What aunt_zelda Thinks: Look At the Pretty Lesbians! (+ TGWTG stuffs)
TGWTG:
Spoony, you are so awesome. "I am ... the Gate Cleaner! The Gate Keeper is my uncle ... who got me this job!" *sporfles* And Lee's random cameo was HYSTERICAL. "I'm gonna go make waffles! *zip*" Was that an Invader Zim joke? If so, *huggles Lee* And then the TV spat out like sixteen boxes of games! Bahahahaa! ... Spoony can really work the whole 'Spiderwick Chronicles Troll' look ... *is appreciative*
Hee! The Bum liked Zombieland! Oprah's Book Club ... *sporfleDIEZ* "Little Miss Sunshine is in a zombie movie!" That's exactly what I said after seeing the trailer! And now I really want to see the movie ...
The Bum is right, more movies SHOULD be mixed with 'Shaun of the Dead!'
Hee hee hee! Doug's wig-hat combo fell off in a blooper! *giggles*
Yay, Little Miss Gamer! Psychonauts! Lee in video! *in awe* "Does this mean a montage?" THEY SPEAK MY LANGUAGE! *flails with a cat on my lap* OMG they set the Statue of Liberty on fire! (Can anyone recommend a good LP of Psychonauts on youtube? I started one over the summer and couldn't finish, and everyone raves about this game, so I think I ought to watch an LP of it at the very least.)
Hee, they both squeed so loud that my cat got freaked and I had to turn the volume down!
Heroes, Hysterical Blindness
Look At The Pretty Lesbians
aunt_zelda Loses her Composure and Cashes in her Heroes Fangirl Card:
Previously on Heroes: Mohinder is still missing, so other people do the opening monologues. Samuel the Inkbender encompasses many of my personal kinks, flirts with Peter, and wants more people to join the cast of Carnivale: 2009. Peter flirts with a sarcastic deaf woman who played the cello. Gretchen and Claire flirt too. There's a lot of flirting going on here on this show. The Amazing Swoosie Kurtz had Nathan killed. She and Angela may have flirted in the past, I don't know, maybe their hairstyles did battle or something.
... who turned on the zombie movie? Oh, wait, it's Sylar! Hurray! *resists the urge to make a joke about brainz* Zachary Quinto, lookin' mighty fine as per usual, crawls out of Nathan's grave and staggers along a dark street until a cop pulls him over for having emo bangs. Ah, I wish someone had had that kind of authority back in S1 ... *glares at Peter's bangs, which almost made me quit the show several times*
Heroeclipse!
Kids walk over the title card lying on the ground on the straw (cool!) and it takes me a while to figure out where we are. I thought India (and, by default, Molly and Mohinder) or a person with a new power in Latvia or something, but no, it's the Carnivale. Heroes executives, please, real circuses don't look like this. I'm almost as uncomfortable with these circus stereotypes as I am with the Claire/Gretchen ratings-boost 'look at the pretty lesbians!' gank. Blah blah, breakfast time, Darth Edgar moves a door or bench or something, kids frolic, some lady makes waffles with her glowing hands, and OH HURRAY SAMUEL! Now pulling the 'Yummy-Patriarch' kink out of the dark, dusty recesses of my mind, he promptly praises the lady's 'blueberry waffles.' Dude, nobody's going to take you seriously as a villain if you say things like 'blueberry waffles.' (HURRAY! The return of the show's waffle fetish!) Samuel delivers a rather forced expository speech, but that's ok, because now we've seen his human side, his woobie side, his threatening side, and his CRAZY KILLER side. And he drinks orange juice. Orange juice is this season's MILK.
Claire's college. Claire is flirty, perhaps without even realizing it. A sorority recruiting girl from Sandra's sorority (wow, Sandra was in a sorority?! Sandra is the most interesting character on the show! S1: crazy dog lady being mind-wiped all the time. S2: takes a stand and threatens Bob with a gun. V3: ... I don't like to think about that volume. V4: makes fake I.D.s and fools government agents! ILU Sandra!) Gretchen wants Claire all to herself and doesn't want her to join a sorority. Claire gets flirtier and convinces Gretchen to accompany her to the Stepford-Wife-Making Party. (I've heard good and bad things about Sororities, so I will limit myself when talking about them in this recap.)
