(no subject)
i feel like my heart was ripped out, chewed up and spat on the ground. i miss her with every fiber of me. my eyes are permanently semi-swollen from crying and my room looks like my closet exploded because i have absolutely no energy to pick anything up. right now i should be hurrying to get out of the house, but instead i just can't move.
the breakup was necessary. she was done. she was very done. i could feel it for a few weeks now. she needed a way out and i gave it to her. but dammit. it wasn't what i wanted. it wasn't what i was ready for. i wanted to say it all and then i wanted her to call me and call me silly and tell me she loves me and that we're not ready to break up yet. we'll work on it. but she didn't. i guess i knew she wouldn't.
next weekend, when i'm in sf and not in boston, i'm going to be a small wreck. i wish so much my friends were here to take care of me. but instead i gotta take care of myself.
for the first time in 3 months, i have NO desire to go back to new york. none.
the breakup was necessary. she was done. she was very done. i could feel it for a few weeks now. she needed a way out and i gave it to her. but dammit. it wasn't what i wanted. it wasn't what i was ready for. i wanted to say it all and then i wanted her to call me and call me silly and tell me she loves me and that we're not ready to break up yet. we'll work on it. but she didn't. i guess i knew she wouldn't.
next weekend, when i'm in sf and not in boston, i'm going to be a small wreck. i wish so much my friends were here to take care of me. but instead i gotta take care of myself.
for the first time in 3 months, i have NO desire to go back to new york. none.