Better Than Revenge
Now that I'm old enough to know yet young enough to not act I've decided certain things in life are bad to keep witheld. Not to mention, I'm also a huge fan of the idea of moving on and becoming a better version of myself every single day. Maybe being with your soulmate has something to do with the feeling that all other aspects of my life must be as complete as my love life or maybe I'm just over it, either way I'm content. It cannot be stated enough how lucky I am right now when it comes to my life. Besides the point really, cause the major one I'm trying to get to here is how ready I am for my proverbial dumpster of thoughts from the past years need to be dumped.
1) I am not being vague because vagueness implies some inner need to protect the feelings of those I might inflict pain on. And if protecting your feelings were an importance of mine then I wouldn't be writing this in the first place. 2) An online blog is the most impersonal way I can think of to voice an opinion. This way I get to say whatever I want without it being truly personal (although lets be honest this is super personal). 3) Being vague would be great if I cared for your anonimty but I think out of all the things you deserve being anonymous is not one of them.
Anyways now the preface is out of the way let's get to the really deep stuff. Plenty of regrets I have in my life and majority of them involve hurting the people I loved for. Exactly what entails how I hurt someone involves you. Let's go ahead and state the fact I've avoided for many years: if it weren't for you we'd still be together. I was in a relationship where things were good, we were happy and I could've continued in such a manner until my old age. But you came along. Both of us had grievances in our current situation and aired them openly. All the while acting like this had nothing to do with feelings for each other. Damn that was dumb.
Cutting to the chase and avoiding all the carnage involved in what we reffered to as a relationship here's what I consider:
Me, you, the whole thing could have posibly been more than fling,
BUT, such would require you having the ability to only love one woman at a time, something many have figured you are truly incapable of. Everything I wasted time on blaming myself for going wrong was a waste. I did nothing wrong other than not trust you based on the fact that I was stupid enough to belive you cheating on her wouldn't end in you cheating on me. What's the saying? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Yeah, that cliche was created for you. Constant messaging from your exes and rumors flying around faster than a twister caused me to have the feeling of lashing out in the only way I knew how which was to hurt you. Specifically, the entire summer I recall as a daze where all my feelings for you got resolved through the bottom of bottle might not have been the best idea for my liver.
Logistically speaking we might have been perfect for each other. All the commons those successful couples have we had more than plenty and you had a slight and brief chance for being my it. For a flash of moment, a nanosecond really, we were those people you see on all the great scripts whose life and love interact. However, somewhere in between you sleeping with other women while having secret relationships in the subtext of our relationship it all went wrong. However, let's please blame it all on me. I flirted, I spoke, I smiled too much. I did all the things which spoke of a courtesan. Oh, and let's not forget the most unspeakable offense I was unlovable. Due to my past, the ability to be affectionate was severely limited which caused you to run to the arms of other women? That was it right? My apologies if I somehow screwed up the exact wording of what you said caused you to cheat. Cause, that girls is the moral of the story. Men posses the uncanny ability to tell you what went wrong and forced them in the bed of another woman. Truth is no matter how many times you hear the words "I love you" it can't and won't make up for the many other times he's been somewhere else.
It cannot be restated enough how many bullets I dodged. Escaping with a small suitcase of bitterness is a bargain when it comes to the litter you've left all over this state. Soon enough I'll be leaving this place and be as far away as I've felt from you for this many years. Finally, the distance I've experienced between my past and present will be on the odometer.
1) I am not being vague because vagueness implies some inner need to protect the feelings of those I might inflict pain on. And if protecting your feelings were an importance of mine then I wouldn't be writing this in the first place. 2) An online blog is the most impersonal way I can think of to voice an opinion. This way I get to say whatever I want without it being truly personal (although lets be honest this is super personal). 3) Being vague would be great if I cared for your anonimty but I think out of all the things you deserve being anonymous is not one of them.
Anyways now the preface is out of the way let's get to the really deep stuff. Plenty of regrets I have in my life and majority of them involve hurting the people I loved for. Exactly what entails how I hurt someone involves you. Let's go ahead and state the fact I've avoided for many years: if it weren't for you we'd still be together. I was in a relationship where things were good, we were happy and I could've continued in such a manner until my old age. But you came along. Both of us had grievances in our current situation and aired them openly. All the while acting like this had nothing to do with feelings for each other. Damn that was dumb.
Cutting to the chase and avoiding all the carnage involved in what we reffered to as a relationship here's what I consider:
Me, you, the whole thing could have posibly been more than fling,
BUT, such would require you having the ability to only love one woman at a time, something many have figured you are truly incapable of. Everything I wasted time on blaming myself for going wrong was a waste. I did nothing wrong other than not trust you based on the fact that I was stupid enough to belive you cheating on her wouldn't end in you cheating on me. What's the saying? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Yeah, that cliche was created for you. Constant messaging from your exes and rumors flying around faster than a twister caused me to have the feeling of lashing out in the only way I knew how which was to hurt you. Specifically, the entire summer I recall as a daze where all my feelings for you got resolved through the bottom of bottle might not have been the best idea for my liver.
Logistically speaking we might have been perfect for each other. All the commons those successful couples have we had more than plenty and you had a slight and brief chance for being my it. For a flash of moment, a nanosecond really, we were those people you see on all the great scripts whose life and love interact. However, somewhere in between you sleeping with other women while having secret relationships in the subtext of our relationship it all went wrong. However, let's please blame it all on me. I flirted, I spoke, I smiled too much. I did all the things which spoke of a courtesan. Oh, and let's not forget the most unspeakable offense I was unlovable. Due to my past, the ability to be affectionate was severely limited which caused you to run to the arms of other women? That was it right? My apologies if I somehow screwed up the exact wording of what you said caused you to cheat. Cause, that girls is the moral of the story. Men posses the uncanny ability to tell you what went wrong and forced them in the bed of another woman. Truth is no matter how many times you hear the words "I love you" it can't and won't make up for the many other times he's been somewhere else.
It cannot be restated enough how many bullets I dodged. Escaping with a small suitcase of bitterness is a bargain when it comes to the litter you've left all over this state. Soon enough I'll be leaving this place and be as far away as I've felt from you for this many years. Finally, the distance I've experienced between my past and present will be on the odometer.