(no subject)
i met with the district attorney again yesterday morning to go over more details about the upcoming trial. i was far more emotionally prepared for this meeting than i ended up being for the last one and didn't need to be put into my car and driven back to the city afterwards. i actually went by myself and did just fine! now i know pretty much exactly what i'm in for, what i can expect, and how things are going to go. there have been eight people subpoenaed to testify besides me: the investigating detective, three crime scene specialists, the first responding officer to my apartment after i called 911, the nurse from the hospital, the person who took the DNA sample from the man after he had been arrested (what was later used to confirm the DNA found that night), and a DNA specialist. the defense hasn't subpoenaed anyone and will probably not be calling anyone to testify on his behalf. meryl cooper will in all likelihood NOT be testifying. if he did, they'd be able to bring up his prior history (33 arrests in 31 years, for rape/burglary/assault/breaking and entering/deadbeat dad-related stuff) and he wouldn't stand a chance once information like was understood. as it stands the case they're making against him is DNA-based since i never saw what he looked like. i know that's going to be detrimental but in my defense the man covered my face, put a knife in my back, and threatened to kill me. i'm hoping that with that many people testifying against him it will be easier for the jury to convict him as guilty. he is, and i think the DNA evidence proves that beyond a reasonable doubt but some members of the jury might not accept DNA evidence as irrefutable. and that's where we'll run into problems. hopefully nobody gets picked for the jury who is of that opinion.
saying that i'm more prepared for this does not mean i'm not still absolutely terrified to be doing this. i can say without any exaggeration that i am more afraid of this than i have ever been of anything else in my entire life. but it's something that i know i have to do, both for myself and to ensure that this monster never hurts another living thing ever again, and so i'm just going to bite my tongue and do it. i never really had a choice to begin with, not then and not now.
as if one tenth of any of this wasn't stressful enough, yesterday a private detective came to my work to ask me questions about my relationship to that man. it was bewildering that the public defender for that man would stoop so low as to hire someone like that to try and find out anything he could to discredit me. i don't have anything to hide and am ashamed of nothing, so let them come at me with their worst.
saying that i'm more prepared for this does not mean i'm not still absolutely terrified to be doing this. i can say without any exaggeration that i am more afraid of this than i have ever been of anything else in my entire life. but it's something that i know i have to do, both for myself and to ensure that this monster never hurts another living thing ever again, and so i'm just going to bite my tongue and do it. i never really had a choice to begin with, not then and not now.
as if one tenth of any of this wasn't stressful enough, yesterday a private detective came to my work to ask me questions about my relationship to that man. it was bewildering that the public defender for that man would stoop so low as to hire someone like that to try and find out anything he could to discredit me. i don't have anything to hide and am ashamed of nothing, so let them come at me with their worst.