Pieces of the Memories (Drabble Set 4)
Title: Pieces of the Memories
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: T
Characters: Swan Family, Black Family, Clearwater Family
Genre: Humor/Angst/Friendship
Warnings: Occasional language.
banner courtesy of lilabut
Summary:
Renee leaves Charlie and Bella. AU drabble series.
( beginning)
The First Day of School (Charlie)
Bella is smart; Charlie's pretty sure it's not just paternal bias that makes him think that. She can read The Cat in the Hat. She can count to twenty-two (because that's how many stairs there are in the staircase). She knows some Spanish from Sesame Street and some Quileute from the reservation. She can write Bella, Daddy, home, cop (after several failed attempts at police), and sparrow (though she forgets the second r and Charlie's not even sure why she knows sparrow anyway). According to Sarah Bella even has to be stopped from doing Rachel and Rebecca's homework, because she finds it fun.
Kids born between September first and December thirty-first have a choice; Bella can either start when she's four and be one of the youngest kids in her class, or start when she's five and be one of the oldest. She can read and she can write and she can count, so Charlie goes to the elementary school and registers his daughter for kindergarten. (When he sniffles and embarrassedly grabs a tissue, the secretary says not to worry about it; when Jack Newton came in a few years ago to sign up his oldest he cried so hard he had to sit down.)
Bella may be smart, but Charlie's not naive; he knows this is going to be a big change. He prepares her by making a big deal about how neat kindergarten is going to be. School supplies change Bella's position on the subject from 'moderate interest' to 'ecstatic excitement'. She's so enthralled with her little backpack and her crispy composition notebook and her brand-new box of sixty-four Crayola crayons that she can hardly stand it.
"Daddy," she says at dinner fifteen days before his baby girl who he still can't believe can walk is going to start school (not that he's counting), "are they gonna have paper at the class?"
He smiles as he fills her plate with chicken nuggets. "I bet they will."
"That's good. They need lots."
"And why's that?"
Bella picks up her fork and stabs a nugget. (When did she learn to use utensils? Wasn't she spitting out strained peas about three days ago?) "Because Leah gets mad whenever she messes up and crumples it." Bella shakes her head at this foolishness. "I tell her she has erasers but she doesn't listen. She's gonna use all the paper. The teacher better have a bunch."
Charlie goes cold as he realizes the implications of Bella's words. How did he miss this? "Bella," he says slowly, "remember when I drove you past the school?"
She nods and her ponytail bounces. "Uh-huh. It has a red door."
"Right. And that's your school."
"Yep."
"But that's not the school Leah's going to go to."
Bella shakes her head. "No, Daddy, Leah's starting the school too. With Rach'an'Beck."
"Rach'an'Beck-- I mean, Rachel and Rebecca have a different school that they go to. It's on the reservation with them." He can't believe he didn't tell her earlier, he thought she knew but of course she wouldn't have realized... "And Leah will go there too. But you'll go to the school with the red door."
She frowns; her nugget-laden fork lowers to her plate. "Huh?"
There has to be a way to explain this that she will understand. "Bella, you know how sometimes the Blacks and the Clearwaters do things and go places that we don't?"
"Uh-huh. The fire parties."
"That's right. This is like the fire parties. Leah will go to her school, and you'll go to yours."
There is a long moment of silence. Then Bella shakes her head again. Violently. "No."
Charlie's heart sinks. "I'm sorry, kiddo. But your school will be lots of fun--"
"No."
"--and you'll still see the girls at Mrs. Black's every afternoon--"
"No!" Bella jumps up from the table -- her plate falls to the floor as she does -- and runs out of the kitchen. By the time Charlie has cleaned up she is hidden in the laundry hamper and her bedroom floor is covered in broken crayons.
For the next two weeks Bella goes to pieces.
While at Sarah's she spends all day disappearing into progressively more bizarre places, even somehow managing to squeeze behind the refrigerator; Jacob is the only one who can consistently locate her. If she's not hidden she's glued to Leah's side, who thinks the whole thing is ridiculous and there's no point in school anyway when they can just move into the forest and live inside hollow trees. (Leah has recently seen My Side of the Mountain on PBS.)
At home Bella won't eat and whenever Charlie brings up the subject of kindergarten she claps her hands over her ears. After the crayons she rips all the pages out of her composition book and tries to bury her backpack in the yard (but she doesn't have a shovel so she ends up just covering it in grass clippings).
