One Week
I miss my boyfriend. But not in the sad little way where I whine about having no one to go on dinner dates or to force into buying tickets for a movie he doesn't want to see. I just miss his presence. I need to feel like I do when he is around and calms me down about all of the crappy things that happen in life. I need to see him weigh his thoughts before he carefully weighs in on my decisions. I need to hear all his sighs that he thinks are quiet but in reality you can hear a room away when its early morning or late night and he's discontent with the day or the stock market. I need to feel his heaviness against me when we are laying around and heaves himself on me in the morning when he likes to not so subtly wake me up by bouncing on top of my body. I need to taste the sharp sensation I get every time we kiss and even after all this amazes me how the butterflies don't go away.
But instead I taste wine. From the bottle I opened by myself tonight. Not out of need to commiserate all my unfulfilled desires but just to taste away the pain. To literally feel it melt off my tongue. And as I'm opening the bottle all I can do is want to weep over the fact that here I am using the damn wine aerator with the cool little filter that makes a springy noise here without him. I'm okay being alone. In the last year loneliness is a subject I've come to embrace. I've even excelled to the point where more often than not I prefer a night alone. So whats my problem then? I thought it would get easier with time. Each go around I figured would make me a pro. And while I'm a pro at pretending it doesn;t bother me that I'm the one less one at all functions. I'm no where near crossing a point where it doesn't matter. I'm going to be okay I know it. Tomorrow I'll look at this piece and think what a silly girl I can be. Because how many people get to be content with the person who makes them beyond content? I'm a lucky girl and like I said I thank my lucky stars every night that we're still together....even after all the stupid mistakes. But can you blame a girl for bitching when she misses her boyfriend?
But instead I taste wine. From the bottle I opened by myself tonight. Not out of need to commiserate all my unfulfilled desires but just to taste away the pain. To literally feel it melt off my tongue. And as I'm opening the bottle all I can do is want to weep over the fact that here I am using the damn wine aerator with the cool little filter that makes a springy noise here without him. I'm okay being alone. In the last year loneliness is a subject I've come to embrace. I've even excelled to the point where more often than not I prefer a night alone. So whats my problem then? I thought it would get easier with time. Each go around I figured would make me a pro. And while I'm a pro at pretending it doesn;t bother me that I'm the one less one at all functions. I'm no where near crossing a point where it doesn't matter. I'm going to be okay I know it. Tomorrow I'll look at this piece and think what a silly girl I can be. Because how many people get to be content with the person who makes them beyond content? I'm a lucky girl and like I said I thank my lucky stars every night that we're still together....even after all the stupid mistakes. But can you blame a girl for bitching when she misses her boyfriend?