bambina~
I seem to have written fic.
It's been a LOONG time, folks, but I suppose now that it's summer my writing gland wants to partay it up. Not only do I have two fics in the making (one in planning stages (a collab) and the other, an Ohmiya, a whopping 13 pages already), but I'm writing a short story that's not even close to being done at 20 pages. This is all Word, folks, 12 pt Times. And it's not like I started them in March and am picking them up again--I started the Ohmiya yesterday and the short story a few weeks ago. I never write thirteen pages in two days. I usually don't even write things that are thirteen pages, let alone twenty, single-spaced.
I have officially exploded.
Anyhow, I know you all came here for the fic, but since you're going to read that anyway I decided to ramble a bit. :)
title: Charmed (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE TV SHOW. I wanted to name it 'Third Time's the Charm,' but
whyjennifer already has a fic named that, and I know it doesn't really matter but IT DOES TO ME. D:)
pairing: Koyato, a touch of RyoPi
genre: Y'all are mature. PG.
summary: It might have begun with a game of spin the bottle mixed with truth or dare--Shige doesn't really remember.
notes: This is, first and foremost, REALLY LATE ~*~*BIRTHDAY FIC*~*~ fic for
saturnial , who had requested, on her birthday spam post, comment spam and/or comment fic. But I was super duper late so I decided to make up for it by writing her this monstrous thing (that includes, on her vague request, 'Koyato fluff, awkward and inefficient, with Pi and Ryo on the side') that may merge on badfic (not kidding). However it is love- and fun-filled, I assure you of that. <333
ENJOY THE RIDE.
Charmed
Shige doesn't know how it started--it might have, perhaps, begun with a simple game of drunken spin-the-bottle combined with truth or dare (Pi likes those games, and Shige can't comprehend exactly why). Someone might have spun the bottle around to Ryo for the tenth time, gotten tired of asking questions of an explicit sexual nature, and instead nudged the bottlemouth over to Shige.
"Sooo, Shige," this someone had slurred. "When's the last time you got some?"
Shige had turned red. (Maybe.) "I HAVEN'T EVEN PICKED TRUTH OR DARE YET! And that's not even a truth or a dare! Truths are yes or no questions! Dares are--"
"Can someone shut him the fuck up?" Ryo had perhaps screamed. "Why does Shige have to be the only one who talks his ass off when we drink?"
The certain someone (Shige's memory is a little blurry, and can't really match the antics to the face, if of course this happened at all) had clapped Shige on the back and brought their foreheads close together. "Now now, Shige. This is a matter of utmost importance. You have to tell us--I mean me. Just me. Focus on me, Shige."
Shige could feel four other breaths sneaking into the neck of his shirt. To calm down, he started reciting multiplication tables under his breath. "Fourtimesthreeistwelve," he'd breathed, or he would have, if this had happened at all, "Fivetimesisxisthirty…"
"Oh godammit," Ryo sneered, pressing his nose against Shige's neck and causing him to forget what seven times ten was. "Obviously the man hasn't gotten any since his first."
There was a pause.
"That is, if you had a first at all," Ryo finished, laughing maniacally.
Ten times ten is a hundred, Shige thought, but the equation stuck in his throat. Drinking wasn't exactly his forte, and he, when fully intoxicated, spouted the truth like nobody's business. He'd decided to keep his mouth shut. (Or he would have kept his mouth shut in a circumstance like that, anyway. Shige just knows.)
After that nobody was around Shige anymore, and legs and arms had scrambled over him to form a huddle around the bottle. So Shige had sat pouting in the corner, thinking about girls he'd almost had but never did and maybe that one time when he was drunk, with that boy, but--
"'Kay," Koyama says, raising his arm and waving it around. "I got one."
"Ooh," Tegoshi giggled. "It's not gonna be better than mine, though."
Shige was a little lost. He tried to crawl towards the rest of the group, but the somebody accidentally on purpose kicked him in the shins and he collapsed onto the futons.
"So my plan," Koyama had said, with a thumbs up, "is that we are gonna set Shiggy up with the woman of his dreams."
"Ohmigod! That was my idea," Tegoshi giggled again.
Shige still didn't really know what was going on, but by the way Massu had put a reassuring hand on his back and handed him a carton of chocolate donuts, he should have known.
"Mmmkay, so I hereby declare," announced Pi, if Shige remembers correctly, "the initiation of Operation Get Shige Laid. Whoever sets him up correctly and with good favor wins my good lovin.'"
Koyama had raised his glass to the middle and whooped, with the rest of them following suit (except for Shige, who was, by that time, out cold).
And maybe that's how it started. Shige can't really focus on the moment--drinking's not his strong suit, after all.
But the next day at work, while Koyama was feeding him hangover pills, Pi came over and pressed his forehead right against Shige's.
"Operation Kill Shige's Virginity begins now," he bellowed, and stood back.
(And Jin had wandered in right after that. "Virginity?" he said, very excited. "You're betting on Shige's virginity?"
"I am not--," Shige began, before settling into a sulk.
Koyama nodded. "Whoever wins gets Pi's good lovin', apparently."
Jin clapped his hands. "Fun! Can I join?"
"No!" Shige screamed, horrified. "I don't want Akanishi betting on my--I mean--if I am at all, that is!"
Pi looked up. "You're in that de-nile thing, aren't you? The river in Egypt?"
Ryo couldn't stop laughing all through practice.)
I.
In accordance with the plan, Tegoshi sets him up.
By the matchmaker alone Shige should have deducted that the entire thing would never work. Most likely whoever he was going on a blind date with would be a hairdresser, or be one of those scary girls with too much makeup that he tried to stay away from on the streets. Tegoshi would, undoubtedly, give Shige not a date, but hell. He could feel it already.
So he tried to back out. "Tegoshi, you know, maybe it's not such a good idea if…I mean, you don't have to do this."
And Tegoshi had giggled. "Nonsense, Shige! Maria-chan is a nice girl. Plus she's very experienced. She'll give you a good time." Wiggly eyebrows ensued.
Shige, afraid he would be covered in strawberry syrup and hung to the wall with ropes of taffy, made Koyama come with him.
He'd agreed, but reluctantly. "This is supposed to be your blind date," Koyama had said as they walked along the route Tegoshi had given Shige. "I don't want to be a third wheel. Or the third--ew. Nevermind."
"But," Shige started, choosing to ignore the last comment, "I mean. What if she. What if I don't come out alive."
"Don't be dumb," Koyama said, turning Shige into a narrow alleyway. "I'm sure she's nice. Tegoshi can't have a ton of crazy friends, there's got to be one that's--"
Suddenly, in the awning beside them, a girl materialized (that's what happened, Shige swears up and down) out of thin air ("Maybe she did," Koyama had said, wide-eyed, "I didn't see her before that. HOLY CRAP").
She had braids pinned up in buns on the side of her head, and her hair was a vibrant shade of pink. And she was wearing a dominatrix uniform.