At nine AM on September fourth Bella clings desperately to Charlie's arm as he buckles her into the back seat. "Daddy, I don't wanna go to school." She's crying so hard she's hyperventilating; the pale white skin of her face is turning blue. "I don't want the red door. I wanna go to Mrs. Black's house. I want Leah and Jake. I wanna stay home with you, Daddy, I don't wanna be by myself, I don't wanna go, please don't make me go!" And then she can't speak through her panic-stricken sobs.
When Sarah opens the front door of her house Charlie expects to see reproach in her face. But she just shakes her head. "I don't think she's ready either," Sarah says.
It's another twenty minutes before Bella will let go of Charlie's neck. He calls out of work and spends the day playing Candyland with Jacob while his daughter trembles in his lap.
***
Jacob's Spring (Sarah)
Sarah folds laundry and worries about Jacob.
In most ways it's so much simpler now that the twins and Leah are in school. And Seth is incredibly easy-going; he's a great napper and lives to watch Bob Ross and Julia Child. The days are quiet and simple and Sarah feels like herself again for the first time in almost three years.
But there are things that are more complicated.
"Bells? Bells, lookit." Jacob pulls something out of his toy box -- it's an old spring he found in the garage over the weekend. He hands it to Bella like it's made of solid gold. "You like?"
"Uh-huh." Bella sets aside the spring without looking, completely absorbed in her picture book.
Jacob frowns and takes his spring back. He fidgets with it for a moment before dropping it to the floor and digging deeper into the toy box.
Sarah's frown (like her smile) is the same as Jacob's.
Half the time she thinks it's fine, the way her son dotes on Charlie's daughter; it's exactly the right age difference for a hero-worship crush. And Bella, unlike the twins and Leah, has always had time to play with Jacob. It makes sense. In all likelihood it's something he'll grow out of once he gets older.
"Bells? Lookit. Lookit this." He's found a rock this time, one of the ones from First Beach. "It's black, Bells." When she doesn't pay attention, he scowls and drops the rock right on her book.
"Hey!" Bella finally glances up, but only to give Jacob a dirty look. "Stop! I'm reading!"
Jacob grabs the rock away and throws it angrily back into the box.
The other half of the time Sarah is scared to pieces about what it might mean. And she wonders if it's her fault. Sue had threatened, cajoled, and even begged Sarah to go to the doctor; Post-partum is totally normal, she'd said, so stop acting like an idiot and get some help. But Sarah couldn't bring herself to do it. Now that she's finally feeling better she's found herself with a distant husband, two uncontrollable daughters, and a son whose day is ruined if a five-year-old girl doesn't like his rock more than her book.
(In her darkest moments she thinks Jacob and Bella are so close because they somehow know they were both accidents. Sarah never meant to have three children in three-and-a-half years and even though she loves them with every fiber of her being sometimes she thinks she understands why Renee ran away.)
"Jake?" Bella says. Jacob's sullenly kicking the side of the toy box and gnawing on his knuckle. "Hey, Jake? You wanna read with me?"
"No."
"It's good. It has alligators and stuff."
"No." But he glances at the book out of the corner of his eye.
"You can turn all the pages."
Jacob hesitates for a moment. Bella smiles, and he starts to smile back... then he clearly remembers that he's mad and turns away again.
Bella's shoulders slump.
Sarah worries about Bella, too. The girl is sweet and polite as can be, but she's also more skittish than a deer. Charlie's a homebody and has never pushed her the way Sarah suspects Bella needs to be pushed. Bella often falls apart unless someone's there to hold her hand.
(Sarah thinks that that might be why Bella -- in her own, quieter way -- loves Jacob nearly as much as he adores her. Jacob is a hand-holder.)
But next September Bella will be going to kindergarten in Forks, and then first grade, and then a year or two after that she'll become a latchkey kid and stop coming to La Push. It's inevitable.
Sarah doesn't know what will happen when Jacob and Bella don't see each other every day.
Sarah finishes folding the towels. She tiptoes into the hallway to stack them in the linen closet, which opens silently -- seven years of raising children has taught her to keep every hinge in the house well-oiled -- and listens for Seth as she does so. Nothing but light snores from her bedroom, where he sleeps in an old playpen. The child is almost a year old and still takes four hour naps. Sarah loves Seth.
