So much for not being sappy..

[augielicious]

Every now and then I get this strange urging to go back and look at old Livejournal entries. I've sat at the computer for two hours at a time before, clicking through pages from two, three years ago detailing the thoughts and ravings in the lives myself and my friends. It always brings back a flood of memories, many of them which are still very fond and dear to me. I smile, even laugh out loud, when I remember again our many escapades and struggles and the way we handled it all.  It's always intriguing to see how much everyone has changed throughout these years. Many of the changes are not so easy to face, watching faces grow more and more distant.  I don't know a lot of things that I always used to pride myself on understanding before. You and I, we have changed, a lot.

Then the questions arise. Why did so much of this have to change, and why so drastically? Why can't I be as close to so many of the people who I still love?  Why are so many of these instances that I read about just memories now?

I have a choice here. Either I can wallow in what used to be, constantly wishing that I could somehow have those moments returned to me, or I can learn to grow from all of it. It's confusing, heartbreaking. I hate letting go. But, as I was talking with a friend the other day about this, God will take all of this, the sharded remains, the remnant, and the dream that is still standing, and He will make whatever He wants out of it.

Well, God.