WELL... WE BROKE UP.

[audrey3988]

i just got off of the phone with brendan. i feel horrible. it just wasnt working... he's been gone all summer, and so many things happened and so many things changed... for example, i got into college while he was gone and he didnt even find out until 3 days later. and i sort of learned how to deal with things without him and to live without him.... i mean he wasnt there for me during a lot of times that i needed him, and its not his fault because there was nothing either of us could do... but thats what happened. and when he came back from europe, we had basically one day together before i moved and it just wasnt the same. we tried to make it work, but being long distance is a lot harder than it seems. so we were talking on the phone tonight and he asked me how i felt about the whole thing, and i finally decided that it would be better to just be completely honest and talk about it and give him the courtesy of knowing how i felt... and that was the end. in a way, i'm relieved because i'm glad that we came up with some sort of solution, but then here i am crying because he's still such a big part of me. hes pretty upset about it and i can tell that its gonna turn into anger, so i told him that if he doesnt want to talk to me because he's mad, then dont. because the last time that i was involved in a break up, we kept talking and seeing each other because it seemed to be what made him happy and i never got used to having that person completely out of my life... until he kicked me out because he eventaully just grew angry at me. so i didnt want that to happen again and to tell the truth, i think we probably wont talk. i know him and i know how he is when he's angry... he's never been angry at me, but i've seen him angry just at other things and i can just tell that he's just gonna not want to talk to me unless he thinks that getting back together is an option.

i feel horrible and i'm really sad, but i'm hoping that he and i both will learn to be happy with this....? :(