What aunt_zelda Thinks: Once Upon a Time in Texas
Once Upon a Time in Texas:
You just know that when watching and recapping a show feels like a chore that you're not enjoying it anymore. *sighs* I'm going to keep at this for a little while longer, until the Christmas break at least, but no guarantees after that. I love the laughs from the meta-ing, the good scenes and the original ideas ... but for the most part I don't like this show anymore. It ... lost something. It's trying valiantly to get it back, and in V4 it succeeded for a while, and then it lost it again. Nice Job Breaking It, Heroes.
Previously, on Heroes: Samuel wants to add Hiro to his creepy Ohana. Then he convinced Hiro to mess around with time/space. Because that's always fun! *headdesks* Hiro is dying. That is so not funny that it imploded upon itself. Hiro mentioned Charlie to Emma and can't believe that he left her off his Bucket List.
Hiro teleports right into the title card. HEE. (I may dislike the show, but the title cards will NEVER get old for me.)
Ok, I have MANY issues with this plot point. Hiro learned his fucking lesson back in S1 about fucking around with time, and yet the writers/producers/executives/Tim Kring seem to forget this over and over and OVER again. They need several wallops with the Teaching Stick, in my not-very-humble opinion. Charlie was a big deal in shaping Hiro's character back in S1. We got to see him as a serious grown-up, he fell in love, he accepted that he couldn't save everyone, and he learned that bending time and space doesn't solve everything. "I couldn't save her" broke my widdle fangirl heart. "I loved her" made me CRY. To this day, Charlie's death is the only thing that can make me hate Sylar with a fiery passion.
So, in a way, this plotline wounds me even MORE than the 'OMG Claire/Lesbian kiss woohoo!' thing, because I can understand that. The show is hurting and it's a scheme for a ratings boost. It's crass and low and insulting, but I understand, and hey, Claire being canonly bisexual could be great for the world of fandom. However, messing up Hiro's character YET AGAIN and having him mess with THE SHOW'S CANON and the messed-with thing being CHARLIE ... I can't articulate how much that makes me angry. We're fifty seconds into the episode and I've already ranted TWICE.
Hiro is back in time and delighted to see Charlie. The other waitress from the Burnt Toast Diner (the one with white hair) goes into work and deadpans "Cute butt, hon" HEE. (Ok, show, you got me there.) Hiro scuttles over to steal some clothes (including a Knight Rider shirt, hardy har har, NBC) and is confronted by a child dressed up like a cowboy. Hiro proceeds to explain the backstory to the child (and the audience) with some shiny flashbacks, like there's anyone watching who doesn't already know this. Hiro neglects to mention that Charlie has a blood clot in her brain that'll kill her, regardless of whether she's Sylar'd or not.
Back in real time, Hiro tells the kid that he's a good guy. The kid gives him his white cowboy hat, saying "Good guys wear white hats. Bad guys wear black hats." Which is the perfect time for the black-clad, black-baseball-cap wearing S1 Sylar (HURRAY!) to show up and enter the diner. HOMG! (I just had a little fangasm, because at this time in S1 nobody had seen Sylar's face and he was just this scary, faceless shadowy guy who kept mysteriously murdering people AND IT WAS SO AWESOME. And then we finally got to see his face, and he was gorgeous and kept having non-stop chemistry with everyone he met! *sighs* I miss the good old days.)
Heroeclipse.
Circ-du-Ohana. Lydia and her bare arms sulk outside a trailer. Samuel staggers out, looking tormented. The Old Guy is apparently dying. He'll be dead tonight, maybe even sooner. Samuel, however creepy he was last episode, looks completely woobified here. Like, doing that snuffling thing guys do when they wanna cry but can't cry because 'men don't cry!' and making me want to go comfort him in every meaning of the word, if you know what I mean. (Damn you, Samuel, you Fetish Fuel Station Attendant!) He laments that their Ohana is shrinking and their graveyard is growing and they need Hiro, now. Lydia pulls her hair back and Samuel sticks her with the ink needle and she makes faces and I'm only just now realizing how sexual all of that is. (Ew. I feel dirty. Earthbend me clean, Samuel!) Samuel calls the fact that Hiro's love being dead is an opportunity and goes off to make Dying Old Man send him back in time again.
Burnt Toast Diner. Hiro hides behind a paper that proclaims that Homecoming is Tomorrow. Continuity? On this show?! *geekspasms*
Charlie offers Sylar coffee, Sylar grills her about her ability, sounding like the Big Bad Wolf interviewing sheep on their tastiness. Charlie takes it in stride until he gets creepy about her blood clot. I shivered. I miss this Sylar: the creepy-cool one who could switch from Nice Guy to Deranged Psycho Killer in a heartbeat.
