@!$^%***(%##@@$%%!!!!!!!
WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND MOCKINGBIRDS????
Okay, I've got, like, the Migraine from Hell. Omg, I want to crawl into a dark closet, curl up in a ball, and just... I dunno... DIE or something. And there isn't a lot I can take for it, because, well, I'm resistant to a lot of medications.
And yet, I can't crawl into the closet, because I have to take the Impossible Son to the doctor, because he's got a major ear ache and is running 101. Fine. So, I bundle him up, and load him in the car to take the Impertinent Daughter to school. Everything is peachy-keen and hunky-dory, yada, yada, yada, we talk... okay, well, SHE talked while I just sat there, driving, and listening, and trying to have something other than a pained grimace on my face (why does she always seem to be extra-bright and cheerful when an elephant is tap-dancing on my skull in spike-heeled shoes??). I drop her off at school, we come home while the Impossible Son tries to chatter listlessly, and I try to make out what he's saying through his drone. So you know I was thoroughly irritated when we got home. I get out of the car, open the door and help Mr. Manzie out of his seat, thinking, well, here's someone who is just as miserable as I am, and I was giving him a hug. The only warning I had was his body suddenly stiffening, and his startled gasp, and then something slammed into the back of my head and my shoulder. And all I could think was..."OW!!!"
It was two of them. They're ganging up on me.
The Impossible Son was waving his arms over my head and shoulder. "Go away, you bad birds!! Stupid birds!! You stop hurting my mama!!"
I would have laughed if I could. Two mockingbirds, sitting in our little maple tree, eyeing me with malice in their little hearts. I have to tell you, I felt like I should be looking for Alfred Hitchcock. Bird-thugs, I swear. They should have been wearing little leather jackets and had tiny cigarettes hanging off their beaks.
As long as we were still, the birds left us alone. But every time we moved, we became a threat, and they'd start attacking again. It was driving me nuts. Little Man couldn't get out of the car at all. Finally, I said, "Okay, here's the plan. I'll stay between you and the birds. You run for the house, and I'll keep their attention focused on me."
"Right," he said. He was thrilled. It was just like a ninja mission or something, as far as he was concerned. "Are you ready, Mama?"
No, I wanted to say. After all, the way I'm feeling, I'm only slightly faster than a drunk snail. But hey, anything's better than having a small, fierce bird pounding your skull, right?
It worked. He got out of the van, I closed the door, we started moving and as soon as the birds started hitting me (ow, ow, ow, ow!) he raced for the porch. Only one problem. The door was locked. So he ended up plastered against the door while I shielded him and unlocked it, and we both fell in. I had a sudden horror of mockingbirds IN MY HOUSE and managed to kick the door shut in their indignant faces.
You know what? I'm beginning to really, really hate mockingbirds. Really.
Damn, I just realized. We have to go to the doctor, and those damn birds are STILL OUT THERE!!!!
*thunk*
Okay, I've got, like, the Migraine from Hell. Omg, I want to crawl into a dark closet, curl up in a ball, and just... I dunno... DIE or something. And there isn't a lot I can take for it, because, well, I'm resistant to a lot of medications.
And yet, I can't crawl into the closet, because I have to take the Impossible Son to the doctor, because he's got a major ear ache and is running 101. Fine. So, I bundle him up, and load him in the car to take the Impertinent Daughter to school. Everything is peachy-keen and hunky-dory, yada, yada, yada, we talk... okay, well, SHE talked while I just sat there, driving, and listening, and trying to have something other than a pained grimace on my face (why does she always seem to be extra-bright and cheerful when an elephant is tap-dancing on my skull in spike-heeled shoes??). I drop her off at school, we come home while the Impossible Son tries to chatter listlessly, and I try to make out what he's saying through his drone. So you know I was thoroughly irritated when we got home. I get out of the car, open the door and help Mr. Manzie out of his seat, thinking, well, here's someone who is just as miserable as I am, and I was giving him a hug. The only warning I had was his body suddenly stiffening, and his startled gasp, and then something slammed into the back of my head and my shoulder. And all I could think was..."OW!!!"
It was two of them. They're ganging up on me.
The Impossible Son was waving his arms over my head and shoulder. "Go away, you bad birds!! Stupid birds!! You stop hurting my mama!!"
I would have laughed if I could. Two mockingbirds, sitting in our little maple tree, eyeing me with malice in their little hearts. I have to tell you, I felt like I should be looking for Alfred Hitchcock. Bird-thugs, I swear. They should have been wearing little leather jackets and had tiny cigarettes hanging off their beaks.
As long as we were still, the birds left us alone. But every time we moved, we became a threat, and they'd start attacking again. It was driving me nuts. Little Man couldn't get out of the car at all. Finally, I said, "Okay, here's the plan. I'll stay between you and the birds. You run for the house, and I'll keep their attention focused on me."
"Right," he said. He was thrilled. It was just like a ninja mission or something, as far as he was concerned. "Are you ready, Mama?"
No, I wanted to say. After all, the way I'm feeling, I'm only slightly faster than a drunk snail. But hey, anything's better than having a small, fierce bird pounding your skull, right?
It worked. He got out of the van, I closed the door, we started moving and as soon as the birds started hitting me (ow, ow, ow, ow!) he raced for the porch. Only one problem. The door was locked. So he ended up plastered against the door while I shielded him and unlocked it, and we both fell in. I had a sudden horror of mockingbirds IN MY HOUSE and managed to kick the door shut in their indignant faces.
You know what? I'm beginning to really, really hate mockingbirds. Really.
Damn, I just realized. We have to go to the doctor, and those damn birds are STILL OUT THERE!!!!
*thunk*