When she returns to the living room Jacob is snuggled into Bella's side, happily finding each alligator on the first page of the book. The spring has been wound into Bella's ponytail (which she wears every day for the next month).
Or maybe everything will be fine and Sarah's worrying for nothing.
***
The Second First Day of School (Bella)
Bella is so scared that she can't stop shaking.
She knows she's supposed to be here. Daddy said she'd like school if she just gave it a chance, and anyway she's too big to stay at Mrs. Black's all day anymore. But she thinks maybe Leah was right about the hollow trees.
Everyone has to sit in a circle. Bella wants to hide in the coat rack.
Everyone's saying their names. Bella wants to cover her face with her hands.
Ms. Schwartz nods in her direction. "And will you tell the class your name?"
Bella shakes her head. Daddy never makes her talk. Daddy likes to be quiet the same way she does.
"Come on," Ms. Schwartz coaxes. "I bet it's a pretty name."
Bella shakes her head again. Rach'an'Beck and Leah never make her talk. They do all the talking for her.
"All the other boys and girls have shared their names."
Bella's face turns red and her eyes fill with tears. Mrs. Black never makes her talk. Mrs. Black is okay letting her talk when she feels like it.
Ms. Schwartz sighs, and someone giggles. "Okay, maybe later." And Ms. Schwartz goes on to the next girl.
After Circle Time it's Free Time, which means everyone can get out the toys and play games if they want. Bella doesn't want. The other kids know each other and they're all so pale like her (Bella hates that she's pale) and none of them have long black hair and they don't ask her to come play. It's like they've forgotten she's there.
Jake never forgets she's there. Never ever.
Eventually Bella gravitates towards a girl named Jessica who talks more than Rach'an'Beck combined. Jessica says "Hi!" and talks and talks and talks and doesn't make Bella say anything back. But then Jessica goes to play with other kids too and the other kids try to ask Bella questions and Bella doesn't answer because she doesn't know what to say.
Mrs. Clearwater never asks Bella questions. Mrs. Clearwater just tells everyone what they're supposed to do.
After Free Time Ms. Schwartz takes the class on a tour of the school. Everyone has to walk in a line. (Bella makes sure she's at the end.) They see the cafeteria and the playground. When they see the library Bella waits until all the other students have walked out and then she ducks behind a bookcase and sits on the floor. No one notices.
Bella wraps her arms around her knees so that she doesn't suck her thumb. Big girls don't suck their thumbs. But it's hard not to.
"You should be in class," says a stern voice. Bella looks up. A tall woman with gray hair is frowning at her. Her face is wrinkled like an old peanut.
Bella doesn't say anything.
"Is this your first day of school?"
Bella nods.
The peanut woman's frown deepens. "And you don't like it so far."
"I want my daddy," Bella whispers. "I wanna go home."
"It doesn't work like that." The peanut woman looks her up and down. "You look like a girl who reads books. Do you read books?"
Bella nods again. She does read books. She reads books even better than Rach'an'Beck and Rach'an'Beck are in second grade. (She doesn't read books better than Leah, but Leah will only read books that have people living in the woods or the mountains or on desert islands.)
"Well, I'll tell you what. I'll let you borrow a book. And when you're done, you can come back and borrow more. But I will only let you do this if you return to your class."
Bella glances around at all the shelves. She likes books an awful lot. Books don't make her talk either. "Okay," she whispers.
"I can't hear you."
"Okay," Bella says, a little bit louder.
"Good." The peanut woman turns and runs her finger along a shelf, then plucks out a big book with a complicated picture on the cover. "This one is about an elephant's birthday party. It's difficult but you'll manage. You have five days before you'll have to return it, and I expect you to have finished by then."
Bella nods.
"And you'll have to give me your name before you can check it out."
"Isabella Swan," Bella says. "But I'm called Bella."
"Good. My name is Mrs. Hughes. I'm called Mrs. Hughes." Mrs. Hughes holds out the elephant book, just a little too high for Bella to reach. Bella has to stand up to get it. Then Mrs. Hughes puts a stamp on the back of the book and sends Bella back to Ms. Schwartz.
Bella finishes the book in two days, not five, and Mrs. Hughes lets her check out another one right away.
( next)