Water get no enemy
I don't know what it is. I can't pinpoint the feeling exactly or give it a name, but for the past few days, for some reason... I have been completely happy. I have tried searching for the origin, and I have come to no avail. Tackling possible clues and answers that could lead to the solution, but I can't find it. Maybe this is a good thing. This is a very good thing. I feel like Tony Soprano in the episode where he killed Christopher. I just feel a burden has been lifted, though I don't want to feel that way. I can't exactly tell you what the burden was, but I know that the weight is off of my shoulders, and I am (as much as I don't want to believe it) relieved. I am happy. Content, and bursting at the seams with happiness. I can't believe it.
I think if I had to tell someone an exact moment when the feeling and emotion set in, the closest thing that I could tell you would be that it occured on Friday night at Alan Smith's house. There was a party, and honestly, I wasn't expecting much. A few drunken familiar faces, and nothing too extraordinary. I had a drink or too many, and enough jello shots to justify my orange stained tongue. Regardless, that night was the most fun I've had in a long time. When I say a long time, I don't mean a few months, I mean years. I think everyone that I care or have cared about was there. The good vibes that were surrounding the backyard were some that I haven't felt before... ever. I don't think that there was an awkward moment all night. I sat and talked, drank, swam and just hugged everyone. I felt that everyone that was there was happy to be there and happy to see the familiar faces that we are all in love with in some way or another. I remember getting into the pool, drunkenly submerging myself underwater for about half a minute and coming up and just seeing at least a dozen smiling faces. I looked up at the friends that were sitting on the pool's edge, feet hanging, bobbing up and down in the water. I saw the smiles on their faces and then I looked at Matt Appelman. He smiled at me and I'm sure he shot one of the dumb phrases we all use out of his mouth... something like 'Baaaah, get sheisty!' and I realized that in less than a month, I'll be away from Elizabethtown at college, rooming with Matt. As homosexual as this sounds, his smile comforted me in a way. I looked at the people around him, and saw that Doug, Kelsea and Krystal were all smiling, and we were all so happy to be in each other's company. Later on that night, there were probably a dozen or so of us crammed into a hallway. I was sitting on the stairs, and we were all drunk. Really drunk. Yet, we were having such a good time. There were no negative comments, just big grins and hugs, and subtle reassurances that we were all there. Despite a painting falling down the stairs and landing on my head resulting in a rather large bump that is hidden very well by my quickly growing hair, there was nothing bad at all that happened. It was during this night that I realized that my friends are my family. I have a great family, but when it comes down to it, I just feel that my friends will be able to support me in ways that my family couldn't. In less than a month, I will live on my own, surrounded by my family, everyday. I'm excited about meeting new people as well. Jamie Lally is a new person who I didn't really know until the party. She took care of me and made sure that I was awake for work the next morning. I feel that we're all becoming slowly responsible. It's people like her that make me feel that maybe I'm not such a bad person, maybe I am worth someone's while. Not in a romantic way, but just in general. I don't know why, but I appreciated her doing that more than I've appreciated anything recently. I hope there are more sweet new people to encounter in the months and years to come. I feel that if you are reading this, then the story above left you somewhat unfulfilled as to the reason as to why I have felt so good lately, but I don't even know where the feelings originated. This was just a guess. I would imagine that the night had a major role in the development of the current happiness.
Every night since then has been spent drunk. It's incredible. Two encounters with the cops, and we're still not in jail. We drink to get drunk and just to enjoy one another's company... not out of misery and sadness. This has been the summer of weird hookups, and it's just fun to hear about the escapades and hijinks that happened in the backseats the next day. I spent last night sleeping in my car with two other people, and though I am a bit sore today due to the uncomfortable setting, I wouldn't have traded it for a four star hotel room. I am in love with my friends and my surroundings. I am excited for college, and I'm ready to begin this new chapter in my life.