"Hi, I'm Maria!" she said, sweetly. Then, noticing Shige's look (he'd just noticed that she had a whip tucked into one of her thigh-high boots), she crossed her legs and blushed.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I couldn’t change after work, but Tego-chan said that was okay with you…"
Koyama, who was inching backwards, tugged instinctively on Shige's arm.
Shige, nearly frozen, bowed stiffly and took a few steps in the direction he came. "Um, no, that’s actually, I have--I have this thing to do, I'll let Tegoshi know we couldn't work out today bye!"
They ran all the way back to the station. On the train ride home, Koyama wouldn't stop making bondage jokes, and Shige had to keep apologizing to the old ladies sitting next to them.
II.
After Tegoshi has a serious pouting session in Ryo's lap (Koyama explains the whole thing the next day at work, complete with a vivid description of the cones on her bra that Shige had tried not to look at too much), Pi takes Shige out for coffee.
"Well," he says, pursing his lips, "I guess we all know what Tego's into now."
"SHUT UP," Shige had yelled, right in the middle of Starbucks. "SHUT UP I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT."
They order. Shige gets one for himself and Koyama, who always complains that Shige is a selfish coffee-drinking bitch and ends up drinking out of whatever Shige bought, and Pi fills up a venti with shots of espresso for Ryo ("He needs his perkiness").
While waiting at the counter, Pi taps his finger against his chin and hums. "You know, I've been thinking," he says, looking intently at Shige through his sunglasses, "if Koyama were a girl, you guys would be perfect for each other."
Shige explodes. "Huh?" he says, knocking over the sugar with a spasm of his elbow. "What the hell are you talking about?"
A disgruntled store clerk comes over to wipe up the spill, and both of them bow politely before slinking off to the side. "I mean," says Pi, "that you guys are best friends, right?"
"Well, yeah, but I don't see--"
"And I've seen you two drunk. It's like softcore porn, you know that?"
The barista handing them their coffee shoots them a look, and Shige dies a little inside.
"No, I don't know that. I didn't want to know that," he grumbles. "But that aside, it's still weird, you know, to think of your best friend as your--your--anything other than that."
Pi shrugs. "I got used to it."
Shige watches him pour a ton of sugar into Ryo's huge cup of coffee, and tries to let the words sink in. "What?" he finally says, except it comes out more like, "Is that why you and Ryo are always late to morning meetings?"
Pi shrugs again and turns to hand Shige his drinks. "Boys are fun. Did you know that there's a number on your coffee sleeve thing?"
Not knowing which statement to address first, Shige just looks down at his own coffee. There is, indeed, a cell phone number written in bold, green ink on the outside sleeve, neatly placed aside the Starbucks logo.
This is a first for Shige. It's also a first for Pi, apparently, because after the realization that there is a phone number on Shige's coffee cup sinks in, he goes wild.
"Let's go," he says, pulling Shige earnestly out of the café, "we have to tell everyone."
Shige's mind flits to Ryo, then, inevitably, to Koyama. "W-why?"
"Because this is epic, Shige. Do you know how this is gonna work out? We're gonna steal your cell and call that number. Then you're gonna get laid."
He gets them a taxi and they pile in. Shige is still confused. He checks Koyama's cup, just to make sure there's not a number on there, but there is--the same one, in the same exact place.
"Whoever it was tried twice," he tells Pi, who is sucking down his own coffee like it's water. "I mean--look." He shows Pi the other cup, and Pi gives a thumbs up.
"Bow chicka wow wow, Shige," he says, licking off his foam mustache suggestively. "That's a good sign. You're gonna get lucky tonight, boy."
Boy? Shige thinks. Like, 'boys are fun?'
He looks at the number again. As each second in the car passes, the situation becomes intriguing, and almost, as it plays out in Shige's head, illicit.
III.
Pi drags Shige across the hallways of the jimusho with such force that some coffee spills out onto the floor, and Shige prays that no sempai will notice and come running after them.
Once they bust through the doors of NewS' break room, though, he's praying for different things.
"Okay, everyone, listen up," says Pi, thrusting Ryo's cup of espresso into his hands and setting his own empty coffee down on the table. "Through my divine intervention, Shige is going to get laid tonight."
Tegoshi cries what he probably imagines to be some encouraging war cry, even though it sounds more like it could break a mirror. Shige cringes.
"But wait," Koyama says to Pi, "if you win this thing, who gets the good lovin'?"
Ryo and Pi both point at each other. The whole room nods in understanding, but Shige cringes again and thinks, are boys really that fun?
"Anyway," Pi says, grabbing both coffees from Shige's hands, "lo and behold, people, there are phone numbers etched onto Shige's coffee cups. What's more, they're in green--which everyone here knows is associated with erotica."
"Is that one mine? Can I have it?" Koyama says, reaching for one, but Pi snatches it out of the way.
"No. This is an important specimen that must be preserved and tested for good lovin' purposes. Quick, someone! Get me Shige's cell phone."
The whole room rises in an uproar. Shige is startled as he feels something digging into his pocket and looks down to see Koyama's hands on his pants. He screams.
"I buy you coffee, and this is how you repay me? By getting on your knees and--"
Across the room Shige hears Ryo approve in an illicit manner.
"--HEY--and helping the enemy?"
Koyama grins. "You can't say you're not interested in who wants to get in your pants, Shige."
"Why are you?" Shige inquires, just as Koyama finds his phone.
"Because the number was written on my coffee cup as well, so I have the right to know," Koyama answers, and tosses the phone to Pi. "Dial!"
Everyone gathers around the table. It's reminiscent of the night this whole thing started, except Shige is now placed in the middle of the circle, smack in between Pi and Ryo.
Ryo dials, and Pi giggles loudly behind his hands. Shige feels like he is once again in middle school, at some kind of lewd sleepover, but then he realizes the first time he had a lewd sleepover was when he joined NewS. This knowledge is not comforting.
"Ssssh, it's ringing!" Pi stage whispers to silence. Tegoshi muffles a squeal.
After a few rings and dirty comments from Ryo, someone picks up. The entire table shakes, and Shige drops his head in his hands (but keeps his mouth uncovered).
"Hello?" someone says. It's a male voice, and everyone leans into the table.
"H-hello?" Shige chokes out, after Ryo elbows him in the gut. "Did you…leave your phone number on my coffee cup?"
There's a long, long silence, and then the man laughs shortly. "Oh. Um, wow. Well, I guess, yeah."
Ryo falls off his chair. Pi, on the other hand, is shaking the table uncontrollably.
Before Shige can say anything else, though, the man goes on. "Look, this is going to sound weird, but--"
"--I have the gay hots for you," Koyama whispers, nearly inaudibly, and Pi kicks the table hysterically.
"--You're not the woman in the red dress, are you?" finishes the man.
Suddenly, Ryo and Pi stop making so much noise and Koyama's mouth drops open. Shige himself is at a loss for words.
