Writing again.
I think it's time to start writing again. It's funny how things work out, or don't work out. I put every last penny I had, which wasn't any of my money actually, but every last penny of credit I have into this hope to become a pediatric gastroenterologist and ultimately did not match. Again, I did not match. And somehow ended up in California as a general pediatrician. I always said that if I didn't match I would work just for the money and write in my spare time. Now that boards are over, I actually have time to write if I want but instead I waste my time watching TV. That's not entirely true as I go to the gym frequently and I have quite a lenghty commute, approximately 1h 15 minutes each way, that's 2.5 hours in a car and sitting most of the day. I used to be a lot more active as a resident because we didn't get to sit as much, and, like everything else, in retrospect, that was nice.
I reread the last several entries and there's a common theme of unfullfillment. A yearning to be do and possibly be something more but a weight I feel that prevents me from taking the steps necessary to do so. Not sure what to do to get myself out of this rut. There was an email that went out at work today regarding opportunities for more work during the winter and it would involve a lot of weekends. And while it is a good opportunity I wonder whether I really want to do that or not. If I lived in San Francisco which I plan on doing and which will be majorly expensive, then I will need the extra cash flow, but if I gave up all my free time to live in SF, would it be worth it? Living in Fremont, this endless commute... it all has been very draining. So has a long distance relationship. It's not stress or something I necessarily want to deal wtih. Not that I want out of the relationship or that I have any desire to look around and date again; that's not what I want, that's not what I want to occupy my time. But there should be more to my life than work and the gym. Again, all these ideas and momentary glimpses of what my life could be like and then I find myself right back in the same position.
Anyway, so I'm back here now, to write, to get the creative writing juices flowing, to enter this world again where I find life in putting words onto a page. To be more than ordinary and to push myself beyond the what many see as the end of my sentence. I started an article I was going to try to submit, but then stopped because it turned into something I didn't want. I also began to worry about where exactly I would send it and who would even consider publishing it. I think that issue is secondary and the primary issue is actually getting a piece done, even if it's non-fiction. And I've had this idea for this article forever, it just needs to happen.
I reread the last several entries and there's a common theme of unfullfillment. A yearning to be do and possibly be something more but a weight I feel that prevents me from taking the steps necessary to do so. Not sure what to do to get myself out of this rut. There was an email that went out at work today regarding opportunities for more work during the winter and it would involve a lot of weekends. And while it is a good opportunity I wonder whether I really want to do that or not. If I lived in San Francisco which I plan on doing and which will be majorly expensive, then I will need the extra cash flow, but if I gave up all my free time to live in SF, would it be worth it? Living in Fremont, this endless commute... it all has been very draining. So has a long distance relationship. It's not stress or something I necessarily want to deal wtih. Not that I want out of the relationship or that I have any desire to look around and date again; that's not what I want, that's not what I want to occupy my time. But there should be more to my life than work and the gym. Again, all these ideas and momentary glimpses of what my life could be like and then I find myself right back in the same position.
Anyway, so I'm back here now, to write, to get the creative writing juices flowing, to enter this world again where I find life in putting words onto a page. To be more than ordinary and to push myself beyond the what many see as the end of my sentence. I started an article I was going to try to submit, but then stopped because it turned into something I didn't want. I also began to worry about where exactly I would send it and who would even consider publishing it. I think that issue is secondary and the primary issue is actually getting a piece done, even if it's non-fiction. And I've had this idea for this article forever, it just needs to happen.