I've noticed improvements in my self esteem as well. I don't look in the mirror and adjust my hair, thinking it's terrible, and I don't change clothes as often. I feel good, I've even been jokingly gloating about how good looking I am lately. Just for kicks, and the people I gloat to, know that I'm not serious. It's just been nothing but good times for the past week or so. I love this. I love life right now.
I ended up buying a few David Lynch films. I picked up Mullholland Drive and Blue Velvet. I have yet to watch Blue Velvet, but I think Isabelle and I are going to watch it soon. Mullholland Drive was one of the most surreal movies I've seen, and I loved it. I am going to re-watch it tonight with Whitney just to pick up on things that I didn't the first time. I am hooked on the way he approaches his film making, and I am going to try and check out almost everything he's done.
I am working a lot this week. 3 to 11 every day except for Thursday and Friday. A lot of friends are going to New York, but I am going to be working and I will miss them, but they'll be back by early next week. We had a lot of people quit on us so we are understaffed right now, and that means I work more hours. I guess in turn it is good, because I will have money now, so that way I can buy things for my dorm room and have some extra money to take to school with me. I was really nervous about quitting because the managers were under the impression that I was going to still work here part time when school started but since I'll be going to a campus that is 70 miles away, that'd kinda be impossible. I hate to fuck them over because they are really cool people, but I ended up telling them, and they're okay with it. Now I just have to survive until August 12th here, and then things will be awesome. I get a week of relaxation before school, and things will be awesome.
We're moving right now. I had my sister and my cousin rip down all of the flyers and posters that have been stuck to the wall for the past few years. As much as I didn't want to just throw the stuff away, I did anyway. There was no point in keeping it. I did keep flyers from the first show I went to and the first show I ever booked, but besides that I threw everything away. My walls are so naked and my room looks like shit. The house is empty pretty much, and it sucks. My mom is telling me that there probably won't be any room for my dvds and records in my new room because it's small, but I will make room. I really don't want to just box that stuff up because then I'd have to go through multiple boxes just to find what I want whenever I came home. I am kinda glad that we are moving though because the new house that my mom just bought is a lot nicer than the house we currently live in.
I'm on a psychadellic and progressive kick right now. I've been jamming a lot of King Crimson, Boris, Yes, The Mars Volta and Comets on Fire lately. I'm also trying to learn how to salsa dance via youtube. Due to this I find myself listening to a lot of Fela Kuti too.
I totally want to kiss this one girl to please the 15 year old inside of me.
I think if I had to tell someone an exact moment when the feeling and emotion set in, the closest thing that I could tell you would be that it occured on Friday night at Alan Smith's house. There was a party, and honestly, I wasn't expecting much. A few drunken familiar faces, and nothing too extraordinary. I had a drink or too many, and enough jello shots to justify my orange stained tongue. Regardless, that night was the most fun I've had in a long time. When I say a long time, I don't mean a few months, I mean years. I think everyone that I care or have cared about was there. The good vibes that were surrounding the backyard were some that I haven't felt before... ever. I don't think that there was an awkward moment all night. I sat and talked, drank, swam and just hugged everyone. I felt that everyone that was there was happy to be there and happy to see the familiar faces that we are all in love with in some way or another. I remember getting into the pool, drunkenly submerging myself underwater for about half a minute and coming up and just seeing at least a dozen smiling faces. I looked up at the friends that were sitting on the pool's edge, feet hanging, bobbing up and down in the water. I saw the smiles on their faces and then I looked at Matt Appelman. He smiled at me and I'm sure he shot one of the dumb phrases we all use out of his mouth... something like 'Baaaah, get sheisty!' and I realized that in less than a month, I'll be away from Elizabethtown at college, rooming with Matt. As homosexual as this sounds, his smile comforted me in a way. I looked at the people around him, and saw that Doug, Kelsea and Krystal were all smiling, and we were all so happy to be in each other's company. Later on that night, there were probably a dozen or so of us crammed into a hallway. I was sitting on the stairs, and we were all drunk. Really drunk. Yet, we were having such a good time. There were no negative comments, just big grins and hugs, and subtle reassurances that we were all there. Despite a painting falling down the stairs and landing on my head resulting in a rather large bump that is hidden very well by my quickly growing hair, there was nothing bad at all that happened. It was during this night that I realized that my friends are my family. I have a great family, but when it comes down to it, I just feel that my friends will be able to support me in ways that my family couldn't. In less than a month, I will live on my own, surrounded by my family, everyday. I'm excited about meeting new people as well. Jamie Lally is a new person who I didn't really know until the party. She took care of me and made sure that I was awake for work the next morning. I feel that we're all becoming slowly responsible. It's people like her that make me feel that maybe I'm not such a bad person, maybe I am worth someone's while. Not in a romantic way, but just in general. I don't know why, but I appreciated her doing that more than I've appreciated anything recently. I hope there are more sweet new people to encounter in the months and years to come. I feel that if you are reading this, then the story above left you somewhat unfulfilled as to the reason as to why I have felt so good lately, but I don't even know where the feelings originated. This was just a guess. I would imagine that the night had a major role in the development of the current happiness.