"N-no," he says, clearing his throat. "Wait, did you mean…"
Pi starts shaking the table again, but this time in a more panicked way.
"Yeah, I meant to leave it on hers," the man says, then coughs. "Um. Yeah. Sorry, I must have done your order on accident. Wow."
"Yeah, wow. I'm gonna kill that sonofabitch," Ryo snarls, and Tegoshi slaps him on the arm.
Shige, surprisingly, feels a tad murderous himself. "Uh, well, okay. Bye," he says, and hangs up.
After that everyone sits around for awhile, unmoving. Shige is bewildered by how shocking the whole thing was, and even more so at how everyone is so let down.
"God, this is so depressing," Pi pouts, and stands up. "I'm gonna get another coffee."
Ryo stands up with him. "I'm coming," he says. His voice has dropped, it seems, an octave or two. "Tego, come with."
They leave, with Massu trailing behind, and Koyama slumps forward on the table. "That was crazy," he mumbles.
Shige sighs. "Yeah." Then he drops his voice to a mumble. "You know, I'm kind of disappointed."
Koyama laughs quietly. "I thought you'd be. But that's okay. So you wanna have dinner later?" he says, stretching his arms so that Shige is trapped in between them. "You pay, since it's your misfortune."
Shige hits him on the head.
IV.
After dinner that night, Koyama makes Shige come over.
"It's so lonely at my place," he says, "and it's raining, it might thunder. Come and keep me company."
Shige rolls his eyes. "This is the first time I've heard you complain about thunder."
But he comes over anyway. They run through the rain like they ran through the alleyway away from Maria-chan the dominatrix, and Shige asks Koyama if he remembers that night as they toe off their shoes in the doorway, dripping and soaked through.
"Of course, it was only a week ago," Koyama says, wiping his wet forehead with his wet sleeve. "And you can't really forget someone with pink hair and cone boobs."
Shige laughs. "And thigh-high boots."
"And a can of strawberry syrup in her belt loop," Koyama says, opening the hall closet and tossing Shige a towel. "No, I'm just making that one up."
Koyama says something about tea, and Shige drops onto the couch in the living room. He marvels at how the apartment is large enough to have a living room, and notices how the place is warm. From the kitchen comes tinkling sounds from the cups, and the hiss of the stove, and everything's so inviting, but at the same time so…
"Kei," Shige says, still dripping, "why don't you have a girlfriend?"
The tinkling noises stop, and Koyama turns around. "What?"
"I mean--you have such a nice apartment, you really should have someone else to share it with," Shige says matter-of-factly.
"I won't have such a nice apartment if you keep watering my couch. That's why I gave you a towel, dumbass," Koyama says, smiling.
Shige knows he's avoiding the question, but the questions in his head keep on coming. It was the saké--too much of it and he'll never shut up. "But why don't you, Kei?" he tries again, this time muffled through the towel.
"I don't know," Koyama replies, as the kettle starts to whistle. "I did. You know that."
"I remember her, yeah. Did she not like it here or something?" Shige asks. He realizes he's slurring his words, but he's not sober enough to attempt to stop.
Koyama shakes his head, but doesn't go on. He pours the tea and brings it over the couch, which is by now entirely damp. Shige takes a cup, brings it to his lips, and sets it down again.
"Do you think I'll ever get a girlfriend?" he whispers.
Koyama turns to stare at him. "You really do talk too much when you're drunk, you know that?" he says. "Why do you keep thinking about it, anyway? I thought you never wanted to do this Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu plan anyway."
"That's not the name of it," Shige says indignantly, and, seeking something to lean on, settles against Koyama, who is stove-heated and comfortable. "But I don't know. It's already failed twice. Maybe I'm just not lovable."
It's silent. Shige takes a sip of tea, and closes his eyes.
"Can I stay here?" he asks, resting his head on the nearest solid surface.
"Not on my shoulder," Koyama says, without conviction. He laughs. "I guess. I can't send you home like this, your mom would kill me."
Shige makes some noise of agreement. Moments later he feels fingers on his hands, soft and seeking, and then the teacup is gone.
He dreams about that--fingers giving him teacups, and warmth, lots of it. It makes no sense, but he's satisfied.
V.
A day later, after practice for their upcoming tour, Pi pulls Shige aside.
"I heard you fell asleep on Kei," Pi says in a dramatic voice, his hands on Shige's shoulders. "I'm telling you, Shige, just go out with him."
Shige, who is hungover, pretends he didn't hear that. "What? Speak up. I have a headache."
"Screw Koyama's brains out," someone else whispers, and Shige turns slowly to find Ryo glaring at him. "You are such an idiot. I'm even starting to feel sorry for Koyama, which is impossible, so I'm not. But I am."
Shige blinks. "What?"
Ryo sighs exasperatedly. "Why am I wasting my time? I hate prudes. And picky eaters."
Pi cuts in. "What Ryo means, Shige, is that Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu (we changed the name, by the way, when you were in the bathroom that one day) was designed for you to find a good person to take care of you and kiss you goodnight. Obviously since you've failed twice, the third time's the charm, right?"
He doesn't really get it, but Shige nods anyway.
"So for the third time, go for Kei. It'll work," Pi says, taking his hands off Shige's shoulders and pinching his cheeks instead, "because it already is."
"Except for Mr. I-Have-To-Protect-My-Virtue, here," Ryo sneers. "Do you wash yourself with vinegar every night?"
VI.
On the train home, Shige contemplates Ryo and Pi's words. He thinks about it through every stop, and even when he's going through the ticket barrier, so he almost goes through the ticket-in booth instead of the ticket-out one. Shige keeps on thinking, thinking, thinking; eventually he winds up with a killer headache. He wonders why Aogaku never taught him anything about this.
He thinks about it when he's walking along the dark streets, completely alone, so that he sometimes curses aloud and stops in the middle of the road just to go over something in his head.
So for the third time, go for Koyama. It'll work. Because it already is.
It doesn't really hit him until he's home, having tea at the table with his mother.
"Mom," Shige says, bringing the mug to his lips, "how do you know when someone's good for you?"
His mother blinks, a little taken aback at her son's sudden interest in romance. She can't say she's not grateful, though, and chooses her words carefully.
"Well," she begins, "when you know that you're safe with that person. And you know that, no matter what, that person will take you into their home and let you stay there."
Shige nods and looks into his teacup. "Okay," he says quietly. "Thanks."
Then, just in case, he asks his mom if she's ever heard of Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu. His mother, who once picked up the phone when her son was asleep and accidentally had a (very polite) conversation with Yamashita-kun and Nishikido-kun, lies and says of course not.
VII.
So the next day, after work, Shige asks Koyama if he can come with him.
"You mean, to my house?" Koyama asks, a little confused. "Sure, but--"
"Let's talk," Shige says, swallowing down every other irrelevant thing in his mind. "I want to talk to you."
