Just Like a Pill (9/?)
Based off the YJ_anon_meme prompt:
"So, Robin is actually a girl, but dresses and acts like a boy because of what happens to little girls in Gotham. The team find out and have to deal with not only their betrayal, but having to completely change their expectations.
Bonus! The guys start getting protective, and Robin shows them that she doesn't need them to save her."
Warnings: mild ...self harm?
A/N: Hey guys, I’m sorry this chapter took so long. I totally lost momentum with this fic until very recently, but due to some super awesome unexpected encouragement (Thanks slothchild!!) I got back into the grove and have revamped the plot and started writing again. Woot!!! I hope you enjoy this latest installment. It's not unber long but I really like where I managed to take it. Gender identity takes a lot of delicacy and research to write but I think I managed pretty well. Enjoy and remember, comments are awesome!!! I really like the feedback!!!
Part IX
Batman glared in the general direction of Mount Justice. Phase III was quickly becoming unsalvageable.
"I guess that takes care of that. You can't cover this up if Canary knows." Red Arrow declared boldly. Batman quickly switched the focus of his glare.
"I wouldn't think you would be so happy, endangering your comrade's life the way you are." Red Arrow puffed up like an angry rooster.
"Her gender was secreted to keep her safe. Gotham will destroy a thirteen-year-old girl if it can. Do you know how much she'd be worth to the sex slavers? How many monsters our city has that will make it their goal to destroy every shred of innocence that still remains in her? Gotham isn't Star City, Red Arrow. I don't want Artemis or Miss Martian there unless absolutely necessary. Not because they are any less capable, but because of the mentality and the amorality of many of the criminal element there. There is a double standard and that's beyond even my control."
Red Arrow scoffed. "There's bad people everywhere, Batman-"
"Which is why Young Justice operates as a team, instead of small groups or pairs like the Justice League. None of them need to be operating alone until they are mature enough to handle the worse that can happen. If Rachel was ever irrevocably hurt, physically or mentally, because of what I taught her, I would never forgive myself. She's thirteen, Roy. Don't let her apparent maturity mislead you."
Roy stared, eyes wide, at the disturbingly emotional Batman before him, unable to think of anything to immediately counter with. However much it irked him, Batman did have a good argument. Jesus, Dick was thirteen! No- Rachelle was thirteen. Holy shit, she was thirteen. Ninja-bat or not, she was thirteen.
"I'm going back with you. To Mount Justice. As much as I hate your methods, your argument makes some sense. Most of Robin's team is not going to agree." and he needed their, hopefully several Leaguers, presence for his big counter-argument. Phase III was not happening if he could help it. At least not without some heavy revision.
As soon as Wally set her down in front of both Black Canary and Green Arrow, she knew the universe did, in fact, hate her. Even if Wally had somehow produced sunglasses to slap on her face before he deposited her before the panel of judges. She looked between them and her team, all caught in an ominous silence, giving her nothing to focus on but her abdominal pain, which seemed to come back with a vengeance now that she was still.
It was, of course, Green Arrow who broke the silence.
"Are you, or are you not, actually female?" he demanded seriously.
Robin took a deep breath. "I'm female."
GA looked like he was about to say more, but Canary placed a hand on his shoulder, effectively restraining him.
"Why was the League not informed of your gender? Better yet, why is your secret identity male?" She asked, surprisingly gently.
Robin scrambled for a response. "Gotham-"
"-is dangerous, yes. I'm a Gotham girl myself, remember. But-" Canary bit her lip then turned to address everyone else. "Batman and Red Arrow will probably be here soon. Aqualad, Green Arrow, I'm counting on you to maintain control of this situation until the Flash gets here. Robin and I will be in her room. Do not disturb us." She glared down all the protests and swept Robin to her side with a deceptively gentle arm and led her away.
They walked in silence for several moments, Canary's arm not leaving her shoulders.
"Do you have the appropriate painkillers in your room?" Canary asked quietly as they started down the residential hall.
"I only took some a few hours ago," Robin replied ruefully. "It always seems to wear off before I can take more."
Canary nodded understandingly. "I have a heat pack in my room if you don't already have one."
"It's not that bad," Robin shrugged. "It's mostly the stiffness that bugs me."
"If you're sure."
