a month or two later...
well i dunno if anyone reads this anymore but oh well.
i moved away. but am not going to university.
i had a job as a waitress and was making good money but i couldn't hold all the plates cause they were pretty heavy. and then i forgot to go to work. i didn't sleep for a couple days and they all kinda blur together in my mind. and then i remebered work and i had already missed like 3 days. so i didn't go back. haven't told anyone so shhhh. haha. hmm. dunno what to do. my rent was up today. i bought myself a week but the lady is soooooo nice i just want to pay her so she'll be able to pay her bills and i'll have another month of freedom. i'm thinking maybe i'll ask my dad to send me money. if i say it's for food he will. if i had a house i wouldn't even need to work. well maybe just for the phone bill. but i don't really eat anymore. it's sucha waste of money. i live on these carb zone drinks(150 cals and 12g protein) and diet 7 up.
what else? all my friends are in their university residences and getting ready for school and i feel like a loser. they visited me like 2 weeks ago and made a huge fuss about my weight. so i made us go to denny's and i ordered pancakes. a lot of them. and then ate them like it was no big deal. ugh. i can't really explain how bad i felt for about a week. i slept for about 3 days straight and my roomate thought i wasn't home cause i just laid there making no noise. so ya i gained from that. and then guess what?!!! BOY CAME TO VISIT ME!
ya. he is actually living pretty near me. well...likke a 7hour drive! and he came to visit! it was sooooooo fun and he could not keep his hands off me. so that made me feel good. and he hardly eats either! well...when he does he eats a lot. but he always forgets and i am soooo scared that soon he will be the only guy i could ever imagine being with. some crazy part of me thinks that maybe we are soul mates because i think i love him. oh god. maybe this is lack of sleep. his family is amazing. he is a wierdo but i like it sooooo much. we're the same kind of wierd but...a good fit. because we get depressed about opposite things so we kind of balance each other. sorry i am rambling. *sigh* i just...can't feel this way. we both just left home. we're going in different directions. well he is anyway. and i don't have direction. what do i have to offer him? i wouldn't give up my independance anyway. and neither would he. see how perfect we are for each other? arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
okay i'm done. i just can't sleep. i'm excited to go running tomorrow. early. then come home, shower, drink a carb thing, grab a huge bottle of water and go "to work". but by work i mean a playground and a field and i am going to do sprints and pull ups and rest and repeat the whoooole day. yay!
well that is my dysfunctional meandering entry. i guess i'll try and write more than once a month. maybe. haha. oh stats anyone?
um right now i think i am at 97 pounds. not sure cause the scale's super old. still 5"7 last i checked. my boobs have not shrunk according to boy which means i must be hideously out of proportion. i have a family reunion on the 25th of september and they will make me eat the whole weekend. I love them more than life itself and would eat a whole normal dinner if they wanted me to but i dunno if i can go the whole weekend. and i have $3.46 to my name.
and those are my stats...
xo
augmenter
i moved away. but am not going to university.
i had a job as a waitress and was making good money but i couldn't hold all the plates cause they were pretty heavy. and then i forgot to go to work. i didn't sleep for a couple days and they all kinda blur together in my mind. and then i remebered work and i had already missed like 3 days. so i didn't go back. haven't told anyone so shhhh. haha. hmm. dunno what to do. my rent was up today. i bought myself a week but the lady is soooooo nice i just want to pay her so she'll be able to pay her bills and i'll have another month of freedom. i'm thinking maybe i'll ask my dad to send me money. if i say it's for food he will. if i had a house i wouldn't even need to work. well maybe just for the phone bill. but i don't really eat anymore. it's sucha waste of money. i live on these carb zone drinks(150 cals and 12g protein) and diet 7 up.
what else? all my friends are in their university residences and getting ready for school and i feel like a loser. they visited me like 2 weeks ago and made a huge fuss about my weight. so i made us go to denny's and i ordered pancakes. a lot of them. and then ate them like it was no big deal. ugh. i can't really explain how bad i felt for about a week. i slept for about 3 days straight and my roomate thought i wasn't home cause i just laid there making no noise. so ya i gained from that. and then guess what?!!! BOY CAME TO VISIT ME!
ya. he is actually living pretty near me. well...likke a 7hour drive! and he came to visit! it was sooooooo fun and he could not keep his hands off me. so that made me feel good. and he hardly eats either! well...when he does he eats a lot. but he always forgets and i am soooo scared that soon he will be the only guy i could ever imagine being with. some crazy part of me thinks that maybe we are soul mates because i think i love him. oh god. maybe this is lack of sleep. his family is amazing. he is a wierdo but i like it sooooo much. we're the same kind of wierd but...a good fit. because we get depressed about opposite things so we kind of balance each other. sorry i am rambling. *sigh* i just...can't feel this way. we both just left home. we're going in different directions. well he is anyway. and i don't have direction. what do i have to offer him? i wouldn't give up my independance anyway. and neither would he. see how perfect we are for each other? arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
okay i'm done. i just can't sleep. i'm excited to go running tomorrow. early. then come home, shower, drink a carb thing, grab a huge bottle of water and go "to work". but by work i mean a playground and a field and i am going to do sprints and pull ups and rest and repeat the whoooole day. yay!
well that is my dysfunctional meandering entry. i guess i'll try and write more than once a month. maybe. haha. oh stats anyone?
um right now i think i am at 97 pounds. not sure cause the scale's super old. still 5"7 last i checked. my boobs have not shrunk according to boy which means i must be hideously out of proportion. i have a family reunion on the 25th of september and they will make me eat the whole weekend. I love them more than life itself and would eat a whole normal dinner if they wanted me to but i dunno if i can go the whole weekend. and i have $3.46 to my name.
and those are my stats...
xo
augmenter