Koyama's mouth opens, then closes. He has one hand on the table and the other in mid-air, as if he wants to reach out and grasp something (Shige half-hopes it's him). "Okay…"
They walk through the city in a silence far from relaxed. Shige tries to talk about how Ryo offered him, this morning, to give him a couple of phone numbers for his 'ladyfriends that don't mind someone inexperienced,' and Koyama responds and laughs in all the right places, but the conversation dies down after that. It's awkward, and Shige is wondering if he has decided to do the right thing.
He probably hasn't, he thinks to himself, and bites his nails off as they near Koyama's apartment.
"What are you doing?" Koyama snorts when he turns to see Shige gnawing at his nail. "That’s gross."
"I'm nervous," Shige says, then immediately tries to cover up, "for, um, our upcoming concerts."
Koyama looks at him strangely. "This is like, the fourth tour we've done. You can't be nervous."
Shige shrugs and looks away. "You know I get nervous every time."
Except he doesn't, and that's the problem. As they reach the apartment building and Koyama pulls his keys out of his pocket, Shige wonders if he could get used to seeing that, if indeed Koyama is the charm that will make this third try work.
In the elevator, though, he realizes that he's already used to seeing the keys, and riding up to the fifth floor, and stopping at 507, and watching Koyama jiggle the lock until it gives. Thinking about this makes it easier.
When they walk into the apartment, it's still warm, just like last time. Shige, whose hands are shaking, exhales loudly.
Koyama looks at him again. "You're weird," he says. "And that's what you usually say to me."
"Kei--," Shige starts, then clears his throat. "I--um--Ryo and Pi, they--in the--it was scary, Kei, like you wouldn't believe, so I--." He's a nervous wreck, and stops before he says anything even more stupid.
Koyama turns away, in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll make tea."
VIII.
Shige wonders if this is what girls feel like when they're on the verge of confessing to someone they just realized is Mr. Right, and then wonders if it's okay that he's referring to Koyama as Mr. Right. It confuses him, so he accepts the teacup that Koyama passes to him and talks to it instead.
"So a couple of weeks ago," Shige starts, "when Pi and I went to Starbucks, he told me that boys are fun."
Koyama splutters, and when Shige turns to look at him, he's got tea running down his neck. "What the hell? What kind of come-on is that, Shige?"
Shige's mouth drops open. "Oh my God. I didn't mean it like that. Shit, shit, shit, I am such a bad person, shit," he says, and buries his face in the throw pillow next to him. "SHIT."
He hears Koyama giggle, and then try to disguise it as a cough. "It's okay. Start over."
Starting over is harder, because Shige's entire plan (that he devised at his kitchen table) is now worthless and he has to start from scratch. "It's kind of weird how you're reassuring me," he grumbles, and takes a gulp of his scalding hot tea.
"Yeah, it is," Koyama says, and Shige can hear the grin in his voice. He refuses to look, though.
"Well," Shige continues, "yesterday I asked my mom how you would know if someone was right for you, and she said if they kept you safe and let you come home with them or something. And that's what you--I mean, it made sense." He wonders how much he's blushing. "Oh, and before that, Ryo and Pi accosted me in the hallway and shook me around and told me you'd be my third try. And third time's the charm--"
He's cut short when Koyama suddenly leans over close, very close, and rests his chin on Shige's shoulder. "Go on," he says.
"--Third time's the charm," Shige repeats, this time with a squeak at the end. "In Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu."
Koyama laughs, softly, into his ear. "So is it working? Am I charming you?"
Shige shrugs (on the shoulder Koyama is not on). "I guess," he mumbles.
Koyama comes closer so that his lips are brushing against Shige's neck--though not quite fully there. "How about now?"
The correct answer, Shige knows, is that Koyama has been doing his awful charming thing for the past two or so years, and Shige has been stupid enough not to notice until now. But he's too embarrassed to say this, and just, very slowly, turns his head so that his face is now in Koyama's hair.
"Yeah," Shige says, quietly, daring to snuggle just the tiniest bit. "Yeah, okay, now."
EPILOGUE:
Pi strides into the break room with a venti cup from Starbucks. Ryo follows soon after and even Jin tries to wiggle his way into the Very Important Meeting about Shige that was called.
"You're in KAT-TUN," Ryo roars as he slams the door on Jin's foot. "GO DO SLUTTY THINGS."
"You guys are being slutty right now!" Jin whines, trying to squeeze in the tiny crack. "Let me in!"
After putting his coffee down carefully on the table, Pi turns around and whispers something to the door; not unlike in the way one would speak to a puppy. Jin's eyes and mouth both open wide and then he nods and turns. All of NewS, seated at the center table, can hear him running down the hallway.
"What did you tell him?" Tegoshi asks.
"That he can have the winning prize later," Pi says.
Ryo says something very nasty about the size of Jin's--
"Not that prize!" Pi yells, indignantly. "The one I found in my bag of chips today. Anyway, I hereby call this meeting of the Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu Forces together."
He sits down and adjusts his glasses, which Shige bets he wore especially for today.
"So this meeting has been called to announce that Koyama Keiichiro has successfully completed this operation as of--," Pi squints down at his notes, "--twenty-three hundred hours last night."
"Don't you mean zero?" Shige says. "Wasn't it midnight?" he asks, turning to Koyama.
"No," Koyama says, "that was the--"
Pi slams his coffee on the table. "Okay, nobody needs to know about that, as ecstatic as we all are that Shige finally got some, which means that Operation Get Shige Laid was also a success. However, after certain pieces of evidence were presented to me about a week ago, Operation Kill Shige's Virginity was not a valid task due to the fact that Shige, one time in high school, did the thing. With--well, you guys know."
Shige pales. "Who told you that?"
Pi, trying to keep a straight face, snorts. "Ryo-chan and I called your mom," he says, and gets up and runs out of the room as Shige howls defiantly.
EPILOGUE TWO:
Shige is beginning to appreciate Koyama's couch more and more.
They're on it again (though not at it, Shige thinks, yet), stretched out lazily, Koyama all intertwined within Shige so that the latter can't move at all.
"Oh, so I was thinking," Shige says, in his immobile state, "who started this whole thing? You know, Operation Thing?"
Koyama, his head buried in Shige's arm, says something unintelligible, but Shige can make out the words 'drunk' and 'Pi.'
"But," Shige mutters, thinking to himself, "weren't you the one that said, your plan was to set me up with the woman of my dreams?"
He can feel Koyama blush.
"Are you a woman?" Shige says, trying not to giggle.
Silence. Then:
"I like to consider myself feminine at heart," Koyama says, muffled in Shige's arm.
"Uh-huh," Shige snorts. "Why do you have a skirt in your closet, then?"
"Look, the plan was to set you up with someone, it didn't really matter what gender--THAT WAS LEFTOVER FROM A DRAMA, OKAY."