Canary waited patiently as Robin entered the access code to her room. Sweeping her eyes across the space, she gave Robin a raised eyebrow at the metal chair embedded in the wall.
"I gave Superboy the slip," she stated sheepishly in explanation.
Canary snorted. "Alright." She settled herself on the edge of Robin's desk. "Before Bruce gets here we need to talk. Glasses off. This isn't a conversation between Robin and Black Canary."
Slipping her glasses off, she gave Canary a wary look.
"Hi, I'm Dinah Lance," she greeted, holding out her hand to shake.
Robin hesitantly took it. "Rich- Rachel. Rachel Grayson."
Dinah smiled. "Nice to meet you Rachel. Why don't you tell me about yourself."
Robin shrugged uncomfortably. "You already know who I am. You've known me for years. Even as Richard."
Dinah smirked. "Rachel, you're a very smart girl. You know there is a difference between Richard and Rachel. How they act, what they want to do. I don't even know who Rachel is. Except for our meeting right now."
"It's not that different!" Robin snapped petulantly, waving her hand decisively.
Dinah laughed. "Oh, honey. You probably haven't noticed it yet, but I'm sure Bruce has. Look at you. It's like someone told you the trial is over. The way your shoulders are set. Your demeanor. You whole body reads different. You're not Robin or Richard right now. You're you."
"Who the heck is that!?" Robin spat back, unnerved and more than a little uncomfortable with Dinah's reading of her. "Who is Rachel Grayson?!"
Dinah's humor faded. "And that is what concerns me. I need you to tell me the truth, Rachel. How often have you gotten to just be yourself in the past couple years?"
Robin -should she even call herself that?- shifted uneasily. "I had to be Richard and I had to be Robin and I had to practice so I didn't slip up..." she trailed off, unsure as to how to continue. "Alfred made Bruce get me Rachel Pennyworth. I have some wigs and special bras and stuff so she don't look to much like... to much like..." myself. She couldn't say it. What did that even mean? Did she really think she was a boy? Was she getting "stuck like that" or something?
Dinah looked contemplative but attentive. "So, you posed as Robin, Richard Grayson, and Rachel Pennyworth. How often were you able to just be Rachel Grayson?"
She blinked. "Rachel Grayson is Rachel Pennyworth."
"Is she?" Dinah countered, "because you talk of her as another alias. Another act. People don't usually talk about themselves in third person."
She clinched her fists. Suddenly irrationally angry. "Crazy people do. Maybe I'm just crazy." she snapped.
"You're not crazy, your thirteen." Dinah replied, unphased.
"So all thirteen-year-olds speak in third person? Do they pretend to be so many people they forgot how to be themselves too?!" she snarled, glaring at Dinah, daring her to answer.
Dinah meet her eyes and carefully reached forward, unclinching her fists she hadn't even realized were starting to bleed. Huh. Her nails must be getting too long. She'd have to cut them soon. It'd be a shame of someone in Gotham Society saw Richard with his nails too long. She let out a slightly hysterical giggle.
"Rachel. Rachel look at me." Dinah coaxed, gently cupping her chin. "Look at me. You are a very intelligent young girl. You know good and well other kids your age pretend to be things they're not. To be loved, to be accepted, to be 'cool.' Part of being your age is about finding yourself. It's why Bruce not letting you have time to do just that, however you like, is what's concerning me the most. It's normal to not know exactly who you are as a teenager. It's normal to stress about it a bit. What's not normal, and not okay, is for people to not give you any time or space to look."
Robin shook her head slowly. "Bruce is only doing it to protect me."
Dinah shook her head back. "Protection isn't meant to hurt you like this. There are other things he could have done and still can do. If I have to patrol and travel with you personally to convince him to let you go out as yourself I will. You need time to just be you. Not Rachel Pennyworth or Richard Grayson ward of Bruce Wayne or Robin Boy Wonder. Just Rachel Grayson, girl who's finding herself."
Rachel wasn't sure what triggered it. Honestly she was a little disgusted with herself crying so much. Hopefully this was just a drama trauma thing and not a Rachel Grayson thing. But Dinah's hug felt so warm and so real. Straight from Dinah to Rachel, no inbetweens. It felt safe and made her think of her mother and completely dissolve into gross blubbery tears. But Dinah didn't pull away or act grossed out, she just shushed her and hugged tighter.