Samuel pops up next to Hiro and Hiro identifies him as "You run the Carnival. Butterfly-Man!" *sporfles* Ahahahaahaha! 'Butterfly-Man, Butterfly-Man, does whatever a Butterfly can! Spins a cocoon, spins a lie, collects people for family! Look out! It's the Butterfly-Man!" *flourishy bow* I'm here all week, people!
Butterfly-Man ... sorry, Samuel, drags Hiro out back. Good thing, too, blurry S1 Hiro and Ando walk in as HRG talks on the phone to Sandra. *sighs* I miss HRG. Then some female company agent OH MY GOD IT'S KATE LOCKLEY! MAKE HER GO AWAY! RIGHT NOW! I WILL STOP THIS RECAP RIGHT THIS MINUTE, SHOW, SWEAR TO GOD!
*ahem* Ok, some of you might not be aware of who this lady is. Imagine if Karrin Murphy from The Dresden Files (the books) was annoying. Like, mega annoying. Like 'I want this woman to die!' annoying. That is what the character of Kate Lockley was on Angel. And I hated her. Soooooo much.
I have nothing against the actress. I'm sure she's a lovely person and a talented actor. But I despise Kate Lockley and think that her fifteen episodes on her run of Angel were fourteen-and-a-half too many.
So anyways, HRG has a meet with ... Kate Lockley ... and they have a cute, well-lit, nicely handled scene. They laugh about Kate claiming PMS as the reason she missed her nephew's Bar Mitzvah, when she was really bagging a man who could shoot fire out of his nose (?!) with HRG. They laugh, and HRG says it's nice to talk to a friend, and Kate's all 'friends? Yeah right, we're flirting, it's just been so long since Claude that you've forgotten the Partner/Partner romanticism!' but in a cute way, not an annoying (re: Kate) way. Apparently they've been kinda-dating for months, and as HRG is "too much of a cowboy" to make any kind of move, Kate rented a motel room. *jawdrop* What's even more shocking is that HRG looks like he's ready to follow up on this. alfdjalfjalsfjalsfjaslfjdaljd!!! Granted, this was at the point in their marriage where HRG was more prevalent than Noah, which is not to say that he has a split personality or anything, but he's definitely got this 'Company Man/Family Man' divide going on, and it ain't an even split.
HRG gets a call: Eden's got the Sylar paintings from Isaac. HRG leaves, Kate says she'll meet him at the office, and again, in a nice, believable way, not a Kate-way.
From this scene, I have come to the conclusion that it isn't the actress who annoyed me with Kate, it was the character herself. The bad part is that now whenever this character speaks, I hear Kate Lockley and tense up. *sighs* Oh, the prices we pay.
HRG walks out of the diner, right past Sylar, who TKs his coffee into his hand. I miss the S1 lighting. It's glaringly absent here.
From behind some shrubbery, Hiro asks Samuel if he's a time traveler too. Samuel points out to Hiro the veritable 'minefield' of plot-points in this diner, mentioning Peter and Claire as being connected to this mess as well. Then he makes the classic mistake by basically setting Hiro up to say that saving Charlie is worth risking all of that. What Samuel should have done was pull a Ninth Doctor and say that pterodactyl things will eat the world if you mess around with time for personal reasons like a dead father (re: Pete Tyler) or a dead almost-girlfriend (re: Charlie) and that TIME AND SPACE AND REALITY AS WE KNOW IT are not worth single individuals or even individual events, and before you change anything you'd better be damn sure that you're prepared to face the consequences of living through a completely different time stream!
Hiro turns around, and sees that both Charlie and Sylar are gone.
We seen Charlie in the back room, opening a large can. I shrink back on reflex, and we see Sylar skulking behind a self, reading to Sylarize her. Hiro stops time. We cut to Hiro wheeling frozen Sylar down the road past frozen people. This is funny. This should not be funny. Hiro cleverly shoves Sylar into the luggage compartment of a bus, and goes back to Charlie ... then realizes that if Charlie doesn't die, he won't go back, they won't fall in love, and, in Samuel's words "history goes kablooey." Oh, so Samuel's way did work? I guess it was the Ninth Doctor's way after all ... huh.