-end
Note: Green isn't really associated with erotica, at least from what I could find online. It came from a conversation my friends had about M&M's that went something like, HAY GUIZ, GREEN M&MS R APHRODISIACS! It turned out not to be true, though. Even when we tested it with a real bag of M&M's. :3
It's been a LOONG time, folks, but I suppose now that it's summer my writing gland wants to partay it up. Not only do I have two fics in the making (one in planning stages (a collab) and the other, an Ohmiya, a whopping 13 pages already), but I'm writing a short story that's not even close to being done at 20 pages. This is all Word, folks, 12 pt Times. And it's not like I started them in March and am picking them up again--I started the Ohmiya yesterday and the short story a few weeks ago. I never write thirteen pages in two days. I usually don't even write things that are thirteen pages, let alone twenty, single-spaced.
I have officially exploded.
Anyhow, I know you all came here for the fic, but since you're going to read that anyway I decided to ramble a bit. :)
title: Charmed (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE TV SHOW. I wanted to name it 'Third Time's the Charm,' but
whyjennifer already has a fic named that, and I know it doesn't really matter but IT DOES TO ME. D:)
pairing: Koyato, a touch of RyoPi
genre: Y'all are mature. PG.
summary: It might have begun with a game of spin the bottle mixed with truth or dare--Shige doesn't really remember.
notes: This is, first and foremost, REALLY LATE ~*~*BIRTHDAY FIC*~*~ fic for
saturnial , who had requested, on her birthday spam post, comment spam and/or comment fic. But I was super duper late so I decided to make up for it by writing her this monstrous thing (that includes, on her vague request, 'Koyato fluff, awkward and inefficient, with Pi and Ryo on the side') that may merge on badfic (not kidding). However it is love- and fun-filled, I assure you of that. <333
ENJOY THE RIDE.
Charmed
Shige doesn't know how it started--it might have, perhaps, begun with a simple game of drunken spin-the-bottle combined with truth or dare (Pi likes those games, and Shige can't comprehend exactly why). Someone might have spun the bottle around to Ryo for the tenth time, gotten tired of asking questions of an explicit sexual nature, and instead nudged the bottlemouth over to Shige.
"Sooo, Shige," this someone had slurred. "When's the last time you got some?"
Shige had turned red. (Maybe.) "I HAVEN'T EVEN PICKED TRUTH OR DARE YET! And that's not even a truth or a dare! Truths are yes or no questions! Dares are--"
"Can someone shut him the fuck up?" Ryo had perhaps screamed. "Why does Shige have to be the only one who talks his ass off when we drink?"
The certain someone (Shige's memory is a little blurry, and can't really match the antics to the face, if of course this happened at all) had clapped Shige on the back and brought their foreheads close together. "Now now, Shige. This is a matter of utmost importance. You have to tell us--I mean me. Just me. Focus on me, Shige."
Shige could feel four other breaths sneaking into the neck of his shirt. To calm down, he started reciting multiplication tables under his breath. "Fourtimesthreeistwelve," he'd breathed, or he would have, if this had happened at all, "Fivetimesisxisthirty…"
"Oh godammit," Ryo sneered, pressing his nose against Shige's neck and causing him to forget what seven times ten was. "Obviously the man hasn't gotten any since his first."
There was a pause.
"That is, if you had a first at all," Ryo finished, laughing maniacally.
Ten times ten is a hundred, Shige thought, but the equation stuck in his throat. Drinking wasn't exactly his forte, and he, when fully intoxicated, spouted the truth like nobody's business. He'd decided to keep his mouth shut. (Or he would have kept his mouth shut in a circumstance like that, anyway. Shige just knows.)
After that nobody was around Shige anymore, and legs and arms had scrambled over him to form a huddle around the bottle. So Shige had sat pouting in the corner, thinking about girls he'd almost had but never did and maybe that one time when he was drunk, with that boy, but--
"'Kay," Koyama says, raising his arm and waving it around. "I got one."
"Ooh," Tegoshi giggled. "It's not gonna be better than mine, though."
Shige was a little lost. He tried to crawl towards the rest of the group, but the somebody accidentally on purpose kicked him in the shins and he collapsed onto the futons.
"So my plan," Koyama had said, with a thumbs up, "is that we are gonna set Shiggy up with the woman of his dreams."
"Ohmigod! That was my idea," Tegoshi giggled again.
Shige still didn't really know what was going on, but by the way Massu had put a reassuring hand on his back and handed him a carton of chocolate donuts, he should have known.
"Mmmkay, so I hereby declare," announced Pi, if Shige remembers correctly, "the initiation of Operation Get Shige Laid. Whoever sets him up correctly and with good favor wins my good lovin.'"
Koyama had raised his glass to the middle and whooped, with the rest of them following suit (except for Shige, who was, by that time, out cold).
And maybe that's how it started. Shige can't really focus on the moment--drinking's not his strong suit, after all.
But the next day at work, while Koyama was feeding him hangover pills, Pi came over and pressed his forehead right against Shige's.
"Operation Kill Shige's Virginity begins now," he bellowed, and stood back.
(And Jin had wandered in right after that. "Virginity?" he said, very excited. "You're betting on Shige's virginity?"
"I am not--," Shige began, before settling into a sulk.
Koyama nodded. "Whoever wins gets Pi's good lovin', apparently."
Jin clapped his hands. "Fun! Can I join?"
"No!" Shige screamed, horrified. "I don't want Akanishi betting on my--I mean--if I am at all, that is!"
Pi looked up. "You're in that de-nile thing, aren't you? The river in Egypt?"
Ryo couldn't stop laughing all through practice.)
I.
In accordance with the plan, Tegoshi sets him up.
By the matchmaker alone Shige should have deducted that the entire thing would never work. Most likely whoever he was going on a blind date with would be a hairdresser, or be one of those scary girls with too much makeup that he tried to stay away from on the streets. Tegoshi would, undoubtedly, give Shige not a date, but hell. He could feel it already.
So he tried to back out. "Tegoshi, you know, maybe it's not such a good idea if…I mean, you don't have to do this."
And Tegoshi had giggled. "Nonsense, Shige! Maria-chan is a nice girl. Plus she's very experienced. She'll give you a good time." Wiggly eyebrows ensued.
Shige, afraid he would be covered in strawberry syrup and hung to the wall with ropes of taffy, made Koyama come with him.
He'd agreed, but reluctantly. "This is supposed to be your blind date," Koyama had said as they walked along the route Tegoshi had given Shige. "I don't want to be a third wheel. Or the third--ew. Nevermind."
"But," Shige started, choosing to ignore the last comment, "I mean. What if she. What if I don't come out alive."
"Don't be dumb," Koyama said, turning Shige into a narrow alleyway. "I'm sure she's nice. Tegoshi can't have a ton of crazy friends, there's got to be one that's--"
Suddenly, in the awning beside them, a girl materialized (that's what happened, Shige swears up and down) out of thin air ("Maybe she did," Koyama had said, wide-eyed, "I didn't see her before that. HOLY CRAP").
She had braids pinned up in buns on the side of her head, and her hair was a vibrant shade of pink. And she was wearing a dominatrix uniform.
