Fulfilled At The End of the Day - Jaeris D/s fanfic

Jun 19, 2013 23:03


Title: Fulfilled At The End of the Day
Rating: R
Word Count: 4,146 (aprox.)
Characters: Jaeris, OMC, Linkara, Linksano, Lupa, mentions of Jaeris’s wife
Disclaimer: I own nothing, etc.
Warnings: Torture, trauma, BDSM specifically D/s, collaring, aftercare.
Sorta Sequel To: Obedience, Submission, Reward.
Summary: Jaeris was tortured in the past, it’s prevented him from engaging in any D/s scenes like he used to, so he sets out to find a Dom and work through the memories.
A/N: Inspired by this lovely art by LadySciFi, encouraged by the weekly TinyChat. Sort of a sequel to the “Linksano has a Stockholm Syndrome crush on Linkara and he’s afraid of him but he also loves him and then they do D/s to try and fix things and it sorta works” trilogy. This took way too long to finish and I’m sorry. Especially happy with the final part of the story. Jaeris’s accent continues to be difficult to convey via type. Title shamelessly ripped from a lyric of Depeche Mode’s song Master and Servant because I am terrible at titles.


Interrogation

Jaeris is blindfolded. He can’t see what’s going on, where they’ve taken him. They remove his handcuffs, and for a brief moment he thinks that means he’ll finally be allowed to see … but it’s only to tie his hands, hoist them up high above his head until he’s teetering on the balls of his feet.
Then they leave him there. How long Jaeris isn’t sure, fifteen minutes perhaps? He starts to ache, squirm, tug helplessly on the rope: it won’t give.
Then Jaeris hears someone approaching. He tenses, trying to find the source of the footsteps, when …
SLAP.
It’s a backhand, cutting across his jaw, making the side of his face sting. Whoever hit him is wearing a ring of some kind; the stone has left a welt on Jaeris’s face.
“Where are the others?” growls a voice.
Jaeris spits, tastes blood in his mouth, and doesn’t answer.
More slaps, punches too, one in the stomach. Jaeris gasps, falling back, his feet slipping out from under him. His wrists protest at taking all of his weight, the ropes burning, tearing his skin.
Someone knees him in the groin. Jaeris sees stars, even from behind the blindfold, and moans with pain.
“This’ll go a lot easier on you if you just tell us where they are. Your little resistance movement. All the other cockroaches and pirates and dissenters.”
Jaeris sets his jaw.
They split his lip next.
They leave him for much longer this time. Jaeris aches, but he knows there is worse to come.
When the silence is broken by the snap of a whip, Jaeris flinches on instinct.
His interrogators - there are at least three, he surmises - laugh at this, taunting him, trying to get him to confess before they flay his skin.
Still Jaeris refuses.
It’s a single whip, not a braided cat. Jaeris tries to find comfort in that, as the lash tears through his shirt, draws blood from his back and chest. It could have been worse. It could have been a cat, or one of those nasty things with iron hooks in the ends. It’s just a single lash.
He’s crying, by the end of the whipping. He yells with pain and frustration when they douse him with water - saltwater - afterwards.
They leave him for a few minutes, then send him to prison, to await trial.
He’s “interrogated” once more, during the trial. Civil rights have been eroded to the point where torturing confessions from people is becoming more and more permissible in the eyes of the courts.
Again, Jaeris is blindfolded, tied, beaten. He is whipped. He is stripped and left in a cold room for a very long time, with spikes to keep him from moving more than a few inches in any direction.
Afterwards, in prison and while on the run, Jaeris doesn’t have an opportunity to reflect on what happened to him. He tries to lock the memories away, put them out of his mind until he’s in a place where he can deal with them properly. They flare up unexpectedly, haunt him at night. When he tries to dwell on pleasant memories of his wife, the games they played, the memories of his interrogations tangle with scenes of his wife teasing him with a pair of handcuffs.
Something has to be done. Positive reinforcement. Reclaiming what they ruined for him. But Jaeris has no idea when he’s going to be able to manage something like that.

