stripped to the seedlings
My general philosophy on life can probably be best summed up in the simple two words, "directed drifting." Though I may often let a current carry me, I choose which currents to follow and when to head to a new one. I try to become a part of my surroundings, but I choose which surroundings to become a part of. I try to apply this to all aspects of my life, and you may soon see means that there are often a wide array of things that I apply to any given aspect.
My basic guideline for my beliefs is to be open to all beliefs and ideologies in such a way that I will be able to gain from even their most recessed parts, no matter how much I may disagree with the thought in general. Even the most opposing views have some merit , otherwise they either would have been regarded as nothing more than the random brainpurgings of a madman or else they would have never been formed in the first place. Also, by breaking down and understanding what we don't believe, we are able to better understand why we don't agree with it. This information can then teach us a lot about why we think what we do. We're then left better equiped to truly understand the thought processes of others. In addition, by remaining more open, we won't be left so defenseless should we have some of our beliefs shattered to pieces, because by lightly embracing everything, we never lean too strongly on any one thing. Doing this makes us dependent on that type of thought, and will render us very weak should that crutch ever be kicked out from under us.
By this style of thought, I seek not only to scavenge for every useful bit of thought in every expression that I come across, but also to allow myself a complete freedom in the expressions of my own mind. I don't censor what goes on inside my head, only what I allow to come out of it. Not only do I let my thoughts explore whatever avenues they're heading towards, I actively encourage them to do so by diving headfirst into things that are new and bizarre to break any unconscious taboo I might be placing on myself. The most notable of these was my dive into "darkness". Knowing that rage, hate, and coldness are not encouraged to surface by other people, I brought these things so much closer to me than the safe distance I had been holding them at. I sucked it all in and felt fire coursing through my veins, blood fill my sight, and ice chill my bones. I embraced my darkest parts, not as a surrender to them, but so that I might better understand and control them. Even the most difficult thoughts to deal with, just like challenging beliefs, always hold some nugget of value or we would not have them at all.
It is difficult to combine both my views on how to believe and how to think into a way to actually live my life. They each have problems of their own to begin with. Trying to integrate many pieces of different beliefs into one means that there are many inconsistencies and contradictions that must be sorted out of this disorganized mess. The same is true of all these different thoughts that arise with my own mind, because the thoughts of one moment and the next often come into direct contradition. If so many things are bubbling into my mind, how do I decide which feelings to be guided by? The truth is simply that I don't. I think that different situations merit different approaches, sometimes we should be guided by our loving hearts, other times cold hard reasoning, an artist's approach, or simple instinct may serve us better. The tough part here is to let myself figure out when each has it's place, and not to enjoy the results of one of these guides so much more than the others that I start to apply it where it doesn't belong. The other trick is to be able to switch between these so fast and so naturally that I don't have to think about it any more. It is too easy for the angry person to carry their anger too far, or for the loving person to take too long to pick their abused or neglected self up off of the floor.
These three skills that I try to live my life by all boil down to the same principle. Absorb everything I can and feel comfortable with all of it so that I don't need to be dependent on just a few things. Then also comes the challenge of staying close enough to something to truly live and to feel it intimately, but not to stay so attached that you are dependent on it and lose your identity to it, or that you cut yourself on the chance to be intimate with other things.
I don't have so much of a problem with this, most of the time. The time I really have difficulty is not when I'm shifting between so much newness, but when I'm left with nothingness. These are the times where I'm caught between point A and B, where I can't remember where I was heading, and I've completely forgotten where I've come from. I don't deal well with this kind of emptiness, unless I wrap it up in a shell of poetry, and that's really not emptiness at all, it's an artful deadness.
Still, this adaptability helps to surive in places that I hate being in and to become an effective part of it even if I don't agree with it, while still being able to return to what I used to be and to flourish in places where I really feel like I belong.
What amazes me though, is how staring off into infinity can net you everything at one moment, and nothing the next, then you try again and eternity reappears. My guess is that is the nature of all things, to be everything and nothing at once, the only thing that changes is the angle of the viewer.
My basic guideline for my beliefs is to be open to all beliefs and ideologies in such a way that I will be able to gain from even their most recessed parts, no matter how much I may disagree with the thought in general. Even the most opposing views have some merit , otherwise they either would have been regarded as nothing more than the random brainpurgings of a madman or else they would have never been formed in the first place. Also, by breaking down and understanding what we don't believe, we are able to better understand why we don't agree with it. This information can then teach us a lot about why we think what we do. We're then left better equiped to truly understand the thought processes of others. In addition, by remaining more open, we won't be left so defenseless should we have some of our beliefs shattered to pieces, because by lightly embracing everything, we never lean too strongly on any one thing. Doing this makes us dependent on that type of thought, and will render us very weak should that crutch ever be kicked out from under us.
By this style of thought, I seek not only to scavenge for every useful bit of thought in every expression that I come across, but also to allow myself a complete freedom in the expressions of my own mind. I don't censor what goes on inside my head, only what I allow to come out of it. Not only do I let my thoughts explore whatever avenues they're heading towards, I actively encourage them to do so by diving headfirst into things that are new and bizarre to break any unconscious taboo I might be placing on myself. The most notable of these was my dive into "darkness". Knowing that rage, hate, and coldness are not encouraged to surface by other people, I brought these things so much closer to me than the safe distance I had been holding them at. I sucked it all in and felt fire coursing through my veins, blood fill my sight, and ice chill my bones. I embraced my darkest parts, not as a surrender to them, but so that I might better understand and control them. Even the most difficult thoughts to deal with, just like challenging beliefs, always hold some nugget of value or we would not have them at all.
It is difficult to combine both my views on how to believe and how to think into a way to actually live my life. They each have problems of their own to begin with. Trying to integrate many pieces of different beliefs into one means that there are many inconsistencies and contradictions that must be sorted out of this disorganized mess. The same is true of all these different thoughts that arise with my own mind, because the thoughts of one moment and the next often come into direct contradition. If so many things are bubbling into my mind, how do I decide which feelings to be guided by? The truth is simply that I don't. I think that different situations merit different approaches, sometimes we should be guided by our loving hearts, other times cold hard reasoning, an artist's approach, or simple instinct may serve us better. The tough part here is to let myself figure out when each has it's place, and not to enjoy the results of one of these guides so much more than the others that I start to apply it where it doesn't belong. The other trick is to be able to switch between these so fast and so naturally that I don't have to think about it any more. It is too easy for the angry person to carry their anger too far, or for the loving person to take too long to pick their abused or neglected self up off of the floor.
These three skills that I try to live my life by all boil down to the same principle. Absorb everything I can and feel comfortable with all of it so that I don't need to be dependent on just a few things. Then also comes the challenge of staying close enough to something to truly live and to feel it intimately, but not to stay so attached that you are dependent on it and lose your identity to it, or that you cut yourself on the chance to be intimate with other things.
I don't have so much of a problem with this, most of the time. The time I really have difficulty is not when I'm shifting between so much newness, but when I'm left with nothingness. These are the times where I'm caught between point A and B, where I can't remember where I was heading, and I've completely forgotten where I've come from. I don't deal well with this kind of emptiness, unless I wrap it up in a shell of poetry, and that's really not emptiness at all, it's an artful deadness.
Still, this adaptability helps to surive in places that I hate being in and to become an effective part of it even if I don't agree with it, while still being able to return to what I used to be and to flourish in places where I really feel like I belong.
What amazes me though, is how staring off into infinity can net you everything at one moment, and nothing the next, then you try again and eternity reappears. My guess is that is the nature of all things, to be everything and nothing at once, the only thing that changes is the angle of the viewer.