Police station. Holy crap, it's Simone Hundin! You know, Cathica from 'The Long Game' DW episode! HURRAY! ILU, Christine Adams!
I was so excited by her that I completely missed the Warden from Oz until they got into the interrogation room. So ... three actors with fantastic voices in one room? *closes eyes and lets them lull me to sleep*
Sylar ... Nathan ... Nathlar ... the guy who's confuzzled and keeps getting weird portmanteau names from the fans stutters and flinches and generally acts insane. Dayum, Zachary Quinto can act. We already knew that, but still, had to be said.
Simone Cathica is soothing and the Warden is annoyed. She gets him to leave her with the keys to ... the guy's cuffs. She unlocks him and promises to help him put the pieces back together. Guy gets more confuzzling flashes.
Saint Peter the Pretty Idiot's Hospital. Turns out the woman Emma was talking with last week in her mother. We get the episode title, and Emma's mom thinks she's going crazy, not having synesthesia. Nice mom. The sad thing is, she's still WAY ahead of Angela in Good Mom points.
Speaking of Angela, we get a split scene were Angela worries about Nathlar and Peter fidgets in his apartment, struggling to connect with Angela Sockstealer Petrelli; Emma and her mom argue in sign language about the usefulness or lack thereof of Emma's job. Emma's mom wants Emma to be a doctor again, and stop blaming herself for "Christopher's" death. Hrrrrm ...
Both Emma and Peter end up leaving their mothers. Don't hook them up, show, don't hook them up, show ...
Peter's getting those STUPID bangs back. Joy.
Peter speeds out, blowing air into Angela's face. Her flinch and readjustment of her bangs is perfect. ILU Christine Rose!
Sorority stuffs. Most of the girls are very skinny and shiny and blond. They do a 'getting to know each other' thing that was probably meant to be funny but kinda fails. Poor Hayden, even a good actress can't sell cringe-worthy lines and a cringe-worthy scene. Turns out Gretchen is lumping herself with Claire. I smell a potential Yandere ...
Emma wanders the streets of NYC, seeing red swooshes of light from a police siren and a jackhammer. She staggers into the street and is almost hit by a bus, but Peter rescues her with his super-speed. *headdesk* Don't go there, PLEASE show, I'm BEGGING you. Peter does not need a love-interest. He needs BRAIIIIIIIINZ!
Peter tries to pursue the woozy Emma, but she brushes him off. Peter's all 'welcome, for saving your life ...' and doesn't get that she's deaf. Yet. He tries to speed down the alley, and the music gets all epic and they goofily shorts out, because Peter doesn't have super-speed anymore, he's got synesthesia! Oddly enough, he doesn't look to mad about that. I would be. First empathy, then parkour, then super-speed, and now ... pretty colors only you can see? Fun.
Samuel fondles the dirt. Lydia stalks up in a skirt that I want. Lydia advises caution. As she's spent most of the season half-naked, I'm having trouble taking her seriously. Samuel shrugs off her warnings and calls the heroes and villains out there their 'cousins.' Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind!
College. Now Gretchen is stealing Claire's clothes. RUN AWAY, CLAIRE! They're trying to pair you up with a psycho lesbian! And this one doesn't even have electricity powers! Gretchen leaves the room and Claire sees that Gretchen has been stalking her online as well, and also looking up 'murder-suicide.' At least Gretchen's computer's history isn't like mine: TGWTG.com fanfiction, all afternoon baby!
Cell. Not-Sylar claims never to have had tea before. Bull-frog! Episode 18, season 1, Mohinder got all badass and drugged your chai! The pairing promptly got uber-kinky! Doctor Simone gets him to hear the ticking clocks, but gets called out of the cell by the Warden.