Linksano

It’s been four months since Linkara destroyed Jaeris’s watch. While the ache of pain hasn’t melted, Jaeris’s anger has. It was an honest mistake on Linkara’s part, understandable considering the circumstances.
Jaeris drops by to return some DVDs Linkara lent him. He was invited to dinner, he is several times a week, and as the months have gone on he’s begun to accept the invitations more often. At first it was painfully awkward, frustrating at times, and Jaeris stormed out once or twice, but now there’s a kind of familiarity among them. They’re not friends, but they are allies. Jaeris has come to Linkara’s aid on several occasions in the past two months, and Linkara has been polite and grateful to him. He’s helped Jaeris with his ship, assisted him with adjusting to some of the Earth’s frequencies and culture inconsistencies.
Hence, the DVDs: Linkara has been educating him.
Jaeris stacks the DVDs in the living room and smiles when he sees a new stack set aside with Linkara’s scrawl “for Jaeris” written on a note stuck to the top.
On a whim, Jaeris decides to stay for dinner. He wants to discuss things with Linkara about the movies he borrowed, some differences from the films from his world, clarifications about stories he’s never seen before.
He decides to wait in the kitchen, see if Harvey is making dinner tonight or if Linkara is baking a pizza. If nothing else, there are always books and comics stacked on the counters he could peruse in the meantime.
Instead he finds Linksano, naked to the waist, wearing a leather collar around his neck.
Jaeris makes a small sound of shock, taken completely by surprise. Linksano freezes and whirls around, eyes wide and panicking. He’s not wearing his goggles. To Jaeris, that makes him seem even more naked than the lack of a shirt.
Jaeris notices the tray behind Linksano on the counter: a glass of juice, a plate with grilled cheese, a bowl of soup. Jaeris remembers now that Linkara has been feeling a bit under the weather lately, a cold of some sort - probably exhaustion from all his fights and reviewers - and had mentioned wanting to take things easy for a day or two.
Jaeris also notices faint red patches on Linksano’s skin: hickeys dotting his collarbone and the curves where his neck and shoulders meet; stripes across his back, the faint imprint of a hand on his cheek.
“Are you allowed to speak right now?” Jaeris asks quietly.
Linksano blinks: it’s his turn to be surprised. Eventually he shakes his head, smiling in relief that Jaeris understands the situation.
Jaeris hopes he does. But he’s seen couples who don’t play safe. He has to know, to ease his conscience. “Are you two using a safeword? Is he respecting it?”
Linksano nods twice.
“Right,” Jaeris sighs with relief, “that’s good. But if he ever … if you ever need to get away, you come to me and I’ll let you stay on my ship. If you can’t get away, contact me and I’ll come and get you. Any time.”
Linksano rocks back on his heels, stunned. His eyes are wide, brimming with a million things he wants to say, but can’t, at the moment.
“Ok. Just so we’re clear,” Jaeris heads for the fridge to get himself a glass of juice. “I wouldn’t keep him waiting, looks like he’s already spanked you once today.”
Linksano blushes red and leaves, tray in hand.
Jaeris drinks his juice and smiles to himself, thinking of saintly, heroic Linkara engaging in kinky roleplay. Perhaps it’s Linksano who wants it, and Linkara is only indulging his partner. Or it’s the other way around.
But … no. Linksano looked too pleased to be merely putting up with that. He wouldn’t have stuck to the “no talking” rules if it was just an act for Linkara. No, his interest, at least, is genuine.
Jaeris finds himself wondering what Linkara is like, as a dom. If he’s the disinterested type who just watches, teases and taunts, ignores the sub until the poor thing is writhing and squirming and begging with need. Or if he’s more of a hands-on type, stroking, striking, petting …
Jaeris shivers, thinking about Linkara’s hands all of the sudden in an entirely different context.
A burst of inspiration strikes him. Maybe this is the opportunity he’s been looking for, at long last.
There’s a lot of factors to deal with, though. For one thing, the trust issues between himself and Linkara. (No small obstacle.) And whether Linkara would even be open to doing this kind of thing with Jaeris. And if it would even work at all, with all the baggage and trauma Jaeris has been dragging around.

