What aunt_zelda Thinks: Doctor Who Season 3 Finale
Just realized another thing that makes Doctor/Master totally canon.
No, not the kiss the Master blew in the Doctor’s direction at the end of ‘Sound of Drums’ and no, not the double-definition of ‘beard’ (though that is AWESOME.)
Ok, you know how, during ‘I Can’t Decide’ the Doctor’s all old and fugly and crouching in that tent-thing? He’s still wearing that suit of his. How is it so impeccably clean you ask?
The annoying homophobic doubter would suggest that it was cleaned during the-year-that-never-was.
I would snicker and say that that means the Doctor spent some stretch of time out of his clothes! At the very least, twice a week, while his clothes were washed/dry-cleaned!
With a dirty-fangirl-twist, one could speculate that the Doctor spent the entire year out of his clothes and that the suit was kept hanging up in some closet during that time, and that the Master only put the Doctor back into the suit so he could ridicule him in front of an audience right before the final-countdown rubbish and galactical-war and such. Then it’d be right back out of the clothes again!
I’m not really reaching, am I? If the Master despised the Doctor so, the Doctor would have looked like Jack, who, despite being one hot mess, doesn’t look as though he bathed during in the entire year. THERE AREN’T EVEN ANY WRINKLES ON THE SUIT, PEOPLE!
Moving on …
The TV is no longer dark and shadowy. I just needed to tilt it down a bit. (It's a flatscreen.)
WATCH THESE OR FEEL MY WRATH!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zfjrHWHQdTc - Last of the Time Lords
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ER-IWKxycaQ&feature=user - Fragments
http://youtube.com/watch?v=L4vz6nxUU94&feature=user - Exit Wounds
I had a sudden epiphany: when the Doctor and Companion go somewhere in the universe and everyone sounds British, they don't really sound British! It's the TARDIS translating their languages! It probably tailors whatever they're speaking to a familiar dialect! And if their mouths don't really move like that when they're speaking a different language, a perception-field kicks in so it's not like some badly-dubbed Chinese kung-fu movie. This makes me feel much better and less annoyed when it’s always British people in the far-flung reaches of space.
Ok, I know that there’s a bit where the Master creeps in to see Dobby!Doctor when he’s got bed-head and is wearing a bathrobe … so where is it during the episode? I can’t find it! HELP PLEASE!
ACTUAL RECAP:
Ok, as any sci-fi fan, I lurves me a good post-apocalyptic, must-never-ever-happen future, (think FYG on Heroes) but couldn't we have had a montage of the year? I WANTED A DAMN MONTAGE. I wanted the Master to do gross, sexy things to the Doctor! And if that couldn’t happen, could we at least have seen if the Master kept the Doctor old-and-fugly ALL YEAR, or just when company came ’round for tea? *headdesk* I also wanted to see Martha do more than walk five steps across a dark, windswept plain. I wanted to see her kick ass!
*tries to simmer down*
And where did she get the awesome badass outfit? Torchwood Clothing Surpluss? L.L. Bean? Inquiring minds want to know! (I love how her hair is sensibly tied back. Hardly anybody does that in situations like these and it really bugs me.)
I arrived fifteen minutes late for the episode, just as the Toclafane was captured, so …
Beginning with the stuff I missed and had to watch online later:
"Sol 3 has entered terminal extinction. Planet Earth is now closed."
Wait, it was OPEN in the first place? Wow, I'm scared ... also because a British lady seems to be telling the universe what to do in relation to our planet ...
"One Year Later' ... like on BSG ...
Oooo, lantern ... very nice ...
Martha arrives on a beach in England at night. It's a big, sandy beach, the kind that doesn't exist it Maine. (Whenever I see a beach I think 'but where are all the rocks? It's not a beach without rocks!')
Apparently Martha sailed the Atlantic, walked across America defeated Ravenwood with Jake and was the only person to get out of Japan alive. THE MASTER DID NOT EXTERMINATE JAPAN! NOOOOOO! DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT ALL FANGIRLS WISH THEY WERE JAPANESE? HE HAS LOST MY SUPPORT ... (which he'll gain back when he dances about later, but you get the point)
"Great, I'm traveling with a doctor."
