questionable feelings
I woke up this morning to my mind screaming at me again, this feeling I have is so different so unpleasently new, I hate it. I woke up and quickly wished I could crawl back into my comfortable dream world where nothing really goes wrong. I tried to shut out my mind by opening the window by my bed and that was when I realized, the birds are gone. There was silence, just bitter silence, it made me want to cry or scream or something. All there was was the wind russling the leaves that will soon fall from the trees, the cold air froze my insides. I put on Werner's sweater but nothing could warm me up, I feel cold from the inside out. I feel like I'm loosing myself, and I can't even begin to think why. It isn't even about the stress anymore, it's just me. Once I had people, places, and suitations to blame my feelings on, now I only have me 'cause everything in my life is going pretty okay/fine. My hands are shaking so bad that I need to correct my spelling like every other second. I really want a cig. I always know that I am not feeling right when I'm able to think of poetry out of the blue and I start to wear darker and darker colthes, this winter is going to be brutal. What questionable feelings that I have...And I know I will only try to make everything into a joke just so I can pretend that I feel okay and laugh so I seem sane.
Damn it, I use to love the fall...
Damn it, I use to love the fall...