Linkara

“Linkara? I was hopin’ there was somethin’ you could help me with.”
“Yeah? What’s up?” Linkara puts down the Cybermat he was repairing. It squeaks and twitches vaguely.
“Ah, how to start …” Jaeris sits down, hands folded. “It’s kinda … personal. An’ I want you to understand that it don’t have to be you. I just thought … because …” Jaeris sighs. This isn’t going how he wanted it to at all.
Linkara blinks. “Look, Jaeris, just spit it out. I can’t read minds.”
Jaeris nods, gets it over with. “What you and the doc get up to … I was wonderin’ … if you could do somethin’ like that with me.” Jaeris closes his eyes briefly, steeling himself for the worst. Anger, pity, rejection …
“What, right now?”
Jaeris looks up. That wasn’t denial, or outright rejection, or anger. A good start, then.
“I’d have to talk to Linksano. About boundaries, exclusivity, that kind of stuff.” Linkara coughs. “And I’m not saying ‘yes.’”
“I know. Thank you, I …” Jaeris shrugs. “No rush, talk to him when you can.”
Linkara nods.
An awkward silence descends upon them.
“So, you saw Linksano last week.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah.”
“He told me. You asked about safewords and stuff. That was … um, nice?” Linkara winces slightly. “What would you have done, if we weren’t using them?”
“I’d have gotten the doc outta here.” Jaeris says, truthfully.
“Good.”
More silence.
“What should I know, about … you, and this?” Linkara asks.
“My wife an’ I … we played. It was good. It was safe. She was the dom, I was the sub.”
“And you miss her?”
“Yes. But that’s not, that’s not the whole story,” Jaeris sighs, leans back. He takes the forgotten Cybermat from the table and finishes repairing it, automatic movements learned over the past few months spent as Linkara’s ally. It squeaks at him in gratitude. “I told you about my life, the resistance, getting put in jail. Well, they interrogated me. Woulda been torture under the old laws, but those got taken off the books pretty quick. So, officially, it was what they called ‘enhanced interrogation.’” Jaeris clenches his fists, staring at the table. He can’t look at Linkara right now, saying the words is hard enough without having to look the man in the face.
“Jaeris, I’m s -”
“Don’t.” Jaeris snaps. “I just … when I think about it, it’s all tangled up with my wife, and the things we did. And that’s wrong. I need … I need to feel good, bein’ tied up, like I used to. Get rid o’ the stuff they did to me. An’ if you can’t help me with it, I’d like yer help in findin’ someone who can.”
Linkara blinks, taking in the weight of the situation.
“Ok,” Linkara says at last. “I … I can’t promise anything, but I’ll talk to Linksano. And I’ll get back to you, about this. Soon.”

~*~

Panic surges through Jaeris as Linkara tightens the knot. He can’t escape, he’s trapped, vulnerable, stretched out like a piece of meat for anyone to grope and touch and hurt …
“Jaeris?” Linkara reaches for the end of the rope, his face awash with concern, and rightly so.
Jaeris shakes his head, takes a deep breath. He focuses his mind, wills the fear to ease down. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine -”
“I need this, Linkara!” Jaeris barks.
Linkara is silent for a moment. “Amber, red, or green?”
Jaeris calms his voice. “I can see. I can see it’s you. This ain’t a cell. It’s a comfortable, normal room, with soothing fucking colors on the walls. You ain’t my torturer.”
“No, I’m not,” Linkara agrees. “I’m your dom.”
“Green, Linkara.” Jaeris steadies himself. “Don’t make me beg, I -”
“I can make you do whatever I want you to, Jaeris,” Linkara growls, hand tangling in Jaeris’s hair. “And now that you’re nice and tied up, I think I’ll do some reading. You can wait, right? Be patient and wait for me?”
Jaeris squirms. He hates waiting. He’d rather do something, anything, but lie here and wait, trussed up like an animal.
“Please …” he whispers, voice cracking as he remembers the pleas that fell on deaf ears in those cells. “Please don’t … leave me?”
Linkara’s expression softens. “Of course, I’m not going to leave you,” he says, slowly at first, gaining confidence again. Jaeris knows that Linkara wouldn’t stand for this with Linksano, this leading from a sub in the middle of a scene, but Linkara is going easy on him for now. Which is what Jaeris wants, what he needs. “I’ll just sit over here, do some reading. And you wait, and be quiet, unless it’s an emergency.”
Jaeris nods. “Yes, sir.”
Linkara grins and sits down, picks up a new comic book.
Jaeris waits, tests the ropes at times, gets comfortable. This is … good. What he needed, after all this time. Something to test his psyche, but relaxed enough to not traumatize him anew.