Hee …
The only one who could kill the Master is the Doctor, and that's the one thing the Doctor will never do. Clearly these people do not read slash fanfiction.
And yes, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE SCISSOR SISTERS.
Seriously, this is a song that'll get stuck in your head FOREVER (much like the Oaty Bar song) and because he dances and sings along to it, the Master can snog Lucy profusely, slop tea all over Tish, clang a bell, and make the Doctor even older, and I don't give a damn.
Of course, if the Doctor had been his usual sweet young self and perhaps chained to the wall I would be even more in the Master's thrall, but apparently that's too much to ask for on this "kid's show" *cough* where's the gay agenda when you need it?! *cough*
Also, I guess between smexing the Doctor, smexing Lucy, smexing Jack, and harassing the Jonses the Master didn't have time for singing lessons. It's a pity, because John Simm is all kinds of sexy, but a singer he ain't. Guess John Barrowman is the only perfect man out there ...
"It's ready to rise, Doctor ..."
No. NO! My mind did not just go there! Damn you, tessykins! You've corrupted me beyond repair!
"I have one thing to say to you. You know what it is -"
"Oh no you don't!"
I don't even want to think about what he does when the Doctor tries to use a safety word ...
“Citizens rejoice.”
Oh, come on, if John Simm was controlling the world, I’d rejoice every time he came into my airspace!
Ok, I know the camera zoomed in on the Doctor's crotch because he had to give the three-fingers thing, but it’s where his other hand was in that shot that is troubling. That can't be legal for this time-slot ...
Ooo, finger-codes! Yay for super-sekkrit spy signals! *gets the Alias theme stuck in head*
"Last time I book over the Internet."
Ah, Jack ... *grinz* I wonder what Torchwood did in the Himalayas? I really want them to hide up in caves with Sherpas, feeding Yetis to Myfanwy ...
MOUNT RUSHMORE?! YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING! (Can we do that? ...)
At least the Master isn't making them mine the iron for the missiles! He's recycling! He's a green villain! *giggles*
"You've been in space?"
"Problem with that?"
"Nope. No just, uh, wow. Anything else I should know?"
"I've met Shakespeare."
*sporfles* Speaking of which, how is JKR faring in this timeline? And the Queen? And what about the Vice President of America?
Erm, Martha? The Doctor was never interested in you romantically. Rose? Maaaaaaaaaaaabye. Donna? Hope not. But you? I'm sorry, but no.
What is it with the Master and happy disco-lighting? It’s very confuzzling, and doesn’t help the whole “The Master Is not Gay” campaign when you sing and dance to bringing-back-the-eighties music and have purples lighting all over the place.
"Lucy, have you met Tanya? She's gorgeous."
I feel bad for Lucy. She's completely bonkers, married to Evil!Psycho!Simm!Master, but after all the kisses for the press all he's interested in now are younger women who work for him and men who he's got chained up.
"You two should get to know each other. That might be fun!"
... ew. No. No thank you! How come he can make suggestions like that but we can't see the Doctor young and pretty and chained up? WHY?! IT MAKES NO SENSE!
I wonder how many guards Jack seduced that year?
Jack and the Joneses attempt a brilliant plot to give the Doctor the Master's screwdriver. (No, not like that you ninnies!) Of course, it doesn't work because the Master rigged it so that only he can use it (next time they should try to cut off his hand!) so he just gets very cutely pissed-off, half-heartedly shoots a laser at Mrs. Jones, and punches the Doctor. Lucy scampers around to put his jacket back on. (Also, Jack gets shot. A lot. Apparently it’s happened before. Use that infor, fanfic writers.) The Master heaves the Doctor into a chair, perches on the table, spinning the Doctor about in a perfectly wonderful way. Then he talks about the Time War.
I want a mini-series on this Time War.
"Look at him now, stealing screwdrivers, how did he ever come to this? Oh yeah, me!"
*cue maniacal laughter on his part and wincing on mine*
"No, it's my turn! Revenge: best served hot."
Whilst Vindici yells in my ear I drool because yes, revenge is hot, especially when it’s delivered by John Simm! (Btw, hasn’t the whole year been ‘his turn?’ Odd choice of wording, don’tcha think?)