TBC…
"So, Robin is actually a girl, but dresses and acts like a boy because of what happens to little girls in Gotham. The team find out and have to deal with not only their betrayal, but having to completely change their expectations.
Bonus! The guys start getting protective, and Robin shows them that she doesn't need them to save her."
Warnings: mild ...self harm?
A/N: Hey guys, I’m sorry this chapter took so long. I totally lost momentum with this fic until very recently, but due to some super awesome unexpected encouragement (Thanks slothchild!!) I got back into the grove and have revamped the plot and started writing again. Woot!!! I hope you enjoy this latest installment. It's not unber long but I really like where I managed to take it. Gender identity takes a lot of delicacy and research to write but I think I managed pretty well. Enjoy and remember, comments are awesome!!! I really like the feedback!!!
Part IX
Batman glared in the general direction of Mount Justice. Phase III was quickly becoming unsalvageable.
"I guess that takes care of that. You can't cover this up if Canary knows." Red Arrow declared boldly. Batman quickly switched the focus of his glare.
"I wouldn't think you would be so happy, endangering your comrade's life the way you are." Red Arrow puffed up like an angry rooster.
"Her gender was secreted to keep her safe. Gotham will destroy a thirteen-year-old girl if it can. Do you know how much she'd be worth to the sex slavers? How many monsters our city has that will make it their goal to destroy every shred of innocence that still remains in her? Gotham isn't Star City, Red Arrow. I don't want Artemis or Miss Martian there unless absolutely necessary. Not because they are any less capable, but because of the mentality and the amorality of many of the criminal element there. There is a double standard and that's beyond even my control."
Red Arrow scoffed. "There's bad people everywhere, Batman-"
"Which is why Young Justice operates as a team, instead of small groups or pairs like the Justice League. None of them need to be operating alone until they are mature enough to handle the worse that can happen. If Rachel was ever irrevocably hurt, physically or mentally, because of what I taught her, I would never forgive myself. She's thirteen, Roy. Don't let her apparent maturity mislead you."
Roy stared, eyes wide, at the disturbingly emotional Batman before him, unable to think of anything to immediately counter with. However much it irked him, Batman did have a good argument. Jesus, Dick was thirteen! No- Rachelle was thirteen. Holy shit, she was thirteen. Ninja-bat or not, she was thirteen.
"I'm going back with you. To Mount Justice. As much as I hate your methods, your argument makes some sense. Most of Robin's team is not going to agree." and he needed their, hopefully several Leaguers, presence for his big counter-argument. Phase III was not happening if he could help it. At least not without some heavy revision.
As soon as Wally set her down in front of both Black Canary and Green Arrow, she knew the universe did, in fact, hate her. Even if Wally had somehow produced sunglasses to slap on her face before he deposited her before the panel of judges. She looked between them and her team, all caught in an ominous silence, giving her nothing to focus on but her abdominal pain, which seemed to come back with a vengeance now that she was still.
It was, of course, Green Arrow who broke the silence.
"Are you, or are you not, actually female?" he demanded seriously.
Robin took a deep breath. "I'm female."
GA looked like he was about to say more, but Canary placed a hand on his shoulder, effectively restraining him.
"Why was the League not informed of your gender? Better yet, why is your secret identity male?" She asked, surprisingly gently.
Robin scrambled for a response. "Gotham-"
"-is dangerous, yes. I'm a Gotham girl myself, remember. But-" Canary bit her lip then turned to address everyone else. "Batman and Red Arrow will probably be here soon. Aqualad, Green Arrow, I'm counting on you to maintain control of this situation until the Flash gets here. Robin and I will be in her room. Do not disturb us." She glared down all the protests and swept Robin to her side with a deceptively gentle arm and led her away.
They walked in silence for several moments, Canary's arm not leaving her shoulders.
"Do you have the appropriate painkillers in your room?" Canary asked quietly as they started down the residential hall.
"I only took some a few hours ago," Robin replied ruefully. "It always seems to wear off before I can take more."
Canary nodded understandingly. "I have a heat pack in my room if you don't already have one."
"It's not that bad," Robin shrugged. "It's mostly the stiffness that bugs me."
"If you're sure."
