(no subject)
This is me. Single and "not" lonely on a Saturday night. The band was awesome. The moment came and passed while the jager pretended friendship. It was neither friendship nor love and the world kept spinning no matter what Janet said. It wasn't like I couldn't fake Mrs. Whatever. See people got this feeling that I cared and after..well after...I just couldn't muster caring.
So I served Margaritas instead of epiphany's. I never expected to fall for him. I'd spent quite a bit of time without the company of a heartbeat and learned, just as I had when I was "living' that people are notoriously unreliable. I could pretend I didn't spend the night waiting to see if he noticed me but I refused to give him that satisfaction.
He used to notice me.
This is my life. the moment before happening.
There's never anything that's enough for me. I'm so used to second best that even when the moment comes I can't remember why I was supposed to object.
I'd like to pretend that it doesn't matter. But it does. This is the moment I exploded. But that wasn't the beginning. The beginning came long before now.
now. if yesterday was a sestina, today is a haiku.
See. I don't mean to be me. i just am. Me. But if you'd prefer I'd be happy to be me another time. If you'd like me to be not me please call within sober hours and you'll be duly introduced to an automated voice.
this is the moment I try and find the part of me that's still alive. the part of me that wants to care because otherwise there's a bottle of whiskey that's calling to be tested.
So give me something mother fucker. Some kind of hope because I've gone without for long enough that i've forgotten what it's like to dream.
So I served Margaritas instead of epiphany's. I never expected to fall for him. I'd spent quite a bit of time without the company of a heartbeat and learned, just as I had when I was "living' that people are notoriously unreliable. I could pretend I didn't spend the night waiting to see if he noticed me but I refused to give him that satisfaction.
He used to notice me.
This is my life. the moment before happening.
There's never anything that's enough for me. I'm so used to second best that even when the moment comes I can't remember why I was supposed to object.
I'd like to pretend that it doesn't matter. But it does. This is the moment I exploded. But that wasn't the beginning. The beginning came long before now.
now. if yesterday was a sestina, today is a haiku.
See. I don't mean to be me. i just am. Me. But if you'd prefer I'd be happy to be me another time. If you'd like me to be not me please call within sober hours and you'll be duly introduced to an automated voice.
this is the moment I try and find the part of me that's still alive. the part of me that wants to care because otherwise there's a bottle of whiskey that's calling to be tested.
So give me something mother fucker. Some kind of hope because I've gone without for long enough that i've forgotten what it's like to dream.