Back at Saint Peter's, Peter and Emma watch the pretty lights from a children's chorus. They acknowledge that they can both see the lights. Awww? No, show, not 'awww.' Peter talks to Emma, and she to him, and he writes down abilities certain people have. She says "That's crazy" and he taps a piano key for proof. They sit down and play, and they're both such great characters that I want both of them to stay far, far away from each other. Can't Emma go hang out with Hiro instead?
They play the Aurora Borealis on the piano together, sneaking glances at each other. Awwwwww. Ok, show, you got me. Peter asks Emma out to lunch, but makes a comment about getting her out of the file room that Emma takes the wrong way and thus the date is cancelled. Sorry, Peter. Better luck next episode.
Claire arrives at the party in a hot red dress. She talks to another ex-cheerleader, and they make with some nice conversation, but then Yandere ... sorry, Gretchen ... flings a freaking spear-flag combo at the girl who DARED to talk with Claire. Claire leaves, shaken.
Dudes, Gretchen totally killed Annie. Really, show? 'Psycho Lesbian?' Why not just make her a vampire too, while you're at it? *growls* Clichés are bad for the soul ...
Cellblock Tango. The Warden storms in. They I.D.ed Sylar as 'Gabriel' the watchmaker who 'murdered his mother.' Sheesh, pin the only murder that was an ACCIDENT on the guy. *headdesk* The Warden then gets mean and off-the-books. He pulls the plug on the camera and says that he's going to get a confession as to how 'Gabriel' murdered his mother, then slides the desk away. Sylar (not really Sylar yet, but I can't come up with a clever name) TKs the Warden out the window. Alarms go off. Not-Yet-Sylar stares at his hands.
Doctor Simone gets into her car, looking over Gabriel's police report. Not-Yet-Sylar bangs on her window, gun in hand, saying "You said you could help! You promised!" looking confused and scared, just like Simone.
Claire's College. Gretchen enters their room, denying that she flung the spear. Claire confronts her about the computer, and Annie, and everything. Gretchen denies things, but I'm not buying what she's selling, especially when she starts to cry. People who deny that they've lied to you about big things that you KNOW they've lied about, then start crying and pleading that they want to be friends ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. I KNOW THIS FROM PERSONAL, HEART-WRENCHING, NEEDED-THERAPY AFTERWARDS EXPIRIENCE.
Then Gretchen kisses Claire.
She kisses Claire.
SHE. KISSES. CLAIRE.
Then she explains away her stalking and jealous rages and obsessions as 'crushing' and then, horror of horrors, romantic music starts to play. She begs Claire to say something, and then the Sorority girls knock on the door and ask Claire and Gretchen to join the Sorority.
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
*went to sleep and didn't finish the episode until the next night just so I could type coherently*
...
You just lost me, Heroes.
I don't mean that you confuzzled me and I'll be back in a while. I took almost twenty-four hours to process that scene. And you know what? YOU JUST LOST ME AS A FAN.
Let me say that again: YOU JUST LOST ME AS A FAN.
As those of you online know, Heroes started my online fangirlness. It got me into slash for the first time. It shaped my geeky soul. It was the starting point for many things, and led me to things like Lost, Doctor Who, Death Note, deviantart, macros, and by getting me online ultimately caused me to created a fandom myself: TGWTG fanfic. So, saying that I'm no longer a fan is a BIG DEAL and nothing to be taken lightly, like 'oh god, that episode sucked' or what have you. Episode 15, S1 sucked. The aborted arc of V2 sucked. VOLUME THREE sucked so majorly that I can't even bring myself to talk about it without getting red in the face and ranting like a madwoman. (Oh god, my brain ... *cries*) See?! Even when I'm ranting about something ELSE I can't help but be traumatized by that volume!
That scene between Claire and Gretchen is INEXCUSABLE.
Let me try and break this down like a sane person capable of deduction would:
*As I've said before, people who blatantly lie, act possessive of you, get angry when you hang out with other people, and cry when confronted by their lies ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE. They are dangerous to your mental health. I have had personal experience in this area, and Gretchen was setting off MAJOR red flags to me in this episode. Claire needs to get a restraining order and/or switch colleges. She's a confident young woman who doesn't need someone dealing with their own pack of problems messing up Claire's already chaotic life.