The Master broadcasts in gritty black and white TV. (Does he miss Old Who?) He still manages to look and sound damn hot.
The Joneses are handcuffed to their bunks. Not like that, just to the posts. Wherever did Martha's brother get to, btw?
"How much hope has this man got? Say hello Gandalf."
Oi! Sir Ian McKellen is very nice looking and you will not insult him thus! *draws katana and strides purposely forward, thinking how much better it would have been if the Master broadcasted NC-17 clips of him and Normal!Doctor instead, or at least of Normal!Doctor chained to a wall*
Seeing as this is the next biggest mistake of the finale, I choose to ignore the Gnome!Dobby!Doctor and pretend it did not exist. I will instead focus on how sexy John Simm is, how wonderful the evil-intense-music is, and how he's saying "Down you go Doctor ..." because yes, I am that shallow. (Also, the fact that he retains his sexy Tennant voice is very good persuasion to watch. Just close your eyes and pretend he’s chained to the wall.)
Ah, Doctor Who: continuing to spread the stereotype that people who crick their necks are evil. Thanks a lot. *scowls*
How does Martha know the Doctor didn’t die? I mean, it’s a great line, and she truly believes it, and her smile is MADE OF WIN, but really, how did she know?
"Fifteen ground to air missiles. Got any on you?"
I like this character. I wish she'd had more screentime.
South Africa lightening strike. Cool.
"Whoever thought we'd miss Bill Gates?"
Americans represent! *punches the air*
[And this is where I came in! Though, whilst watching the episode online, I realized that some rather nice bits were CUT from the American version!]
Martha, scruffy-bloke, and scientist (am I the only one who thought the scientist was a man with a high voice? I'm so deeply ashamed I may have to commit hari-kari with a sonic screwdriver) capture a Toclafane in an electric-fency-thing.
Can you believe that the scene where Mrs. Jones, Mr. Jones, and Tish talk about how they’re gonna kill the Master was CUT on BBC America? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! It’s a damn good scene!
Anyhoodle, apparently being held-hostage by a psycho Time Lord when the world is ending is exactly what you need to re-start your marriage!
Apparently Tish is a fangirl too, because the Master made the Jonses watch Japan burning and she swears she’s gonna kill him for that. *kaSMIRK* Manga-geeks unite!
“I swear to you: he’s dead.” Erm, Tish, darling? He’s totally coming back once RTD quits! It’s like starting a site that says ‘Dumbledoreisnotdead.com’ … which WAS started, btw, I went there a few years back …
The Master stalks into the conference room, arm around Lucy, who's clad in the-red-dress-of-sexy-evil. She lounges in a very non-kid's-show-way in the background as the Master asks if the Doctor can hear the drums.
Where DID the Master get a birdcage? Seriously, who keeps a birdcage around? Did he let the Joneses have a pet bird for a few months and then kill it out of sheer malice? That is so something he would do …
Then scientist opens up the Toclafane, and it's a gross shrunken head.
IT'S THE HUMANS FROM THE FUTURE. IT IS SO SICK AND GROSS AND OH GOD POOR DOCTOR ... the Master really really really knows how to get to the Doctor, doesn’t he?
I got nasty shivers on my scalp and down my back. I mean, the image of the people getting into the rocket at the end of ‘Utopia’ is a really moving, wonderful thing, and now when I go back and watch it, it’ll be awful.
"I took Lucy to Utopia: a Time Lord and his human companion."
I can’t even laugh …
Why does it sound like Lucy’s been practicing these lines all year? She also reminds me an awful lot of Drusilla … if the Master was canoodling with the Doctor, Jack, and ‘Tanya’ all year long, what was Lucy doing? She’s much too pretty and much too insane to be left on her own …
"We made ourselves so pretty."
Cannibalized, like the TARDIS-with-a-paradox-machine. *shivershiver*
The Master tortures the TARDIS in evil-red light. Why is red always evil unless it’s for Gryffindor?
TRUFAX: the Master totally smexed the Doctor on top of the Paradox Machine.
“But you’re changing history. Not just Earth, the entire universe.”
"I'm a Time Lord, I have that right."
