"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard, the wrong lizard might get in."
Let us consider the torrent of wasted logs that came through the letterboxes of the People's Rebublic of Hornsey and Wood Green.
Lynne Featherstone and the Lib-Dems have caused really rather a lot of it. There's the annoying over-familiarity from Vince Hephalump, taking for granted that we're on first-name terms. There are the overly chummy letters from Featherstone herself, printed in a faux-handwritten cursive script, but that some poor sod has had to address by hand. More deceptive still are the fake Green-Party ones bemonaning Labour, that only have "Liberal Democrat" written on them in rather small print. To be fair, the content seems largely reasonable. Featherstone's had a hand in gay marriage, anti-FGM and fired a shot across the bows of Julie Bullshit's transphobic drivel, but after that there's a big drop-off. Appareently a single bus-stop has been made more accessible. That's nice.
I can't honestly remember if the poor sod from the Conservatives sent anything or not. I also wonder how many solar panels could be bought with lost Green Party deposits. (£164000 in 2010, up from £16000 in 2005.)
Then there's Labour's Catherine West. What's her best shot? "Evil, evil Lynne raised university tuition fees!" Yes, those would be the tuition fees that David Blunkett, your education secretary introduced. They would also be the fees that you would reduce using public funds such that only graduates on starting salaries greater than £35000 would benefit. Despite it being ripped to shreds weeks ago, you're still pushing it... ...and you should be let near an economy again why? "Nasty, nasty Lynne supported the bedroom tax!" Yes, under-used social housing in a housing crisis is a problem, no, the bedroom tax is not the way to solve it. By the way, were you especially troubled circa 2007 when people were getting 120% mortgages on Walthamstow rat's-nests? What coalition-induced arm-twisting caused you to prosecute that sodding war? Finally, there are accusations that Featherstone had ministerial responsibility for those stupid "Go Home!" vans, libellous ones. You won't have heard about this from the BBC... There's been some amusing forum-bleating, about how negative Featherstone's campaign has been, and how pedantic it was to involve the police. Bullshit, if Labour had found anything libellous, they'd be on it like Christopher Lee on an unguarded throat. Featherstone's literature might be sneaky, but I doubt there's as much downright falsehood. Oh, bless, Labour found some dear-old grandfather to vox-pop on their leaflet. Oh, turns out he's a Labour-appointed school governor, what a coincidence.