may 22, 2004- A day never to be forgotten

[aurora_apple]

Rod Bower is dead...dead as in never coming to school again, never sitting behind me in math, never playing hockey or lax, never doing anything but...but...being dead. >sigh< death is so final, I just can't believe it happened. I still feel in shock, though the big shock will be on monday at school. I was at the HFStival when I heard the news. I was w/ Dana and Werner at the time while Torante had met up w/ some other people and Rachel (who was already quite drunk at 10 am) went w/ Nina into the pit to smoke. I knew Rachel would freak when she heard the news, but I wasn't about to hold it back from her, she was pretty emotionally attached to him. So then here she comes walking up to Werner, Dana, and I w/ our sullen faces and I stood up, hugged her and said a phrase of words I wish I never had to say. At first she didn't hear me right and was confused but when I repeated his name her face dropped and we hugged and cried in the middle of the feild of RFK. The days events unfolded very, how could you put it...I don't know, simply undiscribable. Rachel and I went into the bathroom and cried for awile, everyone was so caring and nice. All these girls that came into the bathroom asked what was wrong and if we needed anything, just saying that one phrase "our friend died last night in a car accident" was so hard, especially for Rachel. "Why are you crying?!"- random person, "our friend died last night in a car accident"- Rachel. I'm still confused as to what happened, I know he lost control, crashed into a tree, and was dead on the spot but was he drunk? That is the part that I do not know, stupid prom... An ironic thought came to me when we were in the bathroom, my first HFStival was w/ Rod and a bunch of other people and yet there I was 2 concert years later hearing about his death. Rachel went to pre-school w/ him...Eventually Rachel called Kia to come and pick her up cause she really wanted to leave but didn't want to go home. I was going to go w/ her but I could tell that she really just wanted some alone time. After that things gradually got easier as the pain subsided and by the end of the concert I was enjoying myself again. Werner and Nina are the best, they were so supportive and I know it was a hard thing for Werner to deal w/ cause he use to be close friends w/ Rod. God, I love my friends, each and everyone of them...So I stayed Werner and Nina for most of the concert and ran into a bunch of other people, we re-connected w/ Dana and Torante, finally saw Robert and Natasha, and we chilled w/ some old McLean college friends. Not to mention Nina and I bought hippie blankets and saw a 55-60 year old roll a joint and smoke it w/ her son. I didn't feel up to going into the pit and moshing cause the med dosage is fucking w/ me again and it was so hot that I really didn't feel like passing out from the heat and the lack of food. But all of us, meaning me , Werner, Nina, Torante, Dana and for a little bit Robert and Natasha chilled in the grass listening to the music and vibing out. Tehe, I'm so glad I was wearing Werner's shorts, I would have died in pants and I'm not one to wear a skirt od short-shorts to a concert. Anywho...I still can't really fully believe that Rod is dead, death is just so final...It wasn't his time to go...>sigh< These sorta things happen in the movies, not in real life...I feel better than before about all of this but it is still quite shocking, I talked to Rachel and she is feeling a bit better. I had to be home at like 8:30-9 ish to watch my sister so Werner and Nina left w/ me and came over. We just sat on the kitchen floor eating real food and just talked, talking certainly helped. When we got back to my place I was so ready to break something out of pure, raw, wild emotion. We talked to my younger sister for once about drugs and about getting fucked up. It was pretty intersting, after tonight I feel the bond w/ my sister is stronger. Then after awile we all migrated to the basement where Nina, Werner and I crashed on the couch and my sister sat on the floor wrapped in my hippie blanket. The rents came home at like 12:30, drove Werner home, and then my mom came downstairs and just sat and talked w/ us for awile. (I called her while I was at the concert and told her what had happened so she had a pretty good idea of what was going on) I wish I didn't have to keep on telling people what happened, I wish it never happened in the first place. Word spread like wildfire...So Rachel was orginally going to sleep over after the concert and Nina, Rachel, and I were going to shroom but that deff didn't happen. And frankly, I'm not even the least bit upset that we didn't get to. It is for the best anyways, cause after a day like today we probably would have had a bad trip. And I'm not even in the mood to be under the influence of anything, reality is fucked up enough right now. Well I need some sleep for tomorrow, cheers all...

R.I.P. Rod Bower
March 31, 1987- May 21, 2004
May all that were close to him remain strong and may he live on in our hearts.

*I swear I feel like I'm living in a really fucked up dream right now*

"...It's about realizing how young you are, but how quickly you can go..."

My advice to all of you is to live life to the fullest each and every day, cause you can never really know if you will actually wake up tomorrow.

I Love You All.