Oh BURN!
“With me as their Master.”
Who wouldn’t want John Simm to rule them? Really, I’m addressing the table at large!
“Time Lords and humans combined, haven’t you always dreamt of that, Doctor?”
So the Doctor isn’t half-human after all? Could someone please clarify that point for me?
“But what about us? We’re the same species, why do you kill so many of us?”
“Because it’s fun! Buahahahahhaa!”
*dives under the bed* You’ll have to lure me out with Doctor/Master fics!
"Human race: greatest monsters of them all ... night then." he grins cheerily and walks out with Lucy, probably off to have lots of evil sex, with or without Tanya.
”Ah, the Master's immortal. Wonderful."
Weeeeeeeeeeell, if you’re counting by regenerations, all you have to do is shoot him in the mainstream way eight times, and then he’d be dead-dead …
“San Diego, Bejing, Budapest, and London.”
Shouldn’t you have started with London, seeing as you landed there in the first place? Oh, right, it’s a fake plot, WHY AM I ASKING LOGICAL QUESTIONS?
"Can’t get across London at night, it's full of wild dogs, we’ll get eaten alive."
I ♥ post-apocalyptic worlds. I do not know why. Do not ask me why. *slinks off to watch Jericho*
Why did Martha kiss the Professor’s cheek? No, I’m not looking for femmeslash where there isn’t any, I’m just asking …
"You might be many things but you don't look like a killer to me."
That's because she isn't a killer. The gun's a stupid cover-up thing to flash in the Master’s face so he doesn’t see the real deal.
“He has saved your lives so many times, and you never even knew he was there!”
LINDA did!
"But he never comes to Earth, he never walks upon the ground!"
I love the Master’s menacing music. I mean, I love ‘Voodoo Child’ and ‘I Can’t Decide’ but it’s the scary electric villain music that sends you hiding under tarps. (Interesting that Martha is not hiding under the stairs, but on top of the stairs.)
"Martha? Martha Jo-ooones? I can see you! Come on out, little girl, come and meet your Master."
Ok, firstly, the John Simm is totally working the whole ‘Villain calls out to the hero in a childish way.’ Give the man a round of applause! Secondly, how does his voice go so high?! *stares in disbelief* Now that is a hard thing to accomplish!
"Ask yourself: what would the Doctor do?"
*sporfles* How many people have that as a bumper sticker?
The Master claps his hands as Martha appears and says "Oh, good girl. He trained you well." MARTHA IS NOT A DOG!
I wonder what she had in that pack, besides the gun-of-fakeness.
"And now, good Companion, your work is done."
He shoots cute-red-shirt, who did not have the sense to aim the gun out of the mail-chute and not run screaming towards the Master. THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE A GUN, DUMBASS, SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET CLOSE TO YOUR TARGET.
"But you, when you die, the Doctor should bear witness, hmm?"
The Master is taking the whole ‘ex-girlfriend’ business a little too far …
"And now: kneel."
The sad music of the DVD menus begins to play. That's how I knew she wasn't gonna die, because, as she walked down the room, the epic scary music that was playing - that made me want to cry, scream, hide behind the couch, and punch the air - made me forget that I knew what happened!
Martha starts to laugh. *BEAMS* YOU GO, BADASS!
"As if I would ask her to kill."
*kaSMIRK*
And this is where it all goes wrong. This is where the magical spell takes affect. The good news is that the Doctor isn't old and fugly anymore. The bad news is that he does it by going all Tinkerbell!Jesus.
"Stop it! No no no no no, you don't!"
I concur, Master, I concur.
And lo, the slash is even more canon! Because after a year of slashers-know-what and killing Jack and enslaving the human race and killing people for amusement and beating Lucy ... after all of that THE DOCTOR FORGIVES THE MASTER. Remember the Family of Blood? Remember how the Doctor went all scary and made me hide-under-the-bed-for-three-weeks? THE DOCTOR FORGIVES THE MASTER. HE GIVES HIM A HUG.
Case: closed.
"Protect the paradox!"
Damnit, now I've got that song from The Pirates of Penzance stuck in my head!
"If I can't have this world, than neither can you. We shall stand upon this Earth together as it burns."
