Hmmm...
Today I went down and talked to a friend of Mark's to see if there was anything she could do to help me get a job. So, hopefully there might be some hope for me, as long as I keep turning in my demo reels to companies and working more. People keep suggesting to me to go down to Seattle or California to work, but I want to stay here. It's hard enough trying to figure out how to get me a job, but moving and then trying to figure out how to get a job for me AND wolfy79 just makes me want to scream. Not that I wouldn't do it. I would do it for him.
Life is strange. I have been feeling really odd lately... I keep thinking about people and things that have happened in my past that I don't feel like I got any closure to, or things that I could have done differently. I try not to feel bad about these things because I know that I can't change them now, but at the same time I feel like I should contact those people that I hurt in the past and try to make it all better, even if I can't, even if I know I handled it the best way that I knew how while it was happening. I've been doing a lot of pondering lately, about various things. None of them make a lot of sense. It's not because of the time... I've always had the time to think. They all just seem to be pouring in all at once, and no one of them seems more important than the others. Except of course the overwhelming fear of not finding a job. Ever. And then I think about other things too. Even though I am actually too busy to think about other things, I do anyways.
So, hypothetically, what do you do when there is someone you "like" and they don't "like" you the same way? Do you sit there and ask yourself what is wrong with you, and what could there possibly be wrong with your personality that they don't feel the same way, because it can't be them so it must be you? Do you wonder why you didn't get past all of this in high school, and just figure that it is hopeless and try to tell your feelings to shut the hell up and go sit over there in that corner, facing the wall? Time out feelings! You don't get to exist any more! Go sit over there and face the wall, and don't talk to me until you have changed enough to stop making me sad! Then I think, I'm pathetic. wolfy79 is very understanding about these strange crushes I get on other people, and I always tell him when they happen. He just kind of accepts them and pats me on the shoulder and says "there there" and tries to make me feel better because I'm hopeless. And I think, maybe he is right. Only he isn't, because I'm pathetic and it's been a year and a half. I mentioned it once, then I ran and hid in a corner. Maybe I should go hide in the same corner again. They're quite comfortable once you get used to them.