Oh wait, no it didn't. Hiro goes to meet himself and fuck around with time. *headdesk* Nooooooo ... *cries*
Hiro trying to act all serious and Future-Hiro-y to his adorable geeky Past-Hiro is amusing, but THEY ARE MESSING WITH TIME AND SPACE IN THE WRONG WAY! Past-Hiro goes into Six Months ago, as evidenced by the photo, and Hiro goes 'YATTA!' *smiles* I miss the 'Yatta!' Hiro ... but still, messing with continuity: WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!
HRG shot! Woohoo! I ... I think we get a scene from S1, but I can't quite remember the scene word-for-word, so they might have re-shot new stuff. HRG wants Isaac to paint with drugs, even crying (auuuuw, Jack Coleman in tears! *huggles him*) but Isaac refuses because he wants to stay clean. HRG storms out into the hallway and gets Eden to go Mind-Trick Isaac into shooting up.
At least, that's what actually happened. I guess they couldn't get a hold of Eden's actress, because Kate walks in and has a not-so-good scene with HRG instead. She kisses him, but HRG breaks away from her, though he does so very gently. She says she's "an ass" which does wonders for my Kate-Hate, let me tell you, and promises that they'll catch Sylar. She tells HRG to forget about the kiss thing and puts her hand on his forehead "I'm Haitian-ing you." Hee ... I mean, that wasn't funny. That wasn't funny at all. GIVE THE HAITIAN A NAME PLEASE!!! HRG then says "Don't Haitian me. I don't want to forget." 0_0 Oh my ...
Diner. Samuel gives off vaguely pedophilic vibes around Hiro that skeeve me the hell out. Hiro is proud that he managed to rig time just right, and then Samuel ushers him over to Ando, who's still waiting in the booth. Hiro tells Ando that he's future!Hiro, and Ando (like past Hiro) promptly asks "Where's your sword?" HEE. "Forget about the sword!" Hiro/the writers shriek. (No, I will not! One of the only good things to come of V2 was ADAM, and you found him BECAUSE of the sword and ... *wibbles* ADAM! *cries* ADAM! DAMN YOU ARTHUR PETRELLI! DAMN YOU VOLUME THREE! I'LL KILL YOU ALL, YOU BASTARDS ARRRRRRGH!)
Hiro gets Ando to promise to wait in the diner for Peter Past!Hiro, and then goes into the storage room to huggle Charlie. Naaaaw ... *cries*
Hiro invites her on a trip, anywhere in the world. "I don't want to spend another minute without you." *wibbles* It comes off so romantic and adorable, and Charlie agrees, choosing the place in Japan where Takezo Kensei was born. Hiro is excited that she remembered, but then Charlie starts spewing facts in a very creepy way, and then snaps out of it and asks "What was I sayin'?" Oh no ...
Charlie tells Hiro that it's the aneurism and she's dying. Somehow, I can't hate Hiro, even though this plotline is killing me, and I'm emotionally involved despite being a cynical, jaded Heroes fangirl. Hiro says "Not yet, you're not."
Hiro zips to the bus stop on a Vespa (whaa? Did he steal that from the white-haired waitress?) and looks in the luggage compartment, but Sylar is gone! Oh, wait, Sylar isn't gone, he's behind Hiro, as evidenced by his flipping Hiro up onto the side of the bus with his telekinesis and being all awesome and S1 Sylar-y and making me proud to be a member of the SARMY. Hiro says that Sylar said he could fix things: he needs to fix Charlie, as she's dying. "You're dying first," Sylar grits, going to Sylarize Hiro, but Hiro stops time and leads Sylar on a chase. "You can't kill me, Brain-Man!" he yelps, wiggling his fingers cutely. FINALLY, Hiro vs. Sylar, properly!
They have a great scene. Hiro gets tired and tells Sylar that he knows secrets about his future and death (which, he really kinda does) and says he'll tell Sylar everything if he saves Charlie. Sylar figures out that Hiro is dying too, glances down the alley and sees cheerleaders prancing off, and then seems to agree.