~*~

Jaeris has a few scenes with Linkara before Linksano enters the mix.
Linksano only watches, kneels in the corner with wide eyes while Linkara plays with Jaeris. It drives the scientist crazy, waiting, watching, straining to keep still and silent like a good boy.
Linksano doesn’t touch Jaeris. Jaeris likes that just fine, likes to be played with, left wet and exhausted and slumped on the bed while Linkara moves on to Linksano, to reward him for his good behavior or punish him for being naughty.
But gradually Jaeris begins to realize that Linkara is far too busy to manage two subs, even two subs who are as easygoing as Jaeris and Linksano. He has his videos, his work, his interstellar combat.
Then there’s something … off, about the way Linksano and Linkara act around each other. It’s disconcerting to Jaeris. It works for them, but Jaeris comes to decide that he wants no part of it. And, with Linkara’s busy schedule, they can only do scenes together these days.
Worse, while Linkara is a careful, committed dom, just the right mix of authoritative and loving … he’s not quite right for Jaeris either. As good as he is, as hot as it is … sometimes the memories come back, in spite of the work they’ve done. Linkara is a strong man with a voice that can go too deep for Jaeris’s comfort. And suddenly Jaeris isn’t in the bedroom with Linkara, he’s in that awful cell with those men, trying to beat information out of him.
So, finally, after much deliberation with himself, Jaeris sits down at the kitchen table with Linkara.
It’s an awkward conversation, but one that has to happen. Jaeris makes his needs known, Linkara agrees that he is overworked and that it isn’t fair to try and be a Dom to Jaeris and Linksano when he’s stretched so thin. He apologizes far more than he needs to, until Jaeris gets him to stop.
Linkara helps him search, as promised. They search among Linkara’s friends and fellow reviewers, as average people wouldn’t be able to deal with Jaeris’s unique situation.
There’s a woman with pigtails and an affinity for robots, but Jaeris clashes with her via Skype and they agree that her particular brand of dominance isn’t what he’s after.
There’s a man with a voice so seductive Jaeris practically orgasms just from speaking with him. But his hair and his tone remind Jaeris too much of some of his interrogators. That wry amusement, that deep chuckle … it’s just like those men. Perhaps someday … but not now, Jaeris isn’t ready for a man like that now.

Lupa

She’s not his wife.
She’s pale and redheaded, with a bold smile and a throaty laugh. She’s confident and strong, wears a leather jacket and boots designed for endurance.
His wife had hair bleached to whiteness - a sharp contrast against her dark skin. She was shy in public, quiet, soft, and dressed in flowing dresses and skirts. It was in the bedroom that she changed, came out of her shell, transformed into a goddess to be feared and loved and, above all else, worshipped. And Jaeris was all too eager to worship her, fear her, love her, do anything and everything for her.
So at first, Jaeris isn’t sure of this redheaded woman, who Linkara calls “Lupa” and 90’s Kid calls “one bodacious babe” and Harvey calls “a helluva a dame.”
She’s very informal at first, easygoing and joking around on skype. Her laugh is infectious in the best way, putting Jaeris at ease during what was originally a very awkward skype chat. Once the discussion turns to Jaeris and his situation she’s all business, discussion of limits and preferences, experience levels, known triggers. Efficient and responsible, with a bit of a wicked glint in her eye. Her teasing after that brings a blush to Jaeris’s cheeks once or twice, to his surprise and her delight.
They end by agreeing on a date for her to visit. She’ll film a crossover with Linkara and then spend the evening with Jaeris. Linkara promises to herd everyone out of the house and onto Comicron-1 for spaceship karaoke that night.

~*~

It’s not like any scene Jaeris has played before. If not for subtle changes to Lupa’s attire and bearing, he’d think she’d gone back on her decision.
“Well, aren’t you a pretty one,” Lupa grins, looking Jaeris up and down, appreciation very clear. “It’s warm enough, I don’t think you’ll be needing your shirt tonight.”
Jaeris gulps, thinking of his scars, but remembers that he talked to Lupa about them. He isn’t ashamed of them; she knows they’re there. He unbuttons his shirt, carefully folds it and drapes it over a chair.
She circles him, reaching out to move his braid over his shoulder, examining the scars. He feels her eyes on him and shivers slightly. She knew they’d be there, but seeing them might change her mind -
She snaps a collar around his throat.
“Oh …” he jolts, hand automatically reaching up to touch it. She allows him to, rests her hands on his shoulders as he runs a finger along the front of the collar. It’s metal, finely made but very simple, no designs he can feel. A metal loop rests at the front, for attaching a leash presumably. It’s a good weight, and not too tight.
“When you address me, you will call me ‘Ma’am.’ It’s too early for other honorifics. Down the road, that could change.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She grasps the end of his braid and leads him into the living room, not yanking, not even pulling hard enough to hurt. She smiles, and he has to hold back a laugh. They’re both walking across the stage in a play they haven’t entirely memorized yet, a little nervous laughter is inevitable.
“Put the DVD in.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Jaeris does, noting that it’s not one he’s seen before. Then he stands beside the tv, hands clasped behind his back.
“Where would you like to sit?”
Jaeris considers his options in the room.
“The floor, Ma’am.”
She raises an eyebrow, but nods. “Ok. I’m gonna sit on the couch.”
She sits, watches as he sits on the floor, a few feet to her right.
After a few moments she says, “You can come a little closer, if you like.”
He hesitates, waits a little before inching closer. “Thank you, Ma’am.”
Before the previews are finished, he’s sitting at her feet.
About a third of the way through the movie, she flips her foot into his lap. He glances up, and she nods, and that’s all he needs.
“Thank you, Ma’am.”
He removes her shoe, sets it aside, massages her foot slowly, kneading the tension from the muscles and tendons, stretching the toes. She moans faintly, stays almost completely silent above him.
Once he’s finished, she hooks her other foot around his chest, wiggles it meaningfully. He doesn’t need to be told twice.
When he’s done, he presses a kiss to the inside of her ankle, and when he doesn’t receive a smack or a pinch, kisses the other ankle.
This earns him a scratch on the head, which turns to a more appreciative stroke, and then both of her hands are running through his hair, stroking his head, pulling lightly on his braid. He lets himself be pliable, almost limp, in her grasp. Her hands are strong, but not as large as Linkara’s, or … other hands. There’s no mistaking them for the hands of someone who wishes him harm. He feels safe in her grasp, cared for. Maybe even lo…
“… so beautiful …” Lupa murmurs somewhere above him, leaning down.  He can feel her hair tickling his shoulder, her breath on his neck, ghosting over the collar …

