dutch door action
it's interesting how just a few months pass and i'm not really a part of any of my friends lives anymore. we always used to make fun of people who graduated and returned to parties and stuff, saying it's shady how they left and then came back, like they're trying to still be cool or something. i don't think anyone really understands what happens though. you spend four years surrounded by your friends. you see them day in and day out, in classes, between classes, at dinner, in rehearsals and then you party with them. your days are filled with fun and companionship. then you graduate, you give it up. ALL of it up. you're lucky to see one person you actually like a day. MAYBE you see your friends on the weekends, if they call you and tell you they're hanging out. if they remember. because really, the main part of this is that it all happens spontaneously. planning is too serious: we want fun all the time. smoking between classes and road trips to the beach. but you've graduated, and unless you have a fantastic job that allows you to drop everything at the tip of a hat, you're kinda left out. and then left out from one thing turns into not hearing from anyone for a week. then a few weeks. then you can watch the easy signs of being squished out completely little by little. and it's ok, it's cool. you're trying to build a tight composite of who exactly you can turn to when the fit hits the shan now and really....this is just doing the work for you.
oh you'll hear from them, when there's something big, a show or a birthday, somethere where it concerns them. because they'll want everyone, the big clan, but even that will end at somewhere past a year (theater time of course; the world lives in seasons between august and may - nothing else matters). and you can only hope that between now and then you'll find the few that you can count on to not be trashed and singing bon jovi when you call them because you've just realized all of this.
but everything's kinda disintegrating these days, why'd you honestly think anything about your career, your friends, your home, your family, would really be stable for anything more than a few months at best? it's what you chose. and you wouldn't give up any of it. but would you really fight for it too?
---
nothing was real in me for about four years of my life. everything could be as hypothetical as i wanted it, as extravagant and enticing as i wished it to be. all those glamourous appendages i velcro'd on look ridiculous now, wasted on people who wake up and know exactly what door to walk through. but it's all i really know.
oh you'll hear from them, when there's something big, a show or a birthday, somethere where it concerns them. because they'll want everyone, the big clan, but even that will end at somewhere past a year (theater time of course; the world lives in seasons between august and may - nothing else matters). and you can only hope that between now and then you'll find the few that you can count on to not be trashed and singing bon jovi when you call them because you've just realized all of this.
but everything's kinda disintegrating these days, why'd you honestly think anything about your career, your friends, your home, your family, would really be stable for anything more than a few months at best? it's what you chose. and you wouldn't give up any of it. but would you really fight for it too?
---
nothing was real in me for about four years of my life. everything could be as hypothetical as i wanted it, as extravagant and enticing as i wished it to be. all those glamourous appendages i velcro'd on look ridiculous now, wasted on people who wake up and know exactly what door to walk through. but it's all i really know.