Every night since then has been spent drunk. It's incredible. Two encounters with the cops, and we're still not in jail. We drink to get drunk and just to enjoy one another's company... not out of misery and sadness. This has been the summer of weird hookups, and it's just fun to hear about the escapades and hijinks that happened in the backseats the next day. I spent last night sleeping in my car with two other people, and though I am a bit sore today due to the uncomfortable setting, I wouldn't have traded it for a four star hotel room. I am in love with my friends and my surroundings. I am excited for college, and I'm ready to begin this new chapter in my life.
I've noticed improvements in my self esteem as well. I don't look in the mirror and adjust my hair, thinking it's terrible, and I don't change clothes as often. I feel good, I've even been jokingly gloating about how good looking I am lately. Just for kicks, and the people I gloat to, know that I'm not serious. It's just been nothing but good times for the past week or so. I love this. I love life right now.
I ended up buying a few David Lynch films. I picked up Mullholland Drive and Blue Velvet. I have yet to watch Blue Velvet, but I think Isabelle and I are going to watch it soon. Mullholland Drive was one of the most surreal movies I've seen, and I loved it. I am going to re-watch it tonight with Whitney just to pick up on things that I didn't the first time. I am hooked on the way he approaches his film making, and I am going to try and check out almost everything he's done.
I am working a lot this week. 3 to 11 every day except for Thursday and Friday. A lot of friends are going to New York, but I am going to be working and I will miss them, but they'll be back by early next week. We had a lot of people quit on us so we are understaffed right now, and that means I work more hours. I guess in turn it is good, because I will have money now, so that way I can buy things for my dorm room and have some extra money to take to school with me. I was really nervous about quitting because the managers were under the impression that I was going to still work here part time when school started but since I'll be going to a campus that is 70 miles away, that'd kinda be impossible. I hate to fuck them over because they are really cool people, but I ended up telling them, and they're okay with it. Now I just have to survive until August 12th here, and then things will be awesome. I get a week of relaxation before school, and things will be awesome.
We're moving right now. I had my sister and my cousin rip down all of the flyers and posters that have been stuck to the wall for the past few years. As much as I didn't want to just throw the stuff away, I did anyway. There was no point in keeping it. I did keep flyers from the first show I went to and the first show I ever booked, but besides that I threw everything away. My walls are so naked and my room looks like shit. The house is empty pretty much, and it sucks. My mom is telling me that there probably won't be any room for my dvds and records in my new room because it's small, but I will make room. I really don't want to just box that stuff up because then I'd have to go through multiple boxes just to find what I want whenever I came home. I am kinda glad that we are moving though because the new house that my mom just bought is a lot nicer than the house we currently live in.
I'm on a psychadellic and progressive kick right now. I've been jamming a lot of King Crimson, Boris, Yes, The Mars Volta and Comets on Fire lately. I'm also trying to learn how to salsa dance via youtube. Due to this I find myself listening to a lot of Fela Kuti too.
I totally want to kiss this one girl to please the 15 year old inside of me.