Burnt Toast Diner. Sylar and Hiro in the back room, where White-Haired-Waitress is comforting Charlie. She's distrustful of Sylar - she can sense evil! Like a cat! She must be Catwoman! - and then ... we have another fantastic scene. Sylar takes off his hat and stalks back and forth like the restless tiger that he is, while Charlie is reasonably terrified and telling Hiro that if it's her time she's fine with that and he doesn't have to do this and she says she's scared in Japanese and Hiro holds her head in his hands and recites a haiku to her and she squeaks and cries and I cry too and Sylar lures the blood clot out via her eye and it's like a tear and she and Hiro embrace and OH MY GOD THANK YOU SHOW *weeps* I still hate you for twisting with continuity like that, but that was a damn good scene and YOU LET HIRO BE HAPPY FOR ONCE THANK YOU *huggles ... whoever did that*
Street ... somewhere in Odessa (Texas). Claire (looking older than she did in S1, but not by much) spots her dad and they go get lunch together, discussing Noah's work and how Claire can't imagine him saying in high school that he wanted to sell paper when he grew up. Well, everyone wanted to be a superhero in high school, Noah just skipped a step and chose 'catching superheroes' as a career path. Claire wheedles him into telling her what he really wanted to do. He whispers that he wanted to teach high school English, namely, Shakespeare. Then he quotes the opening lines from Midsummer Night's Dream. ... Uh, excuse me, I need to go re-evaluate my lack-of-a-Daddy-Complex ... ulp.
Claire giggles that he dad's a Drama geek, then gets serious and says that she thinks he should teach, if that would make him happy. Noah says that he is happy. The cheerleaders call Claire over, Claire pecks her dad on the cheek and skips off to certain doom, HRG looks pensive, then takes out the motel key. Utto ...
Backroom of the Burnt Toast Diner. Charlie says that she's ok, but Mephistopheles ... sorry, Sylar, stalks up wolfing (sorry again) down the pancakes Charlie recommended earlier. "Sorry to interrupt this little Halmark moment but we had a deal," HEE. It's American Spike! Hallelujah!
Hiro tells Sylar that he'll die alone. When Sylar is annoyed, he ellaborates that Sylar will take many powers and become the most powerful of the them all. Sylar looks pleased, but then Hiro says that it won't make any difference, and that 'we all' (re: the heroes) gang up to stop Sylar, and nobody will mourn Sylar's death. Hiro really drives that home, and Sylar's smile fades into a neutral expression. Hiro says that he wishes he could change fate, but Sylar has to go on his own path. Sylar looks pensive, and then Hiro zaps him back into the alley and zooms off on his stolen Vespa. Sylar hears the cheerleaders, sets his cap back on his head, and stalks off to create a stable time loop.
Huzzah! Great job, everyone!
Motel. Kate swigs some whiskey and HRG enters the room. He says "I'd love one of those" indicating the whiskey, and Kate pours some. Kate says "I'm glad you came" just as Noah says "I can't do this." HRG tries to sell it off as 'workplace romance' never working out (yeah, you'd know from experience, wouldn't you, honey? *cough* CLAUDE *coughcough*) and Kate rightly calls him out on his bullshit, saying that this isn't some fling, he cares about her. HRG agrees that he does. Kate sits down on the bed, all cleavage and legs and Tracey-hair, and says that they're both so good at lying that they've both convinced themselves that nothing's wrong when everything's wrong. She asks HRG if they don't deserve to be themselves and be happy. HRG says that he loves his family, he lies to them, but he loves them, and maybe someday he can tell them the truth, but he doesn't want to ruin that. (Ow, the gay-metaphors from earlier seasons ... they're crushing me!) He says that he needs 'Lauren' (that's Kate's name) to help with the Sylar thing and the Claire thing, and she smiles and says yes, and promises that she'll always be there for him (rut-row! I smell a Red Shirt! Rut-row! Cartwright Curse!) and says "Let's get back to work."
Burnt Toast Diner. Charlie looks shaken. Ando comes out and asks 'Future' Hiro if he's ok, Hiro says yes, and he'll be back 'soon-ish' and yelps at Ando to hurry back inside. Hee ...
Charlie comes outside. Charlie Talks Sense. Hiro is adorable, which makes this scene all the more painful. She asks why, when so many people die every day, she's special. Hiro says it's because he loves her. Charlie says "Then that's just selfish" and leaves. And I make a squeaky noise with the back of my throat. WHY?! Guys, you made a plot I was convinced could not work actually work (I'm torn in two about that, actually, one half of me was all 'squee! He saved Charlie!' and the other half was '*grumblegrumble space/time continuum alternative character interpretation stupid show grumblegrumble*') and then you BROKE IT?! ... WHY?!
You just lost me again. Thanks, show. *headdesks*
HRG reads newspaper clippings in the break room. 'Lauren' brings him an envelope and they share A Look. He finds the room key and a note. Lauren is confuzzled, and HRG is too. Then he reads the note. Lauren called up the Haitian. *jawdrop* Yeowch. *wibbles* ... *gets angry* Why can't people talk things out on this damn show? Why can't they deal with their problems and personal issues like adults? Why must they mindwipe themselves, ignore each other, rework the fabric of time and space, and shoot each other when all of this STUPIDITY could be avoided by sitting down with a competent therapist?!
