whats on my lj, stays on my lj
this is a post to let me know how i feel, so dont comment
My flaws- I dwell on stuff, i think too much, I have a temper, I'm too jelous of a person for my own good, I procrastinate, i'm not academically smart,Physically i'm lacking, i see the world in a way that few people understand, i dont trust myself, i have a bad sense of style, its too hard for me to trust other people, i take things too personally, i assume too much, im nosy, i cannot leave the dead to rest (metaphore), i bottle up, i am hhooorrrible at expressing myself, im often misunderstood due to my own mischoice of words, i want to grow up; but i'm afraid i'll become what i fear, and to top it off, obviosly i dont treat myself well...
i could go on... but im not going or it'll take away the purpose of this post
but no more... from now on... no fucking more
none of this shit that i posted will be going through my head... this last summer was one of the worst when it came to my sense of self-worth/esteem, and these past few weeks i've been ridding myself of these feelings that've worked their way into my heart... but no FUCKING more, im cutting myself off, im not dwelling on what i think is wrong with me, instead im punnishing myself when these thoughts come into my head, not like cutting or hitting things, i'm done with that, but pushing myself past my limits until i collapse, running, pushups, sit ups, pull ups, curls, etc. and not with the intention to build myself up or any of that shit, but to make myself hurt physically without actually hurting myself.
I know its wrong to want to do that, but not being able to express myself doesnt help, so i've decided to do the next best thing
and its kind of like quitting smoking or any other bad habit, its hard as shit to do at first, i've been having random burst of aggression and self-pity, but followed by some necessary action... so i've been doing better, and i should be doing even better very soon
My flaws- I dwell on stuff, i think too much, I have a temper, I'm too jelous of a person for my own good, I procrastinate, i'm not academically smart,Physically i'm lacking, i see the world in a way that few people understand, i dont trust myself, i have a bad sense of style, its too hard for me to trust other people, i take things too personally, i assume too much, im nosy, i cannot leave the dead to rest (metaphore), i bottle up, i am hhooorrrible at expressing myself, im often misunderstood due to my own mischoice of words, i want to grow up; but i'm afraid i'll become what i fear, and to top it off, obviosly i dont treat myself well...
i could go on... but im not going or it'll take away the purpose of this post
but no more... from now on... no fucking more
none of this shit that i posted will be going through my head... this last summer was one of the worst when it came to my sense of self-worth/esteem, and these past few weeks i've been ridding myself of these feelings that've worked their way into my heart... but no FUCKING more, im cutting myself off, im not dwelling on what i think is wrong with me, instead im punnishing myself when these thoughts come into my head, not like cutting or hitting things, i'm done with that, but pushing myself past my limits until i collapse, running, pushups, sit ups, pull ups, curls, etc. and not with the intention to build myself up or any of that shit, but to make myself hurt physically without actually hurting myself.
I know its wrong to want to do that, but not being able to express myself doesnt help, so i've decided to do the next best thing
and its kind of like quitting smoking or any other bad habit, its hard as shit to do at first, i've been having random burst of aggression and self-pity, but followed by some necessary action... so i've been doing better, and i should be doing even better very soon