twilight & cooking & censorship rant
I've just come from reading a blog post about Edward and Bella's abusive relationship and how there are never any consequences for Bella's actions - she never pays a price for her choices or actions; she gets off "scott-free" - and what this teaches young girls.
It's articulate and rational and interesting, but I don't know. I see their point and yet I really didn't see it as an abusive relationship and I still don't. I think the consuming nature of their love frightens some people - seriously. It is pretty intense. And with the element of danger - it adds some kind of erotic edge to it?? The arguments against it are valid in the sense that, there are some teenage girls who think getting punched by their boyfriends is a sign of love - that speaks to a very serious problem that isn't being adequately addressed. But I don't see the Twilight series adding to or creating this dilemma.
Critics find their relationship unhealthy but I don't see any evidence of that - it's possible that I don't want to because that spoils things, but I honestly don't. Their relationship is as much a fantasy as any romance book because people generally aren't that willing to commit to someone else, and feel that deeply - we are a selfish species, which is why deep love is a fantasy: it's something not many people get to experience (commonly, they are experiencing it but haven't realised, which is a damn shame). But love is the focal point of many books, great and bad, from Shakespeare to Outlander, and something that we yearn for at a really simple level. I'm sure it's very postmodern to want to rise about love, but postmodernism is a crock. What about being human?
Part of the problem (if there is one) here is that the Twilight series was written (or marketed) primarily for a younger audience, and naturally young people aren't capable of making rational, reasoned judgements - at what age, exactly, are you finally trusted? Are you really supposed to be protected from emotional upheavals? 'Cause teenagers are going to go through those with or without Twilight - they'll make bad choices and throw themselves on someone who isn't "good" for them and all the rest of it. It's part of growing up. If you don't go through all the shit, how do you recognise the good?
And the fact that Bella cooks for her dad is always harped on - I think here Meyer's religion (she's Mormon) works against her, and again people feel threatened, but it's such a bigger issue. This is where feminism loses the plot. In trying to assert ourselves, we've turned our backs on the things that supposedly define femininity: cooking, cleaning, anything domestic, essentially. And, sadly, it's true that there are a lot of men who likewise refuse to do these things. But for women it's a silent protest.
How many women do you know who somewhat proudly exclaim "The only thing I know how to cook is toast" or "I've never used my kitchen for anything except heating up food in the microwave"? I know quite a few. It's a way of saying: "Don't expect me to be domestic just because I'm female: I'm not your mother and you can do your own bloody laundry!" Hell, I agree with the principle of that. No woman wants to be her lovers' mother! But there comes a point where pride gets in the way of good old common sense - and health.
Pre-cooked food, packaged and frozen, is not good for you. Check the ingredients, and if there's more than one thing there that you don't recognise because it's sounds like Latin, don't buy it. Don't eat it. Maybe we can start to get cancer more under control, among other things.
I love to cook, but mostly I love to cook yummy things: cake, desserts, biscuits, things like that. I love making rich chocolate cake because Adam loves to eat it. But the way to a woman's heart is through food as well. Adam loves to cook. He cooks most of our meals, and experiments a lot. Adam's fish soup is fucking amazing. There's no other way to say it except with a swear word. He cooked for me the first night we got together, way back in Japan in 2004. Guys: if you want to get laid, cook for her (you might not get laid that night, but it'll happen!). It's very simple. And if you want her to love you, keep cooking. But more importantly: cooking together is one of the best parts of the day. We talk and laugh and argue and tease while putting together a meal; it's relaxing and enjoyable and brings us closer together.