Please explain to me, because I. Give. Up.
HRG's face twitches, and then he's all 'everything is ok!' when it really isn't, and Sad Music plays.
HRG and Hiro meet at a bar. (No, that is not a prompt for a fanfic.) Hiro mopes in Japanese, but NOAH SPEAKETH JAPANESE! Hiro says "I think I've ruined my chances at finding true love" and HRG says in English "the course of true love never did run smooth" which is from Midsummer for those of you who didn't know. He wishes Hiro luck and leaves. Charlie appears, and apologizes kinda, and Hiro admits to being selfish and says that he knows the world is better with her in it, and Charlie says in Japanese that she wants their "happily ever after" too. Then she says "ai shiteru" which I wrote in a fanfic once, and she and Hiro kiss and I squee and he says "Happily ... ever ... after" and I squee some more and Charlie leads Hiro off and it's so adorable it's almost like a Toy Ship and what was I angry about again?
... oh, right. Samuel promptly instigates a 'Nice Job Breaking It, Show' by spiriting Charlie away, making Hiro cry, making Hiro angry, and thus making me FURIOUS, in that order. He gets Hiro angry enough to teleport them back to the present, and I'm so LIVID that I didn't even get excited about the wall-slamming. Hiro is now encircled by Carnies and he cries out for Charlie while they just stare at him in bewilderment. Oh god, Hiro ... it's not enough that he's had to watch both of his parents die, lost the love of his life twice (or three times, if you count Adam) been utterly betrayed by his idol several times, saved the world without reward, been reverted to six years old, and then FOUND OUT THAT HIS POWER IS KILLING HIM AND THAT HE HAS A SHORT TIME TO LIVE, now they ruin his chances of gettin' it on with his true love?!
What the FUCK is wrong with you people? STOP TORTURING HAPPY FUN HIRO! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
Hiro finds Dead Old Guy. Samuel explains in a dull tone who Dead Old Guy was, that he was a Time Traveler too, and that he had a tumor as well and his body couldn't handle the strain. Uh ... so this is a problem for time travelers? Why only them? Do people who fly get respiratory issues?
Samuel also says that the last thing he asked Old Guy to do was to trap Charlie in a Plot Hole ... I mean, time ... and then Old Guy died. How bloody convenient. It's almost as if they want Hiro to waste half a dozen episodes searching for the love of his life. It's not like pointless sidequests annoy the pants off of viewers or anything.
Samuel leans against the trailer, looking far too sexy than he ought to be. I want to hurt him, and not in fun ways, either. (Well, ok, maybe a couple fun ways, but I want to genuinely hurt him for hurting Hiro and fucking with time/space and not just for kicks!) Hiro hisses that Samuel is a murderer, and Samuel breaths that yes, he is. *purrs* *kicks self* Ahem ...
"Tell me where Charlie is." Hiro says, sounding very intense and frightening, not all cutesy and bumbling like before. He says it in a voice that would make me listen, perhaps make me shrink back, maybe even back away slowly.
"If I told you there'd be nothing to keep you here." Samuel admits. *jawdrop*
"You've been manipulating me ... this whole time," Hiro says. Give the boy a prize! Four seasons of being jerked around by other people and he's finally learning to recognize the signs!
Samuel says that he respects Hiro but he needed to do all that stuff to get him to work for him. Uh, Samuel, why not, I dunno, ASK POLITELY before kidnapping someone's girlfriend?! There's a time and a place for manipulation, and this was so not it. Offering a safe, exciting haven for Hiro and Charlie quite probably would have won them over to your side. Idiot.
Hiro calls Samuel "Evil Butterfly Man" and that needs to be a meme five seconds ago.
Samuel says that he's the only one who knows where Charlie is. Hiro finally asks "What must I do?"
Samuel says "I made a mistake ..." no, really?! *incredulous face* 'Eight weeks ago'
We flashback to, you guessed it, eight weeks ago. (I've given up on keeping track of this stupid timeline as well.)
Past!Samuel looks horrified and gasps "I'm sorry. So sorry ..." and we pan past a flame and see ... MOHINDER?!
So ... that's why he hasn't been monologing ... gee, this is awkward ...
So ... all of that was just a convoluted plot to get Mohinder back on the show?
Awesome?