelings are hard. Talking is hard. Doing nothing is easy. Not that I've been doing nothing, just never as much as you'd like to say you've been doing since you've had a major life accomplishment.
I just don't care about anything. I don't know what to do with my life, which is obviously a huge task, but even what to do with my tomorrow. I just don't know. Even if I could get hired for my dream job (if I knew what it was) this second I don't think I would be that excited. How horrible is that?
How do I figure out what I want? Am I supposed to keep thinking? Or keep trying? Where do I find the energy for any of that?
Sometimes lately I've been more social than I ever was in college. And in those times I feel like I'm really choosing to do so, to try to get out of regular boringness, and try to understand what it is in these social circumstances that people find so enjoyable. And sometimes I've actually had fun. But other than these isolated instances, I can't really say I'm doing much. I have only one close friend right now but we're both so busy with work and bad with communication. Sometimes I realize how many friends I have - but do I really have them if I don't ever see or talk to them? How do you start those conversations, especially when they don't reply?
Sometimes everything is stupid. And sad-making.