Where was I going with this? Well, like Gordon Ramsay on The f Word, I'd like to see women back in the kitchen too. But I'd like to see men there as well. I'd like to see them cooking together. A man who cooks is sexy as hell. What's this got to do with Bella? Nothing directly, it's more to do with the reaction to her putting together meals for her dad, a police chief who would otherwise order pizza. If it was a case of her being 12 and raising younger siblings because there was no mother, or responsible parent, that'd be one thing. But that's not the case here. She knows how to cook. She puts together meals while thinking things through. At her age, many parents would be charging rent: so, she contributes in this way. She loves her dad. Why can't it be a harmless thing? It wasn't expected of her because she's female. It wasn't expected of her at all. Me and my siblings used to help Mum cook dinner all the time - not often enough, sadly, but enough to learn some of her classic recipes (that I still use today) - and if she wasn't around we'd cook for ourselves. What's sad is that Bella cooks alone. Why should we be made to feel ashamed to cook? I was patronised for liking to bake a couple of years ago by a young woman who considered herself a feminist - why is it that these people have such poor social skills? - and who looked down on me because this automatically meant I must be a housewife. Fuck you.
You know that saying, "women are their own worst enemies"? I expect you could say the same about men too, but anyway: it's true. I'm not being defensive about the books: doesn't bother me if you don't like them. They're hardly great works of literature or even great examples of prose. That's not what they're about, and they're not going to agree with everyone. That would be ridiculous. No, it's the feminism angle that some critics take (not necessarily the one I read today - but I heard recently that the American librarians want to ban the book for promoting the "wrong" kinds of things for girls to do and think) is more damaging than the books themselves. Critique them, by all means. Every time I love something, I try to understand why. But I think the books are pretty harmless.
This reminds me of the attacks on Harry Potter because certain people thought it would encourage children to practice witchcraft, and on the Narnia books because Aslan is God. It's funny, because what English (the subject) and an Arts degree will teach you is how to analyse things and read between the lines etc. All very important skills in order to see through propaganda, and know when you're being manipulated, and spot the double meanings etc. This, on the other hand, I see more as a knee-jerk reaction to something that subconsciously frightens people, adults in particular - the same as with Harry: a loss of power, of control, over others, as well as a fear of intense emotion. The thing is to educate people, not hide things from them. Censorship always has the opposite effect from the one desired: anyone with half a brain knows that.
Edit: But here's something much more fun: madhowan's hilarious breakdown of Midnight Sun and Twilight the movie - I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself!
It's articulate and rational and interesting, but I don't know. I see their point and yet I really didn't see it as an abusive relationship and I still don't. I think the consuming nature of their love frightens some people - seriously. It is pretty intense. And with the element of danger - it adds some kind of erotic edge to it?? The arguments against it are valid in the sense that, there are some teenage girls who think getting punched by their boyfriends is a sign of love - that speaks to a very serious problem that isn't being adequately addressed. But I don't see the Twilight series adding to or creating this dilemma.
Critics find their relationship unhealthy but I don't see any evidence of that - it's possible that I don't want to because that spoils things, but I honestly don't. Their relationship is as much a fantasy as any romance book because people generally aren't that willing to commit to someone else, and feel that deeply - we are a selfish species, which is why deep love is a fantasy: it's something not many people get to experience (commonly, they are experiencing it but haven't realised, which is a damn shame). But love is the focal point of many books, great and bad, from Shakespeare to Outlander, and something that we yearn for at a really simple level. I'm sure it's very postmodern to want to rise about love, but postmodernism is a crock. What about being human?
Part of the problem (if there is one) here is that the Twilight series was written (or marketed) primarily for a younger audience, and naturally young people aren't capable of making rational, reasoned judgements - at what age, exactly, are you finally trusted? Are you really supposed to be protected from emotional upheavals? 'Cause teenagers are going to go through those with or without Twilight - they'll make bad choices and throw themselves on someone who isn't "good" for them and all the rest of it. It's part of growing up. If you don't go through all the shit, how do you recognise the good?
And the fact that Bella cooks for her dad is always harped on - I think here Meyer's religion (she's Mormon) works against her, and again people feel threatened, but it's such a bigger issue. This is where feminism loses the plot. In trying to assert ourselves, we've turned our backs on the things that supposedly define femininity: cooking, cleaning, anything domestic, essentially. And, sadly, it's true that there are a lot of men who likewise refuse to do these things. But for women it's a silent protest.