Canary waited patiently as Robin entered the access code to her room. Sweeping her eyes across the space, she gave Robin a raised eyebrow at the metal chair embedded in the wall.
"I gave Superboy the slip," she stated sheepishly in explanation.
Canary snorted. "Alright." She settled herself on the edge of Robin's desk. "Before Bruce gets here we need to talk. Glasses off. This isn't a conversation between Robin and Black Canary."
Slipping her glasses off, she gave Canary a wary look.
"Hi, I'm Dinah Lance," she greeted, holding out her hand to shake.
Robin hesitantly took it. "Rich- Rachel. Rachel Grayson."
Dinah smiled. "Nice to meet you Rachel. Why don't you tell me about yourself."
Robin shrugged uncomfortably. "You already know who I am. You've known me for years. Even as Richard."
Dinah smirked. "Rachel, you're a very smart girl. You know there is a difference between Richard and Rachel. How they act, what they want to do. I don't even know who Rachel is. Except for our meeting right now."
"It's not that different!" Robin snapped petulantly, waving her hand decisively.
Dinah laughed. "Oh, honey. You probably haven't noticed it yet, but I'm sure Bruce has. Look at you. It's like someone told you the trial is over. The way your shoulders are set. Your demeanor. You whole body reads different. You're not Robin or Richard right now. You're you."
"Who the heck is that!?" Robin spat back, unnerved and more than a little uncomfortable with Dinah's reading of her. "Who is Rachel Grayson?!"
Dinah's humor faded. "And that is what concerns me. I need you to tell me the truth, Rachel. How often have you gotten to just be yourself in the past couple years?"
Robin -should she even call herself that?- shifted uneasily. "I had to be Richard and I had to be Robin and I had to practice so I didn't slip up..." she trailed off, unsure as to how to continue. "Alfred made Bruce get me Rachel Pennyworth. I have some wigs and special bras and stuff so she don't look to much like... to much like..." myself. She couldn't say it. What did that even mean? Did she really think she was a boy? Was she getting "stuck like that" or something?
Dinah looked contemplative but attentive. "So, you posed as Robin, Richard Grayson, and Rachel Pennyworth. How often were you able to just be Rachel Grayson?"
She blinked. "Rachel Grayson is Rachel Pennyworth."
"Is she?" Dinah countered, "because you talk of her as another alias. Another act. People don't usually talk about themselves in third person."
She clinched her fists. Suddenly irrationally angry. "Crazy people do. Maybe I'm just crazy." she snapped.
"You're not crazy, your thirteen." Dinah replied, unphased.
"So all thirteen-year-olds speak in third person? Do they pretend to be so many people they forgot how to be themselves too?!" she snarled, glaring at Dinah, daring her to answer.
Dinah meet her eyes and carefully reached forward, unclinching her fists she hadn't even realized were starting to bleed. Huh. Her nails must be getting too long. She'd have to cut them soon. It'd be a shame of someone in Gotham Society saw Richard with his nails too long. She let out a slightly hysterical giggle.
"Rachel. Rachel look at me." Dinah coaxed, gently cupping her chin. "Look at me. You are a very intelligent young girl. You know good and well other kids your age pretend to be things they're not. To be loved, to be accepted, to be 'cool.' Part of being your age is about finding yourself. It's why Bruce not letting you have time to do just that, however you like, is what's concerning me the most. It's normal to not know exactly who you are as a teenager. It's normal to stress about it a bit. What's not normal, and not okay, is for people to not give you any time or space to look."
Robin shook her head slowly. "Bruce is only doing it to protect me."
Dinah shook her head back. "Protection isn't meant to hurt you like this. There are other things he could have done and still can do. If I have to patrol and travel with you personally to convince him to let you go out as yourself I will. You need time to just be you. Not Rachel Pennyworth or Richard Grayson ward of Bruce Wayne or Robin Boy Wonder. Just Rachel Grayson, girl who's finding herself."
Rachel wasn't sure what triggered it. Honestly she was a little disgusted with herself crying so much. Hopefully this was just a drama trauma thing and not a Rachel Grayson thing. But Dinah's hug felt so warm and so real. Straight from Dinah to Rachel, no inbetweens. It felt safe and made her think of her mother and completely dissolve into gross blubbery tears. But Dinah didn't pull away or act grossed out, she just shushed her and hugged tighter.
TBC…