"Hi, I'm Maria!" she said, sweetly. Then, noticing Shige's look (he'd just noticed that she had a whip tucked into one of her thigh-high boots), she crossed her legs and blushed.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I couldn’t change after work, but Tego-chan said that was okay with you…"
Koyama, who was inching backwards, tugged instinctively on Shige's arm.
Shige, nearly frozen, bowed stiffly and took a few steps in the direction he came. "Um, no, that’s actually, I have--I have this thing to do, I'll let Tegoshi know we couldn't work out today bye!"
They ran all the way back to the station. On the train ride home, Koyama wouldn't stop making bondage jokes, and Shige had to keep apologizing to the old ladies sitting next to them.
II.
After Tegoshi has a serious pouting session in Ryo's lap (Koyama explains the whole thing the next day at work, complete with a vivid description of the cones on her bra that Shige had tried not to look at too much), Pi takes Shige out for coffee.
"Well," he says, pursing his lips, "I guess we all know what Tego's into now."
"SHUT UP," Shige had yelled, right in the middle of Starbucks. "SHUT UP I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT."
They order. Shige gets one for himself and Koyama, who always complains that Shige is a selfish coffee-drinking bitch and ends up drinking out of whatever Shige bought, and Pi fills up a venti with shots of espresso for Ryo ("He needs his perkiness").
While waiting at the counter, Pi taps his finger against his chin and hums. "You know, I've been thinking," he says, looking intently at Shige through his sunglasses, "if Koyama were a girl, you guys would be perfect for each other."
Shige explodes. "Huh?" he says, knocking over the sugar with a spasm of his elbow. "What the hell are you talking about?"
A disgruntled store clerk comes over to wipe up the spill, and both of them bow politely before slinking off to the side. "I mean," says Pi, "that you guys are best friends, right?"
"Well, yeah, but I don't see--"
"And I've seen you two drunk. It's like softcore porn, you know that?"
The barista handing them their coffee shoots them a look, and Shige dies a little inside.
"No, I don't know that. I didn't want to know that," he grumbles. "But that aside, it's still weird, you know, to think of your best friend as your--your--anything other than that."
Pi shrugs. "I got used to it."
Shige watches him pour a ton of sugar into Ryo's huge cup of coffee, and tries to let the words sink in. "What?" he finally says, except it comes out more like, "Is that why you and Ryo are always late to morning meetings?"
Pi shrugs again and turns to hand Shige his drinks. "Boys are fun. Did you know that there's a number on your coffee sleeve thing?"
Not knowing which statement to address first, Shige just looks down at his own coffee. There is, indeed, a cell phone number written in bold, green ink on the outside sleeve, neatly placed aside the Starbucks logo.
This is a first for Shige. It's also a first for Pi, apparently, because after the realization that there is a phone number on Shige's coffee cup sinks in, he goes wild.
"Let's go," he says, pulling Shige earnestly out of the café, "we have to tell everyone."
Shige's mind flits to Ryo, then, inevitably, to Koyama. "W-why?"
"Because this is epic, Shige. Do you know how this is gonna work out? We're gonna steal your cell and call that number. Then you're gonna get laid."
He gets them a taxi and they pile in. Shige is still confused. He checks Koyama's cup, just to make sure there's not a number on there, but there is--the same one, in the same exact place.
"Whoever it was tried twice," he tells Pi, who is sucking down his own coffee like it's water. "I mean--look." He shows Pi the other cup, and Pi gives a thumbs up.
"Bow chicka wow wow, Shige," he says, licking off his foam mustache suggestively. "That's a good sign. You're gonna get lucky tonight, boy."
Boy? Shige thinks. Like, 'boys are fun?'
He looks at the number again. As each second in the car passes, the situation becomes intriguing, and almost, as it plays out in Shige's head, illicit.
III.
Pi drags Shige across the hallways of the jimusho with such force that some coffee spills out onto the floor, and Shige prays that no sempai will notice and come running after them.
Once they bust through the doors of NewS' break room, though, he's praying for different things.
"Okay, everyone, listen up," says Pi, thrusting Ryo's cup of espresso into his hands and setting his own empty coffee down on the table. "Through my divine intervention, Shige is going to get laid tonight."
Tegoshi cries what he probably imagines to be some encouraging war cry, even though it sounds more like it could break a mirror. Shige cringes.
"But wait," Koyama says to Pi, "if you win this thing, who gets the good lovin'?"
Ryo and Pi both point at each other. The whole room nods in understanding, but Shige cringes again and thinks, are boys really that fun?
"Anyway," Pi says, grabbing both coffees from Shige's hands, "lo and behold, people, there are phone numbers etched onto Shige's coffee cups. What's more, they're in green--which everyone here knows is associated with erotica."
"Is that one mine? Can I have it?" Koyama says, reaching for one, but Pi snatches it out of the way.
"No. This is an important specimen that must be preserved and tested for good lovin' purposes. Quick, someone! Get me Shige's cell phone."
The whole room rises in an uproar. Shige is startled as he feels something digging into his pocket and looks down to see Koyama's hands on his pants. He screams.
"I buy you coffee, and this is how you repay me? By getting on your knees and--"
Across the room Shige hears Ryo approve in an illicit manner.
"--HEY--and helping the enemy?"
Koyama grins. "You can't say you're not interested in who wants to get in your pants, Shige."
"Why are you?" Shige inquires, just as Koyama finds his phone.
"Because the number was written on my coffee cup as well, so I have the right to know," Koyama answers, and tosses the phone to Pi. "Dial!"
Everyone gathers around the table. It's reminiscent of the night this whole thing started, except Shige is now placed in the middle of the circle, smack in between Pi and Ryo.
Ryo dials, and Pi giggles loudly behind his hands. Shige feels like he is once again in middle school, at some kind of lewd sleepover, but then he realizes the first time he had a lewd sleepover was when he joined NewS. This knowledge is not comforting.
"Ssssh, it's ringing!" Pi stage whispers to silence. Tegoshi muffles a squeal.
After a few rings and dirty comments from Ryo, someone picks up. The entire table shakes, and Shige drops his head in his hands (but keeps his mouth uncovered).
"Hello?" someone says. It's a male voice, and everyone leans into the table.
"H-hello?" Shige chokes out, after Ryo elbows him in the gut. "Did you…leave your phone number on my coffee cup?"
There's a long, long silence, and then the man laughs shortly. "Oh. Um, wow. Well, I guess, yeah."
Ryo falls off his chair. Pi, on the other hand, is shaking the table uncontrollably.
Before Shige can say anything else, though, the man goes on. "Look, this is going to sound weird, but--"
"--I have the gay hots for you," Koyama whispers, nearly inaudibly, and Pi kicks the table hysterically.
"--You're not the woman in the red dress, are you?" finishes the man.
Suddenly, Ryo and Pi stop making so much noise and Koyama's mouth drops open. Shige himself is at a loss for words.
"N-no," he says, clearing his throat. "Wait, did you mean…"
Pi starts shaking the table again, but this time in a more panicked way.