~*~

“Jaeris? Come back to me …”
Jaeris smiles lazily, blinking at a glacial speed.
“Jaeris? You did so good for me, but I need you to come back now …”
Jaeris blinks rapidly, shaking his head. The collar is very loose, clasp open. He reaches up and clings to it, mind fuzzy.
“Nuh-uh, time for that to come off.”
Jaeris pulls the collar off, feeling his mind focus again. “Was I … out?” he looks at Lupa, who’s crouching on the floor next to him, her hands on either side of his face. His body shivers, suddenly cold.
She pulls a blanket from the couch and drapes it over his shoulders. “Yeah, you were out.” She grins, face reddening slightly from nerves. “You kinda slipped away. I was scared at first, thought you were freaking out or something, but then I realized what was really going on.” She reaches up to the coffee table and hands Jaeris a glass of water. “Here, drink this. All of it.”
He does, hand shaking slightly. Lupa holds his wrist steady.
“I haven’t … I haven’t gone into subspace in years.” Jaeris admits, after a few moments.
“Not with Linkara?” Lupa raises her eyebrows.
Jaeris shakes his head. “No. I had ta be on my guard, with him. I … it wasn’t his fault, an’ it wasn’t mine, but … his voice would get too deep, sometimes, or he’d touch me in a certain way, and it’d all come floodin’ back.” Jaeris sighs heavily.
“Huh.” Lupa leans against the couch. “But not with me.”
“Not with you.”
Lupa bites her lip, mulling that over.
Jaeris stretches out his legs into a new position to keep them from going to sleep.
Lupa drags a bowl of M&Ms over and holds them up to Jaeris. “Chocolate really helped one of my old subs, coming outta subspace. That work for you?”
“What are these?” Jaeris asks, squinting at the tiny colorful objects.
“Candy. Might help ease you out, chocolate stimulates the brain.”
Jaeris tries one, then three, then five, then a handful. “I like ’em.”
“I can see that.” Lupa smiles, eating some herself.
Jaeris stares at the movie, now a paused screen on a roll of credits. The last half of the movie is a vague blur to him. “Did they save the hostages from the gang?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
“What sent you under, or do you know?”
Jaeris thinks back, smiling at the memory. “The way ya were holdin’ me. I felt so … safe. Like I could just … relax. Haven’t felt that peaceful in a long time. Took me by surprise, sort a’ snuck up on me.”
“And how are you feeling now?”
“Good. Tired. A little drained. But it’s the good kind a’ tired.”
Lupa nods.
“What about you?” Jaeris nudges her leg with his hand. “How are you feelin’ now?”
“Relieved. I was a little nervous about this, worried I’d make a mistake, accidentally push you too far. But … I really enjoyed it. And you did too, so that’s awesome.”
“Can I …” Jaeris blushes a bit, ducking his head. “Can we … cuddle a bit?”
Lupa smiles. “Sure.”
They climb up onto the couch, curling up under the blanket. Jaeris lays his head on Lupa’s lap, lets his eyes close. Lupa rubs small circles on Jaeris’s shoulders, braids a stray lock of hair that escaped his tie.
It’s a good sign, a very good sign, though they’ll have to be more careful in the future. Just because it went well tonight doesn’t mean that every time will be perfect. But Jaeris has hope, and found someone new to relax with. He falls asleep, and his dreams are free and clear.

(The End)

fic, bdsm, tgwtg, linkara, r

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