(no subject)
I just get worse with these goodbyes. One would only assume that after a couple of rounds of these it'd get easier every time. But its funny how just the opposite is true. Each one feels a little bit more miserable than the last. On the day of I can feel my senses shutting down. Its my stoic side telling me to keep the emotions out of the way. So then I shut down. I become a less personal more guarded version of myself that can't even connect to the person I'm saying goodbye to. And then after wards I'll wonder why it didn't seem like that was real. Its a defense mechanism trap that I fall into with each time. Now I can say I fully get it. Why he always resisted doing this stuff. Because even though its necessary and certain I wouldn't go without having a goodbye I can say I'd rather avoid the whole scenario all together.