"Yeah, I meant to leave it on hers," the man says, then coughs. "Um. Yeah. Sorry, I must have done your order on accident. Wow."
"Yeah, wow. I'm gonna kill that sonofabitch," Ryo snarls, and Tegoshi slaps him on the arm.
Shige, surprisingly, feels a tad murderous himself. "Uh, well, okay. Bye," he says, and hangs up.
After that everyone sits around for awhile, unmoving. Shige is bewildered by how shocking the whole thing was, and even more so at how everyone is so let down.
"God, this is so depressing," Pi pouts, and stands up. "I'm gonna get another coffee."
Ryo stands up with him. "I'm coming," he says. His voice has dropped, it seems, an octave or two. "Tego, come with."
They leave, with Massu trailing behind, and Koyama slumps forward on the table. "That was crazy," he mumbles.
Shige sighs. "Yeah." Then he drops his voice to a mumble. "You know, I'm kind of disappointed."
Koyama laughs quietly. "I thought you'd be. But that's okay. So you wanna have dinner later?" he says, stretching his arms so that Shige is trapped in between them. "You pay, since it's your misfortune."
Shige hits him on the head.
IV.
After dinner that night, Koyama makes Shige come over.
"It's so lonely at my place," he says, "and it's raining, it might thunder. Come and keep me company."
Shige rolls his eyes. "This is the first time I've heard you complain about thunder."
But he comes over anyway. They run through the rain like they ran through the alleyway away from Maria-chan the dominatrix, and Shige asks Koyama if he remembers that night as they toe off their shoes in the doorway, dripping and soaked through.
"Of course, it was only a week ago," Koyama says, wiping his wet forehead with his wet sleeve. "And you can't really forget someone with pink hair and cone boobs."
Shige laughs. "And thigh-high boots."
"And a can of strawberry syrup in her belt loop," Koyama says, opening the hall closet and tossing Shige a towel. "No, I'm just making that one up."
Koyama says something about tea, and Shige drops onto the couch in the living room. He marvels at how the apartment is large enough to have a living room, and notices how the place is warm. From the kitchen comes tinkling sounds from the cups, and the hiss of the stove, and everything's so inviting, but at the same time so…
"Kei," Shige says, still dripping, "why don't you have a girlfriend?"
The tinkling noises stop, and Koyama turns around. "What?"
"I mean--you have such a nice apartment, you really should have someone else to share it with," Shige says matter-of-factly.
"I won't have such a nice apartment if you keep watering my couch. That's why I gave you a towel, dumbass," Koyama says, smiling.
Shige knows he's avoiding the question, but the questions in his head keep on coming. It was the saké--too much of it and he'll never shut up. "But why don't you, Kei?" he tries again, this time muffled through the towel.
"I don't know," Koyama replies, as the kettle starts to whistle. "I did. You know that."
"I remember her, yeah. Did she not like it here or something?" Shige asks. He realizes he's slurring his words, but he's not sober enough to attempt to stop.
Koyama shakes his head, but doesn't go on. He pours the tea and brings it over the couch, which is by now entirely damp. Shige takes a cup, brings it to his lips, and sets it down again.
"Do you think I'll ever get a girlfriend?" he whispers.
Koyama turns to stare at him. "You really do talk too much when you're drunk, you know that?" he says. "Why do you keep thinking about it, anyway? I thought you never wanted to do this Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu plan anyway."
"That's not the name of it," Shige says indignantly, and, seeking something to lean on, settles against Koyama, who is stove-heated and comfortable. "But I don't know. It's already failed twice. Maybe I'm just not lovable."
It's silent. Shige takes a sip of tea, and closes his eyes.
"Can I stay here?" he asks, resting his head on the nearest solid surface.
"Not on my shoulder," Koyama says, without conviction. He laughs. "I guess. I can't send you home like this, your mom would kill me."
Shige makes some noise of agreement. Moments later he feels fingers on his hands, soft and seeking, and then the teacup is gone.
He dreams about that--fingers giving him teacups, and warmth, lots of it. It makes no sense, but he's satisfied.
V.
A day later, after practice for their upcoming tour, Pi pulls Shige aside.
"I heard you fell asleep on Kei," Pi says in a dramatic voice, his hands on Shige's shoulders. "I'm telling you, Shige, just go out with him."
Shige, who is hungover, pretends he didn't hear that. "What? Speak up. I have a headache."
"Screw Koyama's brains out," someone else whispers, and Shige turns slowly to find Ryo glaring at him. "You are such an idiot. I'm even starting to feel sorry for Koyama, which is impossible, so I'm not. But I am."
Shige blinks. "What?"
Ryo sighs exasperatedly. "Why am I wasting my time? I hate prudes. And picky eaters."
Pi cuts in. "What Ryo means, Shige, is that Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu (we changed the name, by the way, when you were in the bathroom that one day) was designed for you to find a good person to take care of you and kiss you goodnight. Obviously since you've failed twice, the third time's the charm, right?"
He doesn't really get it, but Shige nods anyway.
"So for the third time, go for Kei. It'll work," Pi says, taking his hands off Shige's shoulders and pinching his cheeks instead, "because it already is."
"Except for Mr. I-Have-To-Protect-My-Virtue, here," Ryo sneers. "Do you wash yourself with vinegar every night?"
VI.
On the train home, Shige contemplates Ryo and Pi's words. He thinks about it through every stop, and even when he's going through the ticket barrier, so he almost goes through the ticket-in booth instead of the ticket-out one. Shige keeps on thinking, thinking, thinking; eventually he winds up with a killer headache. He wonders why Aogaku never taught him anything about this.
He thinks about it when he's walking along the dark streets, completely alone, so that he sometimes curses aloud and stops in the middle of the road just to go over something in his head.
So for the third time, go for Koyama. It'll work. Because it already is.
It doesn't really hit him until he's home, having tea at the table with his mother.
"Mom," Shige says, bringing the mug to his lips, "how do you know when someone's good for you?"
His mother blinks, a little taken aback at her son's sudden interest in romance. She can't say she's not grateful, though, and chooses her words carefully.
"Well," she begins, "when you know that you're safe with that person. And you know that, no matter what, that person will take you into their home and let you stay there."
Shige nods and looks into his teacup. "Okay," he says quietly. "Thanks."
Then, just in case, he asks his mom if she's ever heard of Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu. His mother, who once picked up the phone when her son was asleep and accidentally had a (very polite) conversation with Yamashita-kun and Nishikido-kun, lies and says of course not.
VII.
So the next day, after work, Shige asks Koyama if he can come with him.
"You mean, to my house?" Koyama asks, a little confused. "Sure, but--"
"Let's talk," Shige says, swallowing down every other irrelevant thing in his mind. "I want to talk to you."
