(no subject)
............the room feels really cold. I mean, really cold. It's not that cold in here.
okay, when my father came over here, I told him I didn't want to go with him. he asked me why and I said
" because I don't want to".
mikey looked at me funny and let to go to the car. dad continued. he told me that that was too bad, because I was going to go with him. I told him no, but he said I had to do what he said and I could do what I wanted when I was 18 .
" do you think this is optional?"
I honest to go thought it was.In fact, I had only been going before because I felt obligated and have a dillusional hope that maybe he'd act more like a dad as time passed.
" I was under the impression it was."
Now at this point I REALLY did not want to go.he was not convincing me with his bullshit father act. I may be imagining it but I think he wanted to yell.I think he wanted to hit me.Mom was in the room and he KNEW he couldn't hit me and get away with it even if she wasn't.I may e dillusional about all this, but I was scared shitless.
he tried to get mom to back him up, but she agreed with me about it being my choice. I love my mom, I don't think I could've stood up to him if she wasn't on my side.my father ended the issue by the old "can I talk to you for a minute" thing with mom.
now, for thoes of you with real mommies and dadies, here's a lesson (under dillusion that people read this journal). my father was almost never around while I grew up .......-am currently growing up.when we (me and my older brother) were younger, we got corporeal punnishment for wrong doings. the simple ones, like soap in the mouth, spankings, slaps on the face, whacks on the back with the belt. the usual. when we got older.....around the time we moved to florida, our parents (most likely just mom) decided that form of punnishment was below evolved human beings and it stopped...well, either that or we just got in less trouble. anyways, mom was the one who usually caught us doing something wrong, being the active(actual) parent and all, and dad would punnish us. I don't know what it's called, but dad always got this look on his face when he was punnishing us, like a......like fury kind-of. and when the only exposure to a human being you get is occational acknowlagement and punnishments. you learn to not.piss.that.person.off.
It's bizzare writting this........it seems too personal, but I've always been an open person.
I feel what I did today was brave, and I learned a lot.
no regrets.
okay, when my father came over here, I told him I didn't want to go with him. he asked me why and I said
" because I don't want to".
mikey looked at me funny and let to go to the car. dad continued. he told me that that was too bad, because I was going to go with him. I told him no, but he said I had to do what he said and I could do what I wanted when I was 18 .
" do you think this is optional?"
I honest to go thought it was.In fact, I had only been going before because I felt obligated and have a dillusional hope that maybe he'd act more like a dad as time passed.
" I was under the impression it was."
Now at this point I REALLY did not want to go.he was not convincing me with his bullshit father act. I may be imagining it but I think he wanted to yell.I think he wanted to hit me.Mom was in the room and he KNEW he couldn't hit me and get away with it even if she wasn't.I may e dillusional about all this, but I was scared shitless.
he tried to get mom to back him up, but she agreed with me about it being my choice. I love my mom, I don't think I could've stood up to him if she wasn't on my side.my father ended the issue by the old "can I talk to you for a minute" thing with mom.
now, for thoes of you with real mommies and dadies, here's a lesson (under dillusion that people read this journal). my father was almost never around while I grew up .......-am currently growing up.when we (me and my older brother) were younger, we got corporeal punnishment for wrong doings. the simple ones, like soap in the mouth, spankings, slaps on the face, whacks on the back with the belt. the usual. when we got older.....around the time we moved to florida, our parents (most likely just mom) decided that form of punnishment was below evolved human beings and it stopped...well, either that or we just got in less trouble. anyways, mom was the one who usually caught us doing something wrong, being the active(actual) parent and all, and dad would punnish us. I don't know what it's called, but dad always got this look on his face when he was punnishing us, like a......like fury kind-of. and when the only exposure to a human being you get is occational acknowlagement and punnishments. you learn to not.piss.that.person.off.
It's bizzare writting this........it seems too personal, but I've always been an open person.
I feel what I did today was brave, and I learned a lot.
no regrets.