*'Crushing' on someone does not excuse the following behavior:
1) being morbid and insensitive to a person's traumatic past, current PTSD, and the fact that their roommate just COMMITTED SUICIDE and that said person WAS THE FIRST ON THE SCENE TO SEE THE ROOMMATE DEAD. You give people like that SOME SPACE.
2) preventing said person from making new friends
3) trying to fatally stab someone for getting close to said person (no way in HELL was that an accident.)
I know it's agonizing to have a crush. We all do. But personally, if I have a crush on someone, I love to watch them talk and interact with other people. Mostly because I am shy and make an idiot of myself when I talk to someone I daydream about and write sonnets about and think about in bed (if you know what I mean ...) but also because if you love someone, everything they do is beautiful, especially when they're in their element. Claire is very cute when she's talking with people. If I were Gretchen, I'd just find a good vantage point and sigh to myself all night. (Also, Claire has never canonly stated that she has interest in other girls, and I doubt she'd reveal something like that to a complete stranger if she hasn't even talked to her badass mom, hot uncle, two dads, or a goddamn counselor yet. Yes, it is agony being in love with a straight girl - yet again something I have experience with - but that doesn't justify being morbid about her dead roommate and traumatic past with serial killers, freaking her out, and then molesting her.)
*Invoking the 'Psycho Lesbian' trope? Really?!
*Heroes, you had a good show once. Instead of stooping to 'look at the pretty lesbians!' you could have, I don't know, WRITTEN SOME DECENT STORYLINES?! Re-hired the Continuity Angel? Brought back Claude?
Personally, I don't see why the stuff in the online graphic novels hasn't been on TV, because it's been far superior to pretty much everything this show has churned out. Why not make a switch? I actually care about the new characters introduced in the graphic novels, oooo and aaaaah over their powers, approve of the ways they use their powers, and boggle over the plot twists. In short, the graphic novels have always been S1 BUT BETTER, and that is consistent and readily apparent in the ones longer than one issue.
I put up with a lot of crap from this show. Killing off my favorite characters, fucking continuity up the rear, VOLUME THREE, doing V4 wrong, and making Bryan Fuller jump ship twice.
You had a chance. You had the chance to do something we would have remembered forever: a well-handled, considerate, believable storyline about Claire developing romantic feelings towards her female roommate and eventually acting upon them. It would have been sweet, awkward, and adorable. Maybe Claire could have saved her roommate from a serial killer or a drunk frat boy, healed, and whilst explaining that secret, added "While we're at it, there's probably something else you should know ..." and kissed/told her roommate that she liked her.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU FOREVER IF YOU HAD DONE THAT. You know what else? I WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN YOU FOR VOLUME THREE IF YOU HAD DONE THAT.
But ... 'look at the pretty lesbians?'
How dare you?!
How dare you exploit a minority group that is currently fighting for the right to MARRY (in my own home state, no less!) in an effort to titillate your dying fanbase?
Fuck you, Heroes.
In fact, I believe the Nostalgia Critic said it best in his Sonic the Hedgehog review:
FUCK THIS SHOW! *bam* FUCK THIS SHOW! *BAM* FUCK THIS SHOW! *BAM BAM* FUCK THIS SHOW! *BAM BAM BAM* FUCK! *BAM BAM BAM BAM EXPLODE* This is CRAZY in every possible meaning of the word! Nothing about this show makes sense! This is pure bullshit!