How many women do you know who somewhat proudly exclaim "The only thing I know how to cook is toast" or "I've never used my kitchen for anything except heating up food in the microwave"? I know quite a few. It's a way of saying: "Don't expect me to be domestic just because I'm female: I'm not your mother and you can do your own bloody laundry!" Hell, I agree with the principle of that. No woman wants to be her lovers' mother! But there comes a point where pride gets in the way of good old common sense - and health.
Pre-cooked food, packaged and frozen, is not good for you. Check the ingredients, and if there's more than one thing there that you don't recognise because it's sounds like Latin, don't buy it. Don't eat it. Maybe we can start to get cancer more under control, among other things.
I love to cook, but mostly I love to cook yummy things: cake, desserts, biscuits, things like that. I love making rich chocolate cake because Adam loves to eat it. But the way to a woman's heart is through food as well. Adam loves to cook. He cooks most of our meals, and experiments a lot. Adam's fish soup is fucking amazing. There's no other way to say it except with a swear word. He cooked for me the first night we got together, way back in Japan in 2004. Guys: if you want to get laid, cook for her (you might not get laid that night, but it'll happen!). It's very simple. And if you want her to love you, keep cooking. But more importantly: cooking together is one of the best parts of the day. We talk and laugh and argue and tease while putting together a meal; it's relaxing and enjoyable and brings us closer together.
Where was I going with this? Well, like Gordon Ramsay on The f Word, I'd like to see women back in the kitchen too. But I'd like to see men there as well. I'd like to see them cooking together. A man who cooks is sexy as hell. What's this got to do with Bella? Nothing directly, it's more to do with the reaction to her putting together meals for her dad, a police chief who would otherwise order pizza. If it was a case of her being 12 and raising younger siblings because there was no mother, or responsible parent, that'd be one thing. But that's not the case here. She knows how to cook. She puts together meals while thinking things through. At her age, many parents would be charging rent: so, she contributes in this way. She loves her dad. Why can't it be a harmless thing? It wasn't expected of her because she's female. It wasn't expected of her at all. Me and my siblings used to help Mum cook dinner all the time - not often enough, sadly, but enough to learn some of her classic recipes (that I still use today) - and if she wasn't around we'd cook for ourselves. What's sad is that Bella cooks alone. Why should we be made to feel ashamed to cook? I was patronised for liking to bake a couple of years ago by a young woman who considered herself a feminist - why is it that these people have such poor social skills? - and who looked down on me because this automatically meant I must be a housewife. Fuck you.
You know that saying, "women are their own worst enemies"? I expect you could say the same about men too, but anyway: it's true. I'm not being defensive about the books: doesn't bother me if you don't like them. They're hardly great works of literature or even great examples of prose. That's not what they're about, and they're not going to agree with everyone. That would be ridiculous. No, it's the feminism angle that some critics take (not necessarily the one I read today - but I heard recently that the American librarians want to ban the book for promoting the "wrong" kinds of things for girls to do and think) is more damaging than the books themselves. Critique them, by all means. Every time I love something, I try to understand why. But I think the books are pretty harmless.
This reminds me of the attacks on Harry Potter because certain people thought it would encourage children to practice witchcraft, and on the Narnia books because Aslan is God. It's funny, because what English (the subject) and an Arts degree will teach you is how to analyse things and read between the lines etc. All very important skills in order to see through propaganda, and know when you're being manipulated, and spot the double meanings etc. This, on the other hand, I see more as a knee-jerk reaction to something that subconsciously frightens people, adults in particular - the same as with Harry: a loss of power, of control, over others, as well as a fear of intense emotion. The thing is to educate people, not hide things from them. Censorship always has the opposite effect from the one desired: anyone with half a brain knows that.
Edit: But here's something much more fun: madhowan's hilarious breakdown of Midnight Sun and Twilight the movie - I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself!