Anniversary

[auraesque]

Five years ago today, I was raped.

Consider this your trigger warning.

It wasn't gray rape. It wasn't date rape. It wasn't “rape rape.” It was just rape.

The details aren't really important. You're just going to have to take my word for it.

But here are some things that happened as a result of it.

Comments

[drachemaedchen]

Continued best wishes in your continuing recovery, and thank you for posting.

I also got PTSD a few years ago, from witnessing a violent crime involving people I've known a long time (I posted about it after it happened). I know exactly what you mean about going into survival mode and being a totally different person on the other side. I'll never, ever be the same person. Do I wish I didn't have to go through what I did? Yes, and at the same time, I would not change who I am today.

I've also noticed my PTSD is aggravated during PMS (really the PTSD symptoms on most days are gone, although I am always in some sort of hyper-awareness mode). I think just realizing it was happening helped deal with it. I'm not on any meds either so I have found that some Yogi brand St. John's Wort tea can help me through the bad days. It may just be a placebo effect, who knows. :)

I too am often angry at our legal system. The guy who I witnessed attempt to murder a girl in front of me spent less than 24 hours in jail and got off with 2 years probation. I think after all the intense fear and paranoia started to wear off, the intense, bitter rage really took its place. I think in the long term my biggest fight will be not letting that anger consume me. I wonder how many other victims of traumatic crime also go through this.

[drachemaedchen]

I forgot to mention, I also have really long heavy periods. I'd go back on The Pill or something but when I was on it I was depressed enough that I went on Lexipro for a couple of years. When I stopped taking the pill I stopped needing depression meds. I'm afraid if I try to handle my period with hormones it'll happen again. :(