Back to the show I will continue to recap for you amusement, but can no longer claim to be a 'fan' of:
Circus. Lydia closeup. She's purty. Can she be Ms. Fanservice now? I'm getting tired of Ali Later, Ali Later, Ali Later. Samuel tries to inkbend the future (gah, how stupid does that sentence sound? *eases into my new 'I Hate Heroes' persona uncomfortably* Then Rebecca, the Sorority ... Queen? Mother? Sister? Whatever ... pops up by ... teleporting? Invisi-porting? I have no friggin' clue. Samuel checks on her progress with isolating Claire, and then we're treated to a rather frightening depiction of how it was Rebecca who threw the spear, turned on the computer, and KILLED ANNIE. That's disturbing, Mr. Fetish Fuel, MEGA disturbing!
(Yeah, so, Gretchen didn't kill Annie or throw the spear. She still acted guilty, was clingy and annoying, and treated Claire like an urban legend rather than a person for several episodes before finally expressing her feelings in a childish manner that probably scared Claire even more, when all that could have been avoided by backing off for a while then slowly becoming friends with Claire and saying, after a while "uh, thing is, I'm gay and ... I don't want this to ruin our friendship, but I really, really like you and it's killing me to pretend otherwise" or something. I am still sickened by the fact that my first official fandom has sunk to the 'look at the pretty lesbians' thing. I am still incredibly angry. I will still recap this show, but I no longer love and adore it like I used to. I feel like I just got kicked in the gut by a beloved pet or something.)
Something we can't see appears on Lydia's back, and Samuel says that they're "pulling up stakes." Dun dun daa?
Simone Cathica speeds down a road with Not-Sylar in the back. Eventually she stops the car and pleads with him to turn himself in. What is it with this show and pairing Sylar up with hot quasi-British Doctors? (I miss Mohinder ... god, never thought I'd say that ...) Not-Sylar drops the gun, just as the Warden and some police drive up. I get a Blues Brothers flashback and giggled, ruining the mood of an otherwise very good scene. Not-Sylar raises his hands, but electricity flickers and the cops open fire, hitting Not-Sylar in the chest several times. He and Simone Cathica tumble down a hill, Simone Cathica screaming. Poor woman. She doesn't deserve to be part of this madness. She sees Not-Sylar's chest spit out he bullets, and they both look shocked. She pleads with him to run, and he does. Strangely enough, I found Not-Sylar and Simone Cathica's scenes very well done.
Emma arrives home to find a cello. She sits down and plays, looking thoughtful. Then would have been a good time for a flashback to this 'Christopher' person, but no, we don't get one. *sighs* I'm such a flashback whore, but this show has such great flashbacks!
We get an end-of-episode montage to Emma's cello music.
College of Look At the Pretty Lesbians. The Sorority girls tramp around with candles. Rebecca slips out of the Void or whatever her power is and joins them. No, show, we don't want a Claude expy, we want CLAUDE. Rebecca smiles creepily. I think I'm going to like her character.
Peter arrives home. He mutters "So much for human connection" and then Hiro teleports into his apartment. They exchange each other's names, and then Hiro falls over, his theme music overlapping with the cello music.
Emma cries and gets a little angry, until the music hypes up so much that a colorful strand slices her wall open. *jawdrop* DAYUM ... changed my mind, I want the power of pretty lights that can destroy things!
Not-Sylar runs through the woods. He goes over a hill and sees the Carnivale, with Sexy Ringmaster Samuel gesturing for him to come in. Personally I'd turn tail and flee, but I've never been chased by an angry mob led by two great actors. Not-Sylar stagers inside, and the posse crosses over the same hill minutes later, only to find that Not-Sylar (and the Carnivale) have vanished. Cool!
Not-Sylar is welcomed into the Carnivale by Samuel (god help me, Samuel is wearing a waistcoat ... *drools* Then he puts his arm around Zachary Quinto. This right here could potentially make up for the crummy 'look at the pretty lesbians' plot and win back my reluctant love ...) Not-Sylar asks where he is. Samuel says. "Home."
To be continued ... hopefully when I'm feeling less angry ...
P.S. I'm still gonna write fanfiction. I found out in V3 that the fanfic was better than the show. Guess that's just ... wicked true, now. *sighs*
I'm depressed. And hurt. I'm going to read fanfiction and watch TGWTG.com videos.
Peace ... but ... not ... literally.