Or you know, you could ask him out for coffee. That’s a nice way to start …
"I know you."
What exactly do you mean by that, Doctor? Srsly?
Jack destroys the paradox machine and the Doctor and the Master tumble around on the ground. Sadly when they return the Doctor grabs a hold of Martha, but that's to be expected, seeing as she's a badass who just saved the world and quite possibly the universe. But I digress ... they use wind-machines and it's all very intense and cool. Props to the people who did all of that it mustve been rather a lot of work.
And there goes Ozymandius the Master's big ol' statue. Did anyone really object to it?
"Oh, hello, Mr. Jones! We haven't actually met!"
*giggles* Oh Doctor, I missed you ...
"Whoa there, big fella!"
Jack: no. Just ... no. Neither Time Lord can stand to look at you. Return to your adoring Ianto and do not request sexy threesomes with my OTP.
The way the Doctor and the Master are looking at each other when the Master is handcuffed at the other end of the room is very interesting. The Doctor is tilting his head up so his chin is almost pointing at the Master, and he looks rather regal and judicious. The Master is doing the same thing, but he’s narrowing his eyes in this ‘oh god no’ way. While the Master changes his facial expressions and tone of voice several times throughout this very short exchange, the Doctor retains that judicious-thing. I think we all know who’d be topping if they’d made it into the TARDIS, and his name doesn’t rhyme with ‘faster.’
"You mean you're just gonna ... keep me?"
I think the eye-rolling thing was a signal to Lucy. Much less obvious than three-fingers, in my opinion.
“I’ve been wandering for too long. Now I’ve got someone to care for.”
And, just as the fangirls are about to die of the impending-squeeage … Lucy shoots the Master for no other reason than because the Master gave her a signal, because he wanted to traumatize the Doctor. (He obviously wasn’t aware of Donna.)
"And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?"
You make is sound like such an awful fate! (Then again, he wouldn’t be the Master anymore, would he? He’d have an identity crisis.)
"We're the only two left, there's no one else."
What about the Rani? I bet it's her hand, not Lucy's, at the end ...
'How about that? I win."
OUCH.
The electric guitars of doom kick in, followed by this awesome sad song that is really good. I would have preferred the music they use on the DVD menu, the song that plays a lot when things are foreshadowed, you know, the ‘ooooo, oooo-ooooo, ooooouuuuuuooooooh, ooouuuuoououo’ one?
The Doctor's scream ... yeah, I can't talk about it. I can feel it inside my chest.
Nor will I mention the 'Returns of the Jedi sans Ewoks' scene.
That's an awful place for a commercial break. Seriously.
In America, they also cut the part where Martha gives the Professor-lady some luverly flowers. It reminds me of in ‘Smith and Jones’ when the Doctor takes off his tie in front of her before she meets him. I wonder if that was intentional.
"The Face of Boe, they called me."
I cackle and say ‘That's so wrong.’ So very, very wrong. I don't want Jack to die as a big head with a catwoman crying over him. It’s a demening way for the character to die.
The Doctor's got his hand back: cool.
The Doctor knows Martha's leaving. We can tell because he spouts ADHD babble about all the places they could go. It’s very sad, because you can tell the ADHD-thing is a cover, a mask you could say. Nine was the uncovered-Doctor, the turtle out of his shell, the raw, exposed core. The naked hero. That’s why we love Rose, because she gave him clothes.
"Martha Jones, you saved the world."
"Yes I did. I spent a lot of time with you, thinking I was second best, but you know what? I'm good."
Hell yeah you are! Please to be joining Torchwood as UNIT-liaison-woman, y/y?!
"So this is me, getting out."
Good girl.
The music isn't sad, it's kinda that happy-sleezy-epic stuff. It’s good, because this isn’t a forced-end, or a wrong decision, this is a healthy conclusion to another chapter in the Doctor’s life.
A hand with red fingernails picks up a green ring with Gallifreyan text, and the Master laughs. He's so coming back.
*The Doctor meets himself*
The Titanic crashes through the TARDIS wall. The Doctor does his 'whut?!' thing. I resolve to watch 'Voyage of the Damned' this evening.
Hurrah for Season 4!