Ack, another excellent chapter. My only criticism is that it might be a tad long for a single chapter --perhaps you'd keep more readers if you cut them up?
That aside, wow. I love Lulu's sin-word. The imagery is beautiful and appropriate. Their chemistry is apparent and heart-breaking. The vision breaking is eerie and haunting. You're dropping barely dropping more hints than Auron is to the other characters, and it works really well. The pilgrimage has become a threat? Intriguing!
I'm enjoying seeing Maroda developed as well, he reminds me a bit of a young Auron, perhaps slightly more distrusting. Dona and Barthello are comforting to see and spot-on. The bit with the girl is adorable, of course.
I'm really looking forward to more and sorry I took so long to read this one.
You're right, I ought to split it, especially with that Maroda conversation I tacked onto the end.
Chapter 6 is taking forever because I have to foreshadow (and write) chapter 7 first.
Pacce's definitely somewhat modelled on Tidus -- Tidus if he'd grown up in Spira and was fluent in that world and its dangers. Also, Tidus was a bit more of a hotshot and solo character, whereas Pacce is ALWAYS the little brother to Maroda and Isaaru, and they've probably been teaching him caution and prudence.
Now I want to write more with Pacce and Barthello.
Odd. I used to hate the Dona character; FFX-2 did at least get me to appreciate her more.
There was a wonderful Barthello and Dona story written by our sorely missed mneme_forgets that helped me to appreciate them, but then I've always felt for that bumbling fanboy Barthello.
Square didn't even change Lulu's model when she was 8 months preggers. Words are cheaper to re-render. I have to get my dose of purple prose every chapter or so, and I just loved the idea of a Cult of Sin and Lulu's Sin having a siren element.
And you are spot-on with your assessment of the cryptic answer and wrongness. Owlmoose asked me a thorny question a while back that caused me to make some embellishments to Isaaru's backstory, and it has had an odd ripple effect -- as soon as I made him start keeping secrets and telling white lies, it seemed like everyone else did too!
I thought this might be where the story was going -- Yu Yevon forcing Sin to destroy the temples because the pilgrimage is now a threat to him -- but I like this conversation as a way to make that clear. I also like how you reimagined Sin's inner landscape to reflect Lulu's history as opposed to Jecht's; it suits both her and the story.
shorter but very to the point. I'm glad you let us see this intimate moment between them yet Auron is still trying to find more details as to what is going on with Sin. *sniffle*
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That aside, wow. I love Lulu's sin-word. The imagery is beautiful and appropriate. Their chemistry is apparent and heart-breaking. The vision breaking is eerie and haunting. You're dropping barely dropping more hints than Auron is to the other characters, and it works really well. The pilgrimage has become a threat? Intriguing!
I'm enjoying seeing Maroda developed as well, he reminds me a bit of a young Auron, perhaps slightly more distrusting. Dona and Barthello are comforting to see and spot-on. The bit with the girl is adorable, of course.
I'm really looking forward to more and sorry I took so long to read this one.
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Chapter 6 is taking forever because I have to foreshadow (and write) chapter 7 first.
Pacce's definitely somewhat modelled on Tidus -- Tidus if he'd grown up in Spira and was fluent in that world and its dangers. Also, Tidus was a bit more of a hotshot and solo character, whereas Pacce is ALWAYS the little brother to Maroda and Isaaru, and they've probably been teaching him caution and prudence.
Now I want to write more with Pacce and Barthello.
Odd. I used to hate the Dona character; FFX-2 did at least get me to appreciate her more.
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(The comment has been removed)
And you are spot-on with your assessment of the cryptic answer and wrongness. Owlmoose asked me a thorny question a while back that caused me to make some embellishments to Isaaru's backstory, and it has had an odd ripple effect -- as soon as I made him start keeping secrets and telling white lies, it seemed like everyone else did too!
In other words, Auron's got competition.
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I thought this might be where the story was going -- Yu Yevon forcing Sin to destroy the temples because the pilgrimage is now a threat to him -- but I like this conversation as a way to make that clear. I also like how you reimagined Sin's inner landscape to reflect Lulu's history as opposed to Jecht's; it suits both her and the story.
Now on to the next...
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