Koyama's mouth opens, then closes. He has one hand on the table and the other in mid-air, as if he wants to reach out and grasp something (Shige half-hopes it's him). "Okay…"
They walk through the city in a silence far from relaxed. Shige tries to talk about how Ryo offered him, this morning, to give him a couple of phone numbers for his 'ladyfriends that don't mind someone inexperienced,' and Koyama responds and laughs in all the right places, but the conversation dies down after that. It's awkward, and Shige is wondering if he has decided to do the right thing.
He probably hasn't, he thinks to himself, and bites his nails off as they near Koyama's apartment.
"What are you doing?" Koyama snorts when he turns to see Shige gnawing at his nail. "That’s gross."
"I'm nervous," Shige says, then immediately tries to cover up, "for, um, our upcoming concerts."
Koyama looks at him strangely. "This is like, the fourth tour we've done. You can't be nervous."
Shige shrugs and looks away. "You know I get nervous every time."
Except he doesn't, and that's the problem. As they reach the apartment building and Koyama pulls his keys out of his pocket, Shige wonders if he could get used to seeing that, if indeed Koyama is the charm that will make this third try work.
In the elevator, though, he realizes that he's already used to seeing the keys, and riding up to the fifth floor, and stopping at 507, and watching Koyama jiggle the lock until it gives. Thinking about this makes it easier.
When they walk into the apartment, it's still warm, just like last time. Shige, whose hands are shaking, exhales loudly.
Koyama looks at him again. "You're weird," he says. "And that's what you usually say to me."
"Kei--," Shige starts, then clears his throat. "I--um--Ryo and Pi, they--in the--it was scary, Kei, like you wouldn't believe, so I--." He's a nervous wreck, and stops before he says anything even more stupid.
Koyama turns away, in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll make tea."
VIII.
Shige wonders if this is what girls feel like when they're on the verge of confessing to someone they just realized is Mr. Right, and then wonders if it's okay that he's referring to Koyama as Mr. Right. It confuses him, so he accepts the teacup that Koyama passes to him and talks to it instead.
"So a couple of weeks ago," Shige starts, "when Pi and I went to Starbucks, he told me that boys are fun."
Koyama splutters, and when Shige turns to look at him, he's got tea running down his neck. "What the hell? What kind of come-on is that, Shige?"
Shige's mouth drops open. "Oh my God. I didn't mean it like that. Shit, shit, shit, I am such a bad person, shit," he says, and buries his face in the throw pillow next to him. "SHIT."
He hears Koyama giggle, and then try to disguise it as a cough. "It's okay. Start over."
Starting over is harder, because Shige's entire plan (that he devised at his kitchen table) is now worthless and he has to start from scratch. "It's kind of weird how you're reassuring me," he grumbles, and takes a gulp of his scalding hot tea.
"Yeah, it is," Koyama says, and Shige can hear the grin in his voice. He refuses to look, though.
"Well," Shige continues, "yesterday I asked my mom how you would know if someone was right for you, and she said if they kept you safe and let you come home with them or something. And that's what you--I mean, it made sense." He wonders how much he's blushing. "Oh, and before that, Ryo and Pi accosted me in the hallway and shook me around and told me you'd be my third try. And third time's the charm--"
He's cut short when Koyama suddenly leans over close, very close, and rests his chin on Shige's shoulder. "Go on," he says.
"--Third time's the charm," Shige repeats, this time with a squeak at the end. "In Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu."
Koyama laughs, softly, into his ear. "So is it working? Am I charming you?"
Shige shrugs (on the shoulder Koyama is not on). "I guess," he mumbles.
Koyama comes closer so that his lips are brushing against Shige's neck--though not quite fully there. "How about now?"
The correct answer, Shige knows, is that Koyama has been doing his awful charming thing for the past two or so years, and Shige has been stupid enough not to notice until now. But he's too embarrassed to say this, and just, very slowly, turns his head so that his face is now in Koyama's hair.
"Yeah," Shige says, quietly, daring to snuggle just the tiniest bit. "Yeah, okay, now."
EPILOGUE:
Pi strides into the break room with a venti cup from Starbucks. Ryo follows soon after and even Jin tries to wiggle his way into the Very Important Meeting about Shige that was called.
"You're in KAT-TUN," Ryo roars as he slams the door on Jin's foot. "GO DO SLUTTY THINGS."
"You guys are being slutty right now!" Jin whines, trying to squeeze in the tiny crack. "Let me in!"
After putting his coffee down carefully on the table, Pi turns around and whispers something to the door; not unlike in the way one would speak to a puppy. Jin's eyes and mouth both open wide and then he nods and turns. All of NewS, seated at the center table, can hear him running down the hallway.
"What did you tell him?" Tegoshi asks.
"That he can have the winning prize later," Pi says.
Ryo says something very nasty about the size of Jin's--
"Not that prize!" Pi yells, indignantly. "The one I found in my bag of chips today. Anyway, I hereby call this meeting of the Operation Shige Rabu-Rabu Forces together."
He sits down and adjusts his glasses, which Shige bets he wore especially for today.
"So this meeting has been called to announce that Koyama Keiichiro has successfully completed this operation as of--," Pi squints down at his notes, "--twenty-three hundred hours last night."
"Don't you mean zero?" Shige says. "Wasn't it midnight?" he asks, turning to Koyama.
"No," Koyama says, "that was the--"
Pi slams his coffee on the table. "Okay, nobody needs to know about that, as ecstatic as we all are that Shige finally got some, which means that Operation Get Shige Laid was also a success. However, after certain pieces of evidence were presented to me about a week ago, Operation Kill Shige's Virginity was not a valid task due to the fact that Shige, one time in high school, did the thing. With--well, you guys know."
Shige pales. "Who told you that?"
Pi, trying to keep a straight face, snorts. "Ryo-chan and I called your mom," he says, and gets up and runs out of the room as Shige howls defiantly.
EPILOGUE TWO:
Shige is beginning to appreciate Koyama's couch more and more.
They're on it again (though not at it, Shige thinks, yet), stretched out lazily, Koyama all intertwined within Shige so that the latter can't move at all.
"Oh, so I was thinking," Shige says, in his immobile state, "who started this whole thing? You know, Operation Thing?"
Koyama, his head buried in Shige's arm, says something unintelligible, but Shige can make out the words 'drunk' and 'Pi.'
"But," Shige mutters, thinking to himself, "weren't you the one that said, your plan was to set me up with the woman of my dreams?"
He can feel Koyama blush.
"Are you a woman?" Shige says, trying not to giggle.
Silence. Then:
"I like to consider myself feminine at heart," Koyama says, muffled in Shige's arm.
"Uh-huh," Shige snorts. "Why do you have a skirt in your closet, then?"
"Look, the plan was to set you up with someone, it didn't really matter what gender--THAT WAS LEFTOVER FROM A DRAMA, OKAY."
-end
Note: Green isn't really associated with erotica, at least from what I could find online. It came from a conversation my friends had about M&M's that went something like, HAY GUIZ, GREEN M&MS R APHRODISIACS! It turned out not to be true, though. Even when we tested it with a real bag of M&M's. :3